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  1. #61
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Review for chapter 9 (read it a couple of days ago, couldn't find the time and the energy for writing the review).

    Spoiler:
    Nice and even. I think I already told you that I like the way you're writing the psychology of a besieged group and the internal politics. Nice touch with Daniel sneakily sending Sam to the village, too. Sounds very much like something he could do. The Sheppard vs. IOA was very Sheppard-like

    One quibble is that I don't think you really needed to show Reika being shy first and THEN warming up to Sam. You had too little space to do it and it came out rushed. I think if you made her a Sam-friendly bundle of fun to begin with, you could have saved yourself half a scene of text and the need to show the translition.
    If Algeria introduced a resolution declaring that the earth was flat and that Israel had flattened it, it would pass by a vote of 164 to 13 with 26 abstentions.- Abba Eban.

  2. #62
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by Womble View Post
    Review for chapter 9 (read it a couple of days ago, couldn't find the time and the energy for writing the review).

    Spoiler:
    Nice and even. I think I already told you that I like the way you're writing the psychology of a besieged group and the internal politics. Nice touch with Daniel sneakily sending Sam to the village, too. Sounds very much like something he could do. The Sheppard vs. IOA was very Sheppard-like

    One quibble is that I don't think you really needed to show Reika being shy first and THEN warming up to Sam. You had too little space to do it and it came out rushed. I think if you made her a Sam-friendly bundle of fun to begin with, you could have saved yourself half a scene of text and the need to show the translition.
    Answer in spoiler.

    Spoiler:
    About Sam: I agree, and hindsight is 20-20 as they say... I probably won't go back and edit it now, however, but I appreciate these kinds of feedback. I guess that in a way I wanted Reika to be a typical kid where her mood changes rather quickly (I based her off my niece), and it just slipped under my radar. Sam needed some normality and so I was probably in a rush to do it (since the upcoming chapter is going to change the atmosphere and pace again...) I'll keep it in mind for future chapters!


    As for chapter 10, it's on the backburner for probably another week or so. I've got two essays of 5000 words each that are supposed to be handed it next Tuesday, so I've got my hands full. It IS coming, though. SCoaFF is my baby and I'm not about to give her up.

    Spoiler:
    Expect action and IOA subterfuge.
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  3. #63
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    To everyone who's been waiting: chapter 10 is coming! As mentioned earlier, it's been on the backburner while I worked on exams, and then it was postponed due to overseas moving and starting a new job and all the finicky details those things involve. I've finally settled in, however, so I've started working on chapter 10 again. It's slow-going, but at least it's going!

    Meanwhile, here's a teaser for you:

    Spoiler:
    John knew it would only be a matter of time before something happened. He knew Sam and the other senior officers in the know had felt it too.

    The Wraith had been quiet the past six weeks. Too quiet. Like a predator in the night, just waiting for right moment to strike. Preying on the weak, the young and the innocent of the Pegasus galaxy, ignoring the alpha battle they truly wanted.

    Too bad they were going to get a taste of it nevertheless.

    “Anyone who’s not ready, get the hell out of here,” John growled lowly. “This ain’t gonna be a walk in the park.”


    Anyone care to guess what's gonna happen?
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  4. #64
    Lieutenant Colonel Aragon101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by neela View Post
    To everyone who's been waiting: chapter 10 is coming! As mentioned earlier, it's been on the backburner while I worked on exams, and then it was postponed due to overseas moving and starting a new job and all the finicky details those things involve. I've finally settled in, however, so I've started working on chapter 10 again. It's slow-going, but at least it's going!

    Meanwhile, here's a teaser for you:

    Spoiler:
    John knew it would only be a matter of time before something happened. He knew Sam and the other senior officers in the know had felt it too.

    The Wraith had been quiet the past six weeks. Too quiet. Like a predator in the night, just waiting for right moment to strike. Preying on the weak, the young and the innocent of the Pegasus galaxy, ignoring the alpha battle they truly wanted.

    Too bad they were going to get a taste of it nevertheless.

