Atlantis Rising: The Virtual Series

[Skie]

One of the key functions of DNA is to regulate the creation and function of proteins. In fact, proteins and DNA work together to perform many specialized tasks in the human body. But that's a discussion better suited to a molecular biology textbook, not here.
Besides, Stargate is science fiction, not science fact. So let's get back to discussing the story, shall we?

Yes, but there are certain issues ... oh well, you're right, back to the story.
(BTW you are right about the IOA, after all they are politicians. )


I was very glad to meet Jinto again, missed him in the series. Sadly he forgot the fact that when they awakened the Wraith they also rescued his father. But people in pain tend to forget such things, so I think you portrayed him and the Athosians very well and their decision regarding Teyla makes sense. Poor Teyla.

Quite nice space battle you have. Although I thought it took the Wraiths a bit too long to launch their darts, but that's probably me and my Wraith defense.

There is one thing I would like to mention and I hope you don't consider that as petty nitpicking. I like the strategy with the warheads but I'm not sure if they would afflict so much damage on the hive ships if you can't beam them inside. Because in THE SIEGE III when the Mark VIII explode near the last hive ship over Atlantis, they don't seem to inflict a lot of damage.
From the transcript:
(The warheads fly toward the hive ship. Darts fire at them and deflect them enough so that they impact fairly harmlessly on the surface of the ship.)
Another thing, why would Atlantis always try to circumvent the jamming program and get excited in ALLIES to get the jam code, if letting the warheads explode just beside the ship would be as effective.
But otherwise the space battle was well written!

Spoiler:

Nice twist with the renegade Asgards. It seems they must have done some homework. Because in TLT they didn't have the beam and were easily defeated by the travelers. And they also said to Jack: “We lost our intergalactic ships in the first battle and we did not have the resources to build more." and "We had no choice but to abandon our settlements and retreat to a place where the Wraith could not look for us -- a planet with a toxic atmosphere.“

[Southern Red]

Ep 1 and 2 read. You've done a fantastic job! Thank you for having revived the series I love. You know, there will always be critics and people who will try to find a small flaw in the script. I am not an inveterate fan but just someone who loves good stories with his favorite characters. And here I was not disappointed. In addition, English is not my native language, yet it is with pleasure that I will follow this epic saga ahead. And one more time, thank you !.

Thank you so much. That's exactly what we are doing, telling a good story with our favorite characters. We are enjoying writing it and am glad so many new and old friends are enjoying reading it.

Yes, but there are certain issues ... oh well, you're right, back to the story.
(BTW you are right about the IOA, after all they are politicians. )


I was very glad to meet Jinto again, missed him in the series. Sadly he forgot the fact that when they awakened the Wraith they also rescued his father. But people in pain tend to forget such things, so I think you portrayed him and the Athosians very well and their decision regarding Teyla makes sense. Poor Teyla.

Quite nice space battle you have. Although I thought it took the Wraiths a bit too long to launch their darts, but that's probably me and my Wraith defense.

There is one thing I would like to mention and I hope you don't consider that as petty nitpicking. I like the strategy with the warheads but I'm not sure if they would afflict so much damage on the hive ships if you can't beam them inside. Because in THE SIEGE III when the Mark VIII explode near the last hive ship over Atlantis, they don't seem to inflict a lot of damage.
From the transcript:
(The warheads fly toward the hive ship. Darts fire at them and deflect them enough so that they impact fairly harmlessly on the surface of the ship.)
Another thing, why would Atlantis always try to circumvent the jamming program and get excited in ALLIES to get the jam code, if letting the warheads explode just beside the ship would be as effective.
But otherwise the space battle was well written!

Spoiler:

Nice twist with the renegade Asgards. It seems they must have done some homework. Because in TLT they didn't have the beam and were easily defeated by the travelers. And they also said to Jack: “We lost our intergalactic ships in the first battle and we did not have the resources to build more." and "We had no choice but to abandon our settlements and retreat to a place where the Wraith could not look for us -- a planet with a toxic atmosphere.“

Thank you for continuing to read our stories even though you are finding them so imperfect. It's not that we consider your points to be nitpicky, but that by definition they fit. Your memory for little details in the show is so perfect that I repeat what I and others have said before, you just have to write your own series.

