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  1. #81
    Colonel s09119's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Alright, finally finished "Return to Pegasus, Part 2"! So here we go:
    Spoiler:
    First the Positives:
    - Dogfighting in the jumpers! Wow, I loved that whole scene in "Adrift" and it was just excellent to see something like that again.
    - Just about everything to do with the Athosians. I personally don't think they would be so harsh, as they've generally always understood why Earth has done what it did, but my god. When Teyla started crying, it hurt inside just reading. That plotline really struck me as incredibly emotional, excellent work there.
    - Team building! The Coalition really feels like an organized group here instead of just a bunch of human worlds acting largely independently against the Wraith. We never really got a sense of their cohesion from the show, but you've really cranked it up a notch. The interworld cooperation (Genii nukes on Traveler ships especially) worked great to get the message across. I hope we'll see more of that in the future.
    - Can I just say that I'm in love with Mayel? She's such a fascinating character to watch develop, especially her interactions with Sheppard and Ladon. Their chat about her feelings for John was nicely done, and the budding possible relationship feels very natural.
    - Todd. Oh, Todd. You write him perfectly, let me tell you, although I feel like he's just being wasted in that cell. I hope you find a way to spring him soon so he can eagerly double-cross the team as soon as possible.
    - Kanaan continues to impress me, he's really skyrocketed from a nobody to someone I really enjoy seeing onscreen (so to speak). His speech in defense of the Atlanteans and Teyla was, in particular, very moving and effective. And his being excepted from exile was notable, I wonder if that will cause a rift in his marriage.
    - Reading the first stage of the battle with the Wraith was awesome, I gotta say. I had quite a few flashbacks to "No Man's Land" and it was great to see that sort of old school space fighting come back. Not so much about LAUNCH THE PEW BEAMS AHHH and more tactical decisions on the fly.

    Now the Negatives:
    - I'll just say it and get it out of the way; the wormhole drive remains the worst part of this. Even ignoring the previous episodes' lack of explanation why there's no 50/50 risk of immediate destruction upon use, it was just so shoehorned in to fail. And literally right in the middle of a Wraith armada. I don't know, it was just way too convenient for my taste.
    - Speaking of power failure, this episode just overloaded my intake of suspension of disbelief. I'm sorry, but using the wormhole drive drains just as much power as going from orbit to landing does? The fact that ~60% of a ZPM was wasted just touching Atlantis down makes absolutely no sense to me. You guys just drained the modules left and right here for no apparent reason other than to deny the Expedition power from the get-go. You could have at least used a method that fits in with the show, but you'll never convince me that flying across a galaxy, going up against a superhive, etc. uses less power than making a 30 second landing in the ocean.
    - Having the Vanir show up at the last second to save the Coalition forces likewise just didn't make much sense to me. Aside from the question of how they happened to know where the battle was, why would they help out just to say "F off" and jump away? I hope there's more explanation coming there. On the same note, since when are the rogue Asgard so tough that their ships can withstand full-on Wraith bombardment and shred their ships in seconds? Last we saw them, they were outdone and destroyed by a Traveler warship. I'm all for beefing up the races here and there, but that's quite a leap in capabilities with no reason given.

    Unfortunately, this one fell a little flat for me. Aside from the Teyla storyline, things just came across as far too convenient/contradictory to canon. You guys have a lot of awesome ideas, but I'm finding the execution really shoehorned at times. "Return to Pegasus, Part 1" would probably be a ***1/2 out of **** for me, but this was **1/2 in the end. You created some great drama and plot stuff with Nancy, the IOA, and the case for going back to Pegasus, but for now it looks like the journey was better than the destination.
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  2. #82
    Major gateraid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Quote Originally Posted by s09119 View Post
    Alright, finally finished "Return to Pegasus, Part 2"! So here we go:
    Spoiler:
    First the Positives:
    - Dogfighting in the jumpers! Wow, I loved that whole scene in "Adrift" and it was just excellent to see something like that again.
    - Just about everything to do with the Athosians. I personally don't think they would be so harsh, as they've generally always understood why Earth has done what it did, but my god. When Teyla started crying, it hurt inside just reading. That plotline really struck me as incredibly emotional, excellent work there.
    - Team building! The Coalition really feels like an organized group here instead of just a bunch of human worlds acting largely independently against the Wraith. We never really got a sense of their cohesion from the show, but you've really cranked it up a notch. The interworld cooperation (Genii nukes on Traveler ships especially) worked great to get the message across. I hope we'll see more of that in the future.
    - Can I just say that I'm in love with Mayel? She's such a fascinating character to watch develop, especially her interactions with Sheppard and Ladon. Their chat about her feelings for John was nicely done, and the budding possible relationship feels very natural.
    - Todd. Oh, Todd. You write him perfectly, let me tell you, although I feel like he's just being wasted in that cell. I hope you find a way to spring him soon so he can eagerly double-cross the team as soon as possible.
    - Kanaan continues to impress me, he's really skyrocketed from a nobody to someone I really enjoy seeing onscreen (so to speak). His speech in defense of the Atlanteans and Teyla was, in particular, very moving and effective. And his being excepted from exile was notable, I wonder if that will cause a rift in his marriage.
    - Reading the first stage of the battle with the Wraith was awesome, I gotta say. I had quite a few flashbacks to "No Man's Land" and it was great to see that sort of old school space fighting come back. Not so much about LAUNCH THE PEW BEAMS AHHH and more tactical decisions on the fly.

