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JJSNgadget
March 20th, 2008, 12:32 PM
Just like the thread Things You Wouldn't Want to Hear on the SGC/Atlantis Intercom, this thread is for things you wouldn't want to hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood hub.




"Hey, what does this button do?"

Reefgirl
March 20th, 2008, 01:04 PM
"The Tardis isn't the only thing that's bigger on the inside"

Allestian
March 20th, 2008, 01:05 PM
'I think the pterodactyl has stomach problems'

Blitz
March 20th, 2008, 03:53 PM
Gwen: "Jack...your zips undone...and your out of breath..."
Ianto: "Jack..." (From bedroom)

Rain nah
March 20th, 2008, 04:01 PM
In the Hub
"OK, what smartarse fed the pterodactyl spicy burritos???"
followed by
"I'm not cleaning that up"

JJSNgadget
March 20th, 2008, 04:56 PM
*lift opens*

passer-by "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" *thunk*

Gwen: "I told you someone would fall in."

Reefgirl
March 21st, 2008, 02:34 AM
*Screams are heard in Roald Dahl Plass*

Tosh - "Jack we're getting reports of a naked man tapdancing in the plass, we think the perception filter is on the blink"

Flyboy
March 22nd, 2008, 05:39 AM
"What do you mean 'the size of Belgium'?!"

Allestian
March 22nd, 2008, 12:56 PM
Poss Spoilerish:

Gwen: For the hundredth time Owen, I'm not into necrophilia!

Ianto: Get that clammy thing away from me!

*Looks at them and thinks...am I making this a tad bit rude???*

:P

Flyboy
March 22nd, 2008, 02:22 PM
Poss Spoilerish:

Gwen: For the hundredth time Owen, I'm not into necrophilia!

Ianto: Get that clammy thing away from me!

*Looks at them and thinks...am I making this a tad bit rude???*

:P
Don't worry, I'm surprised someone didn't make it ruder earlier...

Allestian
March 22nd, 2008, 02:24 PM
Oh good.

:P

Gwen: I said water the plants Jack...with a watering can?

Flyboy
March 22nd, 2008, 02:31 PM
"Um... are the cell doors open for a reason?"

Allestian
March 22nd, 2008, 02:36 PM
"Ow - that really hurt..." *Whoosh* (TARDIS)

Please oh please...don't let that one happen.

:(

"Who tested the SUV for a submersible?"

"Stop singing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - it doesn't fly!"

Reefgirl
March 22nd, 2008, 03:45 PM
Ianto - Guy's, I'm sorry but Myfanwy's just flown off with the last of the coffee

Flyboy
March 22nd, 2008, 04:27 PM
"A Weevil Jack? Really!?"

DigiFluid
March 22nd, 2008, 04:34 PM
In either environ.... "What the hell is that?"

Allestian
March 23rd, 2008, 06:32 AM
"What is that mysterious ticking noise?"

:D

Madeleine
March 23rd, 2008, 01:49 PM
It's highly contagious; we'll all have to stay here until the infectious stage passes. That'll be roughly two days after the pustules erupt, about when the sulphur dioxide emmissions stop.

Coco Pops
March 23rd, 2008, 05:45 PM
Gwen: "That's not the keyhole"
Owen: "Oops"

rosey_angel
March 23rd, 2008, 06:17 PM
Gwen: ok, i understand the perception filter, i understand that we are not alone in the universe, i even understand the rift, but can someone please tell me how the weevils come to our dimension wearing jumpsuits???

JJSNgadget
March 24th, 2008, 05:45 AM
Gwen: ok, i understand the perception filter, i understand that we are not alone in the universe, i even understand the rift, but can someone please tell me how the weevils come to our dimension wearing jumpsuits???

JACK: Well, in addition to living in the sewers, they also work for the council.

ROSE: That's right, they're council weevils.
COUNCILMAN: They have council trucks, council axes, and council roads.
ROSE: But no council spaceships.

-----------------------
Och:beckettanime14: I typed 'council' so many times, now it looks weird to me.