As to your point on the Genii weapons, in Return to Pegasus Pt. 2 chapter 3, we had this:

Spoiler:

Sheppard sat forward a little in his seat. “What if we tried beaming the Daedalus’s nukes alongside the hive ships’ outer hulls, then detonating them?”

“Like a remote minefield?” Caldwell asked, and Sheppard nodded.

“I thought a minefield was tried when the Wraith laid siege to Atlantis a few years ago. Why is this time different?” Richard asked.

“Well, that was just a string of ordinary mines,” Sheppard answered. “Once you put them in place, they stay there until something hits them and they blow up. The Wraith took advantage of the fact that we couldn’t move them and threw a few asteroids at the mines to clear the way. This time, we’ll be beaming the warheads right next to the Wraith ships and triggering them remotely. The hive ship won’t have time to take evasive action to avoid the warhead,(on comma needed) or for any darts to go kamikaze to protect the hive ships. And we avoid the problems with the Wraith jamming us.”

“Better and better,” Caldwell replied. “I think we can make that work. Can the Genii bombs be used that way?”

“They’re atomic bombs. I’d say that’s a yes.” McKay sounded snippier than usual, probably due to the early hour and lack of sleep.

Sheppard shot a glare at McKay, then continued, “The technical specs that the Genii sent show that they’ve been fitted with a pretty rudimentary rocket system. No guidance systems, just light ‘em off and run.”

Caldwell winced. “That could get messy.”

Now, I'm not the author of this episode, but it sounds like to me that these are atomic bombs, which are quite a bit different from the earlier warheads. I may be mistaken, and if I am, SK can correct me. In your example, the warheads were deflected and didn't explode right next to the hive ships.


And now, SGARising fans, there will be an unavoidable delay before the next episode is published. Check the Writers Blog on the website later in the weekend for a sneak peak at what's coming up, and I'm sure you'll find it's worth the wait. Follow us on Twitter for daily updates. We'll let you know when our next episode, Trust, is coming.

[Skie]

@Southern Red

There is no need of getting so sarcastic. I prefer to be honest and I would do the same if it concerned the Wraiths. Apparently you do consider it as nitpicking, which I’m sorry for as it was intended as a constructive comment since you want to be as canon as possible. And I do apologize if you got the impression that I found your story so imperfect, which I did not. Your story IS excellently written and you made a GOOD point about warheads vs. atomic bombs.
And if my memory would be so “perfect” than I wouldn’t need to check the transcripts on GateWorld, would I.

[Southern Red]

@Southern Red

There is no need of getting so sarcastic. I prefer to be honest and I would do the same if it concerned the Wraiths. Apparently you do consider it as nitpicking, which I’m sorry for as it was intended as a constructive comment since you want to be as canon as possible. And I do apologize if you got the impression that I found your story so imperfect, which I did not. Your story IS excellently written and you made a GOOD point about warheads vs. atomic bombs.
And if my memory would be so “perfect” than I wouldn’t need to check the transcripts on GateWorld, would I.

I do apologize if I came across as sarcastic. I am dead serious about you writing your own series. Our plan was born from frustration with TPTB, so why not put your ideas out there. Maybe you will find an audience as we did. But you must understand that we have worked for many long months trying to be as accurate as possible and, while we appreciate constructive criticism, a lot of what you are saying is not really canon mistakes, but different interpretation on our part. And even if all the points you make were canon mistakes, it's too late to completely rewrite our episodes to bring them in line with what you seem to want.

Or maybe we just don't get the point of why you feel the need to bring up every little detail. Put yourself in our place. You write the best story you know how, work hard to do it right, and yet someone seems to think it's all wrong and needs to be done differently. Maybe that's not how you intended to come across, but it's how we interpreted your "constructive criticism". We are glad you are enjoying the stories but confused by your unrelenting attention to our choices and need to check transcripts to find errors. We read the transcripts also, watched each episode multiple times, consulted TPTB even to clear up points of confusion and find out their direction for S6. Then we had a team of readers go over each chapter for continuity. We even got feedback from cast members which we incorporated into the episodes. Above all, canon or not, it is still fiction and choices were made that not everyone will like. We hope our readers can just enjoy the story and take it for what it's worth.

[Falcon Horus]

And if my memory would be so “perfect” than I wouldn’t need to check the transcripts on GateWorld, would I.

B-b-but... you cheated?!?

