Story ideas

[Lee1818]

Heres the settin 100 years in the future the tau'ri have been fighting a brutal war for decades agenset a blend of A.I and minless cyborgs (lol i knw) eventuly the tau'ri push the enemy back to there would and atempt to destroy them once and for all but the A.I knowing its deffet is near and its unmeasurable intellegece used the stargate to travel bk to 2015.

Once in the past the A.I begines to slowly minupulate a race of humans as its army giving them acses to ships wepons and technolagy and in time to attack the tau'ri out posts and Earths intrests and a full attack on earth soon after with there advance ships and wepons and by comparison out dated ships of Earth battle above earth.

I Have alot more to this but i wonted to know what people think, if you dont like tell wot u dont like other wise keep comments to your self if ,you like it tell me wot can be changed to make it petter.

P.S i know i made spelling mistakes cant be helped im dislexic lol

[altimasmitty]

Sounds interesting and would like to read more before I give a true opinion, but It feels like the AI, cyborg thing has been used a bit much. Like I said I would like to see your writings first. Agood author can always mke something old sound new. So shoot out a few eps and see how it goes.

[Lee1818]

thank you for your comment, but the thing is im a diffrent kind of wrighter more of a novel type so i will work on Eps be warned it will be my first time wrighting ep format.

[altimasmitty]

thank you for your comment, but the thing is im a diffrent kind of wrighter more of a novel type so i will work on Eps be warned it will be my first time wrighting ep format.

I like the fact that you are a novel type writer. If you want some good writers on here check out stuff from s09119, cuttingedgex23, Commander Thor, and Laura Dove. Theirs have been my favs on here so far and they all do excellent writing.

[Lee1818]

Fast up date im doing a few drafts atm there are going to be short chapters for now and as i go on and get input from you lovely ppl lol i will work on making it better or eppisode format.

expect it at the weekend

[altimasmitty]

Sweet...cannot wait to see how this turns out.

[Lee1818]

Here is the first draft of chapter one it may be changed due to ppls input hope you enjoy comments are wellcome

Chapter 1 Hard times..

Spoiler:

On Earth a news report can be heard in the background explaining the events of the current crysis on Earth local riots are happerning across many contrys, as the news readers voice becomes more quiet a younge team can be seen asembling in the large gate room of the SGC and step throught the gate.

The team steps outs out of a gate on a diffrent planet lush in its green forests, the team starts to walk in to the dence woods while one of the team members looks up to the sky and sees a large purple moon in the day sky. Once the team reaches a small shead like building hidden amung the vegetation, inside there is only one door and no room to stand in one of the members of the team a scientist or technican judging by his apearance inputs a code on a hiden consel and a elevator doors open the whole team heads in the elevator and heads below ground and a large room with control consels and display screens can be seen.

The scientist rushes up to the contol consel and starts to bring the room alive with the control screens and lights coming on, the scientist explained to the commander of the team that it could take a while to bring the station online, hearing this a younge marine asked to go up to the surface for a walk seeing no problem to this the commander agreed and the marine headed to the lift and the doors closed.

While the air force Lt was looking at the consols and was about to touch one the scientist shouted at the soilder, while the commander of the team was explain what this station was to the Lt. On the surface the Marine was walking around the dence woods of another planet and he couldnt help but to stear at the large purple moon that could be seen, while he was day dreaming he heard a noise and quikly snaped out of it and rasied his wepon, as he slowly moved towards the noise to see what it was he heard talking but not in english.

At the station the scientist was still working hard at bringing the station to full power, while the commander of the team was talking to the younge Lt asking how she is finding her first off world mission, befor she could answer the scientist called for the team leader to explain that there is some un known interferance coming from orbit, but it wouldnt effect the stations operation, the team leader just told the scientist to enter it in the log for now.

On the surface the Marine hearing the strange langue droped to the floor and coverd him self as a group of 5 or 6 people walked by in heavy boots, all he could understand from the strang lanuge was 'stargate' and 'tau'ri', keeping dead still untill thay moved on. Once thay passed he made sure that there was no one near by and headed for the the station as fast as he could.

