Skydiver - please sensor me if this is OTT!!!
THE OH YEA WE SAY TIMES
(A top shelf gallus bossom publication)
AWARD SYSTEM OFFICIAL
It has been confirmed by the Court Liaison Officer that the Samandan award system has been finalised as follows: -
Blue Bean - This is the award of the highest accolade. It will be awarded to those Samandans who display a remarkable dedication to their duty within the land of Samanda. It can be bestowed on any member of Samanda.
It is expected to be bestowed so rarely that it will be affectionately known as the "Hen's Tooth" Award.
Any Court Official can nominate the award
The blue bean is a rare mutation of the common Samanda Bean. It is highly coveted by the citizens of Samanda as its hue bears an uncanny resemblance to the eye colour of the most revered Queen.
Blue Jello Bean. This bean was lovingly created by our very own President - and was awarded to all Samandan's on a complete Whim by the President herself in fit of benevolence.
This bean is a one off never to be repeated award and as such must be coveted by all Samandan's. Agent Dark is willing to offer security advice for storage of said bean
Heart Bean - This award will be bestowed on those Samandans displaying great thought, concern and generosity to fellow Samandans.
This bean is a close cousin to the Samandan bean and indeed does look heart shaped if held in a certain way whilst squinting.
This award is bestowed by unanimous decision of the Court of Samanda.
Viagra Bean - This is awarded to any Samandan attaining the age of 50. It will be awarded on each and every subsequent birthday.
The Viagra bean is the common Samandan bean laced with high potency Viagra
A warning notice will be displayed at the court gates when this award takes place
The Court President must first personally vet all parties interested in the subsequent and inevitable wanton activities
Blue Jello - This award is bestowed by the Court Archivist and Keeper of the Flame to any member she feels so deserves. This award is highly regarded. Anyone so bestowed is also rewarded with an accompanied feeling of great glee. This is the day-to-day award, which will keep the Samanda spirit high and posting stamina great.
Story by: B. Eanthur and Dunn. T. Hat.
SAMANDAN CURRENCY TO BE ISSUED
The court Accountant yesterday confirmed that the Samandan brown bean will be the official currency of Samanda.
The supply will be under the strict fiscal control of the Court Accountant - who was last seen shovelling the day's takings (bolstered by the yet to wane demand for the buy one Sam get one free offer) into the Court vaults.
The vaults are protected by 2 Jaffa of Teal'c like proportions.
The Accountant also confirmed an interim distribution of beans will be issued in due course and that the distribution would be documented in accordance with accounting standards. (yawn)
Story by: E. Benn and E Z Urscruge.
OTHER NEWS:
Ever Been Had?
An aspiring journalist showed great initiative when chancing across the Court Accountant in less than sober condition yesterday at the Old Hagg Inn. Seeing a potential opportunity the journalist deviously won the confidence of the surprisingly unguarded Accountant to bring a lighthearted story to these pages: -
The Accountant was in a less than appropriate state when I sat down next to her and it didn't take much probing to get to the bottom of the poor dear's worries.
"I just don't know what The Court is coming to," slurred the Accountant. "The court was once the realm of serious discussion pertaining to our revered Queen, but now standards seem to be slipping, morals of a questionable nature are bubbling to the surface, sexual innuendo is creeping into the posts. We've taken a turn for the worst. No sooner as I think I know what everyone is talking about and think I may get the joke, another comment is made which pours scorn on my initial conclusions. I daren't join in - I feel isolated, marginalised"
After this rush of emotion the obviously distressed Accountant slumped into an even more inebriated state mumbling about forks in the road and alternate realities.
After some background research it has been discovered that the Accountant is of Prude Brit origins, which may explain her consternation at the relaxed and sexually laisee faire environment of the Court.
And also brings us back to the question…………. Has the Accountant ever been had?!
Watch this space!!
Story By: T Wistunthenshout.
n.b. The Accountants name had been withheld to avoid great embarrassment at lack of carnal knowledge
Small Ads
Wanted - one pair of CarterChic boots. Must be fully broken in. Top price paid. - Respond to MajorSam
Bought and Sold - old and new jokes bought and sold - respond to ChopinGal
Photographic - All your Samanda photographic desires catered for - respond to Astrogeologist
Wanted - Large supply of wicks - the longer the better!! - respond to Astrogeologist
Urgent Notice Anyone having unwanted copies of the following publications please respond as soon as possible: -
Sex for Beginners - The a,b,c of love. A simple, thought provoking and inciting introduction to the world of sex. . The first in a long series of books by this author - By MajorSam
Sex for Women Over Forty - For those women with life in their men. A highly amusing yet comprehensive guide to the wonders of love for those entering middle age. - By ChopinGal
Sex Positions for the Arthritic. - Complete with free pull out vitamin supplement. Please have your physio on call when using this book. - Author unknown.
Sex Positions for Old Age - 50 positions with warm up routine and step by step guide - guaranteed to avoid broken bones, cricks in the neck, pulls to the back and those annoying cramps that occur just when you least want them to. - By Tsue Supplebyfar.
Sex Positions for the Prude - A censored illustrated guide. The only "yes really"! guide for those of an inhibited disposition. By R.U. Gettinhet PhD.
Please respond to box no 123 (may swap for copious amounts of Sloe Gin)
Ahemmm!!! Serious on topic posts to follow!!