[Choo1701]

B-b-but... you cheated?!?

I think the professional term is "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."

[Falcon Horus]

I think the professional term is "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."

LOL indeed!

[s09119]

My only issue with this series so far is that it's billed as a series, a continuation of the show with episodes and the like. But these installments are way longer than a forty-five minute episode. "Return to Pegasus, Part 1" would probably take up an hour and a half with no commercials, it's just way too much plot in that space. Which personally I'm fine with, but it's not really the same as the show in that case.

Otherwise I'm loving the direction you're taking and most of the plot. I say most because some stuff isn't working for me yet, but the vast majority is wonderful. Hats off to you guys.

[Falcon Horus]

My only issue with this series so far is that it's billed as a series, a continuation of the show with episodes and the like. But these installments are way longer than a forty-five minute episode. "Return to Pegasus, Part 1" would probably take up an hour and a half with no commercials, it's just way too much plot in that space. Which personally I'm fine with, but it's not really the same as the show in that case.

+ Plus they blew the entire VFX-budget in part 2.

[Southern Red]

My only issue with this series so far is that it's billed as a series, a continuation of the show with episodes and the like. But these installments are way longer than a forty-five minute episode. "Return to Pegasus, Part 1" would probably take up an hour and a half with no commercials, it's just way too much plot in that space. Which personally I'm fine with, but it's not really the same as the show in that case.

Otherwise I'm loving the direction you're taking and most of the plot. I say most because some stuff isn't working for me yet, but the vast majority is wonderful. Hats off to you guys.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

We did indeed end up with just so much plot the writers couldn't keep it to the length of an episode. So rather than limiting ourselves, we are using the terms episode, series and show loosely and exercising our literacy license.

I think now that we have accomplished our big goal of

Spoiler:

getting them back to Pegasus

the subsequent episodes might be a bit shorter.

[s09119]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

We did indeed end up with just so much plot the writers couldn't keep it to the length of an episode. So rather than limiting ourselves, we are using the terms episode, series and show loosely and exercising our literacy license.

I think now that we have accomplished our big goal of

Spoiler:

getting them back to Pegasus

the subsequent episodes might be a bit shorter.

No problem! I would have commented sooner but I was sick and then really busy at work, but I was dying to see how you guys were taking Season 6. Should probably use spoilers for reactions, right? Keep in mind, I've only finished "Return to Pegasus, Part 1," I still need to do Part 2.

Spoiler:

First the positives:
- Characterization, my god! You were spot on with just about every single person on Atlantis, and it was almost as real as watching an actual episode in that respect. Congrats, that's always a tough one to get but you nailed it.
- Very original plot angle, especially with the Coalition cobbling together one last-ditch effort to reach the Milky Way and bring the city back. I wasn't expecting that at all, and seeing their dedication to succeed no matter the cost was striking. When Caldwell ordered the boarding of their vessel, I definitely got chills.
- Kanaan... had... a purpose? And characterization? And wasn't just a wallflower like his wife became? Wow.
- The espionage! That was so much fun to figure out, seeing as the Lucian Alliance has really taken that insurgency slant in Universe. It was a pretty nifty plan, though I think you made the drones way too weak; they should have shredded the ships in seconds, we're talking Goa'uld here.
- Your service to the existing canon was great, especially with the references to past episodes. Woolsey giving Nancy the recording Weir made in "Letters from Pegasus" was a really touching moment, and the repeated to Elizabeth and her blind idealism was really nice. I loved that character, and seeing her influence even after death was great.