Reefgirl
March 24th, 2008, 09:22 AM
"What happens if I push this button"

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 09:42 AM
"Jack? How many pterodactyls do we have?"
"One."
"You sure about that?"

:P

JJSNgadget
March 24th, 2008, 12:50 PM
IANTO: Well, Myfanwy must have met a big bird cuz I'm seeing lil pterodactyls in her cage.
OWEN: What are you talking about, they don't look anything like Big Bird.
IANTO: Not 'Big Bird' a big bird.

GWEN: Oh, they're so cute.
TOSHIKO: Don't open the cage!
GWEN: Oops.

JACK: *facepalm* I work with idiots.

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 01:01 PM
(I actually called Myfanwy "Big Bird" in fanfiction notes a while ago)

*A few months later*

Ianto: Erm Jack? Some farmer near Bristol has reported half of his animals gone missing...that's somewhat of 500 sheep, 45 cows, two ducks, a chicken, and a yorkshire terrier.

:eek:

Coco Pops
March 24th, 2008, 02:22 PM
Gwen: "If I've told you once, I've told you twice that's not the keyhole"
Owen: "Oops, didn't htink you'd notice, or mind :D"

Jack: "Hello Gwen!"

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 02:25 PM
Aww that was evil...

:lol:

Jack: You put your left leg in...your left leg out...your left leg in...
*The team just looks in the direction of the office*

Have to be careful - if it gets my mates at college laughing their heads off then it must be watched.

:P

JJSNgadget
March 24th, 2008, 03:04 PM
(I actually called Myfanwy "Big Bird" in fanfiction notes a while ago)

*A few months later*

Ianto: Erm Jack? Some farmer near Bristol has reported half of his animals gone missing...that's somewhat of 500 sheep, 45 cows, two ducks, a chicken, and a yorkshire terrier.

:eek:

GWEN: "They even got the dog?" *wibble*

--------------------------------------------
*whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp, whoosh*
-ten minutes later-
IANTO: "Would the owner of the blue box please move your conveyance? You're blocking our lift."

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 03:22 PM
Lmao!!!

In the deepest recesses of Myfanwy's cave...
Dog: Woof!!! Woof!!!

:P

JJSNgadget
March 24th, 2008, 03:33 PM
Lmao!!!

In the deepest recesses of Myfanwy's cave...
Dog: Woof!!! Woof!!!

:P

*squeal, chomp*

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 03:36 PM
*Cries on the floor laughing*

I don't know how to continue that one...erm...

Gwen is in tears at the demise of said pooch.
Jack: Don't worry Gwen, I'm sure that was the dog auditioning for Bakers Original...

Rain nah
March 24th, 2008, 04:02 PM
in the Hub...

Jack: The flashing lights and sirens are no cause for alarm....but take my word for it...
RUN!!

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 04:04 PM
in the Hub...

Jack: The flashing lights and sirens are no cause for alarm....but take my word for it...
RUN!!

Ooooooohh...when I ever write a Torchwood script (Which I will do since I've finished my Doctor Who one-off) I am soooooo going to put that in as a line.

:D

Jack: That spaceship that hit the water tower??? No biggie. The aliens terrorising the locals??? Not a problem. The fact that they remain clothed...A CRIME AGAINST NATURE!!!

Rain nah
March 24th, 2008, 04:23 PM
putting this one in spoiler just in case...cause the guys here 'bout busted a gut so it may be out'o'bounds....

Jack: DAMN!!....even I wouldn't shag that....

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 04:27 PM
putting this one in spoiler just in case...cause the guys here 'bout busted a gut so it may be out'o'bounds....

Jack: DAMN!!....even I wouldn't shag that....

*Applauds fullheartedly* Welcome to the 'On-the-edge-of-the-thread-team'...pushing the boundaries to the limit. Like my nan says - Rules are made for breaking...:P

Ianto: Torchwood 2 called, the RETCON now comes in supository form.
The team looks away, coughing awkwardly...

:D

Rain nah
March 24th, 2008, 04:35 PM
*Applauds fullheartedly* Welcome to the 'On-the-edge-of-the-thread-team'...pushing the boundaries to the limit. Like my nan says - Rules are made for breaking...:P

Ianto: Torchwood 2 called, the RETCON now comes in supository form.
The team looks away, coughing awkwardly...

