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Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

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    #46
    How much???



    The ground starts to shake...
    Gwen: Earthquake!!!
    Ianto: No. Just Jack reacting to his spicy burritto...
    And a smell hits the air...

    -----------------------------------------------------
    Jack: *Sings* It was the mash, the monster mash...
    A gun is loaded and cocked in close by.

    -----------------------------------------------------
    Jack: *Sings* I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and -
    BANG!!!
    Owen: Can't say we didn't warn him.

    -----------------------------------------------------
    Gwen and Jack stood on the top of the millennium centre in the Titanic romance position.
    Gwen: Jack!!! I'm flying!!!
    SHOVE!!!

    (Sorry - could not resist...and I'm not even a Gwen-basher)

    -----------------------------------------------------
    To the tune of PotterPuppetPals - "Mysterious Ticking Noise"...(Please forgive me)
    Spoiler:
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Ianto.
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Ianto.
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Ianto.
    Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper. (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper. (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Toshiko. Toshiko. (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Toshiko. Toshiko. Toshiko. (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Owen Harper. Owen Harper. Owen Harper. Owen Harper. (Toshiko. Toshiko.) (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.

    ETC. If I try to write anymore I will be on the verge of madness.


    You are never going to believe how difficult that was to write...

    Comment


      #47
      JACK: "Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on, and you're gonna make lots of time-babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old time-lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me? "

      OWEN: "Shut up and die already."
      -----------------------------------------
      oh my goauld, I was young when that movie came out. Not that I can remember this line, I just wikied it. Hey, is that cheating?
      sigpic
      Doctor Who and Top Gear
      The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

      Comment


        #48
        LMAO!!! OMG!!! We have hit such tragedy that we are quoting the Titanic.

        Yes, it is in spoilers for content - but the film was a 12 so

        Spoiler:
        Rose: Put your hands on me Jack...
        Doctor bursts in.
        Doctor: Steady on!!! The Titanic is just about to hit the iceberg and what are you doing!?!? Getting hands on experience with a...man...that can't die!!! I thought I taught you better than that!!!
        Jack: You taught me more than enough.




        Oh such shame on me...

        Comment


          #49
          GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
          TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

          JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

          GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
          IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
          LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
          IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

          OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
          JACK: "What tone?"
          OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
          JACK: "You're not a woman."
          OWEN: "Oh, you 8@st@rd!"
          Last edited by JJSNgadget; 25 March 2008, 03:44 PM.
          sigpic
          Doctor Who and Top Gear
          The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

          Comment


            #50
            ROFLMAO!!!

            This is getting way too difficult...

            Tosh: Owen??? What are you doing with Jack's coat and the barbecue sauce???

            Doctor: Where's Jack???
            Rose: He said he wanted to get to know the TARDIS...
            Doctor runs out.
            Doctor: Jack!!! Leave her alone!!!

            Comment


              #51
              Originally posted by Allestian View Post
              ROFLMAO!!!

              This is getting way too difficult...

              Tosh: Owen??? What are you doing with Jack's coat and the barbecue sauce???

              Doctor: Where's Jack???
              Rose: He said he wanted to get to know the TARDIS...
              Doctor runs out.
              Doctor: Jack!!! Leave her alone!!!
              JACK: *stroking the tardis console* "Hey, long time no see."
              DOCTOR: "How many times have I told you, the Tardis is not that kind of ship."
              OWEN: "What? The tea-boy's not enough, now you have to shag a spaceship?"
              JACK: "You know, I once knew a ship called the SS Madame De Pompadour. Whoo, she was that kind of ship!"
              DOCTOR: "Yeah, well I once knew the real Madame De Pompadour, so there!"
              sigpic
              Doctor Who and Top Gear
              The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

              Comment


                #52
                Naughty...



                Must remember...borderline...too difficult...

                Gwen: Jack, I was just wondering...you always carry a set of handcuffs on you but never cuff anyone...
                The team looks at Gwen in despair, they then look at Jack.
                Jack: The handcuffs??? It's what's in my other holster you should be worried about.

                Ianto: Jack???
                Jack: Yup???
                Ianto: I may have had an accident with the coffee machine earlier. See, I was putting sugar in and forgot that I'd picked up the new stash of RETCON from the post office...so...Jack??? Jack!!! Wake up!!!

                Comment


                  #53
                  Originally posted by Allestian View Post
                  Naughty...



                  Must remember...borderline...too difficult...

                  Gwen: Jack, I was just wondering...you always carry a set of handcuffs on you but never cuff anyone...
                  The team looks at Gwen in despair, they then look at Jack.
                  Jack: The handcuffs??? It's what's in my other holster you should be worried about.

