You Bet Yor Life!
I hope no-one minds if I post this short humor fuilled Atlantis Time Travel story here, anyhow it may be a bit long, however the key players are:
Teyla
John
Groucho Marx & his TV show, "You Bet Your Life"
John stared at the building infront of him, it can't be! he thought staring out the front of the time traveling puddlejumper the team had found on Earth when he took Teyla home for a visit to the place, he stared at the building in front of him outside the cloaked jumper, It was the same building that the "You Bet Your Life" show was filmed live on stage with Groucho Marx.
Teyla moaned from next to him, the time traveling from where they were to then knocked her off her feet when John somehow transported them.... where? Peeking out the front window Teyla asked, "where are we?"
"Well best I can figure we are approximatily 50 years in the past, to the itme of a really good TV show, called, from what I remember, The Groucho Show, or the like, they had six people come on the screen, but in pairs of two, maybe if we can get ourselves some way back home....." John though had a different look in his eyes, he remembered as a young boy his father bringing home a movie to watch, called, 'Monky Buisness' and John seemned fixtaited that he would someday meet the Legendary Groucho Marx. Now was his chance.
"And these people do... what?" Teyla asked confused.
"Well, from what my dad told me about the show is that the people would first talk to the host, the man who would be like the person showing one around a home, then the people would be asked up to four questions, and if they get them right they win money, sometimes a lot of money." John explained, then he spoke again when he saw the look Teyla gave him as if she was saying, 'we went backweards in time.... again??' "I think that if you and I go inside and act as if we are married without the uniform or anything, I have a nice green suit here... I think, there it is" John got up from his seat and started looking around for his uniform, he looked to Teyla, she had what she had on when they first met on Athos just over a year ago, "OK hang on a second," John sealed the bulkhead door and changed his clothes "Ready" he asked when he reopened the door, he was in the Air Force blues.
"Yes" Teyla said as the tweo left the jumper and acted as if they were walking past the building when George Fenneman stopped them, "excuse me, are you the coubple that would like to win some money and meet with one of the most famous person on the earth?"
"Well, I don't see why not" John said, "I'm John Sheppard, this is my wife Teyla" He said introduciong himself and Teyla.
George smiled, "well if you folks will just follow me we are just abouto go on the air and our last couple were un able to come due to a very bad illness."
"Oh well, gee I hope they get better, when do we go on?" John asked.
"Well, as it turns out you two are going on last and therefore you might get something, I need to get on stage now to annouce you." George said as he left John and Teyla behind the curatins and he went to the microphone.
"Well Fenneman, who do we got next? I know the White's aren't gonna mnake it... so who do we have to replace them?" Groucho asked.
"Well Groucho as you know Mr. White is home in bed with an illness and"
"Illness my eye he's just using that as an exscuse, can't you see that?"
George laughed, "No I dion't think so Groucho," he said.
"Well who do we have?" Groucho asked.
"Well Groucho we have a married couple for you to meet, a Mr. and Mrs John Sheppard, so folks if you would come out and meet, Groucho Marx" George said as John and Teyla apeeared and walked forwards.
"Welcome to the Plymuth DeSoto Dealers, say the secret word and devide an hundred dollars." Groucho said, "it is a common word something you use everyday" Groucho looked to John and Teyla, "Mr and Mrs John Sheppard ey? I'm assuming your John?" Groiucho asked John.
"I am." John said not sounding nervous at all.
"Where are you from John?" Groucho asked.
"I'm from Atlanta Georgia" John lied, he'd told Teyla that they'd have to fake where they were from before Fenneman found them. so they don't mess up the timeline
"Atlanta ey, mighty good drinks over there, I see you are also in the Armed Forces too huh?" Groucho said.
"That I am Groucho, that I am" John said.
"What Branch do you serve John?" Groucho asked.
"I'm in the Air Force" John said.
"Air Force very nice job, and the Force pays well doesn't it?" Groucho asked making John laugh. "What's your rank?"
"I'm a Lt Col." John said, "I'm retired actually" John added on.
