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    Stargate: Golden Dawn 2.0

    After some time, I decided that a full rewrite of Golden Dawn was required. I've rewritten a new intro and decided to make it better.

    This is the result. Please give me your thoughts, comments, and suggestions.

    Also, please tell me what you'd like to see in the story as well. Questions are welcome.

    I'll also have it up on Fanfiction.net shortly.

    Golden Dawn

    Chapter 1: Prologue


    “Is the device ready?”

    “Almost, I require a few more seconds.” The Asgard next to Tyr said. The Asgard ship Yggdrasil had been escorted by a flotilla of other ships, undertaking a mission directed by the High Council itself. Tyr watched the battle that was going on his holographic display. Suddenly, one of the blue shapes representing an Asgard ship blinked out. More reports were coming in from the rest of the small fleet.

    “The Jörmungandr has been destroyed.”

    “Alesian fighters on attack vectors. Aesir and Mjölnir are requesting orders.”

    “Four more Alesian ships dropping out of hyperspace. They have an Angelan.” Tyr blinked in response. Angelan-class warships were the heavy hitters of the Alesian Empire. It was not uncommon for entire fleets of lesser ships to be obliterated underneath an Angelan’s guns. This wouldn’t faze Tyr however, since he was an elite officer of the Asgard Fleet. He had earned the title of Aesir as recognition of his efforts, and was handpicked to lead this mission against the Alesians to bring the war to a quick conclusion.

    “Concentrate all fire on the Alesian dreadnought. It is the greatest threat to our mission.” Tyr said, his grey skin reflecting the light of the command console. “One that may see the war won. I don’t need to remind you of the Alesian threat to the galaxy.”

    The rest of the Asgard bridge crew nodded. They understood that the chances of them escaping were zero, but their sacrifice would remove a threat for good. Tyr turned to the scientist next to him.

    “Will this device really work?” The scientist nodded.

    “It should. Once activated, the Alesians would be trapped.” After hearing the reply, Tyr turned to the weapons officer.

    “Boost powers to the weapons. We are outgunned. More time is required.”

    “Yes, Aesir.” The weapons officer said, typing in commands as he worked feverishly. The console in front of Tyr chirped.

    “Alesian dreadnought identified. It’s the Shadow of Retribution.” Tyr watched as the mammoth warship fired three yellow beams in quick succession at the Mjölnir, impacting the shields with a brilliant flare of light.

    Mjölnir is taking heavy damage. She can’t survive for long.”

    “We can’t fail. We are the Aesir, the elite of the Asgard fleet.” Tyr said, hoping to spur his crew on. He shielded his eyes as another flare of light burned through the viewport. A second blue light on the display went out. The ship began to shake as the dreadnought turned toward the Yggdrasil, streams of blue pulses flying from its numerous ion cannons. The ship began to shake heavily from the impacts of the Alesian weapons.

    Mjölnir destroyed. Shields are at 80% and falling.” Tyr narrowed his eyes at the console.

    “Reroute power from secondary systems to shields.” He said after a moment, pivoting on his feet to face the scientist again. “Time to activation?”

    “Nearly there. The device is ready. Charging.”

    “When it is charged, fire the device.” Tyr glanced out the viewport again. The Aesir was trading fire with an Alesian battleship and a cruiser. He knew it was only a holding action to distract the Alesians from their true purpose. It was the last escorting ship that was left. Ragnarok had died first, the fleet fighting off the initial patrol of two Alesian cruisers and a battleship. It blew apart one of the cruisers and heavily damaged the other cruiser before it fell victim to the battleship, cleaved apart by the beam weapons.

    Jörmungand had been next after having fought for nearly fifteen minutes, damaging the Alesian light battleship Nova. The battle began to go against the Asgard when the Alesian battleship Vengeance showed up. The weakened Jörmungand stood no chance before Vengeance’s neutron beam batteries, taking a hit to the reactor core that caused it to go critical and explode. The Alesian patrol had been heavily outnumbered and outgunned before the Shadow of Retribution and its escorts showed up. Now the Aesir’s shields were flickering, soon to be the next to fall.

    “The device is charged.” The scientist replied hurriedly. Tyr felt the ship shudder underneath his feet at the Yggdrasil lost his shields, Alesian fire pounding the hull relentlessly.

    “Engines and hyperdrive are offline. We must engage the device.” The scientist said as the ship shook violently.

    “Do it.” Tyr ordered as the scientist tapped the console, the time dilation device lighting up.