Now the negatives:
- Already talked about the episode length, so we'll skip that. Your explanation makes sense anyway, but I'm still a stickler for the idea that if it can't fit, you just gotta do like the real TPTB did; cut it and move it to another episode.
- A little too much repetition... okay, for my taste, much too much. It was good to hear the Expedition members make their case to the IOA and Nancy as to why they should head back to Pegasus, but I think you overdid it a bit. Everyone said almost the exact same thing, just with different words/one-liners/accents, and to be honest I started skipping through the testimonials toward the end. It just felt like wasted space at times (see above point) The only one that really struck me as unique and truly moving was Teyla after Torren began crying. Seeing that inner anger scream out was so unexpected for her, and it really made the scene work excellently.
- Communications stones, really...? I mean, I think they worked great in SGU, but that felt really weird in an episode of Atlantis. I'll reserve judgment to see what you do with them, but that came across as out of the blue and unnecessary for this show. Earth has been able to contact the city regularly and without incident for years, and I was under the impression that we had a limited number of stones available anyway, just the ones from the terminal we ended up losing in "Origin" and then the ones from "Citizen Joe." How did we get even more without cutting down on how many can be used to contact Destiny?
- Nancy's reasoning at the end was pretty poor aside from the "Atlantis attracts bad guys" angle. That alone was a very convincing stance to take, though I hope you go into why the Lucian Alliance really did just happen to attack while she's there. The rest of her points were, unfortunately, rather easily refutable with the rationale of "set up another Alpha Site there and send DSC-304s" while keeping the city on Earth. I mean, everyone's taking a Genii's word for it that the Wraith are still trying to find a way to Earth; would the IOA really authorize another mission without first sending someone to ascertain proof of that?
- You just had to use the wormhole drive, didn't you? *sigh* I'm sorry, but that ruined everything at the end for me. We're told canonically that using it has a 50/50 shot of ripping the city apart, and yet here we use it for no reason whatsoever other than "it's cool and we have it!" and Teyla wanting to see what happened to here people ASAP. Besides the fact that I hate that plot device as written by TPTB, that felt like a really moronic move. There was no tension or even a mention of the 50% chance that Atlantis would tear itself apart right there in orbit above Earth.

Don't let the size of the negatives block make you think I didn't like it, though, I loved it! I just wanted to explain the reasoning behind my critiques and I can get a little in-depth. I'll read Part 2 once it's posted in full, good luck!

[gateraid]

Yes, but there are certain issues ... oh well, you're right, back to the story.
(BTW you are right about the IOA, after all they are politicians. )

The IOA's constant nitpicking of Atlantis's various leaders became tiresome throughout the shows run, IMO, but to me it was only a variation of the let's remove Hammond from command theme running through SG-1 for all those years.

I was very glad to meet Jinto again, missed him in the series. Sadly he forgot the fact that when they awakened the Wraith they also rescued his father. But people in pain tend to forget such things, so I think you portrayed him and the Athosians very well and their decision regarding Teyla makes sense. Poor Teyla.

Quite nice space battle you have. Although I thought it took the Wraiths a bit too long to launch their darts, but that's probably me and my Wraith defense.

There is one thing I would like to mention and I hope you don't consider that as petty nitpicking. I like the strategy with the warheads but I'm not sure if they would afflict so much damage on the hive ships if you can't beam them inside. Because in THE SIEGE III when the Mark VIII explode near the last hive ship over Atlantis, they don't seem to inflict a lot of damage.
From the transcript:
(The warheads fly toward the hive ship. Darts fire at them and deflect them enough so that they impact fairly harmlessly on the surface of the ship.)
Another thing, why would Atlantis always try to circumvent the jamming program and get excited in ALLIES to get the jam code, if letting the warheads explode just beside the ship would be as effective.
But otherwise the space battle was well written!

From what I understood of the scene at the time, the point was they were being intercepted before they got close enough to do any real damage. And these were different bombs this time, although the relative strength is up for interpretation I guess.

I would add that in reference to things they did in battle, canon seemed to evolve over the years. For one thing, beaming through the shields wasn't an issue initially. In Seige III, they were able to beam a nuke through the city shield, yet by Return II they couldn't do it again. In Lifeline, they were able to take the jumper back aboard whilst the shield was up and they were being fired on, but it was a major issue in S & R that they couldn't do that or beam Sheppard and Ronon up whilst the shields were up. I find it hard to believe that in No Man's Land, Caldwell lowered the shields to get the Orion crew aboard if they were being fired upon.

Spoiler:

Nice twist with the renegade Asgards. It seems they must have done some homework. Because in TLT they didn't have the beam and were easily defeated by the travelers. And they also said to Jack: “We lost our intergalactic ships in the first battle and we did not have the resources to build more." and "We had no choice but to abandon our settlements and retreat to a place where the Wraith could not look for us -- a planet with a toxic atmosphere.“

Spoiler:

We don't know what they did with their time since The Lost Tribe, yet And like the Wraith, these were regular galactic vessel (in so far as we know).