"Oh, well you should do what I do." Groucho said, then he waggled his eyebrows at Teyla, "only you did it before I could." he said, then he turned to Teyla, "And you are Mrs. Sheppard, what is your real name, if I may ask you that, some women these days are really mean when I ask that question."
"I am Teyla." Teyla said trying hard not to sound nervous as John seemed right at home.
"Oh well that's a very pretty name, now tell me, where are you from Teyla?" Groucho asked.
"I am from a small town Afirca" Teyla said.
"Africa ey, very nice place from what I hear. Only what I hear isn't that great these days, I hear more on the road then I do here at work." the audiance laughed "now uh, how did the two of you meet up?" Groucho asked John.
"Well, Her family and my own are really good friends, only I didn't meet Teyla until I was in the service and she was a Nurse for the Red Cross, and serving in my unit,..."
"oh you met on the battlefield ey? Well that's nice, my own wife and I met on the battlefield forty years ago, and we're still fighting it out" Groucho said, "what made the two of you get married, was it a spark that needed to be drowed fast or what was it?"
"Well, We met during the war, when I was back at the basecamp because I was injured, Teyla here was my nurse" John said, "and at fist glance I thought she was an angel and I never got to ask her what her name was until I retired last year which was the same time that she also finished work. so I popped the question"
"Did the air woosh out when you popped the question?" Groucho asked as the audiance laughed at the question.
"Well, not actually I asked and she said yes right away." John said still lying but actually getting good at it right then.
"Well that's nice and how long have you been married now?" Groucho asked lighting his cigar
"Six weeks" John said as Teyla merely smiled and nodded.
"You've been maried six weeks huh that's grand," Groucho said, "Well I'd love to continue talking with the two of you, but now it is time to play You Bet Yor Life, you know the rules right, you start off with a hundred dollars, if you miss one you lose half your money, and remember the more the question is worth the harder it is." Groucho picked up the quize paper, "OK you selected Wars in History Quiz, you ready? Here we go." Groucho read from the paper, "What are you gonna start with?"
"I think...." John bent down to Teyla who whipsered something into his ear, john asked if she was sure she nodded, "we'll go with sevenity."
"Sevenity, how long did the American Civil War last? Talk it over you have a few seconds." Groucho said.
After about half a second or so John said, "Four years"
"Four Years is right! Good thinking there."
"You now have $170 dollars" George said from next to Groucho.
"What are you gonna go for now?" groucho asked.
"Well go with eighty" Teyla said.
"Eighty; when did the World War One end?" Groucho asked.
John looked to Teyla and she whipsered something to him, he niodded to her for her to say it and she said, "November 1918"
"That's right that's what it says on here, November 1918 the First World War ended." Groucho waggled his eyebrows, "You two really know your history." he said.
"You now have, $260 dollars" George said.
"what you going to go for next?" Groucho asked
"Ninity" John said.
"Ninity; When did America enter the Second World War?" Groucho asked
After a few seconds John said thoughtfully, "1943 I think I'm not quiet sure." he said
"Nineteen-forty-three is right, I have to asked you John what war did you serve in?" Groucho asked.
"I was in the Second World War War only the later years of it though." John said.
"No wonder you are good at this stuff, it took me a while to even know when America joined in on the fun." Groucho said.
"You now have $340" George said.
"What are you gonna go for now, you have one more chance to beat the other couples." Groucho said.
"Shoot the workls and do a hundred" John said.
"$100, OK lets see now, the first battle of the American Cilve War was in South Carolina, for one hundred dollars where was the battle fought?"
John leaned over to Teyla and whispered into her ear, Ffort Sumpter" Teyla said.
"Fort Sumpter is Right!" Groucho said as the music went off. "How much do they win George?"
"$440" George said smiling.
"Thanks and good luck from the plymuth Dealers" Groucho said shaking both John and Teyla's hands before they left the stage.
Stepping up to the Microphione George said, "At that means that in just one moment Mr. and Mrs, John Sheppard get the chance at the $3,500 question"
"What a nice couple, what do you think Fenneman?" Groucho said "Newly Married too"
"Well I'm already taken Groucho." George said smiling.
