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  1. #41
    Major General Reefgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Allestian, Rain nah and JJSNgadget I have spat my tea out, laughed until I'm breathless and made the family think I'm nuts, Greens are going out to all of you

  2. #42
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    *whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp*
    DONNA: "Oh my god, we've landed in a nudist colony."

    -----------------------------------------
    *whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp*
    DONNA: *slap*
    DOCTOR: "What was that for?"
    DONNA: "You took me to a sex colony!"
    DOCTOR: "It's just Torchwood."

    -----------------------------------------
    DONNA: "I'm sopping wet!"
    DOCTOR: "Wardrobe's through there. First left, second right, third door on your left, under the stairs, past the bins, fifth door on your right."
    DONNA: "Come on, Martian, you're taking me to Queen's Arcade. I am not wearing somebody else's bloody knickers!"
    DOCTOR: *sigh* "I'm not, I'm not from Mars."

    -------------------------------------------
    DOCTOR: "Rose would know what to do."
    DONNA: *slap* "I'm not Rose."
    DOCTOR: *wistfully* "She never used to slap me."

    --------------------------------------------

    JACK: "All your base are belong to us."

  3. #43
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Jack: (To Ianto) Don't tell anyone else but I'm issueing a no-clothing-policy day.

    Owen: (To the rest of the team) Don't tell Jack but I'm issueing a continuously-kill-Jack day...especially if he comes up with his policy.


  4. #44
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Quote Originally Posted by Allestian View Post
    Jack: (To Ianto) Don't tell anyone else but I'm issueing a no-clothing-policy day.
    OWEN: "Of course, you would wait until I was unable to get a boner to institute that policy."

    -----------------------------------

    JACK: "I do swear to execute the responsibilities of my office with the utmost prudence, wisdom and respect."
    OTHERS: "We do swear to execute you if you ever don't do what we want."
    JACK: "Thanks, I can really feel the love, guys."

    ------------------------------------

    TOSHIKO: "OMG, Starbucks has just gone out of business!"
    GWEN: "Owen's broken the coffee machine. Again."

  5. #45
    Major General Reefgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    If I pay you, will you 2 write a comedy fic, you are brilliant

  6. #46
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    How much???



    The ground starts to shake...
    Gwen: Earthquake!!!
    Ianto: No. Just Jack reacting to his spicy burritto...
    And a smell hits the air...

    -----------------------------------------------------
    Jack: *Sings* It was the mash, the monster mash...
    A gun is loaded and cocked in close by.

    -----------------------------------------------------
    Jack: *Sings* I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and -
    BANG!!!
    Owen: Can't say we didn't warn him.

    -----------------------------------------------------
    Gwen and Jack stood on the top of the millennium centre in the Titanic romance position.
    Gwen: Jack!!! I'm flying!!!
    SHOVE!!!

    (Sorry - could not resist...and I'm not even a Gwen-basher)

    -----------------------------------------------------
    To the tune of PotterPuppetPals - "Mysterious Ticking Noise"...(Please forgive me)
    Spoiler:
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Ianto.
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Ianto.
    Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
    Ianto.
    Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper. (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper. (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Toshiko. Toshiko. (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Toshiko. Toshiko. Toshiko. (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.
    Owen Harper. Owen Harper. Owen Harper. Owen Harper. (Toshiko. Toshiko.) (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
    Ianto.

    ETC. If I try to write anymore I will be on the verge of madness.


    You are never going to believe how difficult that was to write...

  7. #47
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    JACK: "Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on, and you're gonna make lots of time-babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old time-lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me? "

    OWEN: "Shut up and die already."
    -----------------------------------------
    oh my goauld, I was young when that movie came out. Not that I can remember this line, I just wikied it. Hey, is that cheating?

  8. #48
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    LMAO!!! OMG!!! We have hit such tragedy that we are quoting the Titanic.

    Yes, it is in spoilers for content - but the film was a 12 so

    Spoiler:
    Rose: Put your hands on me Jack...
    Doctor bursts in.
    Doctor: Steady on!!! The Titanic is just about to hit the iceberg and what are you doing!?!? Getting hands on experience with a...man...that can't die!!! I thought I taught you better than that!!!
    Jack: You taught me more than enough.




    Oh such shame on me...

  9. #49
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
    TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

    JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

    GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
    IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
    LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
    IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

    OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
    JACK: "What tone?"
    OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
    JACK: "You're not a woman."
    OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"
    Last edited by JJSNgadget; March 25th, 2008 at 04:44 PM.

  10. #50
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    ROFLMAO!!!

    This is getting way too difficult...

    Tosh: Owen??? What are you doing with Jack's coat and the barbecue sauce???

    Doctor: Where's Jack???
    Rose: He said he wanted to get to know the TARDIS...
    Doctor runs out.
    Doctor: Jack!!! Leave her alone!!!

  11. #51
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Quote Originally Posted by Allestian View Post
    ROFLMAO!!!

    This is getting way too difficult...

    Tosh: Owen??? What are you doing with Jack's coat and the barbecue sauce???

    Doctor: Where's Jack???
    Rose: He said he wanted to get to know the TARDIS...
    Doctor runs out.
    Doctor: Jack!!! Leave her alone!!!
    JACK: *stroking the tardis console* "Hey, long time no see."
    DOCTOR: "How many times have I told you, the Tardis is not that kind of ship."
    OWEN: "What? The tea-boy's not enough, now you have to shag a spaceship?"
    JACK: "You know, I once knew a ship called the SS Madame De Pompadour. Whoo, she was that kind of ship!"
    DOCTOR: "Yeah, well I once knew the real Madame De Pompadour, so there!"

