Attack of the Ori

[Rasunda]

Well this is my first fan-fic thread, so don't be harsh.
But I what feed back when I post an episode, both bad and good.
The first episode will be out soon.
Only hours away.

Season 1

Spoiler:

Arrival of the Ori part 1

Arrival of the Ori part II 1/2

Incursion 1/2/3

Retaliation

Internal Struggles part I

Internal Struggles part II

Axientus de lamentus 1/2

New allies part I

New allies part II

New beginnings

[wraith queen inga]

Well this is my first fan-fic thread, so don't be harsh.
But I what feed back when I post an episode, both bad and good.
The first episode will be out soon.
Only hours away.

Want Feedback.

[Rasunda]

Episode is later down the page.

Well it wasn't hours away.
Let me know if it's good or bad.
I know I'm not the best one at english(due to crappy english teacher.)
But I'm shoure that we can work this out.

[Rudy Pena]

Arrival of the Ori part 1.
Synopsis: The ori once again comes throuh the supergate, bent on destroying the Milky Way forces.

Spoiler:

Arrival of the Ori part 1

4 years after the ori crusade.


”Fier all asgard beams!” a man, wearing a Colonels mark on his shoulder yells out.
“Asgard beams are having no effect what so ever on their shields. They’ve adapted!” a man yells out, wearing a Major insignia on his uniform.

At the same time, AF SATCOM

An alarm is beeping, and a man calls through the intercom for General O’Neill.
After a few minutes, O’Neill arrives, stressed like hell.
The major says that super gate has activated, according to the Apollo, 10+ motherships has arrived at the scene, and they are attacking the Apollo . O’Neill’s eyes widen in shock, and he ask what the major is saying.
The major says that the Apollo was on guard at the super gate, and it activated, ejecting the motherships. They began their assault on the Apollo immediately.

On the Apollo’s bridge, the Super gate.

The Super Gate begins to dial in, and an alarm on the Apollo sends every one to battle stations.
Ellis asks for asgard weapons powered, and shields raised.
Major Marks responds by saying; Here they come!

As soon as the wormhole is established, the ori ships begins to come through. First 1, then 5, then all 10 ships are at the same time, attacking the Apollo.

Ellis yells for hyperdrive back to earth, and gets the response; Hyperdrive is offline.
Marks yells that they have several fighters on a kamikaze run, and will hit the ship in less then 1 minute.
Ellis then asks for shield status and get’s a respond by a lieutenant – shields are dropping below 30% .
A major says that hyperdrive is fried, and that the fighters will hit in seconds.
Moments after that, the fighters hits, taking down the shields, then a mothership fires, and the Apollo erupts in flames.

Earth, the oval office.

O’Neill terse the doors up, and is greeted by Henry Hayes and one of the joint chiefs, General McKenzie.
Hello there Jack, are you in a hurry? Hayes ask with a smile on his face.
The Apollo just reported 10 ori mother ships coming out of the super gate, we lost contact minutes later.
Every thing points to that the Apollo was destroyed with all hands, and that the ori will attack. Jack says, catching his breath.
Hayes responds by yelling: “Get all ships in the fleet back here!”.

The Bridge of the Daedalus, hyperspace.

“…There for, the President has ordered all ships to return, to aid in homeworld defence.”
Then the comm. Ends, with the personnel chocked over the message.

O’Neills office, home world security.

How many ship do we have now, with the loss of the Apollo? O’Neill asks a major.
We now have, 7 303s, the Prometheus-a, Chekov, New York, Mississippi, Helix, Obama and the Samantha Carter.
We have 10 304s the, Daedalus, Odyssey, Tsun Tzu, Europe, Bob Marley, Phoenix, Hammond, Einstein, and the Columbia.
And then we got 2 305s:
The Valiant and the Vermont.
Major Vanstrom replyes.


Ori ships, hyperspace.
Prior, we are about to drop out of hyperspace over our “resting planet”, a commander says.
Good, from there we shall follow the orders of the gods, to wipe this plague of un-belivers, from the Universe, a prior says.

Moments later, the ori motherships drops out over a forest world, and lands their ships, as they beguine to plan their assaults on the Humans, Jaffa, Tok’ra and the Nox.

Well it wasn't hours away.
Let me know if it's good or bad.
I know I'm not the best one at english(due to crappy english teacher.)
But I'm shoure that we can work this out.

It is good, please keep it up.