                  Ianto: Jack???
                  Jack: Yup???
                  Ianto: I may have had an accident with the coffee machine earlier. See, I was putting sugar in and forgot that I'd picked up the new stash of RETCON from the post office...so...Jack??? Jack!!! Wake up!!!
                  The Mystery Solved: that combined with a rift in time and space is what really caused his 2 years of memory loss.
                  -------------------------------

                  I just read a fanfic where this was one of the plots.

                  *Jack is being shown around Ianto's flat*
                  *Ianto opens the second bedroom, and behold, there is the Tardis*
                  JACK: "How did you get that?"
                  IANTO: "It's me, Jack."
                  JACK: "Doctor?!"
                  IANTO: "Well, I go by Ianto now, but yes."
                  *and then they has secks*

                  OWEN: "OMG Tea-boy's the Torchwood enemy number one. Oooh, can I shoot him?"
                  EVERYONE: "No."
                  OWEN: "Why not? He shot me, bloody w@nker."
                  sigpic
                  Doctor Who and Top Gear
                  The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

                  Comment


                    #54
                    WOOHOO!!! Take that BBC writers!!!



                    Gwen: Owen???
                    Owen: Yup...
                    Gwen: What does it feel like to be dead???
                    Silence...
                    Owen: Close your eyes and I'll show you...

                    Ianto: Anyone seen my stopwatch???

                    Tosh: Owen!!! Your interaction with that weevil is completely inappropriate!!!

                    Comment


                      #55
                      Originally posted by Allestian View Post
                      WOOHOO!!! Take that BBC writers!!!



                      Gwen: Owen???
                      Owen: Yup...
                      Gwen: What does it feel like to be dead???
                      Silence...
                      Owen: Close your eyes and I'll show you...

                      Ianto: Anyone seen my stopwatch???

                      Tosh: Owen!!! Your interaction with that weevil is completely inappropriate!!!
                      Wait, wha? Did Owen kill Gwen and is now secksing the weavil?

                      JACK: "Do you Owen Harper, take Janet Weavil to be your lawfully wedded weavil?"
                      OWEN: "I do."
                      JACK: "Do you Janet Weavil, take Owen Harper to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
                      JANET: "Aaaaawwwoooo."
                      JACK: "I now pronounce you, husband and weavil. You may kiss the weavil."

                      *minutes later*
                      IANTO: *catches the bouquet*
                      JACK: *smirk*
                      IANTO: *blush*
                      sigpic
                      Doctor Who and Top Gear
                      The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

                      Comment


                        #56
                        This is how Torchwood falls apart - by the written work of fans...

                        *Cries with laughter*

                        Owen: I was thinking Janet...maybe we could call this one Rhys as it has...guts.
                        Janet: Arrrrrwoooo.
                        Owen: And this annoying little one Gwen.

                        (Okay enough Gwen bashing from me)

                        Spoiler:
                        Tosh: Hey...why's the life not working???
                        Ianto: Hurry up Jack. We're on a time limit here...
                        Jack: Everyone else, use the stairs...

                        Comment


                          #57
                          Tardis flying through space

                          Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

                          Donna: "Doctor"
                          Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
                          Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
                          Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

                          Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

                          Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
                          Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

                          Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

                          Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

                          Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
                          Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
                          Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
                          Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"
                          Go home aliens, go home!!!!

                          Comment


                            #58
                            Originally posted by Allestian View Post
                            How much???


                            £2.50

                            Originally posted by JJSNgadget View Post
                            GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
                            TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

                            JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

                            GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
                            IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
                            LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
                            IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

                            OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
                            JACK: "What tone?"
                            OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
                            JACK: "You're not a woman."
                            OWEN: "Oh, you 8@st@rd!"
                            Someone's been watching The Birdcage, I love that film

                            Originally posted by ChocolateLovingEntity View Post
                            Tardis flying through space

                            Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

                            Donna: "Doctor"
                            Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
                            Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
                            Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

                            Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

                            Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
                            Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

                            Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

                            Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

                            Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
                            Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
                            Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
                            Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"
                            Brilliant

                            Comment


                              #59
                              Originally posted by JJSNgadget View Post
                              GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
                              TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

                              JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

                              GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
                              IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
                              LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
                              IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

                              OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
                              JACK: "What tone?"
                              OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
                              JACK: "You're not a woman."
                              OWEN: "Oh, you 8@st@rd!"
                              ROTFLMAO!!!
                              ok coffee all over monitor now cause I'm one of those people who are really good at seeing the image in my head and John Barrowman could so totally pull both of those characters off....


                              In the Tardis.
                              Companion: Doctor....do you remember that time you told me never ever to push that button unless I wanted to destroy the whole of time and space?
                              Doctor: Yeah,...why?
                              Companion:um...you were just joking....right??
                              Doctor: what??
                              BOOM!!


                              In either Hub or Tardis by anyone...
                              OH ****!!
                              BOOM!!


                              Comment


                                #60
                                OMG you guys crack me up. Please, please write some fics with those...oh and JJSNgadget? Brilliant!
                                He's like fire, ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun.
                                He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe.
                                And he's wonderful.

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