Stargate: Pandora (Outline)

[Brudogg]

As the puddle jumper lowered into the gate room, positioning itself towards the open wormhole, Dr. Jackson standing in the control tower can see a bright light above the stargate. It touches the gate and seems to send a wave of energy through it just before what seemed like it was being pulled away. The ship then goes quickly through the wormhole.

Lt.(Prodigy chick with the lazy eye): "I'm reading some weird power fluctuations here!"

DJ: "Did anybody else see that?

Woolsey: "What did you see Dr. Jackson?"

DJ: "A light, it touched the gate, and the puddle seemed to surge just before the light looked like it was yanked away."

RADIO: Carter: "_______ Team, what's your status?... _______ Team come in... This is Atlantis Base, do you read?..."

RADIO: Commander _______: "We read you Atlantis Base but we are NOT where we're supposed to be, there's no sign of the MALP or even a DHD so far. Without a point of origin, the on-board DHD isn't going to do us any good. What happened?"

RADIO: Carter: "We don't know exactly, stand by. What do you see?"

RADIO: Commander _______: "There's a small pedestal near the gate that seems to be lit up but , we're going to try to get a closer look."

Carter: "What happened, Rodney?"

McKay: "I don't know for sure, there was a power surge in the gate after we connected to Q3A-171 in the Asgard Galaxy. It looks like the wormhole jumped."

Carter: "Jumped, jumped where?"

McKay: "I don't know yet"

Lt.(episode"Prodigy" chick with the lazy eye): "When will you know?"

McKay: "I don't know, look have you ever tried to track an intergalactic wormhole before? Especially one that mysteriously jumps somewhere else. I'm sorry but I need more time."

RADIO: Carter: "Commander, we think the wormhole jumped when there was a power surge in the stargate caused by, well we're not sure exactly but we'll leave this connection open for as long as we can which is..."

Lt.(Prodigy chick with the lazy eye): "About 31 minutes."

RADIO: Carter: "We're working on it. Have you found a DHD yet?"

RADIO: Commander _______: "No. There's what looks like a map on the pedestal though. We're cloaked and doing a quick flyover of the area to compare with the map. There's what looks like a train moving down there, moving in for a closer look. It looks like it's hovering across the sand. It seems to be disappearing behind a hill. Whoa, um, there's another stargate, and the train is going through it. We're going for a higher look. Atlantis Base, there are at least a few dozen other stargates here and I can see 2 of them that are active at the same time."

RADIO: Carter: "That's not possible, Commander."

RADIO: Commander _______: "Readings confirm it, there are 2 active stargates here and they're less than 10 kilometers apart."

RADIO: Carter: "We have about 18 minutes until this gate closes, we're preparing to send through some supplies."

RADIO: Commander _______: "There's what looks like a glowing city on a hill, we're going to fly over it so we might be out of radio range for about 10 minutes."

RADIO: Carter: "Roger that, be careful."

Carter: "Lt., I need a malp loaded with survival supplies, food, water, and another mark 3 naquadah generator in the gate room in 10 minutes.

Lt.(Prodigy chick with the lazy eye) "Yes, Ma'am."

The crew of _______ observes a potentially hostile force of aliens in what appears to be a multi-species village glowing orange at the top of a very large hill, 'big hairy suckers shoving people around' according to Lt. Barker.

______________________

I've seen that writing before somewhere... I think it's... Furling...

[ZRFTS]

Not bad... In fact could be a real life Stargate episode; only nitpick is that there is some weakness in the dialog but overall the whole thing feels strong. Keep it up!

[SF_and_Coffee]

Are you writing this as a script or as a story? Fanfic is generally much easier for people to read and enjoy if it's written as a story rather than as a script.

Also, be careful to stick to one verb tense when you're writing. In the first paragraph, you begin with past tense ("As the puddle jumper lowered into the gate room...") but then you switch to present tense (Dr. Jackson standing in the control tower can see...). You have to pick one or the other. The easiest thing for the reader is past tense, because that's how most books are written. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation.

If it were me, I'd rewrite that paragraph this way:

Dr. Jackson stood in the control tower, observing the area surrounding the stargate. As the puddle jumper lowered into the gate room, positioning itself towards the open wormhole, Jackson saw a bright light appear above the stargate. It touched the gate and seemed to send a wave of energy through it just before being pulled away. The ship then went quickly through the wormhole.