In the control room the scientist sudenly expressed a comment of joy as a confermation display could be seen on the control screen, the scientist reported that a sucsesfull test signal from midway relay station has been resevied and returned and that the station is fully fuctioning and running silent. Hearing this the commander of the team stood up and atempted to radio the Marine on the surface but because there underground thay cant reseive radio signals yet, so the leader orderd for the rest of the team to back up and head up top.

The Marine running towards the shead like building saw it a head and noticed the team coming out, he got to them out of breath and panacin the commander asking what is wrong is told about the strang group on this world, the scientist says that its not possible and how the SGC preformed a sweep of the planet befor desiding to set up the station here, the commander of the team notes how its possible that thay got here by stargate like them and orders the Marine and the scientist to head back to the station and get the radio transmitter working while She and the Lt go and opserve the strange group.

The experenced air force cornal reasures the Lt saying that thay maybe travelers like them, hearing this the Lt starts to walk more confadant. While walking towards the gate the duo come across a group of 5 people in strange armor and heavy wepons the cornal lowers her wepon and intreduces herself and the Lt to the stange group and trying to explain what thay are doing here, the obviuse leader of the group with the distictive helmet not really paying atention to what she is saying notices the Earth symbol on there shoulders and shouts out some thing which causes the rest of them to rais there wepons at the duo.

The scientist is atempting to bring the radio transmitter online while he notices the same interferance again, curiuse he starts to push a few buttons and the marin oblivuse to what the scientist doing asks him what he has found the shock of the the scientis face as he explains that it is a ship in orbit which is jamming sensors and radio signals.

The group take the two SG team mebers back to where the stargate is located where thay have set up a large camp around it, the cornal notices that thay are moving the stargate most likly trying to seal it to prevent escape the leader of the group which gave the order to take them prisoner walks in to a tent and bow his head in respect to what may be his superior and presents the two sg members and leaves, the superior takes off the helemt which a beautiful woman is reveld she speaks english to the two woman of earth and simply demands to know what thay are doing here. The cornal replys that there on a simple recon mission to determin if this planet is suitable for a base, and leaves it at that. The woman leans to her and states that she is lying and hits her.

The marine asks if the sub space transmiter is working fine, the scientist knowing it dose from the test with midways and the marine orderd him to contact earth and see if a ship could be sent, the scientist began working on the consols and very soon he had the SGC on the consol screen, the marin saluted the sgc genral and explained what is going on and requested a ship evac them of the planet asap, the genral granted the marins requested and a ship should be there soon as theres one near by.

At the hostile camp the two members are being interigated by the woman and seems to be feed up with there silence and pulls a gun to the Lt's head and demands to know where there comunications relay station is, suprised the cornal looks up at the woman holding a gun to the Lt head and is about to tell what she wants to know.

[altimasmitty]

Not a bad start...There are a few things that were a bit bothersome. The lack of conversation between individuals. It was in the story but I think that if you add in a bit on conversation you can start to get a feel for the individuals. Also if you expand out the details and split the story over a couple of posts(check out Continuing SG-1) you can see how much better that can work to provide you a bit more room to add to each part of your story.

Over all a pretty good start. Like I said I like the details. Cannot wait to see more.

[cflat]

Here is the first draft of chapter one it may be changed due to ppls input hope you enjoy comments are wellcome

Chapter 1 Hard times..

Spoiler:

On Earth a news report can be heard in the background explaining the events of the current crysis on Earth local riots are happerning across many contrys, as the news readers voice becomes more quiet a younge team can be seen asembling in the large gate room of the SGC and step throught the gate.

The team steps outs out of a gate on a diffrent planet lush in its green forests, the team starts to walk in to the dence woods while one of the team members looks up to the sky and sees a large purple moon in the day sky. Once the team reaches a small shead like building hidden amung the vegetation, inside there is only one door and no room to stand in one of the members of the team a scientist or technican judging by his apearance inputs a code on a hiden consel and a elevator doors open the whole team heads in the elevator and heads below ground and a large room with control consels and display screens can be seen.

The scientist rushes up to the contol consel and starts to bring the room alive with the control screens and lights coming on, the scientist explained to the commander of the team that it could take a while to bring the station online, hearing this a younge marine asked to go up to the surface for a walk seeing no problem to this the commander agreed and the marine headed to the lift and the doors closed.