:D

followed by
Jack : yes, apparantly they come in small, medium and my size now...

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 04:37 PM
followed by
Jack : yes, apparantly they come in small, medium and my size now...

Very nice...*Applauds again*

Jack: Anyone fancy doing the okie kokie?
Owen: With the way Ianto looked when he came out - no thanks.

:P

Rain nah
March 24th, 2008, 04:42 PM
Very nice...*Applauds again*

Jack: Anyone fancy doing the okie kokie?
Owen: With the way Ianto looked when he came out - no thanks.

:P

so totally out of context...

Owen: Jack you know how fragile I am now...you'd bust me all to pieces

Allestian
March 24th, 2008, 04:44 PM
Tosh: Jack!!! That's not the correct way to reroute a computer circuit!!!

Ianto: (Whispers) Jack!
Jack: (Whispers) Why are we whispering?
Ianto: (Whispers) Fun isn't it!

:P

The world is in their capable hands...oh dear...

:D

Coco Pops
March 25th, 2008, 12:26 AM
Who is Myfawny?

Is that the pteradactyl that you see in the credits sometimes?

Where do they keep that thing? And why?

Reefgirl
March 25th, 2008, 02:06 AM
Allestian, Rain nah and JJSNgadget I have spat my tea out, laughed until I'm breathless and made the family think I'm nuts, Greens are going out to all of you

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 04:46 AM
*whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp*
DONNA: "Oh my god, we've landed in a nudist colony."

-----------------------------------------
*whoosh, vrorp, whoosh, vrorp*
DONNA: *slap*
DOCTOR: "What was that for?"
DONNA: "You took me to a sex colony!"
DOCTOR: "It's just Torchwood."

-----------------------------------------
DONNA: "I'm sopping wet!"
DOCTOR: "Wardrobe's through there. First left, second right, third door on your left, under the stairs, past the bins, fifth door on your right."
DONNA: "Come on, Martian, you're taking me to Queen's Arcade. I am not wearing somebody else's bloody knickers!"
DOCTOR: *sigh* "I'm not, I'm not from Mars."

-------------------------------------------
DOCTOR: "Rose would know what to do."
DONNA: *slap* "I'm not Rose."
DOCTOR: *wistfully* "She never used to slap me."

--------------------------------------------

JACK: "All your base are belong to us."

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 06:30 AM
Jack: (To Ianto) Don't tell anyone else but I'm issueing a no-clothing-policy day.

Owen: (To the rest of the team) Don't tell Jack but I'm issueing a continuously-kill-Jack day...especially if he comes up with his policy.

:D

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 08:38 AM
Jack: (To Ianto) Don't tell anyone else but I'm issueing a no-clothing-policy day.
:D

OWEN: "Of course, you would wait until I was unable to get a boner to institute that policy."

-----------------------------------

JACK: "I do swear to execute the responsibilities of my office with the utmost prudence, wisdom and respect."
OTHERS: "We do swear to execute you if you ever don't do what we want."
JACK: "Thanks, I can really feel the love, guys."

------------------------------------

TOSHIKO: "OMG, Starbucks has just gone out of business!"
GWEN: "Owen's broken the coffee machine. Again."

Reefgirl
March 25th, 2008, 10:37 AM
If I pay you, will you 2 write a comedy fic, you are brilliant

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 04:08 PM
How much???

:lol:

The ground starts to shake...
Gwen: Earthquake!!!
Ianto: No. Just Jack reacting to his spicy burritto...
And a smell hits the air...

-----------------------------------------------------
Jack: *Sings* It was the mash, the monster mash...
A gun is loaded and cocked in close by.

-----------------------------------------------------
Jack: *Sings* I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and -
BANG!!!
Owen: Can't say we didn't warn him.

-----------------------------------------------------
Gwen and Jack stood on the top of the millennium centre in the Titanic romance position.
Gwen: Jack!!! I'm flying!!!
SHOVE!!!