"You sure I think you look stood up." Groucho said "Where is your wife by the way?"
"She's backsatge, anyhow, Time has come for Mr. and Mrs. Sheppard to get the chance at the final question." George said as John and Teyla returned to the stage.
"Welcome back, you made it this far, and I'm amazed, you ready to go for the big money?" Grouch oasked.
"Yup we are." John said Teyla just nodded, this was just too crazy.
"OK the rules are very simple but then they should be for an old doot like me, you have 15 seconds to think over one answer between you and please no help from the audieance so here it is." Groucho read from the quiz sheet, "The Lost coninet of Atlantis was in batle shortly before it sank, for $3,500 dollars how long was the battle in total?"
The music started up and Teyla and John started whispering to the other, then finally the music ended, "well, what's the answer?"
"One hundred years" Teyla said somewhat shy.
After a few seconds Groucho nodded, "That's what it says here, what you have George, same thing? Well there you go you won the big mony plus how much did they get in the quiz George?"
"$440 dollars in the quiz" George said.
"Thanks and gald you got the big money and what are you planning on doing with it if I may ask you?" Groucho said.
"Well, I've been thinking of getting Teyla and myself a new car" John lied
"oh well, the DeSotos are great this time of year you planning on getting one? When you go there tell them Groucho sent you and you'll get a discount on a brand new DeSoto" Groucho said. "Thanks much for coming on and glad you won the big money." Groucho said as John and Teyla left the stages to get their winnings.
Ten minutes later they left the studio and headed for where John parked the time jumping puddlejumper "so what did you think of him?"
"He was.... nice and kind, like you are you John" Teyla then kissed John on the cheek, "can we go back home now?"
"We sure can" John said starteing up the jumper and within a nano second the pair were outside the SGC, with $3,940 dollars in their hands and a VERY confused Col Carter with a DVD mailed to the SGC with both John and Teyla on it talking LIVE onstage with Groucho Marx, John just smiled and explained everything and was given jury duty for the Newst Wraith prisoner, who later died from lack of someone to feed off of.
The end
Teyla
John
Groucho Marx & his TV show, "You Bet Your Life"
John stared at the building infront of him, it can't be! he thought staring out the front of the time traveling puddlejumper the team had found on Earth when he took Teyla home for a visit to the place, he stared at the building in front of him outside the cloaked jumper, It was the same building that the "You Bet Your Life" show was filmed live on stage with Groucho Marx.
Teyla moaned from next to him, the time traveling from where they were to then knocked her off her feet when John somehow transported them.... where? Peeking out the front window Teyla asked, "where are we?"
"Well best I can figure we are approximatily 50 years in the past, to the itme of a really good TV show, called, from what I remember, The Groucho Show, or the like, they had six people come on the screen, but in pairs of two, maybe if we can get ourselves some way back home....." John though had a different look in his eyes, he remembered as a young boy his father bringing home a movie to watch, called, 'Monky Buisness' and John seemned fixtaited that he would someday meet the Legendary Groucho Marx. Now was his chance.
"And these people do... what?" Teyla asked confused.
"Well, from what my dad told me about the show is that the people would first talk to the host, the man who would be like the person showing one around a home, then the people would be asked up to four questions, and if they get them right they win money, sometimes a lot of money." John explained, then he spoke again when he saw the look Teyla gave him as if she was saying, 'we went backweards in time.... again??' "I think that if you and I go inside and act as if we are married without the uniform or anything, I have a nice green suit here... I think, there it is" John got up from his seat and started looking around for his uniform, he looked to Teyla, she had what she had on when they first met on Athos just over a year ago, "OK hang on a second," John sealed the bulkhead door and changed his clothes "Ready" he asked when he reopened the door, he was in the Air Force blues.
"Yes" Teyla said as the tweo left the jumper and acted as if they were walking past the building when George Fenneman stopped them, "excuse me, are you the coubple that would like to win some money and meet with one of the most famous person on the earth?"
