Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

[Allestian]

Can someone explain all this myfawny stuff? who is Myfawny?

Myfanwy is the Torchwood pterodactyl. The nickname was picked up somewhere but she's becoming quite the legend now.

[Coco Pops]

Myfanwy is the Torchwood pterodactyl. The nickname was picked up somewhere but she's becoming quite the legend now.

I can tell......... And she's tame?

[Allestian]

And she's tame?

Nope!!! That's what makes her so much fun...especially to write about.

So back to the fun...

Jack: Hello...
Doctor: Stop flirting!!!
Jack: I'm not flirting!!!
Doctor: Yes you are!!!
Jack: What makes you say that!?
Doctor: Saying hello is flirting to you.
Jack: I'm talking to Donna...
Doctor: Oh...

(Hence, the beginning and ending to Donna bashing today)

[Coco Pops]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocolateLovingEntity

Tardis flying through space

Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down
and two doors away from the spa bath"

9 Months Later

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "Yes"
Donna: sobs "Jack's run off with Owen" sob "and he wants custody of the
baby" sob "we named it Tara in honour of the Tardis since that's where he
picked me up from" sob

Doctor: "Oh that's fine whatever"
Donna: screams "Oi you never care, you never listen" throws stuff around the console room"

Doctor: "If it makes you happy I'll drop you off at Torchwood"
Donna: "Oi yep"

Wooshy sounds as the TARDIS lands

Donna runs out the Tardis into Torchwood with a big shiny axe

The city of New New York Billions Of Years In The Future Or thereabouts

Doctor: "Hello old friend"
Face of Boe: "Hello friend"
Doctor: "What is it"
Face of Boe: "You remember that time Donna ran into Torchwood wiht an axe?"

Doctor: "Yes friend"
Face of Boe: "well guess you know it's me Jack?"
Doctor: slaps his head "Oh doh,. and here I was thinking you were bullsh*tt*ng me"


fade to black...

[Allestian]

Very nice!!!



I was watching 'Gridlock' yesterday and kept looking at the Face of Boe going:

'Nah...nah...it couldn't...he's just kidding...but he does...nah!!!"



An entire 45min of me saying that.

[JJSNgadget]

DOCTOR: "Jack? What have you been doing to my hand that it's all gooey?
JACK: "He, he, he."


TOSH: "Owen, what are you doing!"
OWEN: "Well, it's not like I need them. Why can't I remove my organs and use my chest cavity to carry a concealed weapon?"


JACK: "Um, Ianto? Surprise."
IANTO: "Jack, why didn't you tell me 51st century men could get pregnant?"

[Allestian]

Something tells me that the Torchwood TPTB are going to bring the pregnant Jack into the programme at some point...



Ianto: Jack, I know that you like me but is the growling necessary?
(From the other side of the Hub)
Jack: What d'ya say!?

[JJSNgadget]

Ianto: Jack, I know that you like me but is the growling necessary?
(From the other side of the Hub)
Jack: What d'ya say!?

JACK: "No, no! Bad Myfanwy, bad! We do not eat the tea-boy."

[Allestian]

Cannot believe I'm going to write this...

Spoiler:

Jack: That's my job!!!

[JJSNgadget]

Cannot believe I'm going to write this...

Spoiler:

Jack: That's my job!!!

FTW
mental green

Jack: "Don't worry Ianto, I'll save you!"
*Da-da-da-dahhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
Ianto: "Oh, my hero." *swoon*

[Allestian]

Spoiler:

(Ianto lies in bed)
Ianto: All these kisses Jack??? You make me feel so...
SQUAWK!!!
(His eyes widen)

CUT TO: Outside Ianto's apartment.

Ianto: Bad Myfanwy!!! Naughty Myfanwy!!!
SQUAWK!!! SQUAWK!!!
SMASH!!!

[JJSNgadget]

Spoiler:

Jack: *whimper, iz hard* "Oh I love a man who can dish out some punishment."

OWEN: "Oh my god, please not in the HUB. Some of us are trying to work, here."
GWEN: "Mmmh, yes. I can see that issue of Playboy is taking all your concentration."
OWEN: "F*** off!"
GWEN: "I have Rhys for that, thank you very much."
TOSH: "I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la."

[Reefgirl]

Spoiler:

Jack: *whimper, iz hard* "Oh I love a man who can dish out some punishment."

OWEN: "Oh my god, please not in the HUB. Some of us are trying to work, here."
GWEN: "Mmmh, yes. I can see that issue of Playboy is taking all your concentration."
OWEN: "F*** off!"
GWEN: "I have Rhys for that, thank you very much."
TOSH: "I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la."

[Kady]

GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
JACK: "What tone?"
OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
JACK: "You're not a woman."
OWEN: "Oh, you 8@st@rd!"

Thank you so much for those birdcage moments!! The funny thing is i could see Captain Jack acting like this!!

Cannot believe I'm going to write this...

Spoiler:

Jack: That's my job!!!

[Kady]

Jack: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?
Owen: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.
Jack: My God, what a brilliant idea!
Owen: I know.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Ianto, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.
Ianto: No! I'm gonna look like a f*g!
Jack: Maybe, but you'll look like a f*g in a uniform.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ianto: Oh god, I pierced the toast!
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I just HAD to continue with The Birdcage! Aaaand maybe you can guest what this lot is from!

Jack: I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Owen: Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Who's with me?
Ianto: I.
Gwen: I.
Toshiko: I.
Owen: I think you're nuts.