    “For Valhalla.” Tyr whispered as the device activated, the bubble shooting out in all directions.


    --


    Onboard the Beliskner, Thor watched the display with tired eyes. He turned toward the other members of the Asgard Council, who were represented as holograms. It was Odin that first spoke.

    “It is done?” He asked, running a hand nervously over his bald head.

    “Yes. The Alesians are now trapped in time stasis.” Thor said, his voice calm as he spoke.

    “The entire Alesian Empire? All of their worlds?”

    “With the exception of a few remote outposts, the Alesians are all trapped. The last few worlds are minor, with little to no defense present. They will be dealt with.” Thor said, nodding his assent. Odin seemed satisfied with the answer.

    “Good, now we can focus on other matters.” Odin leaned back, his expression unreadable. Freyr frowned.

    “We cannot expect the Alesians to remain in stasis forever. They are an advanced race, and we must expect them to figure what happened to them.” He said evenly, his tone one of concern. “Time doesn’t stop, it is just very slow inside the bubble. They’ll get out eventually.”

    “Yes, but we’ll have the technology and numbers to match them.” Odin said confidently.

    “Let’s hope so.” Freyr turned to Thor, blinking his large black eyes. “Commander Thor, when can we expect the Alesians to overcome the effects of the device?” Thor thought for a moment, frowning in concentration.

    “Calculations estimate them to figure it out within a day inside the bubble, which is several thousand years in our time.” He said after a moment. The rest of the council nodded in satisfaction.

    “If there is no more business to discuss, this meeting is adjourned.” Odin said as his hologram flickered and shut off. The rest of the council followed suit, leaving Thor alone with only his thoughts to keep him company. He looked outside the viewport of his private quarters. The Asgard hoped that the Alesians could be dealt with in the far future, for he feared for the future of the Asgard race if the Alesians were let loose once more.
    Last edited by Amann; 03 April 2012, 09:51 PM.
    sigpic

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/1/Golden_Dawn

    ^ My new fanfic ^ Enjoy and please subscribe!

    (Shameless advertising ftw)

    #2
    Showing the Asgard-Alesian War happening is good; honestly disappointed tho that we're gonna have to wait to see the Alesians fight the Ori (or more accurately the 'Orisians'--I termed their corporeal followers like this in my Tauri-Furling series).

    I will say this tho--because you decided to rewrite GD, the Stargate fanfic stories are now closer to once again overtaking the Buffy fanfics on FF.net in total #. Ya I know I'm maybe being petty counting the total # of fanfics on the site for the two Tv shows. For TV-show-based fanfics, Stargate and Buffy have dominated FF.net for a while.
    If you're interested in reading my longest fanfic story, which is an action/adventure story involving the elusive Furlings (as well as if you want to read the others), please click the link below.
    [URL="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888222/1/Tauri_Furling_First_Contact_and_Alliance[/URL]

    RIP Sep 2010 to beloved gateworld.net member and forum contributor Weedle, very skilled soldier with military special operations, a wonderful human being, and a friend to so many on gateworld. May we keep his memory close.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by StargateWatcher View Post
      Showing the Asgard-Alesian War happening is good; honestly disappointed tho that we're gonna have to wait to see the Alesians fight the Ori (or more accurately the 'Orisians'--I termed their corporeal followers like this in my Tauri-Furling series).

      I will say this tho--because you decided to rewrite GD, the Stargate fanfic stories are now closer to once again overtaking the Buffy fanfics on FF.net in total #. Ya I know I'm maybe being petty counting the total # of fanfics on the site for the two Tv shows. For TV-show-based fanfics, Stargate and Buffy have dominated FF.net for a while.
      Heh. I have chapter 2 halfway done. Been having alot of school essays to write though, so it has interfered with my ability to write, but that will end in a few days. Plus Mass Effect 2 has been keeping me busy. Gonna get Mass Effect 3 probably during the summer and play that relentlessly.

      The Alesian Empire is smaller in the reboot, but still a powerhouse. I also made them somewhat more imperialistic and they will most likely be referred to as Imperials in ther term Imperial Legions. Couldn't resist the temptation to make them that way. Instead of it's armies slowly being converted to peacetime, I am going to make it that they were depleted from fighting a full on war with the Asgard, who threw their full might at the Alesians and stalemated them. Even pushed back the Alesian war machine quite a bit and put a hurting on their fleet, but at horrific cost. For every Alesian ship the Asgard downed, it lost four or five Asgard ships to do the deed. Notice I did not reveal the Alesians were warlike Ancients yet, but merely set them up as a powerful race that rivals the Asgard. That reveal will come in say chapter 6 or 7.
      Last edited by Amann; 19 April 2012, 08:34 AM.
      sigpic

      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/1/Golden_Dawn

      ^ My new fanfic ^ Enjoy and please subscribe!