    “Anyone who’s not ready, get the hell out of here,” John growled lowly. “This ain’t gonna be a walk in the park.”


    Anyone care to guess what's gonna happen?
    A small update from what i know, Neela is currently doing empirical research for this specific chapter.

    Specifically, i believe her Commander Sheppard is using a M-98 Widow to take down the Collectors Add to this her tickets to the Elcor version of Hamlet and she's quite busy

    The chapter is in the works though, stay tuned
    Quote Originally Posted by Apostle's Message Redux
    Shepard understood. Given the situation, he wasn't sure that exposing the planet to this kind of secret was smart. Miranda had regaled him with stories of how horrible 20th century Earth sounded in her history lessons and it made him leery. "I agree, god knows what would happen if Grunt got loose."

    Joker snorted and muttered loudly. "Run! It's The Incredible Hulk! Kill it with fire!"
    Read the story ---- Apostle's Message Redux, ME/SG Crossover

  5. #65
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aragon101 View Post
    A small update from what i know, Neela is currently doing empirical research for this specific chapter.

    Specifically, i believe her Commander Sheppard is using a M-98 Widow to take down the Collectors Add to this her tickets to the Elcor version of Hamlet and she's quite busy

    The chapter is in the works though, stay tuned
    Spoiler:
    A subtle joke about chapter 10 and Aragon's comment above.

    I'm a third into the chapter. There's gonna be a lot of action, and since I'm rubbish at that kind of writing, it takes time...
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  6. #66
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Chapter cover and teaser has been updated for ch 10: Uno Ab Alto!

    I'm very sorry it's taken so long between chapters lately. RL can be so unpredictable occasionally... The second version of chapter 10 is currently being betaed, so I'm trying to have the chapter up by the weekend. It's a milestone chapter, and it'll carry a lot of weight for the rest of the story, so that's partly why I've been taking extra time with it. It should be easier to write the next couple of chapters.

    Expect much more John/Sam in the future! It's soon time to patch things up again, as well as look back at how the two of them got to the point where they wanted to try being something more than friends. I'm very much looking forward to writing those particular chapters!

    BTW, here's another artwork for ya! (I'm having way too much fun with photoshop...)

    Spoiler:
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  7. #67
    Lieutenant Colonel Aragon101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    With any luck, Neela's beta can get to finishing up chapter 10 sooner rather than later
    (I'm on it! just had alot to do this weekend)

    As a tiny teaser, the chapter does look pretty sweet
    Quote Originally Posted by Apostle's Message Redux
    Shepard understood. Given the situation, he wasn't sure that exposing the planet to this kind of secret was smart. Miranda had regaled him with stories of how horrible 20th century Earth sounded in her history lessons and it made him leery. "I agree, god knows what would happen if Grunt got loose."

    Joker snorted and muttered loudly. "Run! It's The Incredible Hulk! Kill it with fire!"
    Read the story ---- Apostle's Message Redux, ME/SG Crossover

  8. #68
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Guys&gals, with all the respect I'm running a risk of dying from excessive, cruel and unusual teasing here Is anything readable on the horizon yet?
    If Algeria introduced a resolution declaring that the earth was flat and that Israel had flattened it, it would pass by a vote of 164 to 13 with 26 abstentions.- Abba Eban.

  9. #69
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by Womble View Post
    Guys&gals, with all the respect I'm running a risk of dying from excessive, cruel and unusual teasing here Is anything readable on the horizon yet?
    Here's part of the first scene for you!

    Spoiler:

    John stepped quickly off the raised stone steps that the stargate was standing on, his weapon raised to eyelevel and trained on his surroundings. Thick undergrowth and tall, lush trees made a nearly impenetrable wall around the small clearing except where the overgrown path leading to the settlement broke the monotony. Hardly any light reached the ground through the thick branches at the top of the trees, covering the silent, forest floor with only scattered spots of afternoon light.

    His hands tightened around his P90, knuckles whitening as his ears perked. The clearing was silent. Blinking once at a particular dark spot beneath the stone steps, John heard the rest of his team exit the wormhole with soft steps of cold-headed anticipation.

