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  1. #1
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    I was watching some old Atlantis episodes and I thought of the new people that came off the Daedalus. Those poor newbies don't know what hit them. So, I thought, why not create a list for the newest newbies. This list could be posted in the mess hall and common areas, as well as sent through the Atlantis laptop network.

    Welcome to your new posting. You've all read the mission reports, so you know what to expect in the Pegasus Galaxy. Now you need to know about living in Atlantis.

    Check this list frequently. We are still exploring this city, and still learning to live together. This list will help you avoid those pitfalls us veterans have made.

    Learn from our experience.

    1. The Stargate may not be used for ordering Dominoes pizza.
    ---a. yes, even though we have the gatebridge and would not be using an obscene amount of energy
    ---b. there is something inherently neuron-frying about thinking of a pizza arriving still-hot after travelling across the vast intergalactic distance
    ---c. we are supposed to be semi-cut-off, people

    2. The Ancients were a bunch of arrogant, irresponsible geniuses.
    ---a. Rodney McKay is probably a descended Ancient
    ---b. only John Sheppard thinks this is funny

    3. "Oops" is never a good thing.
    Last edited by JJSNgadget; February 12th, 2008 at 07:24 AM.

    Doctor Who and Top Gear
    The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

  2. #2
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    4. Mission reports must be written in English. (should be in ancient font)
    ---a. Mission reports must be written in English.
    ---b. the Pentagon did not appreciate having to decipher the reports we sent back.

  3. #3
    Major Mercury973's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    Do NOT get between Dr. McKay and the coffee pot. Same goes with a plate of brownies, any cookies or on sundae night.

    Sig by im_meli
    More random Hewlett nerdery on my LJ

  4. #4
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Sheppard Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    6. Here in Atlantis, we have two truths: what really happened, and what we tell Earth really happened.

    7. Ronan is reminded to please remove all weapons from his dreadlocks before arriving at the Slumber parties.
    ---7a. the women doing your hair would like to keep their fingers intact, if you don't mind.

  5. #5
    Airman faeriebrat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    8. If the emergency alarm sounds count the number of days you have been on Atlantis, subtract your distance from the stargate and that is your survival probability.
    8a. If you are on an away mission, stay close to Ronan.
    Truth is a torch that gleams through the fog without dispelling it.

  6. #6
    Lieutenant Colonel WingedPegasus's Avatar
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    Evading responsibility.
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    Sheppard: Insulting teh hair is a good way to get a one-way ticket to T-Rex planet.

    Teyla: The sparring sticks are called "bantos rods," not "twigs of doom." Unless you want to get up close and personal with the gym floor, I'd suggest remembering this.

    Ronon: Medusa is not a fitting nickname for someone with dreadlocks. They make the perfect place for hiding all sorts of sharp and pointy objects. (Ahem.)

    Rodney: Do NOT play with the ancient devices in his lab. As cheif science officer, he has direct access to the hot and cold water supply system.
    || twitter || tumblr ||

  7. #7
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    13. There are no nude beaches on the mainland.
    ---13a. or on Atlantis
    ---13b. but there should be
    ---13c. Ronon didn't seem to mind

    14. Follow proper proceedure when discovering new technology.
    ---14a. proper proceedure does not include pushing all the buttons to see what they do
    ---14b. or thinking "on" at it

    15. The Atlantis expedition does not discriminate based on religious preference.
    ---15a. however, under no circumstances are you allowed to worship the wraith
    ---15b. Ronon will not take kindly to that
    ---15c. the CMO would like to tell you that any injuries sustained are your own fault

  8. #8
    Airman faeriebrat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    16. Any form of ego boosting towrds Dr. Mckay must be strictly regulated.
    16a. Hugging Dr. McKay after dousing yourself in orange oil is highly suggested.
    Truth is a torch that gleams through the fog without dispelling it.

  9. #9
    Captain Johaen's Avatar
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    Sweden
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    17. If you, during an offworld mission, starts aging quite quickly - A Wraith may be feeding upon you. Please avoid this.

    18. Do not feed the whales.

  10. #10
    Airman faeriebrat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    19. When going hunting on Mainland with Ronan leave all devices at base, or Ronan will make you the bait.
    Truth is a torch that gleams through the fog without dispelling it.

  11. #11
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    20. Bazookas, while efficient at dispatching wraith, are viewed as overkill by the tacticians and accountants back on Earth.

    21. Underware is to be worn at all times.
    ---21a. Col. Carter does not care if you enjoy your kilt's updraft.

    22. There is an exception to every rule.
    ---22a. John Sheppard is that exception

  12. #12
    Airman faeriebrat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    23. Ronan is the extracurricular to rule #22... he may go flesh toned.
    23a. Kavenough is required to be in five yards of fabric at all times... even in the shower.
    Truth is a torch that gleams through the fog without dispelling it.

  13. #13
    General RodneyIsGodney's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    24. If you work in or around the science labs make sure Dr.Mckay eats a PowerBar every 2 hrs. Hypoglycemia is not a joke.

    Sig by ME.

  14. #14
    General RodneyIsGodney's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    25. Zedpms and naquada generators are NOT toys!
    26. Never sit in THE CHAIR without permission.
    27. No matter what Sheppard says, Dr. McKay is generally a very happy person.

    Sig by ME.

  15. #15
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Ronon Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    28. Mission reports may not start "Once upon a time."
    29. Spoiling the natives is not the official Atlantis sport.
    ---29a. It's kind of odd when Ronon goes from not understanding the appeal of television to knowing a movie by reference before having watched it.

  16. #16
    Chief Master Sergeant MajorShipper's Avatar
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    waiting for j & t to vacate the bathroom. or texas
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    30.never kiss a girl off world.
    30a. that means you john!
    30b. but ronons exempt

  17. #17
    Chief Master Sergeant MajorShipper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    31.Never have a crush on a Wraith
    31a. thats rodney and johns job
    Last edited by MajorShipper; November 23rd, 2007 at 09:22 AM.

  18. #18
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    32. Remember that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions.
    ----FIGHT, TO RUN AWAY. it may just save your life.

    33. Also, no peeing in the ocean please.

  19. #19
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    34...There is no point trying to escape the infirmary.
    .........34a. You do realize there are security cameras in the corridors
    .........34b. We can track your lifesign through the city as well

    35...When it's your turn to dispense advice to the new recruits, please don't tell them that the natives speak English because Atlantis beamed a Babel fish into their ears the moment they stepped into the city.

    36...Grenades are not baseballs.
    .........36a...you may not use Ronan's sword to bat the grenade towards the enemy
    .........36b....Ronon has better aim than you
    Last edited by JJSNgadget; February 7th, 2008 at 03:01 PM.

    Doctor Who and Top Gear
    The only thing better would be if I won the lottery.

  20. #20
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbies Guide to Atlantis

    37...Don't eat anything the natives give you.

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