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**RepliCartertje** · 06 February 2010, 01:23 PM

Nad: your telling me you don't know what a playboy bunny is

but but but...how??? Never watched Bridget Jones... she just is amazing as it lolz

**Oma-1** · 06 February 2010, 01:53 PM

*has definitely not got time to read all 20 pages since last visit*

Although I will comment on this.....

Originally posted by jumble View Post

Oh dear

Oma = German word for "granny" or "grandmother". Oma sex - pornography involving elderly German women. A German GILF.
If that oma's boobs hung any lower, she would step on them.

Su = 1. A way to say "Shut Up" on AIM or AOL Instant Messanger.

2. Stands for socially unacceptable. It can be used in many ways but is often used as an exclamation. It describes situations which are akward, tense, or actions which are inappropriate in a given situation, or simply unacceptable according to social norms.

Better use your full name in future

Ya know, I looked that up and though no way am I posting this!! And you call yourself Friend.

I'm not sure whether I'm gonna regret asking for opinions on this, but I'd like to hear you gals POV cos I'm....well....not sure how I feel about this.

(spoilered cos its really long

)

Spoiler:

You know how I posted the other week that Hannah had had her lip pierced? That was just the tip of the iceberg. I won't go into all the details or we'd be here all year, but suffice it to say that since she started College in Sept, my beautiful, helpful, smiley teen who loved all her siblings has turned into an angst ridden, unhappy, disrespectful, no-time-for-anyone-but-herself, typically cliched teen who doesn't care about how much pain she puts the rest of the family through.

We've had many convos trying to get to the root cause of her behavoiur in an effort to see if we can help her to be more happy with herself, but have got nowhere. Well, not nowhere. Lea & I, and Hannah, know why she's behaving the way she is. The nowhere bit is that we haven't managed to have any effect. If anything, we've annoyed her more because she knows that we know why she's behaving so badly, she knows what she has to do to be happy with herself, but she just doesn't want to do it. She wants to keep making the deliberate choices that she knows will hurt not only her in the long term, but her parents and her brother and sisters.

Which left us pretty much at an impass. With Lea continually trying to scrape me off the ceiling because I was just so damn angry with her for being so selfish and putting us through all this deliberately. Lea had been saying for the last week or so that although he didn't want to kick Hannah out of the house because he loves her so much and the last thing he wants is to loose his daughter, but he couldn't see any other option because of the way her behaviour was affecting us all. I was really against that because it felt like we would be giving up on her.

Yesterday, I asked Lea to give me a blessing. (A blessing is bascially a special prayer, but instead of me asking God something, the person giving the blessing tells you what God wants you to know right then - it's a Mormon thing

) I needed the blessing to help me calm down so enough to be able to think rationally about what to do next with Hannah. When Lea had finished giving me the blessing, I felt really at peace. I knew that Hannah was not going to change her behaviour or her attitude towards us. And I knew that we had to give her the opportunity to choose her own path.

So we sat her down and told her she had to make her choice. If she wants to continue living in our home, she has to obey the house rules (which are very reasonable - I know cos I've asked around a few young people I know to get their opinion) and show a little respect in that she doesn't deliberately do stuff that she knows will upset other members of the family. In return we'll continue to support her through college, pay for her college trips to London next year and Rome the year after etc etc..... Or she can choose to continue on the way she is, but she will have to find somewhere else to live.

I know which option she's going to choose. She's going to pack her bags. And that just kills me. She's my eldest child! I can't let her walk away knowing how much pain she's gonna bring on herself with the choices she's making!

She's away staying with a good friend this weekend and talking this all through with her. And while she's been gone, the house has been peaceful, there's been no animosity or anger or arguments. We went to the beach this afternoon with the kids and had a great time. I feel so guillty enjoying the time that she's not here with us.

The strange thing - well, I guess it's not strange.... is that despite the tears I've shed this weekend, and the guilt that I'm feeling, I still feel at peace with the decision we made. I don't know when she's gonna leave, I hope it won't be for a very long time. But I know that at some point she will. And that she won't be ready for what life is going to throw at her. I know we've done everything that parents can do. That this isn't because we've failed with her, it's her wanting to live her own life.