    “Spread out,” he ordered immediately, his voice low, sparing them a quick glance as he descended the last step. Their weapons were raised and their eyes peeled. They quickly made a perimeter around the stone steps, approaching the undergrowth cautiously. Some glanced over their shoulders. Not even a bird made a sound.

    A battle-dressed Ronon jumped off the steps next to him, the ground reverberating with his weight. Neck tense, John turned back and approached the shadow he now saw was the unmoving figure of something humanoid. Taking a quick look around and keeping his weapon trained on the forest, John hooked his foot cautiously underneath the figure and flipped it over into a ray of light.

    The wide-eyed, frightened look upon a white-haired husk of a human stared up at them.

    “Whoa.” John flinched and grimaced. He could never get used to the sight.

    “Wraith.” Ronon growled lowly, snapping his chin up to sneer ferally at their surroundings beneath dark, low eyebrows. He kept his particle magnums close to his sides. John thought he looked like a wolf ready to pounce.

    “There’s three more by the DHD, and one of them was carrying the settlement’s IDC,” mumbled Major Lorne, who had come close to them. He held the black remote in his hand; it had been fried by some kind of energy weapon and rendered useless.

    John eyed their dark surroundings, narrowing his eyes at the shadows and determining whether he was looking at trees or something else. Blood was pounding through his veins. They already suspected the Wraith were somehow involved in the interrupted distress call from this planet, but this confirmed it. He looked back at the stargate, seeing the last of his groundpounders exit. The rest were approaching the border of the small clearing in a perimeter, eyes out on the dark forest, weapons at the ready.

    “We shouldn’t linger too long…” said John deliberately, glancing at two lone soldiers peering into the forest above the dark, thick undergrowth to his left, their weapons held high. Staring in the same direction as them, he addressed Lorne. “Major, take your team—“

    Blue shots suddenly blasted into the small clearing from the forest around them. One connected with the face of an attentive marine, dropping him like a sack of potatoes.



    ...and no, I'm not about to reveal the rest of that scene just yet. I've gotta spare something for the big update!
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  10. #70
    Lieutenant Colonel Aragon101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Well since Neela jumped the gun, here's that same little snippet from the 'betaed' version

    Spoiler:
    John stepped off the raised stone steps the stargate was standing on, his weapon raised to eyelevel and trained on his surroundings. Thick undergrowth and tall, lush trees made a nearly impenetrable wall around the small clearing except where the overgrown path leading to the settlement broke the monotony. Hardly any light reached the ground through the thick branches at the top of the trees, covering the silent, forest floor with only scattered spots of afternoon light.

    His hands tightened around his P90, knuckles whitening as his ears perked. The clearing was silent. Blinking once at a particular dark spot beneath the stone steps, John heard the rest of his team exit the wormhole with soft steps of cold-headed anticipation.

    “Spread out,” John ordered, his voice low, sparing them a glance as he descended the last step. Their weapons rose as they watche their surroundings. They quickly made a perimeter around the stone steps and approached the undergrowth cautiously. Some glanced over their shoulders. Not even a bird made a sound.

    A battle-dressed Ronon jumped off the steps next to him - the ground reverberated with his weight. John turned back and approached the shadow he now saw – his neck tense and pulsating. It was the unmoving figure of something humanoid. Taking a quick look around and keeping his weapon trained on the forest, John hooked his foot cautiously underneath the figure and flipped it over into a ray of light.

    The wide-eyed, frightened look upon a white-haired husk of a human stared up at them.

    “Whoa.” John flinched and grimaced. He could never get used to the sight.

    “Wraith.” Ronon growled, snapping his chin up to sneer ferally at their surroundings beneath dark, low eyebrows. He kept his particle magnum close to his sides. John imagined a wolf ready to pounce when he looked at Ronon..

    “There’s three more by the DHD, and one of them was carrying the settlement’s IDC,” mumbled Major Lorne, who had come close to them. He held the black remote in his hand; it had been electrically fried and rendered useless.