"Well, I don't see why not" John said, "I'm John Sheppard, this is my wife Teyla" He said introduciong himself and Teyla.
George smiled, "well if you folks will just follow me we are just abouto go on the air and our last couple were un able to come due to a very bad illness."
"Oh well, gee I hope they get better, when do we go on?" John asked.
"Well, as it turns out you two are going on last and therefore you might get something, I need to get on stage now to annouce you." George said as he left John and Teyla behind the curatins and he went to the microphone.
"Well Fenneman, who do we got next? I know the White's aren't gonna mnake it... so who do we have to replace them?" Groucho asked.
"Well Groucho as you know Mr. White is home in bed with an illness and"
"Illness my eye he's just using that as an exscuse, can't you see that?"
George laughed, "No I dion't think so Groucho," he said.
"Well who do we have?" Groucho asked.
"Well Groucho we have a married couple for you to meet, a Mr. and Mrs John Sheppard, so folks if you would come out and meet, Groucho Marx" George said as John and Teyla apeeared and walked forwards.
"Welcome to the Plymuth DeSoto Dealers, say the secret word and devide an hundred dollars." Groucho said, "it is a common word something you use everyday" Groucho looked to John and Teyla, "Mr and Mrs John Sheppard ey? I'm assuming your John?" Groiucho asked John.
"I am." John said not sounding nervous at all.
"Where are you from John?" Groucho asked.
"I'm from Atlanta Georgia" John lied, he'd told Teyla that they'd have to fake where they were from before Fenneman found them. so they don't mess up the timeline
"Atlanta ey, mighty good drinks over there, I see you are also in the Armed Forces too huh?" Groucho said.
"That I am Groucho, that I am" John said.
"What Branch do you serve John?" Groucho asked.
"I'm in the Air Force" John said.
"Air Force very nice job, and the Force pays well doesn't it?" Groucho asked making John laugh. "What's your rank?"
"I'm a Lt Col." John said, "I'm retired actually" John added on.
"Oh, well you should do what I do." Groucho said, then he waggled his eyebrows at Teyla, "only you did it before I could." he said, then he turned to Teyla, "And you are Mrs. Sheppard, what is your real name, if I may ask you that, some women these days are really mean when I ask that question."
"I am Teyla." Teyla said trying hard not to sound nervous as John seemed right at home.
"Oh well that's a very pretty name, now tell me, where are you from Teyla?" Groucho asked.
"I am from a small town Afirca" Teyla said.
"Africa ey, very nice place from what I hear. Only what I hear isn't that great these days, I hear more on the road then I do here at work." the audiance laughed "now uh, how did the two of you meet up?" Groucho asked John.
"Well, Her family and my own are really good friends, only I didn't meet Teyla until I was in the service and she was a Nurse for the Red Cross, and serving in my unit,..."
"oh you met on the battlefield ey? Well that's nice, my own wife and I met on the battlefield forty years ago, and we're still fighting it out" Groucho said, "what made the two of you get married, was it a spark that needed to be drowed fast or what was it?"
"Well, We met during the war, when I was back at the basecamp because I was injured, Teyla here was my nurse" John said, "and at fist glance I thought she was an angel and I never got to ask her what her name was until I retired last year which was the same time that she also finished work. so I popped the question"
"Did the air woosh out when you popped the question?" Groucho asked as the audiance laughed at the question.
"Well, not actually I asked and she said yes right away." John said still lying but actually getting good at it right then.
"Well that's nice and how long have you been married now?" Groucho asked lighting his cigar
"Six weeks" John said as Teyla merely smiled and nodded.
"You've been maried six weeks huh that's grand," Groucho said, "Well I'd love to continue talking with the two of you, but now it is time to play You Bet Yor Life, you know the rules right, you start off with a hundred dollars, if you miss one you lose half your money, and remember the more the question is worth the harder it is." Groucho picked up the quize paper, "OK you selected Wars in History Quiz, you ready? Here we go." Groucho read from the paper, "What are you gonna start with?"
"I think...." John bent down to Teyla who whipsered something into his ear, john asked if she was sure she nodded, "we'll go with sevenity."