While the air force Lt was looking at the consols and was about to touch one the scientist shouted at the soilder, while the commander of the team was explain what this station was to the Lt. On the surface the Marine was walking around the dence woods of another planet and he couldnt help but to stear at the large purple moon that could be seen, while he was day dreaming he heard a noise and quikly snaped out of it and rasied his wepon, as he slowly moved towards the noise to see what it was he heard talking but not in english.

At the station the scientist was still working hard at bringing the station to full power, while the commander of the team was talking to the younge Lt asking how she is finding her first off world mission, befor she could answer the scientist called for the team leader to explain that there is some un known interferance coming from orbit, but it wouldnt effect the stations operation, the team leader just told the scientist to enter it in the log for now.

On the surface the Marine hearing the strange langue droped to the floor and coverd him self as a group of 5 or 6 people walked by in heavy boots, all he could understand from the strang lanuge was 'stargate' and 'tau'ri', keeping dead still untill thay moved on. Once thay passed he made sure that there was no one near by and headed for the the station as fast as he could.

In the control room the scientist sudenly expressed a comment of joy as a confermation display could be seen on the control screen, the scientist reported that a sucsesfull test signal from midway relay station has been resevied and returned and that the station is fully fuctioning and running silent. Hearing this the commander of the team stood up and atempted to radio the Marine on the surface but because there underground thay cant reseive radio signals yet, so the leader orderd for the rest of the team to back up and head up top.

The Marine running towards the shead like building saw it a head and noticed the team coming out, he got to them out of breath and panacin the commander asking what is wrong is told about the strang group on this world, the scientist says that its not possible and how the SGC preformed a sweep of the planet befor desiding to set up the station here, the commander of the team notes how its possible that thay got here by stargate like them and orders the Marine and the scientist to head back to the station and get the radio transmitter working while She and the Lt go and opserve the strange group.

The experenced air force cornal reasures the Lt saying that thay maybe travelers like them, hearing this the Lt starts to walk more confadant. While walking towards the gate the duo come across a group of 5 people in strange armor and heavy wepons the cornal lowers her wepon and intreduces herself and the Lt to the stange group and trying to explain what thay are doing here, the obviuse leader of the group with the distictive helmet not really paying atention to what she is saying notices the Earth symbol on there shoulders and shouts out some thing which causes the rest of them to rais there wepons at the duo.

The scientist is atempting to bring the radio transmitter online while he notices the same interferance again, curiuse he starts to push a few buttons and the marin oblivuse to what the scientist doing asks him what he has found the shock of the the scientis face as he explains that it is a ship in orbit which is jamming sensors and radio signals.

The group take the two SG team mebers back to where the stargate is located where thay have set up a large camp around it, the cornal notices that thay are moving the stargate most likly trying to seal it to prevent escape the leader of the group which gave the order to take them prisoner walks in to a tent and bow his head in respect to what may be his superior and presents the two sg members and leaves, the superior takes off the helemt which a beautiful woman is reveld she speaks english to the two woman of earth and simply demands to know what thay are doing here. The cornal replys that there on a simple recon mission to determin if this planet is suitable for a base, and leaves it at that. The woman leans to her and states that she is lying and hits her.

The marine asks if the sub space transmiter is working fine, the scientist knowing it dose from the test with midways and the marine orderd him to contact earth and see if a ship could be sent, the scientist began working on the consols and very soon he had the SGC on the consol screen, the marin saluted the sgc genral and explained what is going on and requested a ship evac them of the planet asap, the genral granted the marins requested and a ship should be there soon as theres one near by.

At the hostile camp the two members are being interigated by the woman and seems to be feed up with there silence and pulls a gun to the Lt's head and demands to know where there comunications relay station is, suprised the cornal looks up at the woman holding a gun to the Lt head and is about to tell what she wants to know.

Not bad. It needs work, and there are some incorrect words, but not a bad start.

[Talus]

It's a good story, looking foward to the rest. Although there are a few mistakes here and there.

[Lee1818]

Hi and thanks for all your comments, i am aware iv made mistakes i have mild Dyslexia.
Im working on the re-wright of 'Hard Times' and the second part to it, ecpect it at the week end.

[altimasmitty]

I cannot wait...

[Lee1818]

A fast post befor i pass out i have not forgoten to post the the rest up but it has been a mad week, but fear not as i have a new computer and no choice but to do it tomorow.

Merry Christmas every one and dont for get to watch Dr who lol