Convention Etiquette: Discussion and Advice on Do's and Don'ts

[GateAngel]

"Con Time is a reality and a schedule is often nothing more than a guideline."

LOL truer words were never spoken! Now that is a helpful insight

[Madeleine]

The actors themselves are perfectly capable for setting down rules and guidelines for interaction with them at conventions. They have convention reps and minders to assist them in dealing with any situation that comes up that might be inappropriate for them. They have the right to decide for themselves what is ok to ask them or how they want to react to how a fan is dressed or a gift is given. Unless otherwise specified, fans should not be making these decisions for them or for other fans.

I don't think the actors *are* perfectly capable of setting down rules at cons. If they were then there wouldn't be the horror stories about actors being upset by fans groping them / propositioning them / handing them 'adult' manips to sign / booing them when they come onstage / booing them when they like something the fans don't like...

They can't prevent fans doing these things and they may be too nonplussed to speak out at the time. Not all guests have minders, only the big names, and the con organisers can't have eyes everywhere or the prescience to spot the looney fans before they strike. How can it not be a good thing to share advice that may lessen the chances of that sort of thing happenning?

And it is advice, it isn't a law. And of course some people are going to disagree - for instance there may be people who think that it's fine for every question-asker to request a hug and come up onstage to hand over the cardie that they've knitted for the guest's new sprog... and reading the advice in the link won't prevent anyone from doing that; but it's a fact that it does annoy lots of people and reading the link might enable fans to make an informed decision about how they behave at cons, and how their behaviour is likely to affect other fans.

I know that old hands such as yourself know the con circuit back to front, but not all of us are like that. If someone had shown me this stuff years ago I might have been bolder and started going to cons sooner.

[GateGipsy]

Marla I'm shocked and perplexed that you took my post as an attack on you. What have I ever done in the past to make you think that I'd do that? If you go back and read it you'll see a smiley face (ommitted from your quote in your post). I was joking about with you. If I'd seriously thought you were actually addressing me I'd have modded you for that - as you know we have a rule about that.

[Jillybiehn]

I was not commenting about anything anyone said in the thread about conventions or their personal experiences or peeves or suggestions. My coments were not a personal remark about the person who posted the link either.

Got that. And I have thick enough skin from playing Post-Nazi in the Hussy thread anyway.

I was only commenting on the do's and don'ts list itself which a link to was posted here and along with an invitation to discuss it (no actual content of that list was posted directly to this forum in the post I was responding to). If you are one of the contributors to that list, then maybe you could identify yourself as such so I can better understand why you took my comments so personally.

I only posted that link because it was one of the few examples I could find that was CLOSE to the topic I wanted to discuss. This thread is for those things that I listed. Asking questions, ADVICE on dos & don'ts, and discussion of proper behavior in general. What may seem like "sour grapes" to you may actually be darn good advice for some of the more, um, die-hard fans out there. But the link wasn't supposed to be the main topic of discussion for the thread. Only an icebreaker.

[prion]

But the link wasn't supposed to be the main topic of discussion for the thread. Only an icebreaker.

Actually, the rules aren't really for die-hard fans, but face it, obsessive fans. The ones who live 24/7 for their idol. It's the same in any situation: music, sports, actors. There are whacky fans out there who think because they know everything about Actor A, then of course Actor A will welcome them with open arms. We've all seen 'em at cons, I'm sure, and online

I still chortle over gifts given to actors. Many fans don't think that a) the actor has to drag this junk home with them, b) they have no idea what it is, c) it's a health hazard[1), or d) they just don't want it.

[1] I was minder for an actor at a con back in the 90s and people gave him homebaked food. He looked at me and said 'i'm not eating it. can you taste it?" I said "are you insane?"

I can see some gifts - hand-made items that are small and easy to store - but the best gift is telling them you like their work and if you feel you must give them something, donate money to a charity of their choice in their name.

[GateAngel]

"I only posted that link because it was one of the few examples I could find that was CLOSE to the topic I wanted to discuss. This thread is for those things that I listed. Asking questions, ADVICE on dos & don'ts, and discussion of proper behavior in general. What may seem like "sour grapes" to you may actually be darn good advice for some of the more, um, die-hard fans out there. But the link wasn't supposed to be the main topic of discussion for the thread. Only an icebreaker."

That was my confusion then. However I still want to make it clear I was only commenting on the content of the list. My comments never meant that anyone's posted comments in this thread was pretentious or sour grapes. All I was saying that about was certain things in that list that bothered me and only that list. I hope that this is understood by anyone I might have offended.

[GateAngel]

Marla I'm shocked and perplexed that you took my post as an attack on you. What have I ever done in the past to make you think that I'd do that? If you go back and read it you'll see a smiley face (ommitted from your quote in your post). I was joking about with you. If I'd seriously thought you were actually addressing me I'd have modded you for that - as you know we have a rule about that.
__________________

I think that misunderstandings abounded in this instance and not all comments to you in my response were to something you said to me on the forum.

For the record, my opinion about certain things being pretentious and sourgrapes was about things I read on that list we were given a link to. was ONLY about material on another website. They were NEVER directed at anyone's comments or opinions posted in this thread. They were only an opinion/commentary on some suggestions in that list. I still hold to my opinion about those things.