"Sevenity, how long did the American Civil War last? Talk it over you have a few seconds." Groucho said.
After about half a second or so John said, "Four years"
"Four Years is right! Good thinking there."
"You now have $170 dollars" George said from next to Groucho.
"What are you gonna go for now?" groucho asked.
"Well go with eighty" Teyla said.
"Eighty; when did the World War One end?" Groucho asked.
John looked to Teyla and she whipsered something to him, he niodded to her for her to say it and she said, "November 1918"
"That's right that's what it says on here, November 1918 the First World War ended." Groucho waggled his eyebrows, "You two really know your history." he said.
"You now have, $260 dollars" George said.
"what you going to go for next?" Groucho asked
"Ninity" John said.
"Ninity; When did America enter the Second World War?" Groucho asked
After a few seconds John said thoughtfully, "1943 I think I'm not quiet sure." he said
"Nineteen-forty-three is right, I have to asked you John what war did you serve in?" Groucho asked.
"I was in the Second World War War only the later years of it though." John said.
"No wonder you are good at this stuff, it took me a while to even know when America joined in on the fun." Groucho said.
"You now have $340" George said.
"What are you gonna go for now, you have one more chance to beat the other couples." Groucho said.
"Shoot the workls and do a hundred" John said.
"$100, OK lets see now, the first battle of the American Cilve War was in South Carolina, for one hundred dollars where was the battle fought?"
John leaned over to Teyla and whispered into her ear, Ffort Sumpter" Teyla said.
"Fort Sumpter is Right!" Groucho said as the music went off. "How much do they win George?"
"$440" George said smiling.
"Thanks and good luck from the plymuth Dealers" Groucho said shaking both John and Teyla's hands before they left the stage.
Stepping up to the Microphione George said, "At that means that in just one moment Mr. and Mrs, John Sheppard get the chance at the $3,500 question"
"What a nice couple, what do you think Fenneman?" Groucho said "Newly Married too"
"Well I'm already taken Groucho." George said smiling.
"You sure I think you look stood up." Groucho said "Where is your wife by the way?"
"She's backsatge, anyhow, Time has come for Mr. and Mrs. Sheppard to get the chance at the final question." George said as John and Teyla returned to the stage.
"Welcome back, you made it this far, and I'm amazed, you ready to go for the big money?" Grouch oasked.
"Yup we are." John said Teyla just nodded, this was just too crazy.
"OK the rules are very simple but then they should be for an old doot like me, you have 15 seconds to think over one answer between you and please no help from the audieance so here it is." Groucho read from the quiz sheet, "The Lost coninet of Atlantis was in batle shortly before it sank, for $3,500 dollars how long was the battle in total?"
The music started up and Teyla and John started whispering to the other, then finally the music ended, "well, what's the answer?"
"One hundred years" Teyla said somewhat shy.
After a few seconds Groucho nodded, "That's what it says here, what you have George, same thing? Well there you go you won the big mony plus how much did they get in the quiz George?"
"$440 dollars in the quiz" George said.
"Thanks and gald you got the big money and what are you planning on doing with it if I may ask you?" Groucho said.
"Well, I've been thinking of getting Teyla and myself a new car" John lied
"oh well, the DeSotos are great this time of year you planning on getting one? When you go there tell them Groucho sent you and you'll get a discount on a brand new DeSoto" Groucho said. "Thanks much for coming on and glad you won the big money." Groucho said as John and Teyla left the stages to get their winnings.
Ten minutes later they left the studio and headed for where John parked the time jumping puddlejumper "so what did you think of him?"
"He was.... nice and kind, like you are you John" Teyla then kissed John on the cheek, "can we go back home now?"
"We sure can" John said starteing up the jumper and within a nano second the pair were outside the SGC, with $3,940 dollars in their hands and a VERY confused Col Carter with a DVD mailed to the SGC with both John and Teyla on it talking LIVE onstage with Groucho Marx, John just smiled and explained everything and was given jury duty for the Newst Wraith prisoner, who later died from lack of someone to feed off of.
The end
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