    John eyed their dark surroundings - narrowing his eyes at the shadows. He tried to determine whether he was looking at trees or something else. Blood was pounding through his veins. They already suspected the Wraith were somehow involved in the interrupted distress call from this planet, but this confirmed it. He looked back at the stargate, seeing the last of the groundpounders exit. The rest were approaching the border of the small clearing in a perimeter, eyes out on the dark forest - weapons at the ready.

    “We shouldn’t stick around…” said John deliberately, glancing at two lone soldiers peering into the forest above the dark, thick undergrowth to his left, their weapons held high. Staring in the same direction as them, he addressed Lorne. “Major, take your team—“

    Blue shots suddenly blasted into the small clearing from the forest around them. One connected with the face of an attentive marine, dropping him like a sack of potatoes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Apostle's Message Redux
    Shepard understood. Given the situation, he wasn't sure that exposing the planet to this kind of secret was smart. Miranda had regaled him with stories of how horrible 20th century Earth sounded in her history lessons and it made him leery. "I agree, god knows what would happen if Grunt got loose."

    Joker snorted and muttered loudly. "Run! It's The Incredible Hulk! Kill it with fire!"
    Read the story ---- Apostle's Message Redux, ME/SG Crossover

  11. #71
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aragon101 View Post
    Well since Neela jumped the gun, here's that same little snippet from the 'betaed' version
    I just couldn't help myself when Womble asked so nicely. Did you get my latest e-mail, Sam?
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  12. #72
    Lieutenant Colonel Aragon101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by neela View Post
    I just couldn't help myself when Womble asked so nicely. Did you get my latest e-mail, Sam?
    Yep, will work on it later tonight. Doing A+ studies ATM with any luck i'll have it done either tonight or tomorrow.
    Quote Originally Posted by Apostle's Message Redux
    Shepard understood. Given the situation, he wasn't sure that exposing the planet to this kind of secret was smart. Miranda had regaled him with stories of how horrible 20th century Earth sounded in her history lessons and it made him leery. "I agree, god knows what would happen if Grunt got loose."

    Joker snorted and muttered loudly. "Run! It's The Incredible Hulk! Kill it with fire!"
    Read the story ---- Apostle's Message Redux, ME/SG Crossover

  13. #73
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aragon101 View Post
    Yep, will work on it later tonight. Doing A+ studies ATM with any luck i'll have it done either tonight or tomorrow.
    Just wanted to know. Sometimes I don't trust the e-mail providers Good luck on your studies!
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  14. #74
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    New chapter is up (finally)! That's the birthday present I made for myself.

    TEN: "Uno Ab Alto."
    Banner
    There is a time to say: Enough is enough.

    Prompt: a time to rend

    Enjoy! Next chapter is a direct follow-up, and hopefully I'll get it out sooner rather than later. However, I'm going off on vacation this weekend, and I'm not sure about internet connections, so... But I'll keep writing, be sure of that!
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  15. #75
    Ship Figurehead Standin Rasunda's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Oh yes, this was a very good chapter. But I must ask, will Daedalus always take that much damage, before it falls back? It would be an extremely bad tactic.. But it's good, very good. Lot's of potential in this story, you just need to speed up the chapter production..

  16. #76
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Wow. That was... explosive. I'm not surprised this chapter took so long; very high quality work.
    If Algeria introduced a resolution declaring that the earth was flat and that Israel had flattened it, it would pass by a vote of 164 to 13 with 26 abstentions.- Abba Eban.

  17. #77
    Lieutenant Colonel Aragon101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Neela is currently on Vacation AFAIK grumble grumble but i do the the next chapter will likely be done much fast as it's less epic in scope. Two weeks is what i think she said and knowing a little more about what's coming (not too much mind you ) she's definitely excited about the upcoming chapters.

    This has been the best chapter yet, and there's still half a story to go
    Quote Originally Posted by Apostle's Message Redux
    Shepard understood. Given the situation, he wasn't sure that exposing the planet to this kind of secret was smart. Miranda had regaled him with stories of how horrible 20th century Earth sounded in her history lessons and it made him leery. "I agree, god knows what would happen if Grunt got loose."

