Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

[Allestian]

*Cries on the floor laughing*

I don't know how to continue that one...erm...

Gwen is in tears at the demise of said pooch.
Jack: Don't worry Gwen, I'm sure that was the dog auditioning for Bakers Original...

[Rain nah]

in the Hub...

Jack: The flashing lights and sirens are no cause for alarm....but take my word for it...
RUN!!

[Allestian]

in the Hub...

Jack: The flashing lights and sirens are no cause for alarm....but take my word for it...
RUN!!

Ooooooohh...when I ever write a Torchwood script (Which I will do since I've finished my Doctor Who one-off) I am soooooo going to put that in as a line.

Spoiler:

Jack: That spaceship that hit the water tower??? No biggie. The aliens terrorising the locals??? Not a problem. The fact that they remain clothed...A CRIME AGAINST NATURE!!!

[Rain nah]

putting this one in spoiler just in case...cause the guys here 'bout busted a gut so it may be out'o'bounds....

Spoiler:

Jack: DAMN!!....even I wouldn't shag that....

[Allestian]

putting this one in spoiler just in case...cause the guys here 'bout busted a gut so it may be out'o'bounds....

Spoiler:

Jack: DAMN!!....even I wouldn't shag that....

*Applauds fullheartedly* Welcome to the 'On-the-edge-of-the-thread-team'...pushing the boundaries to the limit. Like my nan says - Rules are made for breaking...

Ianto: Torchwood 2 called, the RETCON now comes in supository form.
The team looks away, coughing awkwardly...

[Rain nah]

*Applauds fullheartedly* Welcome to the 'On-the-edge-of-the-thread-team'...pushing the boundaries to the limit. Like my nan says - Rules are made for breaking...

Ianto: Torchwood 2 called, the RETCON now comes in supository form.
The team looks away, coughing awkwardly...

followed by
Jack : yes, apparantly they come in small, medium and my size now...

[Allestian]

followed by
Jack : yes, apparantly they come in small, medium and my size now...

Very nice...*Applauds again*

Spoiler:

Jack: Anyone fancy doing the okie kokie?
Owen: With the way Ianto looked when he came out - no thanks.

[Rain nah]

Very nice...*Applauds again*

Spoiler:

Jack: Anyone fancy doing the okie kokie?
Owen: With the way Ianto looked when he came out - no thanks.

so totally out of context...

Spoiler:

Owen: Jack you know how fragile I am now...you'd bust me all to pieces

[Allestian]

Spoiler:

Tosh: Jack!!! That's not the correct way to reroute a computer circuit!!!

Ianto: (Whispers) Jack!
Jack: (Whispers) Why are we whispering?
Ianto: (Whispers) Fun isn't it!



The world is in their capable hands...oh dear...

[Coco Pops]

Who is Myfawny?

Is that the pteradactyl that you see in the credits sometimes?

Where do they keep that thing? And why?

[Reefgirl]

Allestian, Rain nah and JJSNgadget I have spat my tea out, laughed until I'm breathless and made the family think I'm nuts, Greens are going out to all of you

[JJSNgadget]

*whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp*
DONNA: "Oh my god, we've landed in a nudist colony."

-----------------------------------------
*whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp*
DONNA: *slap*
DOCTOR: "What was that for?"
DONNA: "You took me to a sex colony!"
DOCTOR: "It's just Torchwood."

-----------------------------------------
DONNA: "I'm sopping wet!"
DOCTOR: "Wardrobe's through there. First left, second right, third door on your left, under the stairs, past the bins, fifth door on your right."
DONNA: "Come on, Martian, you're taking me to Queen's Arcade. I am not wearing somebody else's bloody knickers!"
DOCTOR: *sigh* "I'm not, I'm not from Mars."

-------------------------------------------
DOCTOR: "Rose would know what to do."
DONNA: *slap* "I'm not Rose."
DOCTOR: *wistfully* "She never used to slap me."

--------------------------------------------

JACK: "All your base are belong to us."

[Allestian]

Jack: (To Ianto) Don't tell anyone else but I'm issueing a no-clothing-policy day.

Owen: (To the rest of the team) Don't tell Jack but I'm issueing a continuously-kill-Jack day...especially if he comes up with his policy.

[JJSNgadget]

Jack: (To Ianto) Don't tell anyone else but I'm issueing a no-clothing-policy day.

OWEN: "Of course, you would wait until I was unable to get a boner to institute that policy."

-----------------------------------

JACK: "I do swear to execute the responsibilities of my office with the utmost prudence, wisdom and respect."
OTHERS: "We do swear to execute you if you ever don't do what we want."
JACK: "Thanks, I can really feel the love, guys."

------------------------------------

TOSHIKO: "OMG, Starbucks has just gone out of business!"
GWEN: "Owen's broken the coffee machine. Again."

[Reefgirl]

If I pay you, will you 2 write a comedy fic, you are brilliant