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Stargate: Horizon
May 21st, 2009, 01:49 PM
Stargate: Horizon http://www.freewebs.com/stargate-horizon/418.jpg
Destiny

While working at an off station archeological dig site, Daniel Jackson and Ma'kin Callen are abducted by a group of Enoly that are led by an old acquaintance.


Check it out! (http://www.freewebs.com/stargate-horizon/418_destiny.pdf)

Then stop back here for comments and discussion!

Alex Rubit
May 21st, 2009, 01:57 PM
An all new episode is now up! "Destiny", written by Colin Sanderson. Just click on the above link, and then be sure to head back here for comments and discussion.

Enjoy! :)

Lt.Colonel John Sheppard
May 21st, 2009, 02:19 PM
holy revelation Batman! did not expect that. wow.

Erik Pasternak
May 21st, 2009, 06:53 PM
Good episode… liked it a lot. Couple qualms though:

My biggest one was David’s wry comment (“So much for dinner”) at the end of the teaser. If he’s really so concerned about Daniel and Ma’kin, I don’t think he’d say that. That whole sort of tone implies detachment, not concern.

Also, when writing a script, brevity is key. You don’t use a single word that you don’t have to. “Callen’s expression turns into one of great worry now” is a perfect example. Just saying “Callen’s worried” would do the job. Also, if you’re using an ellipsis (…), I don’t think you need to clarify that there’s hesitation. The ellipsis already shows that (from David’s last line on pg. 7).

Also, I think the writer of this episode went WAY overboard with the parentheticals. A lot of them really went without saying, and, if there were actors acting this out, you’re also kind of telling them how to act and not letting them do that for themselves. And the parenthetical “wry” is especially overused. A good actor and a good reader can figure out if something is supposed to be said wryly without help.

Now, this is something a lot of writers do, so it’s probably not a big deal, but the phrase “we see” is rather overused. Instead of “We see the single Enoly Cruiser as it hovers nearby the ice planet,” you could say “The single Enoly Cruiser hovers nearby the ice planet.” It’s a little more brief, says the exact same thing, and you don’t see those same two words that you’ve already read a couple dozen times. And, again, since brevity is key, it couldn't hurt.

Anyway, in summary, it was a good episode. Great episode for both Daniel and Ma’kin, although I think Daniel’s had quite a few good episodes this season, maybe more so than some of the other characters and it’d be nice to see the proverbial love spread around a bit.

wraith queen inga
May 22nd, 2009, 03:01 AM
This was a good episode.

But why are you using this wide script format now???

its REALLY annyoing to read it this way and it ACTUALLY hurts my eyes...

Rasunda
May 22nd, 2009, 03:40 AM
Good episode:)
And I agree whit Queen Inga about the eye thing!:(

cheese
May 22nd, 2009, 08:46 AM
Thanks for the comments guys.

And thanks for the detailed notes there Erik

Alex Rubit
May 22nd, 2009, 02:27 PM
The image for the episode is now up. Check it out at the top of this thread.

Alex Rubit
May 22nd, 2009, 02:29 PM
But why are you using this wide script format now???

The script format is the same. It's just another PDF converter, the only one available right now, so I'm afraid there's not much we can do.

Senku
May 23rd, 2009, 02:42 AM
Great ep!

Lots of turns, a bit of action, lost opportunities, old villains, dramatic and with good possibilities for new stories in the future.

A pair of "It"s missed the "t"s. A better spelling check would be fine IMHO. In "Seeds of time" a pair of "rogue"s turned "rouge"s, as always! ;)

Elite Anubis Guard
July 5th, 2009, 05:51 AM
I rather enjoyed this episode. Managed to keep me glued to the seat while I read it. I did enjoy Daniel in this episode. It sounded very much like him so good work Colin. Was extremely cool to see Dureg back. The closing episodes should be rather interesting.

wraith queen inga
March 26th, 2010, 11:57 PM
The Episode links don't work anymore. It leads you to Webs (previously known as "Freewebs") where it says that "The Page cannot be found". :(

Alex Rubit
March 27th, 2010, 11:38 AM
That must have been a temporary glitch. I just checked, the site is fine:

http://www.stargate-horizon.webs.com/

wraith queen inga
March 27th, 2010, 11:45 AM
That must have been a temporary glitch. I just checked, the site is fine:

http://www.stargate-horizon.webs.com/

Yes, I know. Only the link here on Gateworld didn't work... I checked the site quickly after that and saw that the links there worked. :)