    Joker snorted and muttered loudly. "Run! It's The Incredible Hulk! Kill it with fire!"
    Read the story ---- Apostle's Message Redux, ME/SG Crossover

  18. #78
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    Short update! Yes, I'm on vacation, and mostly out of wireless range, so responses won't be as quick. I'm working on the next chapters, though! I'm hoping to have at least two of them done by the time I get back in early August.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rasunda View Post
    Oh yes, this was a very good chapter. But I must ask, will Daedalus always take that much damage, before it falls back? It would be an extremely bad tactic.. But it's good, very good. Lot's of potential in this story, you just need to speed up the chapter production..
    I'll have to say that the situation was rather special - they weren't about to back off as long as they had people on the planet. And they didn't really take too much damage - just enough to be forced to cut things short. As you'll learn in next chapter, it won't take long before they're back on patrol again.

    As for chapter production... I'm trying to use my vacation to get ahead on the next chapters, since I'm starting my Master's degree this autumn and will in all likelihood be even more busier than normal... That should really be good news, because when I'm stressed out about school work, I tend to write more fanfiction... But no promises.

    As a teaser, the next arc is gonna be pretty awesome IMO. Lots of subterfuge, IOA bashing and John/Sam moments. Just my cup of tea.

    Quote Originally Posted by Womble View Post
    Wow. That was... explosive. I'm not surprised this chapter took so long; very high quality work.
    Thank you! Add to the fact that action scenes tend to kick my butt, it took longer than I wanted it to... But I'm pretty pleased with the result, so maybe it's better to take the time than rush things after all?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aragon101 View Post
    Neela is currently on Vacation AFAIK grumble grumble but i do the the next chapter will likely be done much fast as it's less epic in scope. Two weeks is what i think she said and knowing a little more about what's coming (not too much mind you ) she's definitely excited about the upcoming chapters.

    This has been the best chapter yet, and there's still half a story to go
    I'm nearly done with chapter 11 already! You'll have lots to do when I get back, Aragon. At least that's my intention. The next chapters are less epic, so they should be easier to write. It's also the part of the story I've been looking forward to the most, as the character are FINALLY gonna have some good things coming their way. Like one of our heroes bashing one of the (probably) most hated characters in the story... Are you teased?

    (BTW, Aragon, I love your icon!! )

    Have a great summer, all!
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

  19. #79
    Lieutenant Colonel Aragon101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    update: the first draft of chapter 11 is being betaed as i post

    All i can say is. "Holy ****!" I wasn't sure what neela had in mind for after that EPIC chapter 10, but she's outdone herself here Utterly awesome I don't think it'll be long for the next chapter
    Quote Originally Posted by Apostle's Message Redux
    Shepard understood. Given the situation, he wasn't sure that exposing the planet to this kind of secret was smart. Miranda had regaled him with stories of how horrible 20th century Earth sounded in her history lessons and it made him leery. "I agree, god knows what would happen if Grunt got loose."

    Joker snorted and muttered loudly. "Run! It's The Incredible Hulk! Kill it with fire!"
    Read the story ---- Apostle's Message Redux, ME/SG Crossover

  20. #80
    Chief Master Sergeant neela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Some Corner of a Foreign Field (SGA)

    New chapter is up!

    ELEVEN: "I give up."
    Banner
    It is the last of several final blows. Sam's disappeared and John's trying to figure out what's happened. He's not liking what he sees.

    Prompt: a time to weep

    Enjoy! This chapter is a direct follow-up to the last one, and it's marking the start of the next arc - which'll deal with some of the issues established in this chapter. As for the next chapter - it's in the works, and I'm probably about halfway finished. Should be up sometime in mid-August.
    "If I should die, think only this of me: / That there's some corner of a foreign field / That is forever [Earth]."
    Earth is gone, but Atlantis must survive... Apoca!fic. Post-Season 5. John/Sam.

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