All I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned from Stargate...

[Seperated@Birth?]

I am putting together a list of Stargate "wisdom". Any help is appreciated.

All I ever needed to know, I learned from Stargate...

1) Never...NEVER leave a man behind
2) Never trust a politician
3) Never completely trust ANY Goa'uld (Tokra or otherwise)
4) If something seems too good to be true, it probably is
5) No matter how bad things look, Carter will find a way out

[Jeff O'Connor]

1.) If at first you don't succeed, get Thor to do it instead.

2.) Whenever new evidence suggesting extraterrestrial presence on Earth comes into fruition, ignore it. There is no alien life that we know of. There is no Stargate program. There isn't even a Cheyenne Mountain. Hell, there is no western United States. It was just a meteor shower. It was always... just a meteor shower.

3.) Mythology is no myth. Somewhere, out there, right now, your ancestors' favorite deities are kicking someone else's chosen ass.

4.) Some just happen to look better without hair.

5.) Kurt Russell and James Spader are respected but rarely spoken of.

6.) During the terrible Chevron oil spill, there's a slight chance a certain man called Walter was very, very stunned and facing a crisis worse than even environmentalists could fathom.

7.) It's possible for a recurring character played by one of a much-loved show's most important producers can be hated.

8.) George Hammond makes Jurassic Park's ailing man of a similar name cower in shame; there is truly no greater Hammond than the General of the SGC. Which, according to number two, doesn't exist, anyway. No it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Nuh-uh.

9.) Measure twice, then ask Carter.

10.) MacGyver never happened, it was probably all a dream. O'Neill should really start seeing a shrink.

[Lida]

6. Always head for the treeline.
7. When learning to box, always bend your COZARS.

[Freyrs]

8. No good can come from parasitic aliens.
9. When the world seems doomed call Carter.
10. Goa'uld always make idle threats.
11. Never listen to scientists until thet last minute.
12. No good can come from anything that grabs your head.

[Jeff O'Connor]

Eeee, everyone's posting in a continuous flow of numbers. All ten of mine are out-of-place now.

[Seperated@Birth?]

If you are mistakenly killed off in the second episode before the producers figure out that people like you...there's always alternate timelines and universes...

[ConspiraciesAreFUN]

23. Short Haired Blonde women can ooze sexiness through their pores.
24. Golf truly is the greatest sport.
25. Shooting people named Rodney is not a crime.
26. Doctors have a very short lifespan-rebirth-lifespan-doh!

[Osiris-RA]

(1. Never Date FBI Agents *and if FBI Agent* Never Date Non FBI Personell.

(2. Never trust any geek other than one you go offworld with on a regular basis.

(3. Appearances can be decieving.

(4. Having a twin in an Alien Lifeform is not necessarily a good thing.

(5. The Colonel is not always worth listening to.

(6. If someone on your team says they're seeing things, hearing things or having visions of the paranormal, LISTEN TO THEM YOU MORON!!

(7. If You ever need any stupid ideas, call 1-800- Carter's -Dumb - Ideas. Colonel Sam Carter, A special kind of stupid.

(8. In the future, try using your fron before poking your head in anceint alien devices.

(9. It is now proven that what are known as UFO's are really Thor in various disguised craft stalking then Major Carter. BOL's (Balls Of Light) are Orlin busying himself with doodling for his beloved Carter.

(10. Self control is a constant in life, something to be used at ones discresion - but if you ever encounter an abominal little being known as Rodney Mckay, feel free to let loose and join the Dark Side, if you will.

[Seperated@Birth?]

When returning from offworld, expect Hammond to want to debrief in 30 minutes

If you live in Colorado Springs and the big mountain nearby all of a sudden falls into the ground...it was aparently more than a tv show

If at all possible, take an empty spot on SG1's team...if killed, it won't last too long. If you are on any other team, when your dead...YOU'RE DEAD!

[NotAllowedToNameAnything.Ever.]