      (Shameless advertising ftw)

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Amann View Post
        Heh. I have chapter 2 halfway done. Been having alot of school essays to write though, so it has interfered with my ability to write, but that will end in a few days. Plus Mass Effect 2 has been keeping me busy. Gonna get Mass Effect 3 probably during the summer and play that relentlessly.

        The Alesian Empire is smaller in the reboot, but still a powerhouse. I also made them somewhat more imperialistic and they will most likely be referred to as Imperials in ther term Imperial Legions. Couldn't resist the temptation to make them that way. Instead of it's armies slowly being converted to peacetime, I am going to make it that they were depleted from fighting a full on war with the Asgard, who threw their full might at the Alesians and stalemated them. Even pushed back the Alesian war machine quite a bit and put a hurting on their fleet, but at horrific cost. For every Alesian ship the Asgard downed, it lost four or five Asgard ships to do the deed. Notice I did not reveal the Alesians were warlike Ancients yet, but merely set them up as a powerful race that rivals the Asgard. That reveal will come in say chapter 6 or 7.
        I'm a bit familiar with ME3 as my friend who lives in the next appartment building down played ME2 and ME3. Each in the seriesvery nice storyline(s).

        Lol. So will Amann then be an emperor?

        Clever not revealing more of the natuer of the Alesians. Tho if readers are familiar with the Latin language they can probably guess that these Alesians have something to do with Roman culture.
        If you're interested in reading my longest fanfic story, which is an action/adventure story involving the elusive Furlings (as well as if you want to read the others), please click the link below.
        [URL="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888222/1/Tauri_Furling_First_Contact_and_Alliance[/URL]

        RIP Sep 2010 to beloved gateworld.net member and forum contributor Weedle, very skilled soldier with military special operations, a wonderful human being, and a friend to so many on gateworld. May we keep his memory close.

        Comment


          #5
          I've thought about making Amann an emperor, but decided against it. High Council goes from the Lantean roots, and also has precedence in the Consul's of Rome.
          sigpic

          http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/1/Golden_Dawn

          ^ My new fanfic ^ Enjoy and please subscribe!

          (Shameless advertising ftw)

          Comment


            #6
            Well, rewrite chapter 1 is very well written. Funny thought though; what if when you get to where the rewrite is completed and you move back over to GD 1.0, its as if Amann is reviewing their history in the galaxy or something.

            Just a thought.

            This is the Assassin's Way part 17 complete
            "Elegant beauty is Nature. but only for the gentle and soft Flower" ~Hu Ge
            "The one thing every new hairstylist must learn is how to do hair in a combat zone!" Bob; owner of Bob & Weave's Combat Salon in Red Dust Club, an original story currently in progress

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Princess Awinita View Post
              Well, rewrite chapter 1 is very well written. Funny thought though; what if when you get to where the rewrite is completed and you move back over to GD 1.0, its as if Amann is reviewing their history in the galaxy or something.

              Just a thought.
              version 1.0 is abandoned.....but rest assured that i won't change the storyline too much.
              sigpic

              http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/1/Golden_Dawn

              ^ My new fanfic ^ Enjoy and please subscribe!

              (Shameless advertising ftw)

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Amann View Post
                version 1.0 is abandoned.....but rest assured that i won't change the storyline too much.
                Well darn.... hmmmm

                This is the Assassin's Way part 17 complete
                "Elegant beauty is Nature. but only for the gentle and soft Flower" ~Hu Ge
                "The one thing every new hairstylist must learn is how to do hair in a combat zone!" Bob; owner of Bob & Weave's Combat Salon in Red Dust Club, an original story currently in progress

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Amann View Post
                  version 1.0 is abandoned.....but rest assured that i won't change the storyline too much.
                  TOO much--how much is too much?
                  If you're interested in reading my longest fanfic story, which is an action/adventure story involving the elusive Furlings (as well as if you want to read the others), please click the link below.
                  [URL="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888222/1/Tauri_Furling_First_Contact_and_Alliance[/URL]