My only issue with this series so far is that it's billed as a series, a continuation of the show with episodes and the like. But these installments are way longer than a forty-five minute episode. "Return to Pegasus, Part 1" would probably take up an hour and a half with no commercials, it's just way too much plot in that space. Which personally I'm fine with, but it's not really the same as the show in that case.

Otherwise I'm loving the direction you're taking and most of the plot. I say most because some stuff isn't working for me yet, but the vast majority is wonderful. Hats off to you guys.

The discussion was had initially that they were intended to be in the vicinity of 60-odd pages, which is about the length of an Atlantis script (SG-1's are shorter, but TPTB's explanation was that they talked slower). How long these would actually air at is subjective - if it were written as an actual teleplay, I'm not sure there'd be a huge difference, as many of the words are describing what would be an image on the screen, rather than what is happening. But truthfully, I don't know, and couldn't say for sure unless it were literally converted to a script I suspect you're right though. As Southern Red mentioned, subsequent episodes/installments are likely to be shorter

No problem! I would have commented sooner but I was sick and then really busy at work, but I was dying to see how you guys were taking Season 6. Should probably use spoilers for reactions, right? Keep in mind, I've only finished "Return to Pegasus, Part 1," I still need to do Part 2.

Spoiler:

First the positives:
- Characterization, my god! You were spot on with just about every single person on Atlantis, and it was almost as real as watching an actual episode in that respect. Congrats, that's always a tough one to get but you nailed it.
- Very original plot angle, especially with the Coalition cobbling together one last-ditch effort to reach the Milky Way and bring the city back. I wasn't expecting that at all, and seeing their dedication to succeed no matter the cost was striking. When Caldwell ordered the boarding of their vessel, I definitely got chills.
- Kanaan... had... a purpose? And characterization? And wasn't just a wallflower like his wife became? Wow.
- The espionage! That was so much fun to figure out, seeing as the Lucian Alliance has really taken that insurgency slant in Universe. It was a pretty nifty plan, though I think you made the drones way too weak; they should have shredded the ships in seconds, we're talking Goa'uld here.
- Your service to the existing canon was great, especially with the references to past episodes. Woolsey giving Nancy the recording Weir made in "Letters from Pegasus" was a really touching moment, and the repeated to Elizabeth and her blind idealism was really nice. I loved that character, and seeing her influence even after death was great.

Now the negatives:
- Already talked about the episode length, so we'll skip that. Your explanation makes sense anyway, but I'm still a stickler for the idea that if it can't fit, you just gotta do like the real TPTB did; cut it and move it to another episode.
- A little too much repetition... okay, for my taste, much too much. It was good to hear the Expedition members make their case to the IOA and Nancy as to why they should head back to Pegasus, but I think you overdid it a bit. Everyone said almost the exact same thing, just with different words/one-liners/accents, and to be honest I started skipping through the testimonials toward the end. It just felt like wasted space at times (see above point) The only one that really struck me as unique and truly moving was Teyla after Torren began crying. Seeing that inner anger scream out was so unexpected for her, and it really made the scene work excellently.
- Communications stones, really...? I mean, I think they worked great in SGU, but that felt really weird in an episode of Atlantis. I'll reserve judgment to see what you do with them, but that came across as out of the blue and unnecessary for this show. Earth has been able to contact the city regularly and without incident for years, and I was under the impression that we had a limited number of stones available anyway, just the ones from the terminal we ended up losing in "Origin" and then the ones from "Citizen Joe." How did we get even more without cutting down on how many can be used to contact Destiny?
- Nancy's reasoning at the end was pretty poor aside from the "Atlantis attracts bad guys" angle. That alone was a very convincing stance to take, though I hope you go into why the Lucian Alliance really did just happen to attack while she's there. The rest of her points were, unfortunately, rather easily refutable with the rationale of "set up another Alpha Site there and send DSC-304s" while keeping the city on Earth. I mean, everyone's taking a Genii's word for it that the Wraith are still trying to find a way to Earth; would the IOA really authorize another mission without first sending someone to ascertain proof of that?
- You just had to use the wormhole drive, didn't you? *sigh* I'm sorry, but that ruined everything at the end for me. We're told canonically that using it has a 50/50 shot of ripping the city apart, and yet here we use it for no reason whatsoever other than "it's cool and we have it!" and Teyla wanting to see what happened to here people ASAP. Besides the fact that I hate that plot device as written by TPTB, that felt like a really moronic move. There was no tension or even a mention of the 50% chance that Atlantis would tear itself apart right there in orbit above Earth.