Then I'd write the dialogue the way it would be in a book rather than in a script. However, if you want to write a script, you should put that first paragraph entirely in present tense.

[Brudogg]

Not bad... In fact could be a real life Stargate episode; only nitpick is that there is some weakness in the dialog but overall the whole thing feels strong. Keep it up!

Thanks! I'd like to make it a fanfic series, there is much more to the story. I'll post the premise.

Are you writing this as a script or as a story? Fanfic is generally much easier for people to read and enjoy if it's written as a story rather than as a script.

Also, be careful to stick to one verb tense when you're writing. In the first paragraph, you begin with past tense ("As the puddle jumper lowered into the gate room...") but then you switch to present tense (Dr. Jackson standing in the control tower can see...). You have to pick one or the other. The easiest thing for the reader is past tense, because that's how most books are written. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation.

If it were me, I'd rewrite that paragraph this way:


Then I'd write the dialogue the way it would be in a book rather than in a script. However, if you want to write a script, you should put that first paragraph entirely in present tense.

Thanks lots for the tips. I'm still not sure if Stargateandora is script excerpts for a series or just an outline for a novel.

I'd love to do some collaborative writing if anyone is interested. I very much want to write Sci-Fi professionally someday and I really enjoy doing it. I haven't written fiction before but I'm learning and I think that collaborative fanfiction could be an excellent way to learn. Any and all comments/suggestions/revisions/additions welcome.

[Brudogg]

_______

Planet Pandora Premise (v. 1.0)

" The Pandora planet is a cosmic stargate alignment hub of sorts. Potentially hundreds of stargates on one planet, many out in the open, some underground, some undiscovered. When a stargate connects to another galaxy using an 8 symbol address, not only does it require a tremendous amount of power, but it also uses a lot more information about positions in the greater cosmos to establish the wormhole. Periodically the gates need to update their intergalactic coordinates with each other before a wormhole can be established between galaxies, some more often than others, so when someone dials an address in another galaxy but has a problem connecting due to intergalactic stellar drift, the wormhole redirects itself to this planet to calculate send and receive spacial coordinate updates. The massive shielded power and computer core draws energy directly from the core of the unique planet, processes the realignment coordinates and the wormhole then reestablishes between 1 and 8 days later(processing time) at the destination galaxy's gate somewhere on the planet. A very simple map to the incoming traveler's destination gate appears on a stone pedestal near the arrival gate as well as a picture indicating the number of days until gate-activation. The only way to dial in directly to the planet is to use a special ancient key device that was originally used to calibrate the gates manually, direct descendants of the particular Ancient who designed the hub can operate the key device that will open a wormhole to the planet from any gate but it must be returned to the planet within the 1-8 days processing time or it will never work again due to it's connection to the planet. The key devices are also low-power personal forceshields and are generally worn as pendants, there are very few keys and even fewer people on the planet who can use them. There are Ancient speech stones throughout the planet, large ones and small ones, that enable communication in any language after a few sentences are spoken.

There was once a master key that could open any of the hundreds of gates on the planet at any time as well as return to the planet from any gate at any time. The master key has been split into 23 components that are strewn across the universe. Fragments of the master key can be tracked using the main component of the master key. The master key is the only way to access the hub's Ancient computer core(aka Pandora's Box) which must be done soon due to geological instabilities or the planet could be destroyed and intergalactic gate travel everywhere will eventually be impossible.

In the center of the planet's only large land mass is a city of an almost ancient greek architecture that glows orange on a high hill where the planet's people, directly descended from the Ancients, reside. Around the outside of the city are Furling archway teleporters that can transport people farther out on the continent near various stargates.

_______


Pandora Planet Premise (v. 2.0)

Briefing, Atlantis conference room, Earth, Dr Daniel Jackson:

" Thanks to the glyphs from the obelisk on the planet, we were able to find information about the Pandora planet in the Lantian database.
Pandora was the extremely intelligent, as well as extremely curious, Ancient who designed and helped build the intergalactic gate hub. Stargates need to realign between galaxies every so often due to galactic stellar drift. The DHDs within a galaxy process the information needed to compensate but intergalactic dialing requires calculating the positions of celestial objects in multiple galaxies. Which is a whole lot more information than a DHD could possibly process, I'm told. Periodically the gates need to update before a wormhole can be established between galaxies, some more often than others depending on their distance from the hub, so when someone dials an address in another galaxy but has a connection problem due to intergalactic stellar drift, the wormhole redirects itself to this planet to calculate send and receive the spacial coordinate updates. It takes anywhere from 1 to 8 days for the hub to process the data and make wormhole trajectory calculation adjustments at which time the gate to the traveler's original destination galaxy opens.

