Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

[wise one]

doctor: K9 STOP HUMPING THE TOASTER!!!

'' This is not a waste of time..YOU are a time lord, have you ever given money to the labour party?

[wise one]

DALEK: THIS IS MY DALEK POETRY READING!!!
THIS ONE IS CALLED DAPHADILS
EX-TERMINATE DAPHADILS

[JJSNgadget]

The sonic screwdriver?

"It has three settings"

Low, high, and ohmygawd!!!!!!!!!!!

[JJSNgadget]

doctor: K9 STOP HUMPING THE TOASTER!!!

'' This is not a waste of time..YOU are a time lord, have you ever given money to the labour party?

K9: But master, it is shiny and goes ding when there's stuff.
Martha: At least it leaves the chickens intact.

[Allestian]

*Clears throat*

Jack: "I've decided to create new rules for the Hub. There's to be...no kissing, no hugging, no smiling, no laughing, no smut...no having fun of any kind. Especially me."
(GUNSHOT)
Owen: "Now that we have that cleared up..."

[sillyscipia]

*Clears throat*

Jack: "I've decided to create new rules for the Hub. There's to be...no kissing, no hugging, no smiling, no laughing, no smut...no having fun of any kind. Especially me."
(GUNSHOT)
Owen: "Now that we have that cleared up..."

*Jack comes back again*
Jack: What was that for?
Owen: you'd clearly lost your marbles. We were-*hostile glares from everyone else*-okay, I was trying to help you find them again.
Jack: And you thought shooting me would help?
Owen: Well, it's worked in the past.

[Allestian]

*Jack comes back again*
Jack: What was that for?
Owen: you'd clearly lost your marbles. We were-*hostile glares from everyone else*-okay, I was trying to help you find them again.
Jack: And you thought shooting me would help?
Owen: Well, it's worked in the past.

*Ianto walks in*
Ianto: "I told the Witchdoctor I was in love with you, I told the Witchdoctor..."
*Notices Owen*
Ianto: "I was just thinking about you."

[Davidtourniquet]

DALEK: THIS IS MY DALEK POETRY READING!!!
THIS ONE IS CALLED DAPHADILS
EX-TERMINATE DAPHADILS

To much mock the week for you!!!!!

I had sex with rose once and the tardis got it all on video....without her noticing.

[wise one]

To much mock the week for you!!!!!

I had sex with rose once and the tardis got it all on video....without her noticing.

lol i love mock the week,thats where i got jokes from.. frankie's the best in it, he just doesnt care what he says even how offensive it is

[Kady]

i've just had a thought...imagine the doctor or Capt'n jack on Deal or No deal!! I could see Capt'n Jack flirting with the banker!! *giggles*

[nx01a]

The Hub...
Jack: "Mmm. The Sub-Etheric Resonator smells lovely today."
Ianto: "It's my own fragrance, sir: a sweet blend with woodsy undertones, blending top notes of jasmine with middle notes of red berries and honey with base notes of vanilla, chocolate, and caramel."
Jack: "And you call yourself the wedding fairy?"

[Davidtourniquet]

i've just had a thought...imagine the doctor or Capt'n jack on Deal or No deal!! I could see Capt'n Jack flirting with the banker!! *giggles*

I could imagine that:

Banker: I am the banker
Jack: Cap'n Jack Harkness
Doctor: Stop it
Jack: What? I was only saying hello.

[sillyscipia]

I could imagine that:

Banker: I am the banker
Jack: Cap'n Jack Harkness
Doctor: Stop it
Jack: What? I was only saying hello.

Doctor: For you, that's flirting.

[Allestian]

Banker: "Hello?"
Capt. Jack: "Hi there?"
Banker: "Noel?"
Capt. Jack: "How camp do you think I am!?"

[Rickington]

(this is sort of a slight Top Gear crossover )

Donna: Doctor! *starts to panic*

Doctor: Yes, what is it?

Donna: ... Jeremy Clarkson stole the TARDIS!

Doctor: What... *scene closes, with "To Be Continued..." on the screen*