my first fanfic
here is my first "teaser" for my story tell me what you think.
my breaths came riggidly, in and out of my body, i was so tired, but fear kept them open, the fear of the potentialy deadly wraith laying at the end of the ship(having trouble deciding wether or not to have this take place in a jumper or some type of jumper-like wraith ship?). after a few moments i wondered if she was still alive. "can a wraith die from hypothermia? i asked myself, at that moment i moved closer to her knowing better, and screaming at myself that it was a bad idea, i pressed on, she was lying on her side, i turned her over and propted her up against the wall. her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly, a thought ran through my mind,"is she sleeping?" going against everything that i knew about the universe and truly wondering if i did have a death wish, i placed my hand on her forehead, only to reel it back just as quickly as the thought had come to mind. "shes freezing" with out even thinking i quickly forgot my own pain, from the gun shot in my leg and limped to the rear of the ship, i spent a few minuets searching until i found what i was looking for, my bag was still under the seat where i had left it. i quickly removed its contents, a small thick blanket, some instant rice, four bottles of water, and book. i moved as quietly as i could back over to the half frozen alien. placing down the other items, i took the blanket and spread it over her. i kenw that i shouldn't be doing this saving the life of the person who tried to kill me, feed off of me, but with just one look at her frail form, my anger deminished, a i realized that i would rather die with someone next to me than die alone. after laying down, on my side of the ship. i drank one of the water bottles, and got comfortable, a short time later my resistance to sleep fell and i was soon consumed by the darkness of my dreams.
so? what do you think?
my breaths came riggidly, in and out of my body, i was so tired, but fear kept them open, the fear of the potentialy deadly wraith laying at the end of the ship(having trouble deciding wether or not to have this take place in a jumper or some type of jumper-like wraith ship?). after a few moments i wondered if she was still alive. "can a wraith die from hypothermia? i asked myself, at that moment i moved closer to her knowing better, and screaming at myself that it was a bad idea, i pressed on, she was lying on her side, i turned her over and propted her up against the wall. her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly, a thought ran through my mind,"is she sleeping?" going against everything that i knew about the universe and truly wondering if i did have a death wish, i placed my hand on her forehead, only to reel it back just as quickly as the thought had come to mind. "shes freezing" with out even thinking i quickly forgot my own pain, from the gun shot in my leg and limped to the rear of the ship, i spent a few minuets searching until i found what i was looking for, my bag was still under the seat where i had left it. i quickly removed its contents, a small thick blanket, some instant rice, four bottles of water, and book. i moved as quietly as i could back over to the half frozen alien. placing down the other items, i took the blanket and spread it over her. i kenw that i shouldn't be doing this saving the life of the person who tried to kill me, feed off of me, but with just one look at her frail form, my anger deminished, a i realized that i would rather die with someone next to me than die alone. after laying down, on my side of the ship. i drank one of the water bottles, and got comfortable, a short time later my resistance to sleep fell and i was soon consumed by the darkness of my dreams.
so? what do you think?