You know, this place is better than therapy

I think I've talked/typed my way through all this

But I trust my Woohoo family enough to post it anyway, because I know that any opinions you have will be given with love & hugs, even if you all think I'm nuts!

**DutchIndeed** · 06 February 2010, 02:06 PM

Originally posted by jumble View Post

Nad Playboy Bunnies.

Originally posted by RepliCartertje View Post

Nad: your telling me you don't know what a playboy bunny is

but but but...how??? Never watched Bridget Jones... she just is amazing as it lolz

Originally posted by starlover View Post

ROFLMAO!!!

I got one on my room...but that's probably TMI

Yes.

Originally posted by wine_buyer View Post

You mean this?

Exactly!

**josiane** · 06 February 2010, 02:07 PM

Oh Oma, I don't really know what to say

What an awful situation to have reached

*massive hugs* and I really hope it all works out OK in the end for you all. You know, as I know you do, that we are all here for you whatever happens and however you need us. *more hugs*

**Jumble** · 06 February 2010, 02:11 PM

Oma it's a bit difficult, because you obviously don't want to go into detail here as to what the root cause is and what you feel she needs to do or stop doing to make herself happy, but my feeling is that you have done all you can for the time being. Going to college often has the effect of changing the child we think we know into a total stranger, because it's the first big step out into the adult world. Rebellion is pretty mandatory for most kids at that stage

Don't feel guilty for enjoying the peace that reigns whilst she is absent. You're only human, and you have the other childrens' wellbeing to consider.

My advice wood be to keep the lines of communication open, make sure that even if she does move out she knows that you will always be there for her if and when she needs you. Let her know that you love her no matter what, even if you find her present personna impossible to live with. You're not rejecting your daughter, you're rejecting her current behaviour.

It's one of the hardest things a parent has to deal with, watching your baby making huge mistakes. I've done it many times so I know how heartbreaking it is. But if you keep on loving her and keep in touch, she will come through this and you'll have a good relationship with her again. It'll just be different, because she will have grown up some and won't be your baby anymore.

If you want to have a private rant/sob/whatever, I'm here

*squishy hugs you and Lea*

**wine_buyer** · 06 February 2010, 02:13 PM

Originally posted by Oma-1 View Post

*has definitely not got time to read all 20 pages since last visit*

Although I will comment on this.....

Ya know, I looked that up and though no way am I posting this!! And you call yourself Friend.

I'm not sure whether I'm gonna regret asking for opinions on this, but I'd like to hear you gals POV cos I'm....well....not sure how I feel about this.

(spoilered cos its really long

)

Spoiler:

You know how I posted the other week that Hannah had had her lip pierced? That was just the tip of the iceberg. I won't go into all the details or we'd be here all year, but suffice it to say that since she started College in Sept, my beautiful, helpful, smiley teen who loved all her siblings has turned into an angst ridden, unhappy, disrespectful, no-time-for-anyone-but-herself, typically cliched teen who doesn't care about how much pain she puts the rest of the family through.

We've had many convos trying to get to the root cause of her behavoiur in an effort to see if we can help her to be more happy with herself, but have got nowhere. Well, not nowhere. Lea & I, and Hannah, know why she's behaving the way she is. The nowhere bit is that we haven't managed to have any effect. If anything, we've annoyed her more because she knows that we know why she's behaving so badly, she knows what she has to do to be happy with herself, but she just doesn't want to do it. She wants to keep making the deliberate choices that she knows will hurt not only her in the long term, but her parents and her brother and sisters.

Which left us pretty much at an impass. With Lea continually trying to scrape me off the ceiling because I was just so damn angry with her for being so selfish and putting us through all this deliberately. Lea had been saying for the last week or so that although he didn't want to kick Hannah out of the house because he loves her so much and the last thing he wants is to loose his daughter, but he couldn't see any other option because of the way her behaviour was affecting us all. I was really against that because it felt like we would be giving up on her.