Don't let the size of the negatives block make you think I didn't like it, though, I loved it! I just wanted to explain the reasoning behind my critiques and I can get a little in-depth. I'll read Part 2 once it's posted in full, good luck!

Good critiques

Spoiler:

As to the wormhole drive, I was not a fan of it in the show proper either Stay tuned for developments in RTP II

The communication stones were one of the things that SGU did quite well (IMO). I'm told they'll be used sparingly in this incarnation.

Re Nancy's explantion, I think the reasoning behind it was that Earth was being attacked because Atlantis was there. At the time of her arguement, Atlantis should be able to head to Pegasus at full power, then be able to come back quickly and with ease if necessary for the defence of Earth. Now, that would make for a boring series, no

[Scary Kitty]

A few comments on a few comments:

On the length of episodes, yeah, Part 1 is kinda long. But remember, the standard episode script is for 42-45 minutes. The rest of the timeslot is taken up by commercials. So... just think of RtP 1 as a Very Special Season Premiere With No Commercial Interruptions, Sponsored by Your Favorite Corporate Sponsor of Choice.

The communication stones:

Spoiler:

As gateraid pointed out, we will be using the stones sparingly and only when necessary. Keep that in mind when you read Part 2. On the subject of where we could've gotten more stones, don't forget about the stones and terminal that Team Atlantis encountered in Season 5's Identity. Ronon blasted that terminal to break the connection between Keller and Neeva, but the stones themselves might still be usable. And there's always the possibility that more stones could've been found somewhere.

The wormhole drive:

Spoiler:

Trust me, we never really liked the wormhole drive either. I think you'll like what happens in Part 2.

Thanks for sticking with us!

[StargateWatcher]

Spoiler:

Nice twist with the renegade Asgards. It seems they must have done some homework. Because in TLT they didn't have the beam and were easily defeated by the travelers. And they also said to Jack: “We lost our intergalactic ships in the first battle and we did not have the resources to build more." and "We had no choice but to abandon our settlements and retreat to a place where the Wraith could not look for us -- a planet with a toxic atmosphere.“

[/QUOTE]

said to Daniel u mean? Jack wasn't in that ep

[Eri13]

On the length thing, just to add--we did have a ton of plot to play with and some of it was just fun to put on paper! But one added element for us is that we also have to write out scenes, settings and character expressions, which are all displayed visually on television and occur in the blink of an eye. To establish mood, sense of character feeling, etc, we had to describe it for you, which definitely adds length over a traditional teleplay. And then, of course, the narration being in character POV meant we had to get in character's heads & thoughts, which isn't a part of TV.

No problem! I would have commented sooner but I was sick and then really busy at work, but I was dying to see how you guys were taking Season 6. Should probably use spoilers for reactions, right? Keep in mind, I've only finished "Return to Pegasus, Part 1," I still need to do Part 2.

Spoiler:

First the positives:
- Characterization, my god! You were spot on with just about every single person on Atlantis, and it was almost as real as watching an actual episode in that respect. Congrats, that's always a tough one to get but you nailed it.
- Very original plot angle, especially with the Coalition cobbling together one last-ditch effort to reach the Milky Way and bring the city back. I wasn't expecting that at all, and seeing their dedication to succeed no matter the cost was striking. When Caldwell ordered the boarding of their vessel, I definitely got chills.
- Kanaan... had... a purpose? And characterization? And wasn't just a wallflower like his wife became? Wow.
- The espionage! That was so much fun to figure out, seeing as the Lucian Alliance has really taken that insurgency slant in Universe. It was a pretty nifty plan, though I think you made the drones way too weak; they should have shredded the ships in seconds, we're talking Goa'uld here.
- Your service to the existing canon was great, especially with the references to past episodes. Woolsey giving Nancy the recording Weir made in "Letters from Pegasus" was a really touching moment, and the repeated to Elizabeth and her blind idealism was really nice. I loved that character, and seeing her influence even after death was great.

