Got a question...

[imzadi35]

Here's the pic of Caitlin I used for the whole of the three stories...



Notice her eyes and how blue they are. And if you're wondering, I created this pic from a picture of a model I found and liked. I just adjusted the eye and hair color.

[Seaboe Muffinchucker]

Okay, I'm reading these critiques and your responses, and you clearly have no intention of changing anything. You're hung up on her physical appearance and you want her story to be melodramatic. Fine. You're just going to have to accept that under the circumstances, some people are going to say she's a Mary Sue.

Seaboe

[imzadi35]

I plan to listen to what everyone has to say, and make changes accordingly. But I have a couple of people here where I live that have read the story and liked it a lot. Besides, I've been told that I'm a good writer. I'm not perfect by any means, but I do the best I can.

[Gatefan1976]

Okay, I'm reading these critiques and your responses, and you clearly have no intention of changing anything. You're hung up on her physical appearance and you want her story to be melodramatic. Fine. You're just going to have to accept that under the circumstances, some people are going to say she's a Mary Sue.

Seaboe

Just to add to this, you should listen to this.

Yes, it's about gaming, specifically miniature painting, but it is really about critiquing the highly subjective subject of -art-, and writing is certainly an art form.

[StargateMillennium]

Just for the sake of argument, could you describe to me Caitlin without mentioning her physical traits/appearance, history, role in the story, or job?

[imzadi35]

Caitlin is a person who doesn't want to get hurt again, so she's careful not to let someone like Daniel into her life. She's strong in the knowledge of healing arts, and strong in the belief that her mother was 'normal'. Not sure what else to say about her. Why do you ask?

[Gatefan1976]

Caitlin is a person who doesn't want to get hurt again, so she's careful not to let someone like Daniel into her life. She's strong in the knowledge of healing arts, and strong in the belief that her mother was 'normal'. Not sure what else to say about her. Why do you ask?

It's the Bechdel-Wallace test.

[StargateMillennium]

It's not the Bechdel test (that's if two named women talk to each other about something other than a male). The exact prompt was: "Describe the following [media] character without saying what they look like, what costume they wore, or what their profession is, or what their role in the [media] was. Describe the character to your friends as if they never saw [media]"

It's just a method that I find extremely helpful when developing characters. When I originally found it, it was used on Star Wars and on Mass Effect to compare characters in the OT to the other media (Prequel vs OT)(ME:T vs ME:A).

See for yourself.
Garrus: strong sense of justice, willing to break a few laws if it means doing what is right, has a strong moral code he holds himself and others to and often simplifies situations as black and white because he doesn't know what to do if he can't apply said code, often diffuses tense situations and injuries with sarcasm and humor.

Han Solo: Scoundrel, looks out for No. 1, willing to do nearly anything to survive, sarcastic and smooth talking, despite seeming callous and selfish he is extremely loyal and has a strong sense of morality and can even be selfless if he thinks the cause is worth it.

You can do it to other characters in other media. It seems to be a very useful method when developing characters. I use this method on my own characters to help develop them. It could help you make Catherine stand out more. As I mentioned earlier, I felt you needed to put more focus on her personality and less on her appearance.

[Seaboe Muffinchucker]

It's a way of making sure your characters are not just their looks or background. If the color of your eyes is the most important thing about you, then you're not much of a person, are you? You're a photograph.

Seaboe

[imzadi35]

I get it now. I can work on that, but the eye color gets explained later on in the next story, too. Thank you though for all your help so far.

[Seaboe Muffinchucker]

Imzadi35, pretend I'm an editor, and I've expressed interest in your story--but only if you ditch the eye color stuff. I tell you I think it distracts from the plot and is annoying.

What do you say?

Seaboe

[imzadi35]

I say that I can get rid of it, if need be. Do I need to?

[Seaboe Muffinchucker]

That is the correct answer.

Now, given that, why do you keep putting emphasis on her eyes when the people here are saying her eyes shouldn't be the focus? Forget her eyes. No one cares about her eyes. They care about whether she comes across as a real person, with real flaws and competencies.

Seaboe

[imzadi35]

In the second story it's revealed that she's a descendant of an Ascended being. The eye color comes from them.

[Skydiver]

So treat the eye color things like the hair color in Game of Thrones.
Gendry is Robert’s bastard son, his kids have black hair.
Tommen, Marcella and Joffrey are all blonde due to their parentage.

PUt your plot device in place and move on.