(Sorry - could not resist...and I'm not even a Gwen-basher)

-----------------------------------------------------
To the tune of PotterPuppetPals - "Mysterious Ticking Noise"...(Please forgive me)
Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
Ianto.
Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
Ianto.
Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack.
Ianto.
Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper. (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
Ianto.
Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper. (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
Ianto.
Toshiko. Toshiko. (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
Ianto.
Toshiko. Toshiko. Toshiko. (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
Ianto.
Owen Harper. Owen Harper. Owen Harper. Owen Harper. (Toshiko. Toshiko.) (Gwen. Gwen. Gwen Cooper.) (Jack, Jack. I can't die - Jack)
Ianto.

ETC. If I try to write anymore I will be on the verge of madness. :D


You are never going to believe how difficult that was to write...:P

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 04:21 PM
JACK: "Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on, and you're gonna make lots of time-babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old time-lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me? "

OWEN: "Shut up and die already."
-----------------------------------------
oh my goauld, I was young when that movie came out. Not that I can remember this line, I just wikied it. Hey, is that cheating?

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 04:25 PM
LMAO!!! OMG!!! We have hit such tragedy that we are quoting the Titanic.

Yes, it is in spoilers for content - but the film was a 12 so :P

Rose: Put your hands on me Jack...
Doctor bursts in.
Doctor: Steady on!!! The Titanic is just about to hit the iceberg and what are you doing!?!? Getting hands on experience with a...man...that can't die!!! I thought I taught you better than that!!!
Jack: You taught me more than enough.

:P

Oh such shame on me...

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 04:33 PM
GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
JACK: "What tone?"
OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
JACK: "You're not a woman."
OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 04:40 PM
ROFLMAO!!!

This is getting way too difficult...

Tosh: Owen??? What are you doing with Jack's coat and the barbecue sauce???

Doctor: Where's Jack???
Rose: He said he wanted to get to know the TARDIS...
Doctor runs out.
Doctor: Jack!!! Leave her alone!!!

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 04:47 PM
ROFLMAO!!!

This is getting way too difficult...

Tosh: Owen??? What are you doing with Jack's coat and the barbecue sauce???

Doctor: Where's Jack???
Rose: He said he wanted to get to know the TARDIS...
Doctor runs out.
Doctor: Jack!!! Leave her alone!!!

JACK: *stroking the tardis console* "Hey, long time no see."
DOCTOR: "How many times have I told you, the Tardis is not that kind of ship."
OWEN: "What? The tea-boy's not enough, now you have to shag a spaceship?"
JACK: "You know, I once knew a ship called the SS Madame De Pompadour. Whoo, she was that kind of ship!"
DOCTOR: "Yeah, well I once knew the real Madame De Pompadour, so there!"

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 04:54 PM
Naughty...

:P

Must remember...borderline...too difficult...

Gwen: Jack, I was just wondering...you always carry a set of handcuffs on you but never cuff anyone...
The team looks at Gwen in despair, they then look at Jack.
Jack: The handcuffs??? It's what's in my other holster you should be worried about.

Ianto: Jack???
Jack: Yup???
Ianto: I may have had an accident with the coffee machine earlier. See, I was putting sugar in and forgot that I'd picked up the new stash of RETCON from the post office...so...Jack??? Jack!!! Wake up!!!

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 04:56 PM
Naughty...

:P

Must remember...borderline...too difficult...

Gwen: Jack, I was just wondering...you always carry a set of handcuffs on you but never cuff anyone...
The team looks at Gwen in despair, they then look at Jack.
Jack: The handcuffs??? It's what's in my other holster you should be worried about.

Ianto: Jack???
Jack: Yup???
Ianto: I may have had an accident with the coffee machine earlier. See, I was putting sugar in and forgot that I'd picked up the new stash of RETCON from the post office...so...Jack??? Jack!!! Wake up!!!

The Mystery Solved: that combined with a rift in time and space is what really caused his 2 years of memory loss.
-------------------------------

I just read a fanfic where this was one of the plots.

