Nit and Pick

[Skydiver]

I know Dana Jeane volunteered one of her fic, but it really isn't fair for her to be the first vic...er volunteer

The link below is to 'That'll be the Day', a fic i wrote and subbed to a zine.

It's set between Revelations and Redemption and is a run of the mill adventure fic

http://www.gateworld.net/fanfic/arch.../thatllbe.html

Have fun. Nit, pick, comment, whatever.

The only 'rule' of this thead is that you need to explain your comments. By that, if you want to say 'the story sucks'..fine. But you need to tell me why it sucks. Explain your opinion. On the other hand, if there was a part you liked, say why you liked it.

[Skydiver]

Nothing? Nobody?

is it too long? Should i pick a shorter one? Or does someone want to pick a short one of mine?

You can pick someone else's if you want to, just have their permission please

[Erik Pasternak]

Well, I read it. It's good. Can't really explain why, but you really seem to have the characters down pat.

[Skydiver]

Well, I read it. It's good. Can't really explain why, but you really seem to have the characters down pat.

what didn't you like? Was there some part that just didn't work?

And trust me, you're not going to hurt my feelings or make me upset.

was there something that should have been done differently? Some scene that just didn't make sense?

[Erik Pasternak]

I guess the one thing I don't like is that in some areas there's a lot of Sam/Jack closeness moments. It seems like it's getting very shippy, and I'm an anti-shipper. Most notably when Sam tells Jack that she has to find the ring.

[Skydiver]

I guess the one thing I don't like is that in some areas there's a lot of Sam/Jack closeness moments. It seems like it's getting very shippy, and I'm an anti-shipper. Most notably when Sam tells Jack that she has to find the ring.

i can see where that would get at people. There were maybe a couple of places where i could have tried sam/teal'c. I think, at the time, i was writing a lot of sam/teal'c and realized that i was pairing them up a lot and trying to get out of that mold.

I think that was one thing that was tough with this, only having the three of them. You end up with either a group conversation or 2 and 1.

[Dana_Jeanne]

Well. This would have been one that I would normally by-pass for a couple reasons, the main one being: No Daniel.

I liked this story very much, and was almost in tears when they were remembering Jacob Carter, not to mention the ending with Daniel.

This is one I definitely could not have read during S6, "Meridian" still hurt too much. I like that you mentioned Daniel throughout.

Reading what Rocket said about seeing J/S ship in it, I was a little leery, but surprisingly enough, I didn't see it as ship. To me, it was simply an unhappy daughter finally feeling okay enough with her father's death to see his remains and find the wedding ring. I felt both Jack and Sam were in character for this.

So, from a story I wouldn't normally read because it had no physical Daniel, it's gone to a good story I'm glad I read. There's nothing in it that jumped out at me and said--ICK!

Although.. isn't clich spelled cliche? Had to find something!

I read another one of yours the other day that I liked a lot: PXXXX is a lovely planet (or something like that. I'm awful with remembering titles).

Dana Jeanne

[Skydiver]

Well. This would have been one that I would normally by-pass for a couple reasons, the main one being: No Daniel.

I can see that. And i know it's a stumbling block. I know folks that won't read fic that have pete in them, or won't touch a series of mine since it's Sam/OC. this could be a lesson in the importance of labeling fic

I liked this story very much, and was almost in tears when they were remembering Jacob Carter, not to mention the ending with Daniel.

This is one I definitely could not have read during S6, "Meridian" still hurt too much. I like that you mentioned Daniel throughout.

Thank you. I mentioned daniel a lot because that was another theme of it, dealing with their loss, and given that this wa set during that 3 month period, the wounds would be fresh

Reading what Rocket said about seeing J/S ship in it, I was a little leery, but surprisingly enough, I didn't see it as ship. To me, it was simply an unhappy daughter finally feeling okay enough with her father's death to see his remains and find the wedding ring. I felt both Jack and Sam were in character for this.

Ship is often in the eye of the beholder. I wrote it as two friends, dealing with their issues and with the added stress of survival. In some ways, the hug is a lot like the one in Death Knell. If you want to see it shippy, you can. But you can also see it as two old friends, and one comforting the other as they face another crisis, sam's impending death.

So, from a story I wouldn't normally read because it had no physical Daniel, it's gone to a good story I'm glad I read. There's nothing in it that jumped out at me and said--ICK!

LOL

that's good to hear.

Although.. isn't clich spelled cliche? Had to find something!

yep. it's a victim of the word putting in the little ' and text taking it out and me not catching it

I read another one of yours the other day that I liked a lot: PXXXX is a lovely planet (or something like that. I'm awful with remembering titles).

Dana Jeanne

p37296 was a lovely planet i think it was.

Yet another fic that suffered from a total lack of creativity when it comes to making up titles. It's been five years since i wrote 'a is for assassin' and i still haven't come up with a better title

Thank you Dana and Rocket. Anyone else? Any comment.
Or does someone else want to offer up a fic? Long or short (although i'm guessing either everyone is put off or this one is too long so shorter ones might be easier to look at)

[Tok'Ra Hostess]

Anyone else? Any comment.

