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    #1

    Working on a Fantasy Novel

    If anyone's interested in a free sample of my currently in progress novel here's a link.

    http://bit.ly/1bdVtMe

    I plan on putting out a free chapter every other week. Today I put out Chapter three.

    Its set in the modern day with Magic, Dragons and the works. Let me know what you all think.
    Tags: dragons, fantasy, knights, magic, modern
    #2
    Well 53 views later, anyone have any thoughts... or is it still too early to tell?

    Comment

      #3
      It stinks . . . . .

      I think it is a decent opening. Maybe one too many "My boy"s. You never mention Percy's father, but you say toward the end of Chapter 3 "they stopped reading". It seems a little confusing to use "they" when up to this point we've only heard about Percy's mother. Other than those notes I found it to be engaging and I would read more.

      How long do you plan to have each chapter available? I am not going to lie I probably won't remember to go back and read more, but if I do it would be good to know how long I have to stay caught up.

      Comment

        #4
        Thank you :-) It'll be going to an editor to catch these kinds of discrepancies.

        I'll probably have them up indefinately and I'll be putting them up to chapter 10 (out of 30)

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          #5
          Hey All,

          I just released my 4th chapter for your enjoyment. As you may or may not know I'm working on a Fantasy Novel that emphasizes Individuality and highlights the dangers of too much power in the hands of the few. Its written for a younger audience and set in the Present (currently Minnesota but, the future will take Percy all over the world.) although Magic exists with all its advantages and pitfalls.

          The New Chapter is here:
          http://michaelxmills.com/2013/12/eld...ht-curse-drago...

          And if you need to start from the top go here:
          http://michaelxmills.com/eldritch-knight-curse-dragon/

          Let me know what you all think of the story s far, another chapter in 2 weeks.

          Comment

            #6
            Alright, I read it. Some of it might come off as harsh but just take them as suggestions.

            First off, the things I notice are all the grammatical errors. It becomes pretty glaring after a while. You venture off to run-off sentences and improper usage of commas. Just run it through the grammar thing in word.

            Second, your descriptions of things are given in a sort of information dump method. Like when you describe all of your characters, you immediately give a mini-bio of what they look like every time. Even when you describe your settings, you give it all. Maybe try to engrain the descriptions into the story and/or dialogue a bit better? Like say her brown eyes stared at me sadly as she told me...blah blah. Know what I mean? Paint a picture instead of smashing a painting through our heads.

            Your characters are alright so far. Too early to tell, but yeah cut down on the 'my boy' part by Grandpa Olwin.

            As for the story, it's a bit too early to tell. But, I like the little hints of fantasy aspects you drop here and there hinting at a fantasy world. That's engrained/woven into the story very nicely. Try to do that with the descriptions of your characters and settings.

            Another thing, I'd cut out the "I invite you to learn as I did...." to the end of the first paragraph. It adds to the autobiographical point of view if you cut that out. Makes it seem like you're inviting someone for an amusement park ride. It takes away from the autobiographical point of view you're going for.

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              #7
              Hey Thanks! Actually I plan to get an Editor to help me. I appreciate the input, I'll definitely put your thoughts in consideration as they and I go to town on it.

              I'd love any other input from you or others. I'll be putting out a chapter every other week up to Chapter 10.

              Comment

                #8
                So to update you all I've been shopping around for an Editor but I haven't settled yet. in the meantime chapter 5 is out and here for your enjoyment:

                http://michaelxmills.com/2014/01/eld...ple-chapter-5/

                and as always you can start from the top here:

                http://michaelxmills.com/eldritch-knight-curse-dragon/

                comments are welcome and so are critiques. Keep in mind its a work in progress so while content may not change much style might. (Punctuation and spelling errors will be hunted down and Zatted thrice.)

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