Stargate related Chuck Norris jokes

[Illidan]

Something I thought about yesterday...

Chuck Norris can dial a pegasus gate manually.

Chuck Norris met the Furlings.

One Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick can produce enough energy to dial Destiny.

If Chuck Norris ascended, he would be allowed to interfere.

Chuck Norris would be done with Rush.

[SGUnity]

Chuck Norris eats ZPMs at breakfast.

Ten thousands years ago, the wraiths won the war against the Ancients because one of them was fed with Chuck Norris.

Destiny is powered by the stars themselves, which are powered by Chuck Norris himself.

The Asgards aren't dead. Neither the Furlings, or the replicators. They simulated their death because they wanted to hide from Chuck Norris.

All the aliens speak English in the two galaxies in respect for Chuck Norris.

And this one in french isn't really translatable: "Chuck Norris peut crocheter la Porte des Etoiles".
That approximately means "Chuck Norris can open a Stargate with a hook".

[sgc]

Chuck Norris wouldn't be disintegrated by the kawoosh.

The ascended Ori worship Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes Goa'uld symbiotes die just by being near them.

Chuck Norris can suck the life out of a Wraith.

[Lewisco]

Inside a black hole is Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris sank Atlantis in one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris takes the Goa'uld as hosts.
Ascending would make Chuck Norris less powerful.
Chuck Norris can punch a hole in the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris IS The Furlings.

[sgc]

Chuck Norris eats Trinium for breakfast.

Chuck Norris is Oma Desala's father.

Chuck Norris can walk through a closed iris/shield.

Chuck Norris can wave his arms and open a wormhole (like the Nox).

Chuck Norris can travel both ways through an open Stargate.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to use the control chair to fire drones.

Chuck Norris takes daily baths in the symbiote pond from the original Goa'uld homeworld.

Chuck Norris went back in time to help invent the Stargate.

Chuck Norris can lift up a Stargate all by himself.

Chuck Norris taught the Ancients how to ascend.

Daedalus-class battlecruisers are powered by Chuck Norris.

[WraithTech]

Personal shields were invented so the Ancients could feel a fraction as cool as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's kicks appear as life signs on life signs detectors.

Chuck Norris can be in several different realities. At once.

Naquadah is formed by the aftershocks of Chuck Norris's kicks.

[sgc]

Chuck Norris invented the Ancient gene.

Chuck Norris can shut down the gate even if it's an offworld activation.

Chuck Norris can dial all the galactic gates at once.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a ZPM to dial Atlantis.

Chuck Norris can resist being beamed up by Asgard beaming technology.

Chuck Norris makes Asurans look like terminally-ill patients by comparison based on his healing properties.

Chuck Norris can access the Replicator subspace link without being detected.

Chuck Norris can put his hand in a Replicator's head and probe its mind.

Chuck Norris can dial all the Stargates in EVERY universe at once.

[Clandestine]

Humans and Ancients were created in Chuck Norris' image.

Chuck Norris can time travel without actually 'traveling'.

Gravity is a myth, stuff stays in place cause Chuck Norris says so.