    Now the Negatives:
    - I'll just say it and get it out of the way; the wormhole drive remains the worst part of this. Even ignoring the previous episodes' lack of explanation why there's no 50/50 risk of immediate destruction upon use, it was just so shoehorned in to fail. And literally right in the middle of a Wraith armada. I don't know, it was just way too convenient for my taste.
    - Speaking of power failure, this episode just overloaded my intake of suspension of disbelief. I'm sorry, but using the wormhole drive drains just as much power as going from orbit to landing does? The fact that ~60% of a ZPM was wasted just touching Atlantis down makes absolutely no sense to me. You guys just drained the modules left and right here for no apparent reason other than to deny the Expedition power from the get-go. You could have at least used a method that fits in with the show, but you'll never convince me that flying across a galaxy, going up against a superhive, etc. uses less power than making a 30 second landing in the ocean.
    - Having the Vanir show up at the last second to save the Coalition forces likewise just didn't make much sense to me. Aside from the question of how they happened to know where the battle was, why would they help out just to say "F off" and jump away? I hope there's more explanation coming there. On the same note, since when are the rogue Asgard so tough that their ships can withstand full-on Wraith bombardment and shred their ships in seconds? Last we saw them, they were outdone and destroyed by a Traveler warship. I'm all for beefing up the races here and there, but that's quite a leap in capabilities with no reason given.

    Unfortunately, this one fell a little flat for me. Aside from the Teyla storyline, things just came across as far too convenient/contradictory to canon. You guys have a lot of awesome ideas, but I'm finding the execution really shoehorned at times. "Return to Pegasus, Part 1" would probably be a ***1/2 out of **** for me, but this was **1/2 in the end. You created some great drama and plot stuff with Nancy, the IOA, and the case for going back to Pegasus, but for now it looks like the journey was better than the destination.
    Spoiler:

    - Re Todd, he gets a bigger role in the next episode.
    - Re wormhole drive, I don't think you'd find a fan of it in any of the writers. Zelenka said in EatG that the ancients abandoned it both due to it's massive power requirements (ergo it was presumably only possible with three ZPMs) and massive safety risks. While I have some reservations about how Zelenka managed to get it to work so quickly during EatG, they had plenty of time to calculate it whilst on Earth. Also, consider that even with three ZPMs (which they didn't state how much power they still had left in them, so we can only guess), they still couldn't break orbit from Earth after destroying the superhive. I know, I know, they'd suffered damage, but their engines were okay, else they'd never have survived the landing. So we can infer from that that re-entry takes good amount of power (if they couldn't stop it) due to the massive strain on the shields and engines. Think back to First Strike - even with the drilling platform giving them a power boost (70% of the power required), they still didn't have enough power to actually take off without dropping the shield. While the city can fly, it's not exactly built for it. Also, consider the fact that the first time the wormhole drive was used, it actually worked thus proving Zelenka is smarter than Rodney, so they'd have reason to both use it again, and be confident in their calculations and power usage estimations.
    - As for finding a method of draining the power modules that is consistent with the show: alternate reality bridge - been there, done that, severing power conduits - been there, done that, wormhole drive - abandoned because of massive power requirements - hinted at, leaving the door open this time. Either that, or they could've left two of the ZPM's back on Earth, in an implausible copy of Echoes.
    - Re the Vanir, consider that the last time we saw them, they did get their asses kicked, and were forced to leave their planet. If they were forced to stay in their ship for an extended period of time, it'd stand to reason that they'd want to improve it's defences. We haven't yet been privy to what they've been doing while they've been gone - maybe there's a Vanir clone army out there. Probably not, but having them appear here is only meant as a tease. I understand there'll be developments with them in the future


    I appreciate our tastes will be different (personally, in this ep, I liked the stuff in space more than the Teyla stuff, but bear in mind that the Teyla stuff is only part way through an arc). I'm glad you've liked so much of it thus far. As I said, in the next ep, there's
    Spoiler:
    more wraith and more Todd, as well as a continuation of the Teyla/Athosian storyline.