                  RIP Sep 2010 to beloved gateworld.net member and forum contributor Weedle, very skilled soldier with military special operations, a wonderful human being, and a friend to so many on gateworld. May we keep his memory close.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hey Amann--a while ago you mentioned possibly doing a Stargate SG-1/Star Trek x-over in which Amann meets up with some of the Star Trek beings. If you do, I thought it would be very amusing if you included Q and maybe the rest of the Q Continuum. Amann would go homicidal on Q considering they have very different temperaments.
                    If you're interested in reading my longest fanfic story, which is an action/adventure story involving the elusive Furlings (as well as if you want to read the others), please click the link below.
                    [URL="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888222/1/Tauri_Furling_First_Contact_and_Alliance[/URL]

                    RIP Sep 2010 to beloved gateworld.net member and forum contributor Weedle, very skilled soldier with military special operations, a wonderful human being, and a friend to so many on gateworld. May we keep his memory close.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by StargateWatcher View Post
                      Hey Amann--a while ago you mentioned possibly doing a Stargate SG-1/Star Trek x-over in which Amann meets up with some of the Star Trek beings. If you do, I thought it would be very amusing if you included Q and maybe the rest of the Q Continuum. Amann would go homicidal on Q considering they have very different temperaments.
                      Amann would most certainly be annoyed by Q. Q is a master troll.

                      Also changed Amann's personality a bit.....made him a bit more sarcastic. I have a scene between him and Thor already written with Amann showing massive amounts of sarcasm.
                      sigpic

                      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/1/Golden_Dawn

                      ^ My new fanfic ^ Enjoy and please subscribe!

                      (Shameless advertising ftw)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Amann View Post
                        Amann would most certainly be annoyed by Q. Q is a master troll.

                        Also changed Amann's personality a bit.....made him a bit more sarcastic. I have a scene between him and Thor already written with Amann showing massive amounts of sarcasm.
                        Yes and you have shown me it already, in fact I have an idea, perhaps when we see Silver Wolf and Black Wolf again I can write the scene up for you a bit..... OR we can use Titanpad and write up the scene together all in one sitting

                        This is the Assassin's Way part 17 complete
                        "Elegant beauty is Nature. but only for the gentle and soft Flower" ~Hu Ge
                        "The one thing every new hairstylist must learn is how to do hair in a combat zone!" Bob; owner of Bob & Weave's Combat Salon in Red Dust Club, an original story currently in progress

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Amann View Post
                          Amann would most certainly be annoyed by Q. Q is a master troll.

                          Also changed Amann's personality a bit.....made him a bit more sarcastic. I have a scene between him and Thor already written with Amann showing massive amounts of sarcasm.


                          Wonder if Amann can harm Q. The majority of forum users who've commented in the various AScended Beings vs Q Continuum threads favor the Q.C.
                          If you're interested in reading my longest fanfic story, which is an action/adventure story involving the elusive Furlings (as well as if you want to read the others), please click the link below.
                          [URL="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888222/1/Tauri_Furling_First_Contact_and_Alliance[/URL]

                          RIP Sep 2010 to beloved gateworld.net member and forum contributor Weedle, very skilled soldier with military special operations, a wonderful human being, and a friend to so many on gateworld. May we keep his memory close.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by StargateWatcher View Post
                            Wonder if Amann can harm Q. The majority of forum users who've commented in the various AScended Beings vs Q Continuum threads favor the Q.C.
                            Yeah, even a fully ascended being couldn't win against the Q. Amann isn't a true omnipotent, even as an Ascended. You can trick them, as the other Ascended did to the Ori. Amann might slow Q down for a few minutes, but would lose. It would be the equivalent of punching someone in the face and shattering their nose, but Amann would be out of energy and Q would just stomp him flat. I would venture the Ascended are powerful enough to fight the Q, but would lose hard after a while. The Q cannot obliterate them instantly like they could do to mortals, but the Ascended don't have the juice to fight the Q one on one. Maybe if the Ascended as a collective concentrated on a few Q at a time...... But one vs one and collective vs collective......Q stomps.

                            Still, would be an interesting interaction, especially if Amann is in the TNG era. Amann would be contemptuous of the Federation I would think, if for no other reason than their softness. Alesian government is.....closest to the Romulans, with hints of the Cardassians. More Romulan-ish than anything, with the Roman tendencies and the Romulan Imperial Senate very comparable to the Lower Council of Alesia. Amann isn't the most open minded of people when it comes to government and idealogy. He'll accept military and political tactics when it suits him to do something outside the box, but his way of running things is.....in his mind, the best way to do it.