  12. #52
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Naughty...



    Must remember...borderline...too difficult...

    Gwen: Jack, I was just wondering...you always carry a set of handcuffs on you but never cuff anyone...
    The team looks at Gwen in despair, they then look at Jack.
    Jack: The handcuffs??? It's what's in my other holster you should be worried about.

    Ianto: Jack???
    Jack: Yup???
    Ianto: I may have had an accident with the coffee machine earlier. See, I was putting sugar in and forgot that I'd picked up the new stash of RETCON from the post office...so...Jack??? Jack!!! Wake up!!!

  13. #53
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Quote Originally Posted by Allestian View Post
    Naughty...



    Must remember...borderline...too difficult...

    Gwen: Jack, I was just wondering...you always carry a set of handcuffs on you but never cuff anyone...
    The team looks at Gwen in despair, they then look at Jack.
    Jack: The handcuffs??? It's what's in my other holster you should be worried about.

    Ianto: Jack???
    Jack: Yup???
    Ianto: I may have had an accident with the coffee machine earlier. See, I was putting sugar in and forgot that I'd picked up the new stash of RETCON from the post office...so...Jack??? Jack!!! Wake up!!!
    The Mystery Solved: that combined with a rift in time and space is what really caused his 2 years of memory loss.
    -------------------------------

    I just read a fanfic where this was one of the plots.

    *Jack is being shown around Ianto's flat*
    *Ianto opens the second bedroom, and behold, there is the Tardis*
    JACK: "How did you get that?"
    IANTO: "It's me, Jack."
    JACK: "Doctor?!"
    IANTO: "Well, I go by Ianto now, but yes."
    *and then they has secks*

    OWEN: "OMG Tea-boy's the Torchwood enemy number one. Oooh, can I shoot him?"
    EVERYONE: "No."
    OWEN: "Why not? He shot me, bloody [email protected]"

  14. #54
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    WOOHOO!!! Take that BBC writers!!!



    Gwen: Owen???
    Owen: Yup...
    Gwen: What does it feel like to be dead???
    Silence...
    Owen: Close your eyes and I'll show you...

    Ianto: Anyone seen my stopwatch???

    Tosh: Owen!!! Your interaction with that weevil is completely inappropriate!!!

  15. #55
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Quote Originally Posted by Allestian View Post
    WOOHOO!!! Take that BBC writers!!!



    Gwen: Owen???
    Owen: Yup...
    Gwen: What does it feel like to be dead???
    Silence...
    Owen: Close your eyes and I'll show you...

    Ianto: Anyone seen my stopwatch???

    Tosh: Owen!!! Your interaction with that weevil is completely inappropriate!!!
    Wait, wha? Did Owen kill Gwen and is now secksing the weavil?

    JACK: "Do you Owen Harper, take Janet Weavil to be your lawfully wedded weavil?"
    OWEN: "I do."
    JACK: "Do you Janet Weavil, take Owen Harper to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
    JANET: "Aaaaawwwoooo."
    JACK: "I now pronounce you, husband and weavil. You may kiss the weavil."

    *minutes later*
    IANTO: *catches the bouquet*
    JACK: *smirk*
    IANTO: *blush*

    Doctor Who and Top Gear
    The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

  16. #56
    Lieutenant Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    This is how Torchwood falls apart - by the written work of fans...

    *Cries with laughter*

    Owen: I was thinking Janet...maybe we could call this one Rhys as it has...guts.
    Janet: Arrrrrwoooo.
    Owen: And this annoying little one Gwen.

    (Okay enough Gwen bashing from me)

    Spoiler:
    Tosh: Hey...why's the life not working???
    Ianto: Hurry up Jack. We're on a time limit here...
    Jack: Everyone else, use the stairs...

  17. #57
    Colonel
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Tardis flying through space

    Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

    Donna: "Doctor"
    Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
    Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
    Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

    Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

    Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
    Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

    Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

    Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

    Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
    Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
    Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
    Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"

  18. #58
    Major General Reefgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Quote Originally Posted by Allestian View Post
    How much???


    £2.50

    Quote Originally Posted by JJSNgadget View Post
    GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
    TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

    JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

    GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
    IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
    LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
    IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

    OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
    JACK: "What tone?"
    OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
    JACK: "You're not a woman."
    OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"
    Someone's been watching The Birdcage, I love that film

    Quote Originally Posted by ChocolateLovingEntity View Post
    Tardis flying through space

    Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

    Donna: "Doctor"
    Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
    Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
    Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

    Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

    Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
    Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

    Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

    Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

    Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
    Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
    Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
    Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"
    Brilliant

  19. #59
    Major Rain nah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    Quote Originally Posted by JJSNgadget View Post
    GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
    TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

    JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

    GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
    IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
    LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
    IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

    OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
    JACK: "What tone?"
    OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
    JACK: "You're not a woman."
    OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"
    ROTFLMAO!!!
    ok coffee all over monitor now cause I'm one of those people who are really good at seeing the image in my head and John Barrowman could so totally pull both of those characters off....


    In the Tardis.
    Companion: Doctor....do you remember that time you told me never ever to push that button unless I wanted to destroy the whole of time and space?
    Doctor: Yeah,...why?
    Companion:um...you were just joking....right??
    Doctor: what??
    BOOM!!


    In either Hub or Tardis by anyone...
    OH ****!!
    BOOM!!

  20. #60
    Captain huntress's Avatar
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    Default Re: Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

    OMG you guys crack me up. Please, please write some fics with those...oh and JJSNgadget? Brilliant!
    He's like fire, ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun.
    He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe.
    And he's wonderful.

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