  3. #83
    Lieutenant General Southern Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Thanks to all our readers for your patience, but I am happy to announce that Chapter One of Trust is now up on our website. I just finished reading the whole episode and am still amazed by the depth of emotion that our writer has managed to convey. If you are a regular reader, you probably know that we have given Teyla more to do than she had in the whole run of the show.

    Trust also has a few scenes that advance the personal relationships of several well-known characters and get us better acquainted with a couple of new characters.

    In addition, I present you with a bonus piece of artwork by Kreauxm.

    Spoiler:

    Visit us at SGA Rising for our version of season six.

  4. #84
    General Scary Kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Hmm, you know, I had come up with a bit of a snarky rebuttal to some of the criticisms of "Return to Pegasus, Part 2," but I think gateraid handled it with far more grace than I. Probably just as well, all things considered.

    Thanks for defending our honor, amigo!
    (This is legal notice that any attempt to censor or delete, for the purpose of oppressing fair and open discussion, any statement made by me will be considered a violation of my right to free speech as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, and will be dealt with in accordance with federal law.)
    Sparky is on screen. Therefore, it is canon. Elizabeth is still out there. And John WILL bring her home.

  5. #85
    Colonel JT-2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Just read the first part of Trust. Another excellent chapter!

    Spoiler:

    1. "New New Athos" - LOL!

    2. “Gel-oh? What is Gel-oh?” - another LOL!

    3. Poor Teyla. I just want to give her a hug! (And put Jinto on time-out) Kanaan's presence in the story is still quite excellent. I love his character, and their relationship, being fleshed out more than the show did. It's the relationship I assumed they had behind the scenes, but it's nice to read about it in the context of the story.

    4. Enjoying the flirting between Mayel and John.

    5. TODD! Yes!

  6. #86
    Staff Sergeant
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    86

    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    I'm happy to see chapter 3 is up. I didn't really like the story line of Teyla and the Athosians much, but i'll read it anyway.

  7. #87
    Chief Master Sergeant Belmene's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Very good beginning for "Trust". I can't wait to read more... Thanks.

  8. #88
    Lieutenant General Southern Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    SGARising update: Chapter 3 of Trust is now up.

    And thanks to our fabulous webmaster, you can now comment right on the website after each chapter. Just go to the website, read the latest post on the Writers Block and follow the instructions. Click on "contact" on the home page to register and login.

    Now's your chance to let us know what you think as soon as you read a chapter. No more waiting to come here.

    Visit us at SGA Rising for our version of season six.

  9. #89
    Major gateraid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Red View Post
    SGARising update: Chapter 3 of Trust is now up.

    And thanks to our fabulous webmaster, you can now comment right on the website after each chapter. Just go to the website, read the latest post on the Writers Block and follow the instructions. Click on "contact" on the home page to register and login.

    Now's your chance to let us know what you think as soon as you read a chapter. No more waiting to come here.
    I noticed that, that's a really good idea. Thanks KrisRussel (she's the webmistress). I'd like to say for the record that all comments are appreciated - for one thing, it shows that it's being read! - and we/they/I do take that sort of thing into consideration (again, I'm not a writer, merely a helper). There's a lot of work that goes into this sort of stuff that isn't obvious. For example, the current ep (I hope the writer doesn't mind me saying this) has been edited by a number of people, with respect to grammar, continuity (there was a really good, really convenient, and not crucial to the plot idea which had to be nixed due to that) and characterisation, and been altered somewhat from what it was originally conceived as. I think the team would be the first to admit that we're not professionals (after all, everyone is working full-time or doing the equivalent) but the aim is to deliver the highest quality product possible. So, my skills of excessive snark and unneccessary *****iness have finally found an outlet in the editing room

    As I said earlier, there are some things that will play out a little differently in a written format than on screen. Things that are illustrated easily in a look, or a camera pass, will take more explanation on paper, hence the written version will be longer. Personally, I think that adds a lot to the experience, but other people may think the opposite. Also, everyone's tastes will vary. The writers are doing their best to write gen fic, but it's all in the interpretation. One person's version of gen may not mesh with another's. Heck, look at the arguements on GW re character's actions/motivations - sometimes it's hard to reach a consensus. Hopefully the overall product will be enough to keep people interested, which is the goal here. Nobody is making any money out of this. In fact, probably the opposite, if you factor in lost time and sleep.