I have seen many an innocent fan mistreated and misaligned by other fans passing judgment on them for things of so personal a nature as how they dress or what their personal hygiene is (some people have medical conditions that create embarrassing problems for them regarding body odor. They can't help that and the last thing they need is some fan telling them they are going offend an actor because of it).

Actors are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves once they realise they can speak up. At the recent Columbus convention,fans wanted Michael Shanks to take off his hat. He told them jokingly but firmly 'No' (or rather he said "kiss my a$$"). At the recent Chicago convention when he and CJ were asked for the umpteenth time to do the puff and ruffle he again firmly said no and announced that this had been 'retired' and they did not want to be asked about it again.

Telling other fans how to dress is going waay too far into someone's personal space and infringing on their privacy. I remember fans being horribly cruel to me when I had to attend the first gatecon wearing a wig because a medical condition was making my hair fall out I figured if I had to wear one, why not have fun with it and wear something punkish looking. The comments about me 'doing it to get attention' were cruel and hurtful (and lies).

Nothing hurts someone more than making them feel like they are going to offend the actor somehow. This makes for awkward situations for the confused fan and the actor as well.

Let the actors speak for themselves about what mode of dress, gifts or questions bothers them.

[Jillybiehn]

I am horribly sorry to hear of your unpleasant experience. I never meant for this thread to result in personal attacks on anyone. But you see, it's THAT kind of behavior I wanted to address. People just don't have any tact or sensitivity any more. And it takes more than a few subtle hints to get the point across. I maintain along with you that we have NO right to judge others by their appearance.

[Madeleine]

Actors are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves once they realise they can speak up. At the recent Columbus convention,fans wanted Michael Shanks to take off his hat. He told them jokingly but firmly 'No' (or rather he said "kiss my a$$"). At the recent Chicago convention when he and CJ were asked for the umpteenth time to do the puff and ruffle he again firmly said no and announced that this had been 'retired' and they did not want to be asked about it again.

Okay, so MS and CJ, confident chaps who are veterans of the con circuit and each with a close friend there for moral support, are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. I've seen other actors in other fandoms who aren't naturally confident, who were doing their first ever Q&A or who were onstage alone... and who were really discombobulated by some of the questions asked and by the behaviour of certain people in the audience. There are no minders onstage to lean over and say "don't worry, (s)he's just a harmless weirdo", just the poor worried guest, a horribly inappropriate question and an awkward silence, followed by a bit of stammering, reddening and clear confusion on the guest's part.

But MS and CJ would have been adept at handling it, so that's okay then

[BackStageJim]

I feel for any actor doing the ‘virgin’ con, as they are not really ready for the deep personal and many time rude questions

In NYC, MS had to restrain him-self from being rude to the kid who asked a very personal, rude and crude question/remark. This is the same kid who took video of CJ in the bathroom.

I heard the puff and ruffle was retired, since it was getting asked too many times, and the guys, being Gentleman after all, felt it was not nice to their female co-stars at SG. A laugh is funny till someone really feels hurt.

A lot of times the ‘security’ by the stage is there to get signals from the guest that this ‘fan’ is going too far. Sometimes the Q&A is cut short when a known problem fan is there too long or there is an outstanding issue with them. Yes, Virginia … there is a list.

[kelmah]

Slightly off-topic, but since it was'n covered at the 1 convention I've been to, I gotta know: what the HECK is this "puff and ruffle" I keep hearing about?

If it's too off-topic, could someone just PM me the answer?

Thanks

[Feli]

A lot of times the ‘security’ by the stage is there to get signals from the guest that this ‘fan’ is going too far.

At the German City Con last year the opposite happened. Security had just reached the fan who was ranting at Peter DeLuise instead of asking a question and were about to cut him off. But PdL signalled them to let the fan continue - then he lay down on the floor and rested while the guy continued. Of course PdL had the laughs firmly on his side and made the fan look like the idiot he was.

[Matt G]

At the German City Con last year the opposite happened. Security had just reached the fan who was ranting at Peter DeLuise instead of asking a question and were about to cut him off. But PdL signalled them to let the fan continue - then he lay down on the floor and rested while the guy continued. Of course PdL had the laughs firmly on his side and made the fan look like the idiot he was.

Class!

[Skydiver]

Slightly off-topic, but since it was'n covered at the 1 convention I've been to, I gotta know: what the HECK is this "puff and ruffle" I keep hearing about?

If it's too off-topic, could someone just PM me the answer?

Thanks

the puff and ruffle is something the boys used to do. whenever there was a female guest star, they'd be all over her. do you need anything? have you checked out the catering truck? would you like this, would you like that? they'd also 'puff' themselves up, like a male bird does, to strut thier stuff....while they 'ignored' amanda and teryl

once the ladies realized what they were doing, they got to enjoy watching it happen

[CoffeeGirl]

also, because they're from different countries their clothing/hygiene/eating
habits will be different from yours

In my experience, hygiene and clothing have nothing to do with nationality, but rather with common sense. There may be the occasional individual who doesn't change clothes or who doesn't shower for three days, but they can be American, British, French, German, Russian or any other nationality. It's not like people from a certain country are "dirtier" than others.