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Thread: Nit and Pick

  1. #1
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Nit and Pick

    I know Dana Jeane volunteered one of her fic, but it really isn't fair for her to be the first vic...er volunteer

    The link below is to 'That'll be the Day', a fic i wrote and subbed to a zine.

    It's set between Revelations and Redemption and is a run of the mill adventure fic

    http://www.gateworld.net/fanfic/arch.../thatllbe.html

    Have fun. Nit, pick, comment, whatever.

    The only 'rule' of this thead is that you need to explain your comments. By that, if you want to say 'the story sucks'..fine. But you need to tell me why it sucks. Explain your opinion. On the other hand, if there was a part you liked, say why you liked it.

  2. #2
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Nothing? Nobody?

    is it too long? Should i pick a shorter one? Or does someone want to pick a short one of mine?

    You can pick someone else's if you want to, just have their permission please

  3. #3

    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Well, I read it. It's good. Can't really explain why, but you really seem to have the characters down pat.

  4. #4
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by rocket4477
    Well, I read it. It's good. Can't really explain why, but you really seem to have the characters down pat.
    what didn't you like? Was there some part that just didn't work?

    And trust me, you're not going to hurt my feelings or make me upset.

    was there something that should have been done differently? Some scene that just didn't make sense?

  5. #5

    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    I guess the one thing I don't like is that in some areas there's a lot of Sam/Jack closeness moments. It seems like it's getting very shippy, and I'm an anti-shipper. Most notably when Sam tells Jack that she has to find the ring.

  6. #6
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by rocket4477
    I guess the one thing I don't like is that in some areas there's a lot of Sam/Jack closeness moments. It seems like it's getting very shippy, and I'm an anti-shipper. Most notably when Sam tells Jack that she has to find the ring.
    i can see where that would get at people. There were maybe a couple of places where i could have tried sam/teal'c. I think, at the time, i was writing a lot of sam/teal'c and realized that i was pairing them up a lot and trying to get out of that mold.

    I think that was one thing that was tough with this, only having the three of them. You end up with either a group conversation or 2 and 1.

  7. #7
    First Lieutenant Dana_Jeanne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Well. This would have been one that I would normally by-pass for a couple reasons, the main one being: No Daniel.

    I liked this story very much, and was almost in tears when they were remembering Jacob Carter, not to mention the ending with Daniel.

    This is one I definitely could not have read during S6, "Meridian" still hurt too much. I like that you mentioned Daniel throughout.

    Reading what Rocket said about seeing J/S ship in it, I was a little leery, but surprisingly enough, I didn't see it as ship. To me, it was simply an unhappy daughter finally feeling okay enough with her father's death to see his remains and find the wedding ring. I felt both Jack and Sam were in character for this.

    So, from a story I wouldn't normally read because it had no physical Daniel, it's gone to a good story I'm glad I read. There's nothing in it that jumped out at me and said--ICK!

    Although.. isn't clich spelled cliche? Had to find something!

    I read another one of yours the other day that I liked a lot: PXXXX is a lovely planet (or something like that. I'm awful with remembering titles).

    Dana Jeanne

  8. #8
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne
    Well. This would have been one that I would normally by-pass for a couple reasons, the main one being: No Daniel.
    I can see that. And i know it's a stumbling block. I know folks that won't read fic that have pete in them, or won't touch a series of mine since it's Sam/OC. this could be a lesson in the importance of labeling fic

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne

    I liked this story very much, and was almost in tears when they were remembering Jacob Carter, not to mention the ending with Daniel.

    This is one I definitely could not have read during S6, "Meridian" still hurt too much. I like that you mentioned Daniel throughout.

    Thank you. I mentioned daniel a lot because that was another theme of it, dealing with their loss, and given that this wa set during that 3 month period, the wounds would be fresh

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne
    Reading what Rocket said about seeing J/S ship in it, I was a little leery, but surprisingly enough, I didn't see it as ship. To me, it was simply an unhappy daughter finally feeling okay enough with her father's death to see his remains and find the wedding ring. I felt both Jack and Sam were in character for this.
    Ship is often in the eye of the beholder. I wrote it as two friends, dealing with their issues and with the added stress of survival. In some ways, the hug is a lot like the one in Death Knell. If you want to see it shippy, you can. But you can also see it as two old friends, and one comforting the other as they face another crisis, sam's impending death.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne
    So, from a story I wouldn't normally read because it had no physical Daniel, it's gone to a good story I'm glad I read. There's nothing in it that jumped out at me and said--ICK!
    LOL

    that's good to hear.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne
    Although.. isn't clich spelled cliche? Had to find something!
    yep. it's a victim of the word putting in the little ' and text taking it out and me not catching it

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne
    I read another one of yours the other day that I liked a lot: PXXXX is a lovely planet (or something like that. I'm awful with remembering titles).

