Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

[neela]

Just finished reading, and I've enjoyed it a lot

Thanks for the feedback, and the PM! A reply should be in your inbox.

Spoiler:

I like it that you have the patience for slow, drop-by-drop build-up, although a couple of scenes struck me as superfluous; you could cut them out without much emotional or informational loss for the story. I'm talking about the scenes of Reese returning to Atlantis and the Major Marks-centered Daedalus scene; both are mainly introspections and could work as parts of scenes that advance the story in some other way, but on their own they just don't carry enough weight. Also, isn't Marks a Colonel already?

I do love the twist in the end; if there had to be a big honking space gun brought into the picture, you've chosen exactly the right one

Also, I'm PMing you a little idea I've had while reading your story; feel free to use it or discard it.

Not sure if Marks is a Colonel. At the time the story starts (a few months after season 5), I think he's still a Major, at least according to Stargate wikia. As for the scenes you talk about...

Spoiler:

I'll agree that they're mostly character aspects, but they're not simply fillers. It's to show other people's points of view on past and current issues, as well as dropping a few hints about what we'll see more of in the future.

Marks's scene is actually very important in regards to the major question that drives the story forward: what happened to Earth? It'll have a huge impact later on. And Reese is one of the characters I use to show how things are faring on Atlantis; she'll be popping up now and again, serving the same purpose as Marks.

Now about the big honking space gun.... I'll only say: It'll be epic!

[Aragon101]

Not sure if Marks is a Colonel. At the time the story starts (a few months after season 5), I think he's still a Major, at least according to Stargate wikia. As for the scenes you talk about

If you've been reading Dark Frontier, Womble, that may explain why you think Marks is a Colonel

I adore Neela's writing, The pace is slow i think because at this time, they're still not over the loss of Earth, and people haven't really begun to greive. i like to think of SCoaFF as a long novel, we're still in act 1 i'd say.

And uhh... about the big honkin' space gun. All i'll say is, from what i've discussed with Neela, dissapointment will be a difficult thing

[neela]

The pace is slow i think because at this time, they're still not over the loss of Earth, and people haven't really begun to greive. i like to think of SCoaFF as a long novel, we're still in act 1 i'd say.

Aragon's right. The pace is slow right now because I'm building up to the climax of this first part, and people haven't really had a chance to come to grips with what's happened. They're getting there, but it'll take time.

As for the structure of the novel - because that's what'll end up as eventually, at least length-wise - I've split it in three acts according to the literary theory I've read on three-part drama. For those interested who'd like to be teased, here's a breakdown of it for you (put in spoilers for those who don't want to know)

Spoiler:

The Beginning: Chapter 1 - the prologue, presenting the major conflict

Act 1: Chapters 2-4 - exposition of characters, setting, minor conflict
- Plot point 1: chapter 4

Act 2: Chapters 5-17 - the flesh of the story, with rising and falling action
- 1st climax: chapter 10
- Midpoint: chapter 11
- Plot point 2: chapter 17

Act 3: Chapters 18-22 - rising action towards major climax, then denouement
- 2nd (and most important) climax: chapter 20 (a two-parter)
- Denouement: chapters 21-22

The End: Chapter 23 - the epilogue, a glimpse into the future

For those who wonder (and are interested), the plot points are the two twists that spins the story in a new direction, hence the act shift. The first plot point was Atlantis landing on a new planet, starting things over again after the chase.

[neela]

First draft of chapter 8's been sent to my beta. Expect it to be up this week. For teasers, the chapter's musical inspiration is "A long, long time ago" from Pan's Labyrinth, composed by Javier Navarrate. Great movie by the way, and even greater music!

Here's also a link to a John/Sam wallpaper I made a while back, just for fun. I'm also thinking of putting up the chapter cover for chapter 8 later on today, once I have it finished that is. Photoshopping can be simply too much fun and it's hard to stop.

[Womble]

*Runs to his calendar, schedules reading/reviewing time*

Cool wallpaper. Could work as a DVD cover art if someone went ahead and filmed your story.