*Jack is being shown around Ianto's flat*
*Ianto opens the second bedroom, and behold, there is the Tardis*
JACK: "How did you get that?"
IANTO: "It's me, Jack."
JACK: "Doctor?!"
IANTO: "Well, I go by Ianto now, but yes."
*and then they has secks*

OWEN: "OMG Tea-boy's the Torchwood enemy number one. Oooh, can I shoot him?"
EVERYONE: "No."
OWEN: "Why not? He shot me, bloody [email protected]"

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 05:01 PM
WOOHOO!!! Take that BBC writers!!!

:P

Gwen: Owen???
Owen: Yup...
Gwen: What does it feel like to be dead???
Silence...
Owen: Close your eyes and I'll show you...

Ianto: Anyone seen my stopwatch???

Tosh: Owen!!! Your interaction with that weevil is completely inappropriate!!!

JJSNgadget
March 25th, 2008, 05:04 PM
WOOHOO!!! Take that BBC writers!!!

:P

Gwen: Owen???
Owen: Yup...
Gwen: What does it feel like to be dead???
Silence...
Owen: Close your eyes and I'll show you...

Ianto: Anyone seen my stopwatch???

Tosh: Owen!!! Your interaction with that weevil is completely inappropriate!!!

Wait, wha? Did Owen kill Gwen and is now secksing the weavil?

JACK: "Do you Owen Harper, take Janet Weavil to be your lawfully wedded weavil?"
OWEN: "I do."
JACK: "Do you Janet Weavil, take Owen Harper to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
JANET: "Aaaaawwwoooo."
JACK: "I now pronounce you, husband and weavil. You may kiss the weavil."

*minutes later*
IANTO: *catches the bouquet*
JACK: *smirk*
IANTO: *blush*

Allestian
March 25th, 2008, 05:08 PM
This is how Torchwood falls apart - by the written work of fans...

*Cries with laughter*

Owen: I was thinking Janet...maybe we could call this one Rhys as it has...guts.
Janet: Arrrrrwoooo.
Owen: And this annoying little one Gwen.

(Okay enough Gwen bashing from me)

Tosh: Hey...why's the life not working???
Ianto: Hurry up Jack. We're on a time limit here...
Jack: Everyone else, use the stairs...

Coco Pops
March 25th, 2008, 07:07 PM
Tardis flying through space

Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"

Reefgirl
March 26th, 2008, 01:26 AM
How much???

:lol:


£2.50 :lol:


GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
JACK: "What tone?"
OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
JACK: "You're not a woman."
OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"
Someone's been watching The Birdcage, I love that film


Tardis flying through space

Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"
Brilliant :lol:

Rain nah
March 26th, 2008, 02:58 AM
GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
JACK: "What tone?"
OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
JACK: "You're not a woman."
OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"

ROTFLMAO!!!
ok coffee all over monitor now cause I'm one of those people who are really good at seeing the image in my head and John Barrowman could so totally pull both of those characters off....


In the Tardis.
Companion: Doctor....do you remember that time you told me never ever to push that button unless I wanted to destroy the whole of time and space?
Doctor: Yeah,...why?
Companion:um...you were just joking....right??
Doctor: what??
BOOM!!


In either Hub or Tardis by anyone...
OH ****!!
BOOM!!

huntress
March 26th, 2008, 08:53 AM
OMG you guys crack me up. Please, please write some fics with those...oh and JJSNgadget? Brilliant!

Coco Pops
March 26th, 2008, 06:24 PM
Tardis flying through space

Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down and two doors away from the spa bath"


9 Months Later

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "Yes"
Donna: sobbs "Jack's run off with Owen" sob "and he wants custody of the baby" sob "we named it Tara in honour of the Tardis since that's where he picked me up from" sob

Doctor: "Oh that's fine whatever"
Donna: screams "Oi you never care, you never listen" throws stuff around the console room"

Doctor: "If it makes you happy I'll drop you off at Torchwood"
Donna: "Oi yep"

Wooshy sounds as the TARDIS lands

Donna runs out the Tardis into Torchwood with an axe

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:55 AM
JACK: "Doctor, I'm pregnant. Again. It's yours."
DOCTOR: *blink, blink, faint*
---------------------------------------------------