    Dana Jeanne
    p37296 was a lovely planet i think it was.

    Yet another fic that suffered from a total lack of creativity when it comes to making up titles. It's been five years since i wrote 'a is for assassin' and i still haven't come up with a better title

    Thank you Dana and Rocket. Anyone else? Any comment.
    Or does someone else want to offer up a fic? Long or short (although i'm guessing either everyone is put off or this one is too long so shorter ones might be easier to look at)

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Skydiver
    Anyone else? Any comment.
    Well, you asked....


    You know I love your stuff, Skydiver, and that, AFAIC, you are one of the few who write Sam & Jack friendship honestly and well. Friendship is what I saw.

    If there is one nitpick I would make it's the scene with Teal'c when he said he'd be going away to kill himself.

    I thought that something so tragicly necessary should have been further developed, but it's like you forgot about Teal'c's plans, and let everyone just fall asleep after the rememberance ceremony for Jacob.

    Jack never says die. Never. He says, "We're having a bad day," but he never gives up. The one time he tried to give up he was interrupted by a call to go on a suicide mission. He's never looked back, since, IMO. Sam, dying and always a bit of a fatalist(although compared to Jack, isn't everybody?), would accept Teal'c's decision, but not Jack, not til the snake lay dead and Teal'c was breathing his last breath.

    Just my opinion.
    Gracie

    A Cherokee elder sitting with his grandchildren told them,
    "In every life there is a terrible fight – a fight between two wolves.
    One is evil: he is fear, anger, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity,
    resentment, and deceit. The other is good: joy, serenity, humility,
    confidence, generosity, truth, gentleness, and compassion."
    A child asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"
    The elder looked the child in the eye. "The one you feed."



  10. #10
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Tok'Ra Hostess
    Well, you asked....


    If there is one nitpick I would make it's the scene with Teal'c when he said he'd be going away to kill himself.

    I thought that something so tragicly necessary should have been further developed, but it's like you forgot about Teal'c's plans, and let everyone just fall asleep after the rememberance ceremony for Jacob.
    good point. Maybe more should have been said, either to establish that jack wasn't going to give up, or that he'd given in, ala 100 days. I could have expounded on it more when jack's thinking about their imminent future, the fact that sam's got days, jack probably not much longer and the everpresent threat of junior

    It probably got lost in one of two things....me being preoccupied with resurrecting Jacob, or my impatience with the end.

    I have a bad habit of, if the fic gets too long, getting sorta bored with it and rushing the ending.

  11. #11
    Captain Tok'Ra Hostess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Skydiver

    It probably got lost in one of two things....me being preoccupied with resurrecting Jacob, or my impatience with the end.

    I have a bad habit of, if the fic gets too long, getting sorta bored with it and rushing the ending.
    <nods> Thats what I put it down to. I was usually so tired of my fic by the end scenes that I'd have to shelve them for some time - maybe a week or two - over a month, I think, with Hidden One.

    Still, I wish I had the energy and imagination to produce them the way you do! I always look forward to your fic.
    Gracie

    A Cherokee elder sitting with his grandchildren told them,
    "In every life there is a terrible fight – a fight between two wolves.
    One is evil: he is fear, anger, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity,
    resentment, and deceit. The other is good: joy, serenity, humility,
    confidence, generosity, truth, gentleness, and compassion."
    A child asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"
    The elder looked the child in the eye. "The one you feed."



  12. #12
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Tok'Ra Hostess
    Thats what I put it down to. I was usually so tired of my fic by the end scenes that I'd have to shelve them for some time - maybe a week or two - over a month, I think, with Hidden One.

    Still, I wish I had the energy and imagination to produce them the way you do! I always look forward to your fic.

    lol, i pretty much hit my zenith in s6. I swear i wrote a fic or two a week then. Lately, the ideas have been there, just not time. Or if i do have an idea, it's trying to find an original way of doing thing.

    I liked hidden one, it's always been one of my favorite Sam fics. Right up there with 'the weather outside'

    For the most part, i think i get 2-3 'good' sam fics a year.