The other Ancients wanted to just let the stargates store the travelers while the gates updated then forward them along 1 to 8 days late but Pandora insisted on creating a city on the hub planet where different species and peoples from across the universe could interact for a short time, sort of a stargate station. The others insisted that if she was going to do this then the computer core would have to be completely secure and exhaustively shielded and that very little of their technology should be on the planet and it would need to be looked after. So Pandora and a small group of Ancients decided to settle on the planet to provide hospitality and wisdom to the travelers and study their interactions with each other and even travel back with some of them to visit their home galaxies. They extended the computer core's shield to partially encompass the small city that they had built up around it and made adjustments so that explosives and energy and ballistic weapons would not function inside the city and the air would be protected as well.

Things seemed to be going well so apparently Pandora went back to Earth for a time, taking her hub masterkey with her. Quite a few travelers did not make their connecting gates in time for whatever reasons and ended up stranded there. Eventually Pandora and some of her children returned and the travelers persuaded her to use the master key to unlock all the gates and let everyone dial in and out as they pleased through the planet to galaxies that they couldn't reach before, in the name of peace and unity.

It wasn't long at all before civilizations were destroyed, intergalactic plagues and wars broke out, and most any world in the entire universe with a stargate was fair game for anyone with more advanced technology to conquer and exploit. Eventually, Pandora used her master key to enter the computer core where she opened every stargate in every galaxy connected to the network simultaneously and made an announcement informing everyone that the hub planet's gates would soon be locked out forever. Most of the invading armies and other 'doombringers' returned to their home galaxies. The other Ancients were not happy about the whole situation and after Pandora locked the system back up, they agreed that the system was to stay locked and that the master key was too powerful. The key, as well as the lock, were made to exist phased just slightly out of normal space-time and so could not be destroyed or hacked and some day the masterkey might be needed to make repairs, change batteries etc.

So they disassembled the key and scattered the components throughout the cosmos with the notion that only people with the PATA gene and very advanced technology could reacquire them. The main component was placed inside the chromosphere of the planet's sun and the others were dispersed via the stargates and hidden. The main component of the masterkey is supposed to be able to track other components in a galaxy.

The obelisk popped up because there's a problem that was eventually expected to happen. The hub, the gates, the shield, are all powered by the planet's core which is composed almost entirely of molten naquadah. It's extremely powerful and quite unstable so the energy shielding around the core is regulated by a pair of FPMs. From what I can tell, Flash Point Modules are an older and bulkier version of something like a ZPM except these harness the energy released at the flash point of nuclear detonations inside. The FPMs are almost depleted so its getting harder to regulate the volitile core. In order to replace the FPMs, the master key is needed to enter the super-shielded computer core. And a standard Pandoran gatekey can locate and even draw power from massive energy sources like FPMs. The obelisk was set to surface as a warning when the computer estimated that there was less than a hundred years left in the FPMs and that was almost 90 years ago. If the shields fail then the entire planet will be devoured by molten naquadah and intergalactic gate travel will eventually be impossible without the hub. "

_______

[SF_and_Coffee]

If you want to write science fiction (or any type of fiction) professionally, I'd suggest using the story format rather than the script format. It will be much better practice. Also, writing on your own with suggestions/input from a trusted beta reader will probably be more useful to you than writing in collaboration with another author, since then you will learn how to structure the story and develop the characters yourself. Very few published novels are collaborations; nearly all of them are written by solo authors. The collaborations that do make it to publication usually involve two or more previously-published, seasoned professionals who have chosen to work together on a specific book or series of books once they already have experience writing on their own.

[Brudogg]

Thanks again for the advice. I'm a much better storyteller than a writer but I'm learning. I learn best by observing others so I'd really like to try writing a group story so I can at least get my head around the big picture of writing as well as observe the various nuances of different writers and hopefully co-create something great in the process.

[ZRFTS]

The premise is actually very decent; has me wanting more. Again, I can't wait to see what you have, this actually look like it's going to be pretty great!