                            This is both a strength and weakness. On the one hand, Amann truly believes in his system and will fight to the death to defend it. That gives him resolve, which is never to be underestimated.

                            On the other hand, he shuts out idealogy that could benefit his people, and doesn't always make him friends. In some ways, this might be a good thing, since he also shuts out idealogy that could harm his people. But Amann can be abrasive when it comes to his people. In an upcoming scene with Thor, Amann and our favorite Asgard argue heavily on the matter of Alesian expansion and the reasons for the war, plus the Goa'uld existence. Amann in the new version is more......sarcastic....and a bit of a prick. I did it deliberately to give him a bit more character, and showcase more realism to a character like Amann. Every strong willed politician has a side that is abrasive and can be nasty. And since Amann was a former military officer and has those traditions and attitudes ingrained in him, he is more abrasive than most in his management style.

                            Amann was orphaned when he was 8, his parents dying in a reactor accident on board their ship. So in a real sense, he was raised by the state and he enlisted in the Lantean Fleet. He eventually got to serve and then captain the Lantean Empire Ship Angelan. To him, the fleet was his first true sense of belonging. That, plus his desire to impress his parents is what drove formed his personality.

                            But Amann also saw what he perceived to be a weakness in the Lantean political and social system. He thought they were getting weaker and softer, unwilling to make the tough decisions to fight and hold on to what they had. He feared that the Lanteans would be unprepared for an enemy that could and would take away from them. It goes a long way in explained how he thinks the way he does. Then he was exiled after he tried to take over the council in a coup. This shows why he is a hard, and sometimes very bitter man. Alesia is not the most temperate of worlds after all, and it was a remote planet. It felt like his family cast him out for thinking differently and trying to do what he thought was right. Hence his bitterness toward Lanteans.
                            Last edited by Amann; 24 April 2012, 01:09 AM.
                            sigpic

                            http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/1/Golden_Dawn

                            ^ My new fanfic ^ Enjoy and please subscribe!

                            (Shameless advertising ftw)

                            Comment


                              #15
                              [QUOTE=Amann;13304842]Yeah, even a fully ascended being couldn't win against the Q. Amann isn't a true omnipotent, even as an Ascended. You can trick them, as the other Ascended did to the Ori. Amann might slow Q down for a few minutes, but would lose. It would be the equivalent of punching someone in the face and shattering their nose, but Amann would be out of energy and Q would just stomp him flat. I would venture the Ascended are powerful enough to fight the Q, but would lose hard after a while. The Q cannot obliterate them instantly like they could do to mortals, but the Ascended don't have the juice to fight the Q one on one. Maybe if the Ascended as a collective concentrated on a few Q at a time...... But one vs one and collective vs collective......Q stomps.
                              QUOTE]

                              I always thought thinking through the concept of omnipotence is very tricky. A Q can harm another Q after all, so they're not truly omnipotent. You seem to have thought this scenario one out very well. Another Stargate/Star Trek fan wrote a fanfic in which Q simply snapped his fingers and first kiled off a bunch of Ori in one-sided massacre and then took away all the Ascended Beings' powers. He analogized the Ascended as being 4th-dimensional beings while the Qs were 11th-dimensional beings; dunno how accurate he was being. I think Q at one point admitted to Picard the Q weren't literally omnipotent, but they are definitely virtually omnipotent. I think that Picard figured out that Q was interested in observing humans like him b/c one day, if they kept acting according to theri personalities, they would become even more powerful than the Q Continuum. Good for us humans!! :-D Being someone who became a Stargate fan long before he became a Star Trek fan and only got into the sc-fi genre b/c of getting into Stargate, I felt dismayed to even think that the Q might be more powerful than the Ascended, but I've come to accept that possiblity b/c it's not so dismaying really; the Ascended were trying to reach a higher existence plain after all, so if they're diligent and inventive enough they'll be able to do that. Also Qs like Q like to boast about and show off their powers while the non-Ori Ascended tend to show themselves veyr little period, so to a certain extent we can't be completely sure that the Qs are more powerful.
                              If you're interested in reading my longest fanfic story, which is an action/adventure story involving the elusive Furlings (as well as if you want to read the others), please click the link below.
                              [URL="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888222/1/Tauri_Furling_First_Contact_and_Alliance[/URL]

                              RIP Sep 2010 to beloved gateworld.net member and forum contributor Weedle, very skilled soldier with military special operations, a wonderful human being, and a friend to so many on gateworld. May we keep his memory close.

                              Comment

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