Well, you asked....


You know I love your stuff, Skydiver, and that, AFAIC, you are one of the few who write Sam & Jack friendship honestly and well. Friendship is what I saw.

If there is one nitpick I would make it's the scene with Teal'c when he said he'd be going away to kill himself.

I thought that something so tragicly necessary should have been further developed, but it's like you forgot about Teal'c's plans, and let everyone just fall asleep after the rememberance ceremony for Jacob.

Jack never says die. Never. He says, "We're having a bad day," but he never gives up. The one time he tried to give up he was interrupted by a call to go on a suicide mission. He's never looked back, since, IMO. Sam, dying and always a bit of a fatalist(although compared to Jack, isn't everybody?), would accept Teal'c's decision, but not Jack, not til the snake lay dead and Teal'c was breathing his last breath.

Just my opinion.

[Skydiver]

Well, you asked....


If there is one nitpick I would make it's the scene with Teal'c when he said he'd be going away to kill himself.

I thought that something so tragicly necessary should have been further developed, but it's like you forgot about Teal'c's plans, and let everyone just fall asleep after the rememberance ceremony for Jacob.

good point. Maybe more should have been said, either to establish that jack wasn't going to give up, or that he'd given in, ala 100 days. I could have expounded on it more when jack's thinking about their imminent future, the fact that sam's got days, jack probably not much longer and the everpresent threat of junior

It probably got lost in one of two things....me being preoccupied with resurrecting Jacob, or my impatience with the end.

I have a bad habit of, if the fic gets too long, getting sorta bored with it and rushing the ending.

[Tok'Ra Hostess]

It probably got lost in one of two things....me being preoccupied with resurrecting Jacob, or my impatience with the end.

I have a bad habit of, if the fic gets too long, getting sorta bored with it and rushing the ending.

<nods> Thats what I put it down to. I was usually so tired of my fic by the end scenes that I'd have to shelve them for some time - maybe a week or two - over a month, I think, with Hidden One.

Still, I wish I had the energy and imagination to produce them the way you do! I always look forward to your fic.

[Skydiver]

<nods> Thats what I put it down to. I was usually so tired of my fic by the end scenes that I'd have to shelve them for some time - maybe a week or two - over a month, I think, with Hidden One.

Still, I wish I had the energy and imagination to produce them the way you do! I always look forward to your fic.

lol, i pretty much hit my zenith in s6. I swear i wrote a fic or two a week then. Lately, the ideas have been there, just not time. Or if i do have an idea, it's trying to find an original way of doing thing.

I liked hidden one, it's always been one of my favorite Sam fics. Right up there with 'the weather outside'

For the most part, i think i get 2-3 'good' sam fics a year.

[Dana_Jeanne]

I have a bad habit of, if the fic gets too long, getting sorta bored with it and rushing the ending.

I do the same thing, except I don't get bored, exactly, I get eager for it to end so I can see the finish line. If that makes any sense? I haven't written a long SG story yet (most of mine are in another fandom), but I'm part way through what is turning into a long one, and where I'm getting bored is in the middle.

DJ

[Dana_Jeanne]

Unless --was it meimei? over in the other thread--wants to post hers, we can do one of mine when we're done nitting Skydiver

Mine's at GW, extra brownie points for me!

http://www.gateworld.net/fanfic/arch...ondchance.html

It was written after Meridian, and I've changed somewhat since then, so I'll be curious to see what you think.

Dana Jeanne

[Guest]

Skydiver's That'll Be The Day

I liked this story.

ETA: Spoiler tags... If someone hasn't read the story, I give away too much of the plot!!!

Spoiler:

The plot itself was interesting. I liked the idea that they thought Jacob was dead. I was beginning to wonder if you had really killed him off until the wedding ring scene. Though the meaning of not finding it didn't seem obvious to Sam or Jack.

The characters were mostly "in character" as far as my understanding of them goes. I did have trouble with Jack's cold blooded murder of an unconcious Jaffa. I realize that with Jack's covert ops background that he would have that capability in him but I wasn't really prepared to see it (or read it). It also fit in with the "them or us" theme of the story but like I said I wasn't prepared for it.

I thought that Carter got a little too insubordinate too early. I could see it later on when they had been worn down by hunger, fatigue and dispair. The second day seemed a little too soon for her, though it could be attributed to grief for her father.

Okay, this is going to sound kind of stupid... I have a thing for how far into the mythology the writer goes into. I have a bad habit of "googling" names from an author's fic to see where they got there names from. Did you know that "Spegla" is a FTP software? LOL!

I loved the reference to the Duke! LOL! I have always pegged Jack as a John Wayne fan! The Duke will always be the best in my heart!

I liked the epilogue. Too often fics end too suddenly. "They were rescued. The end." I like to have a scene afterwards that finishes up the loose ends. That it included Teal'c's Ritual of Remembrance for Daniel was a nice touch.

All in all I really liked the story!