  10. #90
    Chief Master Sergeant Belmene's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Chap 3 of "Trust" is just great. I love the differents storylines: Ronon/Teyla and their dissension, John and Mayel, Ronon and Amelia (good surprise for me...). It was pretty good. Thank you.

  11. #91
    Lieutenant General Southern Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Chapter 4 of Trust is now up. Read and enjoy.

    Visit us at SGA Rising for our version of season six.

  12. #92
    Second Lieutenant Skie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Red View Post
    I do apologize if I came across as sarcastic. I am dead serious about you writing your own series. Our plan was born from frustration with TPTB, so why not put your ideas out there. Maybe you will find an audience as we did. But you must understand that we have worked for many long months trying to be as accurate as possible and, while we appreciate constructive criticism, a lot of what you are saying is not really canon mistakes, but different interpretation on our part. And even if all the points you make were canon mistakes, it's too late to completely rewrite our episodes to bring them in line with what you seem to want.

    Or maybe we just don't get the point of why you feel the need to bring up every little detail. Put yourself in our place. You write the best story you know how, work hard to do it right, and yet someone seems to think it's all wrong and needs to be done differently. Maybe that's not how you intended to come across, but it's how we interpreted your "constructive criticism". We are glad you are enjoying the stories but confused by your unrelenting attention to our choices and need to check transcripts to find errors. We read the transcripts also, watched each episode multiple times, consulted TPTB even to clear up points of confusion and find out their direction for S6. Then we had a team of readers go over each chapter for continuity. We even got feedback from cast members which we incorporated into the episodes. Above all, canon or not, it is still fiction and choices were made that not everyone will like. We hope our readers can just enjoy the story and take it for what it's worth.
    Wow, you guys really did INCREDIBLE work. I had no idea. I do understand your point about nitpicking now, it really must seem like that after all your canon checking.
    I was disappointed in TPTB about how they handled the Wraith. In the first season they built them up as an invincible and imitading enemy. And because of that I expected the series to be more or less centered about defeating the Wraith (or solving the feeding problem) and giving the PG "freedom"with the help of the knowledge/technology of Atlantis. But in later seasons the Wraith oscilliated between powerful enemies and laughable opponents, whatever the plot required. I found this inconsistency really frustrating. For my taste the Wraith were too easily defeated in this space battle of yours BUT I guess I let my frustration over TPTB's handling of the Wraith carry over into your story. Which is not fair, after all you just continue the story of TPTB and have to live with all the liabilities. It is canon that SGA keeps the upper hand when dealing with the Wraith. I just had hoped that it would get a bit more tricky for the team to defeat the Wraith.
    I think that is the source of my criticism, so sorry again if it came across as nitpicking.
    While I did like that you picked up an unfinished storyline with the Vanir I'm just not sure what to think about their performance. But I will wait for some more background and see how you develop them further.

    Quote Originally Posted by Falcon Horus View Post
    B-b-but... you cheated?!?
    Damn, you got me!

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    I think the professional term is "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."
    How should I interpret that now?

    Quote Originally Posted by StargateWatcher View Post
    said to Daniel u mean? Jack wasn't in that ep
    Yes, you're perfectly right.
    Blue is such a nice color, especially if you have wings.

  13. #93
    First Lieutenant
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Quote Originally Posted by Skie View Post
    How should I interpret that now?
    As a joke?
    [''... I laugh at your reality..''][ STARGATE FAN COMIC: 'Hallowed Turf' ] [-DeviantArt-] [ ".... and a seagull."]


  14. #94
    Lieutenant Colonel Eri13's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Hey guys...just wanted to say thanks for the discussion and comments on Trust. This one was sort of a bear to build and develop (especially being so close to RTP, Part I) so it's nice to hear nice things being said. I really enjoyed trying to do something a little more for Teyla and Ronon's relationship and that was a really fun part to write. So were the action sequences--I didn't get to do many of those in RTP I.
    Visit SGArising.com to read our virtual continuation of the Atlantis series!