Now the negatives:
- Already talked about the episode length, so we'll skip that. Your explanation makes sense anyway, but I'm still a stickler for the idea that if it can't fit, you just gotta do like the real TPTB did; cut it and move it to another episode.
- A little too much repetition... okay, for my taste, much too much. It was good to hear the Expedition members make their case to the IOA and Nancy as to why they should head back to Pegasus, but I think you overdid it a bit. Everyone said almost the exact same thing, just with different words/one-liners/accents, and to be honest I started skipping through the testimonials toward the end. It just felt like wasted space at times (see above point) The only one that really struck me as unique and truly moving was Teyla after Torren began crying. Seeing that inner anger scream out was so unexpected for her, and it really made the scene work excellently.
- Communications stones, really...? I mean, I think they worked great in SGU, but that felt really weird in an episode of Atlantis. I'll reserve judgment to see what you do with them, but that came across as out of the blue and unnecessary for this show. Earth has been able to contact the city regularly and without incident for years, and I was under the impression that we had a limited number of stones available anyway, just the ones from the terminal we ended up losing in "Origin" and then the ones from "Citizen Joe." How did we get even more without cutting down on how many can be used to contact Destiny?
- Nancy's reasoning at the end was pretty poor aside from the "Atlantis attracts bad guys" angle. That alone was a very convincing stance to take, though I hope you go into why the Lucian Alliance really did just happen to attack while she's there. The rest of her points were, unfortunately, rather easily refutable with the rationale of "set up another Alpha Site there and send DSC-304s" while keeping the city on Earth. I mean, everyone's taking a Genii's word for it that the Wraith are still trying to find a way to Earth; would the IOA really authorize another mission without first sending someone to ascertain proof of that?
- You just had to use the wormhole drive, didn't you? *sigh* I'm sorry, but that ruined everything at the end for me. We're told canonically that using it has a 50/50 shot of ripping the city apart, and yet here we use it for no reason whatsoever other than "it's cool and we have it!" and Teyla wanting to see what happened to here people ASAP. Besides the fact that I hate that plot device as written by TPTB, that felt like a really moronic move. There was no tension or even a mention of the 50% chance that Atlantis would tear itself apart right there in orbit above Earth.

Don't let the size of the negatives block make you think I didn't like it, though, I loved it! I just wanted to explain the reasoning behind my critiques and I can get a little in-depth. I'll read Part 2 once it's posted in full, good luck!

Thanks for the comments!

On to one or two of your questions/comments...

Spoiler:

I'm glad you liked the situation on the Coria. I felt like it needed to be there to show the desperation of Pegasus. It was a bit darker than I first thought I'd get but the Coria, Mayel and the Pegasus peoples became some of my favorite parts to write.

In RTP I, the greatest difficulty was in finding the reason to allow them to go back. I'm a rational person by nature, so in my head, there's absolutely no reason to have them go back. TPTB pretty much made it logically impossible for them to go back by landing the City on Earth, given politics, red tape, etc. We all know IRL it just wouldn't happen; I'm curious to how they would have done it.

But, since Atlantis is about Pegasus, back they had to go--and the only thread I could come up with that made any kind of sense was the idealism one, since that is always what SG seems to hearken back to. It's the reason SG-1 stepped through the gate in the first place--exploration and discovery and the chance to make the human race bigger and better. So that became Nancy's primary argument, one that was so idealistic the IOA really couldn't counter it.

But do I think IRL one woman would have the call about a huge alien city equipped with weapons more powerful than anything else on Earth; power cells the likes of which the world has never seen; a host of advanced technologies; a shield capable of protecting 1/3 of the planet from attack; and computers that can talk to whales, advance the human race to ascension and play the best version of the SIMS ever? No.

I think when we say we're trying to do a virtual continuation, that means along with staying true to the characters we're also incorporating the spirit and build of the show, too, which had some science fact and a lot more science fiction. Sometimes it's a hard line to draw--every reader will have a different opinion of what makes 'sense' in a sci-fi world. Fans who are doctors will scoff at the medical inconsistencies yet overlook ZPMs draining again and again; fans who are engineers would shake their heads at power fluctuations and maybe take retroviruses rewriting complex DNA sequences at their word. Whatever you see as flaws, though, I hope in general you're enjoying the story.

*LOL* The Communications Stones were put in to acknowledge their existence and that we didn't forget SGU, but don't expect them to become a common part of Atlantis.

As to the Wormhole Drive? None of us were fans. I think we actually put it back into the story without complications because of what we wanted to do to it in RTP II.