View Full Version : stories

October 29th, 2004, 06:56 AM
I'm starting this thread to post advertis any stories that you have writen(prefurably not fan fic) , or that you would just like to shear.(wow I need a spell cheker) well i'l start off by posting the introduction to a fantasy story i have been writing called "Nothing". I would like to know what you think of it.

There was once a man who lived nowhere. In this nowhere he lived in a house of nothing filled with all of his nonexistent belongings. This man had no face, and no name, he was not old but not young or middle aged. He had no age for there was no time, and he did not exist. As he looked out into the nothing about him, there was suddenly something ― a bright miraculous something ― a glowing and growing something.
The man stepped across the nothing, which took no time at all because there was nothing between him and this something. As he touched it he became something just like the other something. The man who now had a name and an age looked down at his hands. They glowed just like the something he had seen in the distance. Then the hands burst out with a pale color.
As he looked around him he realized he was no longer standing in nothing. There were trees all around him, and grass covered the ground. The something he had originally seen that had been right next to him was now gone. He noticed a bight ball in the sky. It was his something. Being something him self and now capable of thought, he decided this other something should have a name. He called it Sun.

October 30th, 2004, 06:24 PM
doesn't anyone have anything to say.

October 30th, 2004, 07:01 PM
Speaking from a strictly grammatical standard some of your sentences should be longer try useing (cant remember the names) these things ; and commas. As for the story it sounds like a good story which could go in any direction.

October 31st, 2004, 11:39 AM
that is a simi colen(sp) (and by the way there isn't anything wrong with the gramer. I'v already had it edited) I ahte not haveing endention.

Chapter 1

“Hello.” rang out a mysterious voice
The man understood this but he did not know how. He felt a strange urge to reply to the call.
“Hello. Where are you.” the man replied.
“I am here.” The voice answered as a man walked out of the trees, adorned in dark brown leather pants with a bare chest and holding a spear made of wood.
This new man walked over to the other man.
“What is your name?” The new man asked.
“Atach,” Atach answered. “You?”
“Unet,” replied the man, “Do you like it here.”
“Yes,” Atach responded. “Where are we?”
“I don’t know,” Unet answered. “Here.”
The two looked about them. In the background a large bird flew out of a tree. Unet hurled his spear at the bird, felling it with a loud noise. A stream of blood flowed from its neck. Unet picked up the large bird with the spear still through its neck, and slung it over his shoulder.
“You want some food?” Unet asked.
“Yes,” responded Atach.
“Follow me,” stated Unet, “and get some wood.”
Unet strolled away in the direction he had come; Atach quickly followed him grabbing what wood he could find that was lying on the ground. The two walked for several minuets until coming upon a small cave over looking a large cliff.
“Welcome to my home.” yelled Unet turning to look at Atach.
“Did I get enough wood?” asked Atach.
‘’That should do,” answered Unet as he laid the great bird down. “Sit it over here.”
Atach sat the wood n a pile by a ring of stone. The other man crouching over the stone ring began to sort the wood my size placing the smallest of the wood inside the ring of stone. Atach watched this trying to comprehend why he would do this. Unet pulled put a small leather bag from this bag he extracted a brown moss. He also placed this in the ring setting the small wood on top of it and the tender on that. Unet looked around the ring then to his bag.
“I think I may have lost my flint” Unet stated rummaging through his leather bag.
“Why did you do that to the wood?” asked Atach.
“What do you mean?” responded Unet.
“Why did you put it in the ring and around it like that?” the confused man replied.
“Smaller pieces of wood burn easier than big peaces.” Unet Answered.
“Burn?” questioned the still confused man.
“Help me find my flint and I’ll show you.” Unet responded with a smile on his face.
Standing up Unet strode into the cave as Atach stood still wondering what flint was.
Unet emerged from the cave holding two pieces of flint in his hand.
“I found it.” He announced as he walked out of the cave.
Again crouched over the ring Unet Struck the two rocks he held together which produced bright magical sparks. Atach was astonished he had never seen such a thing, for indeed he had seen very little. The most burst in to small flames with the tender following it. Picking up the next size up of wood Unet placed it on the fire making what looked like a burning cone of sticks. Using a peace of flint Unet began to clean the bird. Soon the fire was a roaring blaze.
“Wow it is amazing” Atach proclaimed reaching out toward the fire.
“Don’t touch it” warned Unet.
“What? ― OOOW!” Atach shrieked as his fingers touched the flames, “It hurts!”
“I told u not to touch it.” Unet jeered, “but I did the same thing the first I saw it though no one told me not to.”
With one of the peaces of flint he had used to start the fire Unet cut a large peace of meat off the bird and put it on the spear to roast over the fire. The bird was now laying on a large rock a short distance away.
“I have another spear in my cave. Go get it, the cooking will be faster.” ordered Unet.
Atach walked into the cave looking for the other spear towards the back of the cave he sound five spears lined up leaning against the wall. He chooses the first one in the line. Returning to Unet, Atach could smell the bird cooking. It was the best thing he had ever smelled, he suddenly got a new sensation his stomach felt strange and began to make an equally strange sound.
“That smells good.” Atach said as he breathed in deeply.
“Yes it does, get yourself some.” Unet smiled as he handed Atach the peace of flint.
Taking the stone Atach cut a large peace of meat from the bird and placed on the spear.
“Why do we have to cook It.” asked Atach.
“It tastes better if you cook It.” answered the other, “and last time id didn’t it made my stomach hurt.”
“Oh.” shied Atach as he sat down.
In a short time there food was done and the fire was dieing down. Each ate the steaming hot meat off of the spear they had put it one.
“We better find some more wood.” Unet bellowed leaning back until he fell over and lay on the ground.
The two men both stood and choose different parts of the woods to search. After and hour of work the men had gathered a grate mount of wood.
“Help me separate and stack the wood in my cave.” asked Unet.
The work was hard for Atach not quite knowing how to separate the wood, but he quickly learned. The two men spent many hours on there work when they were done both were exhausted. Unet stoked the fire with several large peaces of wood he had left behind. As he sat relaxing he looked out over the cliff ledge with a disturbed look on his face.
“What wrong?” questioned Atach.
“It’s the sun.” answered Unet.
“What’s wrong with it?” Asked the confused Atach
“Its looks to be falling.” stated a worried Unet.
“Should it not do that” Asked the now very confused and slightly worried man.
“I don’t know” Unet answered, “It wasn’t there at all until just before I found you. I like it much better with it.”
As the sun fell it got darker and darker as this happened Atach got more and more tired. Until he collapsed as the sun snuck under the horizon. Unet ran to the side of his new friend not know what had happened. He lifted Atach over his shoulder and carried in to the cave. When he got in side he started a fire using a burning stick he had brought with him.