[Brudogg]

The premise is actually very decent; has me wanting more. Again, I can't wait to see what you have, this actually look like it's going to be pretty great!

Sweet thanks! The Furling story:

+"They're about 7 feet tall, covered in hair from head to toe, and have retractable jaws. I saw one pinned down and it's jaws came out almost a foot from it's face and it bit a mans head clean off. They worked the natives as slaves to mine naquadah and they are in the process of invading and establishing bases on multiple planets in 2 other galaxies right now. Their technology is very advanced but the ones I've met don't seem to be all that intelligent. Did I mention they are strictly carnivorous, animals or people, they don't seem to care who or what they eat as long as it's live meat. These things are monsters, I don't see how these could possibly be the Furlings."

[Breathtaking view flying towards a Nox sky city]

-"Well hopefully the Nox can tell us something."

_______

-"The Furling home galaxy is incredibly far away from the rest of the galaxies in the gate network so their stargates have to communicate with the hub computer on every single intergalactic dialout.

*"So whatever galaxy that they dial out to, they have to go through the hub planet in order to get there?

-"And to get back, yes. Their galaxy has a 9 symbol address.

-"When the hub's computer core detected that it's FPMs were near depletion, it shot up a 50 foot warning obelisk here but it also sent an SOS transmission to the Furling galaxy. Their invasions of the hub and other galaxies started shortly after that transmission.

*"So they didn't know that they could dial other galaxies?

-"Sometime between 5 and 10 thousand years ago, The Furlings were studying ascension and trying out a few genetic shortcuts when the ascended Ori tried to convert them to Origin. The Furlings weren't buying it and the last thing the Ori wanted to do was share their power with an entire galaxy of Furlings. The Ori somehow managed to covertly sabotage the Furling's genetic experimentation for generations until finally it was too late to go back. They had set the entire Furling species on a genetic path that would make it impossible for them to ever ascend. As the Furlings devolved, each generation was a little bit more beastly and psychopathic. They lost most of their technology after a devastating galactic war amongst themselves almost wiped the species out. When the hub activated the stargate on the Furling homeworld to send the SOS, the gate was on it's back but not buried and the vortex caused a huge cave-in. The Furlings immediately realized that some of their underground cities were still intact after thousands of years and they rediscovered many of their lost technologies. The ability to travel to other galaxies reunited the species. They still have some intellectual abilities, obvious by their mastery of advanced technology, but the Furlings are nothing compared to what they once were. They have replication machines that construct the smaller advanced components so all they have to do is assemble them according to the instructions left behind by their ancestors. And almost all Furling tech requires the FTA gene.

+"Except the arch transporters."

-"I said almost. They built the archways without FTA tech so that their slaves could work faster."

-"That was 89 years ago when they got the SOS. When the Pandorans successfully revolted 7 years later and buried the Furling stargate, within a year they were overrun by a group of Furlings in another galaxy that were not happy about being cut off from their home and supply lines. The group of stranded Furlings had a full FPM and a long list of stargate addresses so they just kept dialing through different galaxies until they finally got a realignment connection to Pandora. They immediately reclaimed it and unburied their home galaxy's stargate. That's when the majority of the population of Pandora was quite literally eaten by the Furlings. They went from a population of 200 thousand people to just under 1 thousand in less than a year.

_______

-"The Tok-Ra have agreed to help, they want to have one of them take the brain dead Furling as a host."

-"We've studied it's physiology and it seems to be compatible, it is still a great risk to the symbiote attempting to blend with a creature who in effect has no conscious mind. It's never been attempted."

="We promised the Nox that we would take it back to Pandora."

*"It will be going back with you."

="You mean with the Tok-Ra still inside?"

*"Exactly."

="Sir, some of the Jaffa are not going to like that."

*"You'll have make it work, the commission has already approved it. We need information and the ability to study Furling technology first-hand and this Tok-Ra can give us that opportunity."

________

[Brudogg]

Area 51 Underground Hanger -
[A very long spacecraft is under construction. Dr. Rodney Mckay leans on a ledge overlooking the construction with his one-time childhood friend Col. Samuel Barett.]

Rodney Mckay: "This is the Einstein. It's Earth's first interstellar transport ship. All the others have been military vessels. It has limited weaponry but when it's finished it'll be faster than anything else we've got. It's got all kinds of gadgets, suspended animation chambers for long voyages, transporters and... a whole lot of cargo space."