1. Aliens on other worlds always speak english
2. Atlantians occasinally put gates in space as a practicle joke.
3. when in dought shot at the guy yelling kree.
4. always carry a carter to english dictonary.
5. Most arcalogist can speak any known language, getting them to shutup is the trick.
6. the symbols on the gate must be atlantian for "Use at your own risk."
7. Always go to bathroom before getting in a puddle jumper.
8. advanced races can develop cloaking devices but not camoflague.
9. Jaffa wear armor just because it looks cool.
10. Even if captured and hopeless outnumbered be sure to use sacasim to p--- the bad guys off more.

[solar wind]

1. If at first you don't succeed, try, try...try, try try again!
2. wormhole is an expression, going through the apple/space not around it.
3. If Teal'c doesn't get your jokes, it's probably a good thing.
4. In the matter of blowing up suns, the first one is always the hardest.
5. bows and arrows not bullets are more effective against goa'uld with personal force shields.

[LiquidAK]

1) Its standard miliatry procedure to piss of Jaffa just before going through the gate with a joke or too
2) Carter knows everything
3) O'neill must now get a promotion each season, soon he'll be prez.
4) Carter too but less frequently

[Gate Trippin']

If at all possible, take an empty spot on SG1's team...if killed, it won't last too long. If you are on any other team, when your dead...YOU'RE DEAD!

* And if you think Daniel has died, fastforward awhile and think again (or wait till season 7)!

[yasureubetcha]

2.) Whenever new evidence suggesting extraterrestrial presence on Earth comes into fruition, ignore it. There is no alien life that we know of. There is no Stargate program. There isn't even a Cheyenne Mountain. Hell, there is no western United States. It was just a meteor shower. It was always... just a meteor shower.

Or deep-space rader telemetry .

Pack lots of bug spray.

Girl-cooties really can kill you...if they're Carter's.

[Macharius0]

1. If someone tells you you're in the correct dimension/reality/state of mind, they're probably lying.

2. Just because something looks/is supposed to be dead, doesn't mean it is.

3. Helmets may protect better, but hat's are lighter, don't mess up your hair as much, AND make you look cooler.

4. Cunning and skill will always defeat superior numbers, firepower, and technology.

5. You don't have to be a genius, or a member of the team, to save the day.

6. When in doubt, dial out.

7. Plan B should be used as often as possible, even if you don't have it yet.

8. Blowing things up is fun, but is not always the best solution.

9. If it's short, bald, and Roswell Grey, it will probably be your friend.

10. Under no circumstances should you eat the yellow ones. In fact, refrain from eating anything yellow unless you've tried it before.

11. Carter's intelligence is directly proportional to her sexiness. In other words, the smarter she gets, the hotter she is.

12. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how well you use celestial bodies to play the game.

13. The best solution to bad cooking, or late food, is Beer.

14. If you're not sure who to trust, shoot them both and figure it out later. Note: Should be attempted with as little lethal force as possible!

15. Fishing is the greatest leisure sport in the universe, even if you don't catch anything.

16. If you're in a particularly bad situation and powerless to fix it, joking is often the best course of action.

17. Dessert is best when eaten in large quantities, with friends, as often as possible. Especially if Jello is involved.

18. The best way to avoid a confrontation is to have lunch. If you're especially daring, go to lunch with the person who confronted you.

19. Under no circumstances should you gate to another planet carrying only Goa'uld weaponry. Carry a Zat for a sidearm and something more primitive as a primary weapon.

20. Never trust a clone/android/duplicate. ESPECIALLY if it's of yourself. See Rule 9 for exceptions.

21. Extremely arrogant races, that don't share, will generally get theirs in the long run. So if you're less advanced, be patient, you'll still come out ahead.

22. If you can't see what's in a body of water, you shouldn't swim in it.

23. If you think you're about to die, Don't Panic, it's probably not permanent.

24. Doctor's may be Napoleonic Power-Mongers, but they're usually right in medical matters.

25. If you're seeing someone elses memories, just relax and enjoy them.