How many scientists does it take...

[Gollumpus]

When B-5 was on, a number of folks created "How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" jokes (see below for examples). I was thinking of starting some here. All I've come up with at the moment to answer the question, "How many scientists on Destiny does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" is:

A. What does Rush say?

regards,
G.

Vorlon jokes:

Q. How many Vorlons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. None. They get one of the younger races to do it for them, however, that race must then be exterminated because they have been touched by the Darkness.

A. Yes.

A. One, but the lightbulbs are only available on Z'Ha'Dum (and, if you go to Z'Ha'Dum, you will die).

A. The blackout has started. It is too late for the light bulbs to vote.

A. Kosh.

[Specter177]

A. One, but first they have to vote on who it will be.

[Gollumpus]

A. One, but first they have to vote on who it will be.

regards,
G.

[escyos]

Destiny doesnt have lightbulbs, just friendly fireflies inside jars

[nx01a]

How many scientists on Destiny does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as Rush deem necessary and expendable...

[K^2]

Lets see...

One to screw in the light bulb.
One to point out that power conduits will have to be recalibrated.
Two to stone to Earth and get permission to proceed.
Two more to hack into Destiny's control systems to overwrite power settings.
Three scientists and a military escort to gate to the nearest world that Destiny's computer found light bulbs on.
Two more scientists and more military to rescue the first three and get back to Destiny before it jumps to FTL.
Another one to hold Destiny from jumping to FTL before light bulb arrives.
Then two scientists will have to perform EVA because you can't open light bulb housing from inside.
One more will observe them via KINO.
One scientist to point out that they should hold off on EVA until they jump out of FTL.
Two scientists to monitor the shield strength and watch the countdown clock during EVA.
Three scientists and a shuttle to fight off the Blues that show up during the EVA.
One scientist to realize that Blues are tracking the light bulb.
Three to dispose of it.
Another to stone to the Blues ship to rescue the two captured scientists who were returning from EVA and to find a unbugged light bulb on board.
One more scientist to point out that recallibrated power conduit is what's preventing the shield from working to full capacity.
Two more to figure out how to force Destiny to jump early, avoiding doom.
Finally the last two to figure out how to make alien light bulb work with Ancient power system, and proceed with installation.

I'm not sure what the final count is going to be, because most of the above are Rush and Eli, who isn't even a scientist, and I didn't bother to remember faces or names of all the extras.

[thekillman]

that can only be greened.

from SG1's perspective:

A :

Carter


from SGA's perspective:

A:
plug in a ZPM, gives more light and lasts longer

from SGU's perspective:

A:
2 scientists and four soldiers to retrieve the Lightbulb from the planet Destiny dialled
1 scientist to check if it works
2 scientists and a soldier to get back to the broken lightbulb.
1 bullet to end that lightbulb's misery
6 scientists to prevent Destiny from blowing up due to the lightbulb being screwed in.
1 scientist to switch on power.

[The_Asgard_live]

If its:

SGA, the lightbulb change is irrelevant, it will be depleted or will explode by the next episode.

SGU, None. lightbulbs create light and as such are intentionally excluded.

[Specter177]

SGU, None. lightbulbs create light and as such are intentionally excluded.

Ha! Green!

[escyos]

can anyone cite any references as to where this mass of scientists have ever appeard in SGU...or is this another hate thread?

[thekillman]

no this is a joke thread. based upon the classic "how many X does it take to change a lightbulb"

[Choo1701]

How many scientists will it take to change it?

Well one.

But the crew will spend a LOT of time discussing it. Like two days just wondering that, if/when they take the 'lightbulb' out, how will effect the ship, and in turn the crew.

I'm sure Young and Rush will have a very nice, long, tense conversation about it, where they will spend quite a few minutes giving each other various levels of tense glares.

While they talk Eli will be working a console in the corner and chip in with some light humor responses. That will be ignored.

Ignored like Scott/Chloe/TJ/Greer, who are standing next to Eli giving the Rush/Young conversation worrying glances, but also reading over Eli's shoulder as 'maths boy' continues to work.

During this the B-list characters will properly be in the mess. Talking about lightbulbs, and what the ancients were thinking when they came up with the idea for lightbulbs. And how much they dislike Rush/Young (delete when needed for tension relavant to the story).

Meanwhile. On earth, on the wet side of San Fransico, most of the cast of Atlantis and Sg1 will be fishing off one of Altantis piers, just relaxing. Well, everyone except Jonas. Because he's busy. Doing something.

Oh, and the light bulb will still go un changed. Up until the music at the end of the episode starts, showing a monologue of the character changing said lightbulb. Then other characters breath a sigh of relief their still alive. Followed by some random 'character moment'. For some random characters. That seemed disheartened about the lightbulb.

(okay, too much? Do i need to work on this comedy material?
I'm not bashing, but i'm just saying this how the "Season 1 light bulbing changing joke" might go. The Season 2 version might be a completly different story ... )

[thekillman]

lets do a spinoff:

how many coups do you need before the lightbulb is changed?

[tessa]

lets do a spinoff:

how many coups do you need before the lightbulb is changed?

heh, I like that!

[Tuvok]

lets do a spinoff:

how many coups do you need before the lightbulb is changed?

3 if Rush is bored. 2 if Wray is depressed. And 1 if Chloe is drunk.