Col. Barett: "Why are you showing me this?"

Rodney: "Because as soon as it's finished, it'll be on it's way to pick you guys up on Pandora, as well as the neat alien gadgets and power sources that you guys will hopefully collect."

Barett: "How?"

Rodney: "With the gate addresses that you brought back, we've found one that we think we can dial to that would take a hyperspace ship about a year or a little less to get to you."

Col Barett: "So there's our way back! Nice!"

Rodney: "Well..."

Col. Barett: "Well what?"

Rodney: "Well... We've still got to convince the IOA and The Commission that it will be worth it.
See we're in a neighborhood of galaxies, like the Pegasus galaxy is on our galactic street and the Asgard home galaxy is not on our street but is still in our galactic neighborhood, but the galaxy that Pandora is in is like... not even in the same town.
We would have to send the ship in sections through the stargate to T5X-831 and bring a ZedPM to power that gate to send it all to the galaxy with the planet known in the Pandoran database as Alexia, to be assembled, from there it will take about a year to get to pandora at hyperspeed with no stops and the crew in suspended animation chambers. But with the ZedPM you brought back and some of the other technology that we've never seen before, and the promise of new eight symbol gate addresses and ZedPMs, I think we can make it happen."

Col. Barett: "So are you coming?"

Rodney: "One planet with hundreds of stargates from hundreds of different galaxies? Are you kidding? The crazy alien tech, the places you'll see, I can't even imagine. I mean, wow..."

Col. Barett: "So you're not coming?"

Rodney: "Man-eating monsters, not really mine scene anymore. I'm thinking I might ride in the ship actually, I mean a year there and a year back but in stasis so I don't age or notice, I could still check out the gate hub and it'd be like traveling two years into the future. I guess we'll have to see how things go with the IOA. I am thinking about it.

Col Barett: "I'm going back with Callidora either way ya know. I promised we'd help those people protect themselves when we freed them from the Furlings.

Rodney: "Well, I stressed the importance of all this but let's just say that The Commission isn't known for it's quick decisions. With just two days before the gate reconnects, I'm not sure what's going to happen. I did put in a good word for ya."

Col Barett: "I guess we'll find out tonight, thanks Mere."

Rodney: "Sure, just don't call me Meredith anymore okay Sam?

Col Barett: "I'll try. Your sister and I could be married by now ya know?"

Rodney: "C'mon that was junior high and Jeanie wouldn't have given you the time of day even if I hadn't told her that you had herpes."

Camera fades out as they walk down a hallway through a door.

Col Barett: "I had a cold sore, one time!"

Rodney: "Technically, herpes."

Door closes. Fade.

End Scene.

_______

="Your orders will be specifically to collect ZPM level power sources and defense technology to bring back home. The Furling threat and obtaining this masterkey to save intergalactic stargate travel have to be your secondary objectives. The Lucian Alliance is growing much stronger by stealing ships from the Free Jaffa and remaining Goa'uld. They almost succeeded in a direct attack on Earth with a suicide bomber into homeworld command, if a dying hero hadn't managed to disarm it then I sure wouldn't be here having this conversation with you, me a half a million others would be dead right now. They attempted an attack on Langara to get to the Destiny and steal naquadriah, which would be very bad to say the least, but we got word from a captured Lucian Alliance soldier on the Destiny before the attack and managed to outmatch them with a combined fleet of ships from Earth and Free Jaffa. The Atlantis has 3 nearly depleted ZPMs so it can't get off the water and it only has a handful of drones. We've gotten lucky so far. We have some ships but in a few years we will be seriously outmatched and outnumbered. We need massive power sources and some new technological edges if we are going to survive long term against an increasingly unified Lucian Alliance with a growing fleet of Goa'uld ships. Obtaining advanced power sources and technologies to bring back home is your top priority."

-"Understood Sir."

[Brudogg]

Also, be careful to stick to one verb tense when you're writing. In the first paragraph, you begin with past tense ("As the puddle jumper lowered into the gate room...") but then you switch to present tense (Dr. Jackson standing in the control tower can see...). You have to pick one or the other. The easiest thing for the reader is past tense, because that's how most books are written. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation.

If it were me, I'd rewrite that paragraph this way:

Dr. Jackson stood in the control tower, observing the area surrounding the stargate. As the puddle jumper lowered into the gate room, positioning itself towards the open wormhole, Jackson saw a bright light appear above the stargate. It touched the gate and seemed to send a wave of energy through it just before being pulled away. The ship then went quickly through the wormhole.