  13. #13
    First Lieutenant Dana_Jeanne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Skydiver
    I have a bad habit of, if the fic gets too long, getting sorta bored with it and rushing the ending.
    I do the same thing, except I don't get bored, exactly, I get eager for it to end so I can see the finish line. If that makes any sense? I haven't written a long SG story yet (most of mine are in another fandom), but I'm part way through what is turning into a long one, and where I'm getting bored is in the middle.

    DJ

  14. #14
    First Lieutenant Dana_Jeanne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Unless --was it meimei? over in the other thread--wants to post hers, we can do one of mine when we're done nitting Skydiver

    Mine's at GW, extra brownie points for me!

    http://www.gateworld.net/fanfic/arch...ondchance.html

    It was written after Meridian, and I've changed somewhat since then, so I'll be curious to see what you think.

    Dana Jeanne

  15. #15
    meimei
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Skydiver's That'll Be The Day

    I liked this story.

    ETA: Spoiler tags... If someone hasn't read the story, I give away too much of the plot!!!

    Spoiler:
    The plot itself was interesting. I liked the idea that they thought Jacob was dead. I was beginning to wonder if you had really killed him off until the wedding ring scene. Though the meaning of not finding it didn't seem obvious to Sam or Jack.

    The characters were mostly "in character" as far as my understanding of them goes. I did have trouble with Jack's cold blooded murder of an unconcious Jaffa. I realize that with Jack's covert ops background that he would have that capability in him but I wasn't really prepared to see it (or read it). It also fit in with the "them or us" theme of the story but like I said I wasn't prepared for it.

    I thought that Carter got a little too insubordinate too early. I could see it later on when they had been worn down by hunger, fatigue and dispair. The second day seemed a little too soon for her, though it could be attributed to grief for her father.

    Okay, this is going to sound kind of stupid... I have a thing for how far into the mythology the writer goes into. I have a bad habit of "googling" names from an author's fic to see where they got there names from. Did you know that "Spegla" is a FTP software? LOL!

    I loved the reference to the Duke! LOL! I have always pegged Jack as a John Wayne fan! The Duke will always be the best in my heart!

    I liked the epilogue. Too often fics end too suddenly. "They were rescued. The end." I like to have a scene afterwards that finishes up the loose ends. That it included Teal'c's Ritual of Remembrance for Daniel was a nice touch.


    All in all I really liked the story!

  16. #16
    meimei
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana_Jeanne
    Unless --was it meimei? over in the other thread--wants to post hers, we can do one of mine when we're done nitting Skydiver

    Mine's at GW, extra brownie points for me!

    http://www.gateworld.net/fanfic/arch...ondchance.html

    It was written after Meridian, and I've changed somewhat since then, so I'll be curious to see what you think.

    Dana Jeanne
    You go for it first! You volunteered to be first anyway! I can wait... Have to decide which one to pick!

  17. #17
    First Lieutenant Dana_Jeanne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by meimei
    You go for it first! You volunteered to be first anyway! I can wait... Have to decide which one to pick!
    LOL. Okay. I'm going to be gone over Thanksgiving, so have it while I'm stuffing myself with my sister's turkey!

    DJ

  18. #18
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Quote Originally Posted by meimei
    Skydiver's That'll Be The Day

    I liked this story.

    ETA: Spoiler tags... If someone hasn't read the story, I give away too much of the plot!!!

    Spoiler:
    The plot itself was interesting. I liked the idea that they thought Jacob was dead. I was beginning to wonder if you had really killed him off until the wedding ring scene. Though the meaning of not finding it didn't seem obvious to Sam or Jack.

    ** It didn't, unless you consider that it was pretty icky in there by then. charred body parts and gold melts at a low temp.

    The characters were mostly "in character" as far as my understanding of them goes. I did have trouble with Jack's cold blooded murder of an unconcious Jaffa. I realize that with Jack's covert ops background that he would have that capability in him but I wasn't really prepared to see it (or read it). It also fit in with the "them or us" theme of the story but like I said I wasn't prepared for it.

    **
    I was aiming for the shock value, and it is a side of jack that we rarely see. We get a glimpse in Red Sky.


    I thought that Carter got a little too insubordinate too early. I could see it later on when they had been worn down by hunger, fatigue and dispair. The second day seemed a little too soon for her, though it could be attributed to grief for her father.