[EvilSpaceAlien]

You could flesh it out a bit more because every fic needs a beginning, a middle and an ending. And when I read this fic it was like reading from the middle to the end, not the beginning to the end. But for a first fic it was pretty good. (BTW you should get a beta)

[Rasunda]

Thank you!
And SpaceAlien, I'll do, as allways, no ones first episode is that good.
It's allways flauds in the first of episodes

[EvilSpaceAlien]

Yes; I know that very well (just look at my first fic, The Pegasus Chronicles ). I was just giving you some constructive criticism.

[Rasunda]

I know, that's good.
And Actully, give me an hour or two, so I can re-write the begining.
I just came up with the best start!

[EvilSpaceAlien]

Great! I'll be here. Waiting.....

[Rudy Pena]

Great! I'll be here. Waiting.....

Like wise.

[Rasunda]

Attack of the Ori part 1

Synopsis: The ori once again comes throuh the supergate, bent on destroying the Milky Way forces

Spoiler:

Arrival of the Ori part 1

2 months after the “Ark of truth”

Adria appears on celestis

I shall bring back order to the ori, now when I’ve defeated Ganos lal! Adria says.

1 year after that, the ori is back, and is re-building ships to combat the Milky Way.

Orici, the first 2 new ships are ready, we estimate that the 10 ships will be ready with in 3 years. A prior says.
Then we will follow out the orders of the ori, to destroy the pathetic Tau’ri , Jaffa, Tok’ra and the Nox and make way for origin! Adria say.

3 years later, the supergate.

Orici, we are ready to dial up the gate, a prior say.
Good, I’ve waited 4 years for this!

The Supergate dials up, and the ori ships goes into it.

”Fier all asgard beams!” a man, wearing a Colonels mark on his shoulder yells out.
“Asgard beams are having no effect what so ever on their shields. They’ve adapted!” a man yells out, wearing a Major insignia on his uniform.

At the same time, AF SATCOM

An alarm is beeping, and a man calls through the intercom for General O’Neill.
After a few minutes, O’Neill arrives, stressed like hell.
The major says that super gate has activated, according to the Apollo, 10+ motherships has arrived at the scene, and they are attacking the Apollo . O’Neill’s eyes widen in shock, and he ask what the major is saying.
The major says that the Apollo was on guard at the super gate, and it activated, ejecting the motherships. They began their assault on the Apollo immediately.

On the Apollo’s bridge, the Super gate.

The Super Gate begins to dial in, and an alarm on the Apollo sends every one to battle stations.
Ellis asks for asgard weapons powered, and shields raised.
Major Marks responds by saying; Here they come!

As soon as the wormhole is established, the ori ships begins to come through. First 1, then 5, then all 10 ships are at the same time, attacking the Apollo.

Ellis yells for hyperdrive back to earth, and gets the response; Hyperdrive is offline.
Marks yells that they have several fighters on a kamikaze run, and will hit the ship in less then 1 minute.
Ellis then asks for shield status and get’s a respond by a lieutenant – shields are dropping below 30% .
A major says that hyperdrive is fried, and that the fighters will hit in seconds.
Moments after that, the fighters hits, taking down the shields, then a mothership fires, and the Apollo erupts in flames.

Earth, the oval office.

O’Neill terse the doors up, and is greeted by Henry Hayes and one of the joint chiefs, General McKenzie.
Hello there Jack, are you in a hurry? Hayes ask with a smile on his face.
The Apollo just reported 10 ori mother ships coming out of the super gate, we lost contact minutes later.
Every thing points to that the Apollo was destroyed with all hands, and that the ori will attack. Jack says, catching his breath.
Hayes responds by yelling: “Get all ships in the fleet back here!”.

The Bridge of the Daedalus, hyperspace.

“…There for, the President has ordered all ships to return, to aid in homeworld defence.”
Then the comm. Ends, with the personnel chocked over the message.

O’Neills office, home world security.

How many ship do we have now, with the loss of the Apollo? O’Neill asks a major.
We now have, 7 303s, the Prometheus-a, Chekov, New York, Mississippi, Helix, Obama and the Samantha Carter.
We have 10 304s the, Daedalus, Odyssey, Tsun Tzu, Europe, Bob Marley, Phoenix, Hammond, Einstein, and the Columbia.
And then we got 2 305s:
The Valiant and the Vermont.
Major Vanstrom replyes.


Ori ships, hyperspace.
Prior, we are about to drop out of hyperspace over our “resting planet”, a commander says.
Good, from there we shall follow the orders of the gods, to wipe this plague of un-belivers, from the Universe, a prior says.

Moments later, the ori motherships drops out over a forest world, and lands their ships, as they beguine to plan their assaults on the Humans, Jaffa, Tok’ra and the Nox.