How about like this?:

A puddle jumper lowers into the Atlantis gate room, positioning itself towards the open wormhole, Dr. Jackson standing in the control tower can see a bright light above the stargate. In the blink of an eye, the light touches the stargate and releases a wave of energy through just before it's pulled away. The ship flies through the gate.

[Brudogg]

Excerpts:

(Briefing Room)
="An interplanetary research group called _____ with the primary mission to the acquisition and study of advanced technologies to benefit Earth, Langara, and the Free Jaffa. They work under a commission of civilian authorities from all three cultures and are not members of any military but for the command structure within the group. 10 of the best and brightest from each world have all undergone 4 months of intense training together in each of the three cultures and they have melded into a somewhat rowdy but very effective team and has been given the go ahead to begin their operations at a neutral site in the galaxy formerly home to the Asgard. The group is made up of scientists and engineers with varied specialties, soldiers with varied specialties who are trained to protect as well as assist the scientists, and 2 medical doctors 1 from Earth and 1 from Langara, a young Jaffa battlefield surgeon as well as a young pilot/engineer from the space-faring Travelers of the Pegasus galaxy. More than half have the ATA gene after some inoculations. Former Pentagon Liaison to the Stargate program Lt.Col Davis was in command of the group until he found out that he has a degenerative spinal disorder and will be in a wheelchair very soon. There are some tough decisions still to be made regarding who will actually be in command. Lt.Col Davis was unanimously chosen to lead the group after successfully negotiating the allied worlds treaty, which is what started these levels of cooperation between our peoples, he was the only person that all 3 worlds trusted to lead the group. The only resolution that the commission has been able to agree upon is a three way co-command, 1 mission commander from each planet. Right now there is a Free Jaffa warrior and a Langaran anthropologist and they are co-commanding pretty well but they've spent almost a year working together and immersing themselves in each others cultures so they've formed a pretty tightly knit group, especially the officers. There is some concern that throwing a new co-commander from Earth in the mix will be a problem but it's a sticking point that we're not about to back down on."

=They have been operating out of Atlantis for a couple of months and the commission has decided that they are ready for their own base of operations outside this galaxy. They have constructed their own gateship using 2 inoperable puddle jumpers that they salvaged from an underwater jumperbay, pieces of Atlantis's hull that were broken off in battle with the wraith, and a little help from Col.Carter on The Hammond. The hull of this ship that these people built is more dense than anything we've ever seen, they actually used an Asgard beam to materialize a secondary hull inside the primary hulls of both ships. They removed the window sections in between the ships and they can use a third drive pod with 2 pilots so extremely maneuverable is an understatement. It doesn't have drones or energy shields but it does have a rail gun and a cloak and it fits through the stargate. They call it the _______ and it seats 35 people."

="The planets that you were surveying with Asgard stargates capable of intergalactic dialing back home, were all candidates for their new base of operations and a new sigma site in the Ida galaxy.
The surveys that you brought back of the Pandora planet have piqued a lot of interest. There have been talks about sending them to Pandora, with you as the Earth co-commander. It could be a while before you can get back, we really don't know what all might be out there and you'd also have to retire from the military and the communication stones obviously won't work there. Just make sure that you really want to do this."

="All of them?"

+"The 30 members of the _______ group, yourself, the Tok-Ra/Furling Malak, Callidora, as well as one more person.

+"Dr. Beckett has discovered the gene necessary to activate Pandoran Ancient Technology such as the gatekey pendants.
We've been testing people's DNA from all around the world for the presence of the ATA gene since it was discovered. It's unlikely that an ATA type gene therapy would reproduce the PATA gene. We've gone over the results and so far we have only found 3 people on Earth that are matches for the PATA gene, 1 died in a skiing accident in Switzerland in 2009, 1 is a 7 month old baby girl from New Jersey, and the other, well...

+According to Callidora, people like her with the ability to use the gatekeys, the ones they call _______, they tend to not live very long without the shield from the gatekey pendant. The few who possess the PATA gene tend to exhibit some common traits, like they tend to be brilliant, independent, and very creative, however they also tend to be thrill-seekers and as curious as they are stubborn. Apparently Dr. Loukas Zaro is no exception to that rule but as far as we know he is also the only living adult from this galaxy that has the gene so we need him.

