Carson Beckett/Paul McGillion Thunk Thread

[Aang]

*I move from my chair to sit Dell's bed up just enough, sit up on the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around her the best I can*

I...I knew you were seeing something. I could feel it. But I didn't know that was what you saw, Sis. I'm sorry. *I look into her face* When I felt you get shot, I felt the pain like the bullets had hit me...when I finally got into the room and saw you, for one brief second I thought you might have been gone already. But then I realized I could still feel you. When I dropped to my knees like that, I couldn't have cared any less about myself than I did in that moment. All I wanted was to know you were alive. I couldn't lose you. *I feel the tears on my own cheeks, but I ignore them for once*

...And I'm sorry about your children, Sis. I know you've never once stopped thinking about them since you came here. You've never stopped loving them all this time...I'm so sorry, Sis. *I lowered my voice to a whisper when I said this, just had a feeling Shep shouldn't hear it*

[Dellruby]

*whispering back* Thanks sis, I had thought of staying with them, but I couldn't I was dead, they had all moved on, my youngest had already forgotten me

[Aang]

*I sort of hug her a slight bit tighter, still being careful, but hugging her just the same, and I whisper again* Oh Sis. I'm so sorry. But...in some small way, it's better for them this way. They will never feel the pain of losing their Mum the way you felt losing them. I know it hurts to see them call someone else Mum...if they had each been just a few years older when you'd disappeared...they would remember, but it would be a painful memory for them...the Mum that they lost...this way, they won't feel that pain... *I trail off a bit and just sit holding my sister*

[Dellruby]

-I know, I know not remembering me is easier on them, but it is harder on me. My husband must remember me...but he is already living with (at least), with another woman, and it isn't quite a year and a half! How long did he morn me?

You know I can't be sure, but I think I should be part of this conversation.
-No, not yet at least.

*he doesn't say anything, and I know from that, that I have hurt him, but I can't think about him just now*

[Aang]

I know it's harder on you...how do you think I feel every time I think that the Carson in my old reality doesn't remember me? It hurts. But I know it's better that way, he won't feel the pain of losing me...in his eyes, I'm nothing more than the nurse who disappeared. At least you didn't see the empty, confused look I saw in his eyes when he didn't recognize me...As for your husband...I can't say, but I would guess he probably still misses you. He's moved on...but I bet the kids still remind him of you...every time he sees them, he probably remembers you. And I bet it hurts him to think you're dead.

*I'm trying to keep my voice low, and I look back over my shoulder at Shep for a second, sending him a pleading look, trying to tell him with my eyes that now isn't the time for this*

[Dellruby]

I hope so, is that bad? But I saw the love in his eyes for his new woman. I know I have no right to be jealous, I've got Shep after all, but....I still want him to love me, I want him to miss me. I still find myself missing him sometimes....usually late at night what Shep is away.

[Aang]

*looking into my sister's eyes by now* The man would be stupid not to miss you. You were his wife, the mother of his two beautiful children. If he doesn't miss you, there was something very wrong there before you disappeared. *I keep my voice low, but I sound slightly fierce now, my eyes are glittering a bit* You do have Shep now, and I know you love him, but you have every right to miss the husband and children you left behind. You are allowed to miss them, they were your life...

[Dellruby]

*I nod to thank her....I'm past words now*

[Aang]

*I move so that I am sitting beside my sister on the edge of her bed, in a better position to hold her, and I hold my sister close, I'm not letting her go just now, and I find my hand reaching to stroke her hair gently* It's okay, Sis. It's okay. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just...just know you always have us, Sis. Always. We don't make up for what you lost, but we're here anyway.

[Dellruby]

-yes........sniff, yes you do! I do know how lucky I am *hick, sniff* I never had family like you guys back there...I didn't......didn't know what I was missing.

Dell?! *he is standing beside us now...I reach out to him with one hand, and he leans down and hugs me and Aang*
You do know I love you right?
-Yes....yes of course I do.
You don't have to go without anything here, understand me? ANYTHING!

-Thank you, I've got everything I need just now.
I'm just saying, so you know, I'll give you it all if you want it.
* I just nod*

[Aang]

*I smile at my sister, tears beginning to drip down my own face silently* You don't...you don't know what that means to me, big Sister...to hear that. I love you so much, Sis. I...can't imagine me without my sisters now...I don't think I could do it... *I trail off as Shep hugs us, just letting myself feel it all and not saying a word more about it*

[Dellruby]

um

[Aang]

We're a mess aren't we? What now! *confused look*

[Dellruby]

*at some unspoken signal we all let go of each other and sit or stand back, each of us wiping our eyes, hoping no one saw, a quick glance around tells me that everyone is either asleep or making a good show at being asleep. At least I know our voices were so low they can't have heard.*

[Aang]

*when I finish wiping the tears from my eyes, I smile a bit and look at Shep and Dell...somehow, I feel better right this moment than I have in days, and I know Dell will feel that, she always seems to know what I'm thinking even if I don't directly think it to her. I look around the room, glad that A-Carson had disappeared...he didn't need to see what had just happened*