    **
    she may have, especially for s5/6 fic. I was attributing it to grief and lingering anger over daniel.


    Okay, this is going to sound kind of stupid... I have a thing for how far into the mythology the writer goes into. I have a bad habit of "googling" names from an author's fic to see where they got there names from. Did you know that "Spegla" is a FTP software? LOL!


    **
    I don't. I just made it up.


    I loved the reference to the Duke! LOL! I have always pegged Jack as a John Wayne fan! The Duke will always be the best in my heart!


    **
    oh me too. I grew up on john wayne and i can see jack doing it too

    I liked the epilogue. Too often fics end too suddenly. "They were rescued. The end." I like to have a scene afterwards that finishes up the loose ends. That it included Teal'c's Ritual of Remembrance for Daniel was a nice touch.


    **
    thanks. It had to have a 'warm and fuzzy' part. I still see at the end of revelations that, while jack did make a gesture (the dinner), it was fairly obvious that sam's invite was more of a 'hey we're going, wanna come?'. I didn't get the impression that they sought her out. And, if heroes is anything to go by, Jack has gotten better at facing things and his emotions, i still remember that it took sam nearly getting killed in revelations for him to have a bit of an awakening.

    Maybe it made him realize that he was repeating the same thing that cost him sara...not facing his grief/emotions


    All in all I really liked the story!
    Thank you.

    Triple bonus points if anyone gets the tv show that i loosely based this on. Its' based on one episode of a cancelled Sci-fi show

  19. #19
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Okee dokee

    well, i get to preface mine by saying that, normally, this isn't a fic i'd read. I'm not a huge fan of Daniel fic, and toss in there the j/d potentially slashy aspect, it would make it even more unlikely for me.

    I did like the jack POV, because that is something we didn't really get from the eps. And it was an alternate universe ending that we also didn't see. I sure liked the nox a LOT better than ascension. Thanks to what happens in Full Circle, the wonderful gift of ascension is now little more than a trite plot device.

    While the jack pov was interesting, i do think that he's a little over the top of my interpretation of canon. I don't see him quite this grief stricken or physically striking out. He's been a soldier for too long to let one person's death effect him this way. However, i think that it's implied in the fic that jack and daniel become close by the end...to the point of a relationship or not, they are close and this closeness might effect how jack reacts to daniel's impending death.


    The perception of daniel also doesn't quite fit in with mine...but it's fairly obvious that i see him differently than you do
    And the perception of daniel and his importance fits in with the grief issue. I know from experience, when my grandmother died, all of a sudden any and all anger at her faded adn only the good was remembered...and she was usually remembered in an exaggerated level of fondness.

    I think if sam ever dies on the show we'll see a spate of fic that accentuates her importance to the sgc and all involved along with grief stricken jack.

    There are a few mistakes in there, like nave instead of naive but over all, it's a good story. Not quite to my taste, however one that a daniel liker would probably enjoy, especially a HC/Whump fan

  20. #20
    meimei
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    Default Re: Nit and Pick

    Dana_Jeanne’s Second Chance

    Okay. This would have been one that I probably would have passed over based on the summary because Meridian was such a sad ep. I can barely rewatch that one… But I always felt that Jack was too calm about it. So the concept of his internal reactions is a wonderful idea.

    I am not a big fan of AU… Which is silly to say because it’s not like Jack and Sam are getting it on in this universe and that’s what happens in many of my fics… So, in a way, mine are all AU. But taking an actual episode and doing an AU is really what I mean. I thought the story was going to end in line with the episode and I think that I would have liked it better that way. Jack’s turmoil in Meridian would have been a good direction to go but this is all my opinion! Please don’t be upset with me!!

    I like your writing style! The way you describe the emotions, the abbreviated sentences to show hesitation and emotion. In most places, it’s easy to read and understand what you are trying to convey. That’s a big plus. Some writers go over board on some of the descriptive detail and you lose sight of the story itself.

    I don’t see Jack as that externally emotional. Maybe punching the wall would be a bit far but I like the internal turmoil. That’s the way I have always pictured the character. Keeps his emotions in control and hidden deep. Not to say he’s not as emotional as the next guy, but doesn’t let it out. Not healthy…

    And to finish up… Well, it seemed almost borderline slash in places. Or was that your intention? I don’t read slash fics about SG1. I can’t in a million years picture that kind of relationship between the men in SG1, any of them. So that did distract me a little. My mind would get off of the story and try to analyze your intentions.

    Anyway, a good story but like I said the possible hint of slash threw me a little.

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