Yesterday, I asked Lea to give me a blessing. (A blessing is bascially a special prayer, but instead of me asking God something, the person giving the blessing tells you what God wants you to know right then - it's a Mormon thing

) I needed the blessing to help me calm down so enough to be able to think rationally about what to do next with Hannah. When Lea had finished giving me the blessing, I felt really at peace. I knew that Hannah was not going to change her behaviour or her attitude towards us. And I knew that we had to give her the opportunity to choose her own path.

So we sat her down and told her she had to make her choice. If she wants to continue living in our home, she has to obey the house rules (which are very reasonable - I know cos I've asked around a few young people I know to get their opinion) and show a little respect in that she doesn't deliberately do stuff that she knows will upset other members of the family. In return we'll continue to support her through college, pay for her college trips to London next year and Rome the year after etc etc..... Or she can choose to continue on the way she is, but she will have to find somewhere else to live.

I know which option she's going to choose. She's going to pack her bags. And that just kills me. She's my eldest child! I can't let her walk away knowing how much pain she's gonna bring on herself with the choices she's making!

She's away staying with a good friend this weekend and talking this all through with her. And while she's been gone, the house has been peaceful, there's been no animosity or anger or arguments. We went to the beach this afternoon with the kids and had a great time. I feel so guillty enjoying the time that she's not here with us.

The strange thing - well, I guess it's not strange.... is that despite the tears I've shed this weekend, and the guilt that I'm feeling, I still feel at peace with the decision we made. I don't know when she's gonna leave, I hope it won't be for a very long time. But I know that at some point she will. And that she won't be ready for what life is going to throw at her. I know we've done everything that parents can do. That this isn't because we've failed with her, it's her wanting to live her own life.

You know, this place is better than therapy

I think I've talked/typed my way through all this

But I trust my Woohoo family enough to post it anyway, because I know that any opinions you have will be given with love & hugs, even if you all think I'm nuts!

Wow! ((((Oma))))

It sounds to me like you've made the best decision that you could. It's the toughest choice but it's the one that will bring peace to your household. Your daughter may need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. Being away from home may provide her with a very quick (and possibly difficult) learning curve that will, hopefully bring her back to being the person she was before this happened.

*more hugs*

EDIT: Just read Jumble's post and as usual

she said it much better than I could so "what she said"

**Jumble** · 06 February 2010, 02:20 PM

Bree I was just thinking you said it better

**Oma-1** · 06 February 2010, 02:20 PM

Originally posted by josiane View Post

Oh Oma, I don't really know what to say

What an awful situation to have reached

*massive hugs* and I really hope it all works out OK in the end for you all. You know, as I know you do, that we are all here for you whatever happens and however you need us. *more hugs*

Originally posted by jumble View Post

Oma it's a bit difficult, because you obviously don't want to go into detail here as to what the root cause is and what you feel she needs to do or stop doing to make herself happy, but my feeling is that you have done all you can for the time being. Going to college often has the effect of changing the child we think we know into a total stranger, because it's the first big step out into the adult world. Rebellion is pretty mandatory for most kids at that stage

Don't feel guilty for enjoying the peace that reigns whilst she is absent. You're only human, and you have the other childrens' wellbeing to consider.

My advice wood be to keep the lines of communication open, make sure that even if she does move out she knows that you will always be there for her if and when she needs you. Let her know that you love her no matter what, even if you find her present personna impossible to live with. You're not rejecting your daughter, you're rejecting her current behaviour.

It's one of the hardest things a parent has to deal with, watching your baby making huge mistakes. I've done it many times so I know how heartbreaking it is. But if you keep on loving her and keep in touch, she will come through this and you'll have a good relationship with her again. It'll just be different, because she will have grown up some and won't be your baby anymore.

If you want to have a private rant/sob/whatever, I'm here

*squishy hugs you and Lea*

Thanks. *hugs*

We told her that if it came to the worst and she did leave, we'd always be here for her, she'd be welcome anytime. And that if she ever wanted to move back in she could (on condition she obeys house rules as stated above...). I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that she's not a child anymore.

**starlover** · 06 February 2010, 02:21 PM

Oh Oma *hugs* That's so bad.

....

Bad help

Spoiler:

But still *hugs* I hope it all works out...and know we'll be here if you need us.