[neela]

*Runs to his calendar, schedules reading/reviewing time*

Cool wallpaper. Could work as a DVD cover art if someone went ahead and filmed your story.

If they'd filmed it, I'd be over the moon! How cool wouldn't that be?

As promised, the cover for chapter 8 + a minor teaser has been edited into the first post. Enjoy.

[neela]

Chapter 8 is up!

EIGHT: "I just want to feel human again."
Banner
In a moment of intermission, Daniel seeks out Sam.

Prompt: a time to embrace
Music: 'A long, long time ago' from Pan's Labyrinth, composed by Javier Navarrete.

[neela]

First draft of chapter 9 has been sent for beta-reading. Meanwhile, you can find the chapter banner and a teaser in the first post.

[puddlejumperOZ]

For all the talented writers here, we have round two of the Gateworld FanFiction Competition, be nice to see some new faces (writers) down there

http://forum.gateworld.net/threads/7...8#post11427738

[Womble]

Took me a while to get around to reading the entire chapter. Night shifts are not conductive to long attention span.

Very nice writing, all emotion yet no fluff. You're very good with details, too; the Rubik cube was a nice touch. It's always good to center dialogue-heavy scenes on an easily visualized detail.

[Aragon101]

The new chapter IS coming... Soon i think AFAIK, Neela's making the final touches and the unbelievably tense Chapter 9 is coming From what i hear, Chapter 10 will be mind blowing

[neela]

Took me a while to get around to reading the entire chapter. Night shifts are not conductive to long attention span.

I know what it's like. Night shifts can be fun and productive as long as you don't nod off all the time. Though, at the nursing home there's always someone pulling all-nighters who want attention, so even if I'm awake, I don't have the time.

Very nice writing, all emotion yet no fluff. You're very good with details, too; the Rubik cube was a nice touch. It's always good to center dialogue-heavy scenes on an easily visualized detail.

Thanks! I'm humbled by the praise. *blush* I love the brother-sister-but-closer relationship between Daniel and Sam. I think they're very comfortable with each other, and trust each other implicitly. And in the situation Sam was in, Daniel was truly the only one who could reach her.

The supply room they're in will be appearing in other chapters as well, and then we'll learn what more than Rubik's cube Sam's been hiding away... *teaser*

The new chapter IS coming... Soon i think AFAIK, Neela's making the final touches and the unbelievably tense Chapter 9 is coming From what i hear, Chapter 10 will be mind blowing

Check your inbox, LR. Might be something in there for ya.

Chapter 10 will be explosive and full of emotion, yes, both good and bad depending on your perspective. All that's happened in the previous nine chapters will now culminate in its first climax, and things are gonna change drastically in Atlantis. The Wraith will appear again and we all know what that means by now...

[neela]

New chapter is up!

NINE: "Let's be friends."
Banner
The Wraith have unexpectedly stopped their blitz attacks on Pegasus planets, but John has bigger concerns on his mind as he's given command of Atlantis for a few days while Sam visits the Kadarian settlement. Something unsettling is going on...

Prompt: a time to plant

[Aragon101]

New chapter is up!

NINE: "Let's be friends."
Banner
The Wraith have unexpectedly stopped their blitz attacks on Pegasus planets, but John has bigger concerns on his mind as he's given command of Atlantis for a few days while Sam visits the Kadarian settlement. Something unsettling is going on...

Prompt: a time to plant

A little birdy told me that Chapter ten is going to be badass! In fact, the story from here on out just becomes intense. According to that little birdy of course

[neela]

A little birdy told me that Chapter ten is going to be badass! In fact, the story from here on out just becomes intense. According to that little birdy of course

So the little birdy said... Lots of action and character development, that's for sure! I'll say one thing: Resistance and subterfuge. *dun dun DUN*
Chapter 10's been a little on the backburner the last week due to uni, but I'm officially done with lectures and seminars, so I should have some more time. I'll probably get to it this weekend.

BTW, Aragon, I'll probably get to answering that mail of yours tonight. I'm sorry I haven't done so already.