OWEN: "Oh, sh!t, I'm pregnant with an alien baby."
GWEN: "pffft, already been done. Do you really think tptb are gonna reuse that plot so quickly? pffft, Give us a break. Besides you're dead, you can't have children."
OWEN: "You're right. God I'm so depressed, I want to kill myself...Damn."
---------------------------------------------------

*Owen punches Jack with shirt covered fist*
TOSHIKO: "Owen!"
JACK: "......oww."
GWEN: "What did he ever do to you?"
OWEN: "Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!"
JACK: "I made you short?"
----------------------------------------------------

RHYS: "Now take that wig off or I'll tell Gwen you're wearing it."
JACK: "You do that, I'm gonna tell her you're seeing somebody else while she's on the stage."
RHYS: "I have two words for you: green card."
EVERYBODY: "Huh?"
RHYS: "What? He's not exactly Welsh, now, is he?"

Coco Pops
March 27th, 2008, 07:03 AM
I don't get this........ I tried some o my parodies on a local forum and they just don't get it..... Howcome you guys get it?

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 07:21 AM
I guess we just have the same cultural background. What was your local forum about?

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 07:23 AM
9 Months Later

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "Yes"
Donna: sobbs "Jack's run off with Owen" sob "and he wants custody of the baby" sob "we named it Tara in honour of the Tardis since that's where he picked me up from" sob

Wooshy sounds as the TARDIS lands

Donna runs out the Tardis into Torchwood with an axe

So Donna cuts off Jack's head? And that's how he becomes the Face of Boe!
-------or--------
So Donna cuts off Jack's head? And that's how he becomes a choir falsetto!

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 10:04 AM
YVONNE: A vessel, handcrafted in the bowels of perdition, by the iniquitous and vile.
ALONZO: What?
YVONNE: Oh I forgot, you never passed your GCSEs.

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 11:02 AM
LMAO!!!

Well haven't you lot been keeping busy???

Ianto: Jack???
Jack: Yeah???
Ianto: If anything happened to Myfanwy, would you be upset???
Jack: Yeah. Why???
Ianto: Oh. No reason. (To everyone else) Anybody fancy a barbeque wing???

//This one is based on my fanfiction with the new character of Edele//

Jack: Edele!!!
Edele: Yup???
Jack: Ianto, Gwen, Owen and Tosh are nowhere to be seen, the weevils are not in the vaults, Myfanwy isn't in her cave and you and me are the only people here...why do I get the feeling you had something to do with this???
Edele: Barbeque wing???

//Okay, back to normal//

Tosh: Jack???
Jack: Yup???
Tosh: The rift just sealed off, there's no more activity going on and everything has returned to its own reality...
Jack: Ah.
Owen: Now what???
Ianto: Barbeque wing???

(OMG!!! What is it with me and BBQ today - I don't even like it)

:lol:

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 12:48 PM
*during the monthly cleaning of Myfanwy's cave*
IANTO: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
*chomp*
MYFANWY: "Barbequed arm, anyone?"

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 01:01 PM
You've stolen my BBQ...

:P

Owen: Who the hell is Allestian and why is she poking me???

Jack: Anyone up for a game of Twister???
Gwen: Not after what happened the last time...

Ianto: Anyone lost a screw?
CRASH!!! BANG!!! WALLOP!!!

:P

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 01:16 PM
Ianto: Anyone lost a screw?
CRASH!!! BANG!!! WALLOP!!!

:P

JACK: No, but I can give you a screw.
IANTO: *thinking* Alright.
GWEN: Oh, not here!

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 02:45 PM
Very nice...knew you'd say something like that...



JACK: No, but I can give you a screw.
IANTO: *thinking* Alright.
GWEN: Oh, not here!

Owen: Sure you have the nuts for it Jack???
Tosh: Time to bolt for the doors...
Gwen: I'm sure that the air just tightened.
(Ianto and Jack just look at them)

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 03:33 PM
Owen: Sure you have the nuts for it Jack???


JACK: Never question the size of my nuts.

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 03:50 PM
JACK: Never question the size of my nuts.

Ianto walks in.
Ianto: Ah! Jack! Just got back from Tesco, afraid they only had peanuts sir...

