Stargate: Golden Dawn

[Commander Thor]

how do you put a character up for it?

[Alteran of Atlantis]

I got Amann as uber sued >_< 67 as the score



http://www.ponylandpress.com/results.php

I don't think he is...it's just a stupid quiz, don't pay attention to it.

I'm taking it for me character right now, let's see what it gives her...

[shadez2]

great chapters and cant wait for another and for your spin off war of gods and men.

[Alteran of Atlantis]

Okay, that test is officially bogus. I've tried as hard as I can to make sure my character Atlantea isn't a Mary Sue and it gave her 115. *falls on her as laughing* That's hilarious.

[Commander Thor]

John Smith from Stargate : Wraith wars got

Your Mary Sue Score: 37
36-55 points: Mary-Sue. Your character needs some work in order to be believable. But despair not; you should still be able to salvage her with a little effort. Don't give up.

[Amann]

there is a new chapter in the works, but will take a little bit to write it. Plus my own life is getting in the way with all the college and work.

[Amann]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4907261/29/Golden_Dawn

finally got the chapter written. And so it begins.....the war

*ques the babylon 5 season 3 theme....*

[Commander Thor]

very good bud.

the only problem for me was that it went slow at one point then suddenly picked up speed. it would have been nicer, and made the chapter longer, if you had made it take a little bit longer by making the deceit Janilius played more bvious to the reader but managed to hide it from Amann.

for example you could have had Janilius on his own as he placed some of the Protoss beacons in where their locations, and let us see what is going through his head as he places the beacons, and from here you could have seen an innocent Kauri child see him and ask what he's doing Janilius could have replied something like leaving a present or something.

that is merely an example

EDIT : other than the sudden acceleration of the story i liked this chapter alot

[Amann]

very good bud.

the only problem for me was that it went slow at one point then suddenly picked up speed. it would have been nicer, and made the chapter longer, if you had made it take a little bit longer by making the deceit Janilius played more bvious to the reader but managed to hide it from Amann.

for example you could have had Janilius on his own as he placed some of the Protoss beacons in where their locations, and let us see what is going through his head as he places the beacons, and from here you could have seen an innocent Kauri child see him and ask what he's doing Janilius could have replied something like leaving a present or something.

that is merely an example

EDIT : other than the sudden acceleration of the story i liked this chapter alot

in a way, that was intentional I wanted it to spiral out of control, to overload the reader to the point where they go "WOAH! HOLY CRAP! THE UNIVERSE IS GONNA END!" Just like the situation is spiraling out of control, so does the story

[Commander Thor]

okay understood

[Amann]

yeah, that was my intent I wanted this chapter to be epic hehe

[Alteran of Atlantis]

yeah, that was my intent I wanted this chapter to be epic hehe

Well you did a good job.

[Amann]

To those who are waiting for an update, ill try to write one. Right now, i got the swine flu. I just am drained of most of my energy.

[bradly08]

To those who are waiting for an update, ill try to write one. Right now, i got the swine flu. I just am drained of most of my energy.

Aww rage, I Know a good few who got it and it isnt that nice

[Princess Awinita]

Uh oh?! SWINE FLU!!!! *calls Dr Bekectt on intercomm* Dr Beckett to Amann's quarters STAT!!!

I also wanted to pop in and say thatm both Taelira, her people (her mother even scares ME even though I created her ), Galadriel is perfect you got her down good and you would have done Ishanna proud for is'ta's protrayal, though you do need to come to chat so we can chat over next chapter....

Keep it up I really like it