THE OH YEA WE SAY TIMES
(A top shelf gallus bossom publication)
AWARD SYSTEM OFFICIAL
It has been confirmed by the Court Liaison Officer that the Samandan award system has been finalised as follows: -
Blue Bean - This is the award of the highest accolade. It will be awarded to those Samandans who display a remarkable dedication to their duty within the land of Samanda. It can be bestowed on any member of Samanda.
It is expected to be bestowed so rarely that it will be affectionately known as the "Hen's Tooth" Award.
Any Court Official can nominate the award
The blue bean is a rare mutation of the common Samanda Bean. It is highly coveted by the citizens of Samanda as its hue bears an uncanny resemblance to the eye colour of the most revered Queen.
Blue Jello Bean. This bean was lovingly created by our very own President - and was awarded to all Samandan's on a complete Whim by the President herself in fit of benevolence.
This bean is a one off never to be repeated award and as such must be coveted by all Samandan's. Agent Dark is willing to offer security advice for storage of said bean
Heart Bean - This award will be bestowed on those Samandans displaying great thought, concern and generosity to fellow Samandans.
This bean is a close cousin to the Samandan bean and indeed does look heart shaped if held in a certain way whilst squinting.
This award is bestowed by unanimous decision of the Court of Samanda.
Viagra Bean - This is awarded to any Samandan attaining the age of 50. It will be awarded on each and every subsequent birthday.
The Viagra bean is the common Samandan bean laced with high potency Viagra
A warning notice will be displayed at the court gates when this award takes place
The Court President must first personally vet all parties interested in the subsequent and inevitable wanton activities
Blue Jello - This award is bestowed by the Court Archivist and Keeper of the Flame to any member she feels so deserves. This award is highly regarded. Anyone so bestowed is also rewarded with an accompanied feeling of great glee. This is the day-to-day award, which will keep the Samanda spirit high and posting stamina great.
Story by: B. Eanthur and Dunn. T. Hat.
SAMANDAN CURRENCY TO BE ISSUED
The court Accountant yesterday confirmed that the Samandan brown bean will be the official currency of Samanda.
The supply will be under the strict fiscal control of the Court Accountant - who was last seen shovelling the day's takings (bolstered by the yet to wane demand for the buy one Sam get one free offer) into the Court vaults.
The vaults are protected by 2 Jaffa of Teal'c like proportions.
The Accountant also confirmed an interim distribution of beans will be issued in due course and that the distribution would be documented in accordance with accounting standards. (yawn)
Story by: E. Benn and E Z Urscruge.
OTHER NEWS:
Ever Been Had?
An aspiring journalist showed great initiative when chancing across the Court Accountant in less than sober condition yesterday at the Old Hagg Inn. Seeing a potential opportunity the journalist deviously won the confidence of the surprisingly unguarded Accountant to bring a lighthearted story to these pages: -
The Accountant was in a less than appropriate state when I sat down next to her and it didn't take much probing to get to the bottom of the poor dear's worries.
"I just don't know what The Court is coming to," slurred the Accountant. "The court was once the realm of serious discussion pertaining to our revered Queen, but now standards seem to be slipping, morals of a questionable nature are bubbling to the surface, sexual innuendo is creeping into the posts. We've taken a turn for the worst. No sooner as I think I know what everyone is talking about and think I may get the joke, another comment is made which pours scorn on my initial conclusions. I daren't join in - I feel isolated, marginalised"
After this rush of emotion the obviously distressed Accountant slumped into an even more inebriated state mumbling about forks in the road and alternate realities.
After some background research it has been discovered that the Accountant is of Prude Brit origins, which may explain her consternation at the relaxed and sexually laisee faire environment of the Court.
And also brings us back to the question…………. Has the Accountant ever been had?!
Watch this space!!
Story By: T Wistunthenshout.
n.b. The Accountants name had been withheld to avoid great embarrassment at lack of carnal knowledge
Small Ads
Wanted - one pair of CarterChic boots. Must be fully broken in. Top price paid. - Respond to MajorSam
Bought and Sold - old and new jokes bought and sold - respond to ChopinGal
Photographic - All your Samanda photographic desires catered for - respond to Astrogeologist
Wanted - Large supply of wicks - the longer the better!! - respond to Astrogeologist
Urgent Notice Anyone having unwanted copies of the following publications please respond as soon as possible: -
Sex for Beginners - The a,b,c of love. A simple, thought provoking and inciting introduction to the world of sex. . The first in a long series of books by this author - By MajorSam
Sex for Women Over Forty - For those women with life in their men. A highly amusing yet comprehensive guide to the wonders of love for those entering middle age. - By ChopinGal
Sex Positions for the Arthritic. - Complete with free pull out vitamin supplement. Please have your physio on call when using this book. - Author unknown.
Sex Positions for Old Age - 50 positions with warm up routine and step by step guide - guaranteed to avoid broken bones, cricks in the neck, pulls to the back and those annoying cramps that occur just when you least want them to. - By Tsue Supplebyfar.
Sex Positions for the Prude - A censored illustrated guide. The only "yes really"! guide for those of an inhibited disposition. By R.U. Gettinhet PhD.
Please respond to box no 123 (may swap for copious amounts of Sloe Gin)
Ahemmm!!! Serious on topic posts to follow!!
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