:P

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 03:57 PM
Ianto walks in.
Ianto: Ah! Jack! Just got back from Tesco, afraid they only had peanuts sir...

:P
It won't let me green you. Arrgh.

JACK: That's okay. I know how we can make peanut butter.

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 03:58 PM
Gwen: I prefer chocolate.
Jack: Spreadable or sauce???
Tosh: I was going to get some lunch but I've changed my mind.

:P

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:06 PM
Gwen: I prefer chocolate.
Jack: Spreadable or sauce???
Tosh: I was going to get some lunch but I've changed my mind.

:P
MYFANWY: *aaahhhhawwwwwnnnnnkkkkk"
OWEN: "Guys, I think she's getting hungry."

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 04:09 PM
Jack: After you Ianto.
Ianto: After you Owen.
Owen: No after you Yan...
(The girls just sigh and run off for the bucket of fish)
Tosh: Filthy, disgusting, slimy...
Gwen: The fish???
Tosh: The boys.

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:16 PM
BBC WALES NEWSREADER: "Residents of Caerdydd have reported seeing what appears to be a pterodactyl flying near the Millennium center. Witness claim the prehistoric bird flies primarily at night and never strays far from the millennium square..."
OWEN: "Sh!t Jack! Myfanwy's made the news."
GWEN: "I did warn you, honestly, letting her fly in public."
BBC WALES NEWSREADER: "...here is amateur footage taken of the creature in flight..."
OWEN: "Some punk even got her on his video phone."
JACK: "Maybe I could put a perception filter on her."

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 04:18 PM
Could imagine that dialogue in season three of Torchwood...

Jack: Psst, kid!
Lad: What???
Jack: Did you hear about that pterodactyl???
Lad: Yeah, what of -
BUZZ!!! THUNK!!!

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:24 PM
IANTO: "I don't believe we have enough to ret-con all of Cardiff, sir."
--------------------------------------

DOCTOR: "I can't do it, I can't cope. We're travelling at the speed of time, me bottle's gone."
*the Tardis rocks*
DOCTOR: "Gordon Bennett that was a close one!"
MARTHA: "Doctor, what's the problem? You're supposed to have an IQ of 6000, aren't you?"
DOCTOR: "Look, we're travelling faster than the speed of time. That means, by the time we see something, we've already reached yesterday. Even with an IQ of 6000, it's still brown trousers time."

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 04:27 PM
Doctor: What's that look for???
Donna: How many suits do you have???
Doctor: One.
Donna: Shirts???
Doctor: One.
Doctor: Socks!?
Doctor: One...pair.
Donna: Ties!!!
Doctor: Ah!!! Well that's different!!! Two. Why???
Donna: How often do you wash them???
Doctor: Erm...
Donna: Laundrette!!! Now!!!

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:34 PM
Doctor: What's that look for???
Donna: How many suits do you have???
Doctor: One.
Donna: Shirts???
Doctor: One.
Doctor: Socks!?
Doctor: One...pair.
Donna: Ties!!!
Doctor: Ah!!! Well that's different!!! Two. Why???
Donna: How often do you wash them???
Doctor: Erm...
Donna: Laundrette!!! Now!!!
I love that: one...pair.

That only works if it's the Ninth doctor. Ten has two suits, and many shirts. I remember from series 2 and 3.

DOCTOR: But, Rose always did my laundry. Well, her mum did.
DONNA: Are you telling me you don't know how to do laundry?
DOCTOR: It's not something I ever worried about.
DONNA: Now, you're gonna learn, come on.
DOCTOR: *grumble, insult*
DONNA: What did you say?
DOCTOR: Nothing.

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 04:41 PM
Doctor: You know, there was once this planet where the sea looked this -
Donna: Oi!!! Fly boy!!! Pay attention!!!
Doctor: Fly boy??? What happened to Martian???
Donna: You complained too much!!!
Doctor: What if I complain about 'Fly boy'???
Donna: Then I'll make sure your trousers are small enough to fit a teddy.