+Dr. Loukas Zaro is currently a part-time physics professor at the University of Crete. He's 27, fluent in Greek, Italian, and English, obtained his doctorate in aerospace engineering at 22 from the University of Pisa in Italy. He holds the patents on quite a few modern aircraft parts so he's quite well off. He's unmarried and only teaches 1 semester each year so that he has time for his, extreme, hobbies."

="What kind of, extreme, hobbies?"

+Dr. Zaro is an experienced pilot and somewhat of a daredevil. He held the patents on, among other things, an experimental flight suit. He tested the suit himself and with it he actually jumped out of an airplane at 40,000 feet without a parachute and landed, unharmed on another airplane flying at 30,000 feet traveling at more that 600 mph he held on until the aircraft landed, he repeated the experiment himself twice more. The Grecian government forced him to sell them his patents to them and the project was classified after that. He refused their offer to head the project under the arm of their government. They gave him a large sum of money for his patents and his non-disclosure but he wasn't happy about it.

+Dr. Zaro has no idea about the Stargate program, he doesn't trust governments and in the past has refused to sign non-disclosure agreements or work with any government agencies.

+He may be the only man on Earth with an active PATA gene and the commission has recommended that he be brought into the loop."

="There's several Pandorans that have the gene..."

+"Look, we don't really know the Pandorans yet. The commission wants someone from THIS galaxy with the PATA gene on this mission. He is more than competent but it's going to be up to you to convince him to come along."

_______

More excerpts:

[In orbit around Pandora planet]


="What is that?"

+"It almost looks like a stargate..."

-"That's impossible, it's way too big to be a stargate.

+"Maybe it's a supergate."

-"Again, way too big, this thing is like the size of a small planet. Whatever it is, it's giving off some massive EM. It's Furling tech, could be the foundation for some sort of weapons platform."


-------------------


[Orbiting Furling home planet, cloaked]


="The Furling home world. Whoa, there's a lot of rubble, looks like a war zone."

...

="That moon is huge.

-"And we've detected a major power source there.

+"There must be hundreds of stargates."

-"Readings indicate the moon has a shielded molten naquadah core. It's very similar to the Pandora planet except that this moon is completely artificially constructed and it's not quite finished."

="They built a moon? So that's what they've been doing with all that naquadah for the last 80 years."

="Recognize that? It's another one of those small planet size rings."

-"Or large moon size..."

+"Oh ****! That really is a stargate? And the other one too?"

-"Wow! That's why they're not concerned with saving the hub planet. They won't need the masterkey, they're planning to replace the entire hub. This is bad, I mean really bad. If they can actually send that moon through the... megagate... and match orbits with Pandora, all they have to do is wait for the hub's shields to fail and by default they'll have unlimited access to the entire gate network and ultimate control of the hub."

="Megagate? You can do better than that."

-"Are you listening to what I'm saying here. Hundreds of galaxies of planets enslaved and or eaten by Furlings!?"

+"We're gonna stop them right? Even if it's the last thing we do?"

="Especially if it's the last thing we do."

_____________


Alternate Furling gate system connects around their home galaxy as well as to another galaxy super far away. Split stories for a while when some characters get stranded in the extremely far away galaxy. Possible action/romance mix, Loukas and a Pandoran chick. Possible meetup with some of the Destiny's ancestors in the super far away galaxy. The ancestors were able to find a power source that enables them to dial between galaxies. A group of them has been using it to connect the stargate dots back towards Earth for several years. And they have very cool tech. And maybe they happen to be... semi-evil Dr.Rush-worshippers.(moohaha)

[Brudogg]

Latest excerpt:

The braindead Furling, who as it turned out wasn't completely braindead afterall, asked Jesus for forgiveness. The Furling was gradually restored and the Tokra was eliminated. The FPMs for the gatehub were also charged and restored for an undisclosed period of time.

[Brudogg]

...And some of the plans of the beastly Furlings were exposed.

[Atif09]

Latest excerpt:

The braindead Furling, who as it turned out wasn't completely braindead afterall, asked Jesus for forgiveness. The Furling was gradually restored and the Tokra was eliminated. The FPMs for the gatehub were also charged and restored for an undisclosed period of time.

jesus?

i highly doubt the furlings would believe in Christianity since they never heard of it?