Here it is!

[wraith queen inga]

Attack of the Ori part 1
Synopsis: The ori once again comes throuh the supergate, bent on destroying the Milky Way forces.

Spoiler:

Arrival of the Ori part 1

2 months after the “Ark of truth”

Adria appears on celestis

I shall bring back order to the ori, now when I’ve defeated Ganos lal! Adria says.

1 year after that, the ori is back, and is re-building ships to combat the Milky Way.

Orici, the first 2 new ships are ready, we estimate that the 10 ships will be ready with in 3 years. A prior says.
Then we will follow out the orders of the ori, to destroy the pathetic Tau’ri , Jaffa, Tok’ra and the Nox and make way for origin! Adria say.

3 years later, the supergate.

Orici, we are ready to dial up the gate, a prior say.
Good, I’ve waited 4 years for this!

The Supergate dials up, and the ori ships goes into it.

”Fier all asgard beams!” a man, wearing a Colonels mark on his shoulder yells out.
“Asgard beams are having no effect what so ever on their shields. They’ve adapted!” a man yells out, wearing a Major insignia on his uniform.

At the same time, AF SATCOM

An alarm is beeping, and a man calls through the intercom for General O’Neill.
After a few minutes, O’Neill arrives, stressed like hell.
The major says that super gate has activated, according to the Apollo, 10+ motherships has arrived at the scene, and they are attacking the Apollo . O’Neill’s eyes widen in shock, and he ask what the major is saying.
The major says that the Apollo was on guard at the super gate, and it activated, ejecting the motherships. They began their assault on the Apollo immediately.

On the Apollo’s bridge, the Super gate.

The Super Gate begins to dial in, and an alarm on the Apollo sends every one to battle stations.
Ellis asks for asgard weapons powered, and shields raised.
Major Marks responds by saying; Here they come!

As soon as the wormhole is established, the ori ships begins to come through. First 1, then 5, then all 10 ships are at the same time, attacking the Apollo.

Ellis yells for hyperdrive back to earth, and gets the response; Hyperdrive is offline.
Marks yells that they have several fighters on a kamikaze run, and will hit the ship in less then 1 minute.
Ellis then asks for shield status and get’s a respond by a lieutenant – shields are dropping below 30% .
A major says that hyperdrive is fried, and that the fighters will hit in seconds.
Moments after that, the fighters hits, taking down the shields, then a mothership fires, and the Apollo erupts in flames.

Earth, the oval office.

O’Neill terse the doors up, and is greeted by Henry Hayes and one of the joint chiefs, General McKenzie.
Hello there Jack, are you in a hurry? Hayes ask with a smile on his face.
The Apollo just reported 10 ori mother ships coming out of the super gate, we lost contact minutes later.
Every thing points to that the Apollo was destroyed with all hands, and that the ori will attack. Jack says, catching his breath.
Hayes responds by yelling: “Get all ships in the fleet back here!”.

The Bridge of the Daedalus, hyperspace.

“…There for, the President has ordered all ships to return, to aid in homeworld defence.”
Then the comm. Ends, with the personnel chocked over the message.

O’Neills office, home world security.

How many ship do we have now, with the loss of the Apollo? O’Neill asks a major.
We now have, 7 303s, the Prometheus-a, Chekov, New York, Mississippi, Helix, Obama and the Samantha Carter.
We have 10 304s the, Daedalus, Odyssey, Tsun Tzu, Europe, Bob Marley, Phoenix, Hammond, Einstein, and the Columbia.
And then we got 2 305s:
The Valiant and the Vermont.
Major Vanstrom replyes.


Ori ships, hyperspace.
Prior, we are about to drop out of hyperspace over our “resting planet”, a commander says.
Good, from there we shall follow the orders of the gods, to wipe this plague of un-belivers, from the Universe, a prior says.

Moments later, the ori motherships drops out over a forest world, and lands their ships, as they beguine to plan their assaults on the Humans, Jaffa, Tok’ra and the Nox.

Here it is!

rasunda, why didn't you put your dialog in The celestis scenes within these marks " "?

[EvilSpaceAlien]

It's much better than your first draft.

[Rasunda]

Sorry
It was sort of rushed, I had to have dinner
Thank you SpaceAlien.

[Rasunda]

I am on a good way on the next episode.
I wrote this on another forum, but I left it.
And I just had to translate into english.
But I only made 2-3 episodes there, so it'll be quik.
But then, it may not be that quik, I have to re-write them some to make them fit for english. Just wanted you guys to know the status.