**DutchIndeed** · 06 February 2010, 02:23 PM

*hugs Oma*

I'm probably the last person who should comment, given my age, but here goes anyway...

Spoiler:

But like I said... What do I really know?

*returns to WooHoo group hug therapy session*

EDIT: What they said!

**Oma-1** · 06 February 2010, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by wine_buyer View Post

Wow! ((((Oma))))

It sounds to me like you've made the best decision that you could. It's the toughest choice but it's the one that will bring peace to your household. Your daughter may need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. Being away from home may provide her with a very quick (and possibly difficult) learning curve that will, hopefully bring her back to being the person she was before this happened.

*more hugs*

EDIT: Just read Jumble's post and as usual

she said it much better than I could so "what she said"

Yeah, that's pretty much the crux of it Bree, she's always been the type that has to make the mistake for herself. She just can't take advice

*fingers crossed for this bit!*

**Oma-1** · 06 February 2010, 02:27 PM

Originally posted by DutchIndeed View Post

*hugs Oma*

I'm probably the last person who should comment, given my age, but here goes anyway...

Spoiler:

But like I said... What do I really know?

*returns to WooHoo group hug therapy session*

EDIT: What they said!

*hugs Nad* You may be young in age Nad, but you have wisdom. Thanks for your comment

*mutters* Even if you are completely crazy and bouncing on the sofa in your bunny hat

**starlover** · 06 February 2010, 02:29 PM

Originally posted by jumble View Post

<snip> Going to college often has the effect of changing the child we think we know into a total stranger, because it's the first big step out into the adult world. Rebellion is pretty mandatory for most kids at that stage

<snip>

Pffff...I'm still sweet and innocent after 1,5 years of college

*giggles*

Does this mean I can start to rebel against my parents?
Ooohhh....the options...perhaps get a bad BF that looks like Shep

or or or....something else...I know...stop learning and get bad grades...wait...I'm already doing that

darn it...I can't think of anything to rebel with. Hmpf.

*huggles Martin*

**Estrela** · 06 February 2010, 02:30 PM

(((((Oma)))))

You really summed it all up with your last line:

I know we've done everything that parents can do. That this isn't because we've failed with her, it's her wanting to live her own life.

There's no doubt that you are a spectacular mom. Please don't forget that. (Why else would this be so hard?) Someday hopefully very soon, she'll realize this and you can heal this awful patch and move forward. In the meantime, I'm sure you hope that she doesn't have to learn any lessons the hard way.

Originally posted by jumble View Post

Oma it's a bit difficult, because you obviously don't want to go into detail here as to what the root cause is and what you feel she needs to do or stop doing to make herself happy, but my feeling is that you have done all you can for the time being. Going to college often has the effect of changing the child we think we know into a total stranger, because it's the first big step out into the adult world. Rebellion is pretty mandatory for most kids at that stage

Don't feel guilty for enjoying the peace that reigns whilst she is absent. You're only human, and you have the other childrens' wellbeing to consider.

My advice wood be to keep the lines of communication open, make sure that even if she does move out she knows that you will always be there for her if and when she needs you. Let her know that you love her no matter what, even if you find her present personna impossible to live with. You're not rejecting your daughter, you're rejecting her current behaviour.

It's one of the hardest things a parent has to deal with, watching your baby making huge mistakes. I've done it many times so I know how heartbreaking it is. But if you keep on loving her and keep in touch, she will come through this and you'll have a good relationship with her again. It'll just be different, because she will have grown up some and won't be your baby anymore.

If you want to have a private rant/sob/whatever, I'm here

*squishy hugs you and Lea*

Jumble, thank you for saying what I wanted to say but for doing it so much better.

Oma you can also PM me if you need another ear to listen. I'm going through a similar experience myself.

**Oma-1** · 06 February 2010, 02:30 PM

Originally posted by starlover View Post

Oh Oma *hugs* That's so bad.

....

Bad help

Spoiler:

But still *hugs* I hope it all works out...and know we'll be here if you need us.

LOL Jann, that's not bad help

It's another option to consider if she decides she wants to stay at home with us.

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