  15. #95
    Chief Master Sergeant Belmene's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    I read criticism about the episode "Trust" and some people said that Teyla was out of character. Oh please ! In the show Teyla was so boring !!! And I say thank you to the authors! Thank you for finally woke up this poor Teyla! Thank you for bringing some spice into the wonderful little world of Athosians which, in the series, seemed to be no disturbance to be kidnapped, to serve as guinea pigs and wait for Teyla and SGA1 to come rescue them constantly! Thank you to give some depth to Ronon and Teyla with a real conflict as sometimes happens between true friends, to further their characters as they deserve while you still deliver a thrilling episode to the readers. (once again, sorry for my english... if only someone could translate your episodes in French it would be great!)

  16. #96
    General Scary Kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    No, thank you, Belmene! Like you, we were really frustrated with how Teyla and Ronon were left as wallpaper so many times on the show. That was one of the big issues that we wanted to fix in Atlantis Rising, and we're glad you're enjoying our work so far! Be sure to keep reading, because there's a lot more in store for Teyla, Kanaan and little Torren, the Athosians, and Ronon in coming episodes!
    (This is legal notice that any attempt to censor or delete, for the purpose of oppressing fair and open discussion, any statement made by me will be considered a violation of my right to free speech as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, and will be dealt with in accordance with federal law.)
    Sparky is on screen. Therefore, it is canon. Elizabeth is still out there. And John WILL bring her home.

  17. #97
    Lieutenant General Southern Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Our next episode, To Build A Fire is now being posted. It's one of mine and is designed to be a bit of a comic break after all the heavy drama. I'm hoping you will find it fun, and if you're a whumper, you may also find a few things to enjoy.

    The team accompanies Carson to a medical emergency on a friendly planet, but a sudden change in the weather separates them and endangers their lives. Where's the comedy in that? Well, John makes a new friend, Carson and Ronon get really close, and Rodney, well let's just say, Teyla's patience is sorely tried. I hope you enjoy it.

    We also have a new piece of art from Kreauxm.

    Spoiler:

    Visit us at SGA Rising for our version of season six.

  18. #98
    General Scary Kitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Holy smokes, that picture is gorgeous! Many thanks to Kreauxm for putting that together for us!

    On the subject of 'To Build A Fire,' as one of SR's beta readers, let me say that this episode is a comedic and whumptastic masterpiece with fun for everyone. Just remember not to eat or drink anything while reading... We won't be held responsible for any damage to your computer that may be incurred by, say, spitting out your soda because you're laughing at poor ----'s plight. Muahahah.
    (This is legal notice that any attempt to censor or delete, for the purpose of oppressing fair and open discussion, any statement made by me will be considered a violation of my right to free speech as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, and will be dealt with in accordance with federal law.)
    Sparky is on screen. Therefore, it is canon. Elizabeth is still out there. And John WILL bring her home.

  19. #99
    Lieutenant General Pocus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    Whump you say? *eyes perk up* WooHoo!!! Looking forward to it. Must go read Trust first though. This vacation has been busier than I thought it would be.
    http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l228/abracahpocus/Atlantis/sigs/the-dot.jpg

  20. #100
    Chief Master Sergeant Belmene's Avatar
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    Default Re: Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

    I rather like the idea of inserting comical episodes with other a little more dramatic. It also made the success of SGA. I really enjoyed the beginning of this first chapter of "Build a fire." Very funny, thank you Southern Red. And I also have a suggestion for you, authors. This is a detail but for me the season 5 of Atlantis was not the best. And especially after what they have dared to do to Ronon! How awful this wig! Why do producers have refused Jason Momoa to cut his hair ! They already knew that the series was on borrowed time so I do not understand why they pushed him up to wear this ridiculous monstrosity! The episode "Broken Ties" was perfect for this new change. It is true that the dreadlocks are inseparable from the character of Ronon and this because of the fact that precisely this character does mark the spirit because of his hairstyle, the fact that he grunts instead of speaking and he hates the Wraith. It always brings us back to the same conclusion: too many characters in this series neglected at the expense of Sheppard and McKay. My greatest satisfaction would be an entire episode based on a new haircut for Ronon to make us forget this awful ostopus-like wig... LOL. Ok, I'm joking...
    Spoiler:
    I look forward to learn more about the creature even if I have to pee in my pants laughing in front of my screen
    Last edited by Belmene; July 22nd, 2011 at 03:17 AM.

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