Some of you may have seen these in fanfics, and thats where I got the idea. Add anything you can think of (preferably funny) that would help someone in the SG-1 world. These are a few I got off Starsplit144 on fanfiction.net. For the original list go there. In the meantime, here is what I consider the highlights of it.
Don’t make Yu jokes. You will be killed. They’ve all been done. All of them.
If you have only military training and are not General O'Neill, then you will die.
Your chances of survival are increased if you only have a PHD, but not guaranteed (as evidence by Dr. Jackson).
If you have military training and at least one PHD, you will most likely not die for a while, and if you do, you probably won’t stay dead.
If you're under attack and Colonel Carter needs to figure out/fix some technology, just yell "Carter!" and she'll do it in a second.
Be very careful with the use of the word “how”
Do not ask General O’Neill advice on crosswords. Especially physics ones.
Don’t call Colonel Carter a dumb blonde. The last guy who did was shipped out to Russia, and then ended up in Atlantis.
Never tell SG-1 “no”
If you do tell SG-1 “no”, under no circumstances expect them to listen.
The black saving the world outfits are only to be used when you are defying a direct order. Which is why SG-1 has so many of them.
Get out as soon as a situation becomes “squirrely”.
If General O’Neill knows stuff that was in your report, something is wrong.
If you want to let General O’Neill know something, do not do it in form of a memo. He won’t get it.
Don’t sit in the big chair. Dr. Jackson got shot by trainees with full powered intars last time he tried.
If it looks like you brought a disease that is killing of the population of some world, check for Goa’uld involvement, destroyed plant life, or anything else you can think of before blaming yourself.
High, annoying sounds can cause extreme irritability and headaches.
Pretty lights can be very addictive.
Don't suggest leaving a member of SG-1 behind anywhere, or declaring them MIA, anytime, unless you want to make a public fool of yourself.
Never say ‘It's too quiet’, ‘What could possibly go wrong?’, ‘This is too easy’, ‘What's the worst that could happen?’ etc. because that is just when something will happen.
Just because they look like they’re made of sparkly purple Lego, doesn’t mean they aren’t extremely dangerous.
Guns work on replicators. Zats or any other energy weapons don’t. Don’t flaunt this in our allies’ faces.
Wizard of Oz references are exclusively SG1’s property. Let them have all the trouble that comes out of using them.
General O’Neill is the only one who can mock Ba’al, or make Ba’al jokes.
As soon as someone starts talking in the first person plural, start running away.
Black holes tend to cause more problems than they are worth. Same with gas clouds.
Never let SG1 capture a Goa’uld mothership if you expect it to get back to earth in one piece.
SG1’s iris code has a habit of showing up even when they are on earth. Don’t be surprised at the number of duplicates there are out there. It’s SG1. Anything is possible.
If two people start acting like each other, don’t assume that they are just imitating each other.
Thor is the only one who can refer to any of Colonel Carter’s ideas as “stupid”.
Invisibility cloaks are not solely the property of Harry Potter.
Throwing bombs at stuff doesn’t always help. Sometimes it can make things much worse.
Don’t put two military people of the same rank, two aliens, and a civilian on the same team, and expect one person to have undisputed command.
Creepy eyes are just bad. Always. If eyes creep you out in any way, run away first, ask questions later.
If any of the scientists start reeling off a lot of technobabble, just smile, nod, and let them save the world. Unless it’s Felger. In that case, tell him to go run it by Colonel Carter.
When in doubt, use C4
Don’t make Yu jokes. You will be killed. They’ve all been done. All of them.
If you have only military training and are not General O'Neill, then you will die.
Your chances of survival are increased if you only have a PHD, but not guaranteed (as evidence by Dr. Jackson).
If you have military training and at least one PHD, you will most likely not die for a while, and if you do, you probably won’t stay dead.
If you're under attack and Colonel Carter needs to figure out/fix some technology, just yell "Carter!" and she'll do it in a second.
Be very careful with the use of the word “how”
Do not ask General O’Neill advice on crosswords. Especially physics ones.
Don’t call Colonel Carter a dumb blonde. The last guy who did was shipped out to Russia, and then ended up in Atlantis.
Never tell SG-1 “no”
If you do tell SG-1 “no”, under no circumstances expect them to listen.
The black saving the world outfits are only to be used when you are defying a direct order. Which is why SG-1 has so many of them.
Get out as soon as a situation becomes “squirrely”.
If General O’Neill knows stuff that was in your report, something is wrong.
If you want to let General O’Neill know something, do not do it in form of a memo. He won’t get it.
Don’t sit in the big chair. Dr. Jackson got shot by trainees with full powered intars last time he tried.
If it looks like you brought a disease that is killing of the population of some world, check for Goa’uld involvement, destroyed plant life, or anything else you can think of before blaming yourself.
High, annoying sounds can cause extreme irritability and headaches.
Pretty lights can be very addictive.
Don't suggest leaving a member of SG-1 behind anywhere, or declaring them MIA, anytime, unless you want to make a public fool of yourself.
Never say ‘It's too quiet’, ‘What could possibly go wrong?’, ‘This is too easy’, ‘What's the worst that could happen?’ etc. because that is just when something will happen.
Just because they look like they’re made of sparkly purple Lego, doesn’t mean they aren’t extremely dangerous.
Guns work on replicators. Zats or any other energy weapons don’t. Don’t flaunt this in our allies’ faces.
Wizard of Oz references are exclusively SG1’s property. Let them have all the trouble that comes out of using them.
General O’Neill is the only one who can mock Ba’al, or make Ba’al jokes.
As soon as someone starts talking in the first person plural, start running away.
Black holes tend to cause more problems than they are worth. Same with gas clouds.
Never let SG1 capture a Goa’uld mothership if you expect it to get back to earth in one piece.
SG1’s iris code has a habit of showing up even when they are on earth. Don’t be surprised at the number of duplicates there are out there. It’s SG1. Anything is possible.
If two people start acting like each other, don’t assume that they are just imitating each other.
Thor is the only one who can refer to any of Colonel Carter’s ideas as “stupid”.
Invisibility cloaks are not solely the property of Harry Potter.
Throwing bombs at stuff doesn’t always help. Sometimes it can make things much worse.
Don’t put two military people of the same rank, two aliens, and a civilian on the same team, and expect one person to have undisputed command.
Creepy eyes are just bad. Always. If eyes creep you out in any way, run away first, ask questions later.
If any of the scientists start reeling off a lot of technobabble, just smile, nod, and let them save the world. Unless it’s Felger. In that case, tell him to go run it by Colonel Carter.
When in doubt, use C4
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