Doctor: Uh-oh.
Donna: What???
Doctor: We need to refuel. Got to stop off at Cardiff...
Donna: Cardiff!!!
Doctor: Everywhere I go, always the same thing. "Cardiff??? Why do we have to stop at Cardiff???" Well I'll tell you why!!! There's a rift in time and space that runs through this place that feeds energy into the TARDIS. Happy???
Donna: How long will it take???
Doctor: Oh I dunno...long enough to watch a rugby match, see a play...get a bit too close with an old colleague...
Donna: Oh really??? And what do you mean about being close???
Doctor looks at Donna.
Doctor: Oh...nothing that's going to affect you.

(Oh no, after going off the Gwen bashing I'm now onto Donna bashing - what is wrong with me???)

:P

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:47 PM
Doctor: You know, there was once this planet where the sea looked this -
Donna: Oi!!! Fly boy!!! Pay attention!!!
Doctor: Fly boy??? What happened to Martian???
Donna: You complained too much!!!
Doctor: What if I complain about 'Fly boy'???
Donna: Then I'll make sure your trousers are small enough to fit a teddy.

Doctor: Uh-oh.
Donna: What???
Doctor: We need to refuel. Got to stop off at Cardiff...
Donna: Cardiff!!!
Doctor: Everywhere I go, always the same thing. "Cardiff??? Why do we have to stop at Cardiff???" Well I'll tell you why!!! There's a rift in time and space that runs through this place that feeds energy into the TARDIS. Happy???
Donna: How long will it take???
Doctor: Oh I dunno...long enough to watch a rugby match, see a play...get a bit too close with an old colleague...
Donna: Oh really??? And what do you mean about being close???
Doctor looks at Donna.
Doctor: Oh...nothing that's going to affect you.

(Oh no, after going off the Gwen bashing I'm now onto Donna bashing - what is wrong with me???)

:P

OWEN: "Hello, Donna. What, no sweetcheeks, sugarpie, honey? Kissy-kissy."

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 04:54 PM
Oh boy...

Thank goodness this isn't a competition for a prize...

Donna: Ooooh!!! Aren't you a star!?!?
Doctor: Erm...Donna, there's something I should mention.
Donna: Shut up Fly boy!!! This has got nought to do with you!!!
Doctor: Well...yes...apart from the little issue of...
Donna: Whatever it is Doctor, I'm sure it can wait!!!
Doctor: But...
Donna walks off with Owen.
Doctor: (Whispers) You're going on a date with a dead man...

Doctor: Jack??? You can come back with me...all is forgiven.
Jack: Thanks but I need to stay here.
Doctor: No I mean it, please come back with me.
Jack: But...
Doctor: Now...
Jack: What's her name???
Doctor: What makes you think I'm hiding from a -
Jack: What...is...her...name???
Doctor: Donna. Help me.

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 04:58 PM
JACK: Donna? Donna Noble? Ooohoohoooo! *laughs*
DOCTOR: Laugh it up, She's dating Owen.
JACK: Fu(k I'll never get rid of her now.
DOCTOR: *laughs*

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 05:01 PM
My chair just broke...there's a sharp metal piece that could hit my leg...

Anywho...

Jack: Owen???
Owen: Hmm???
Jack: You and Donna???
Owen: She's a cow...
Jack: Really???
Owen: Found out I was dead and ran for the hills.
Jack: I was wondering...
Owen: If you want to shoot her...be my guest...
Jack claps his hands happily.

(Oh no...this is going to far)

JJSNgadget
March 27th, 2008, 05:06 PM
My chair just broke...there's a sharp metal piece that could hit my leg...


Did it break because you were laughing too hard, or leaning back, or was it natural wear and tear. I have a wooden chair.

IANTO: Lots of things you can do with a chair, sir.
JACK: Oh yeah?

Allestian
March 27th, 2008, 05:08 PM
It's metal...it's wear and tear...and me sitting on it in the wrong manner...

Ianto: The new vibrating chairs just arrived sir...
Jack: Humans and their quaint needs...
Ianto: It comes with five settings apparently.
Jack: Oh really!?!?

:P

Coco Pops
March 27th, 2008, 06:54 PM
I guess we just have the same cultural background. What was your local forum about?


It was a local TV forum in the TV section of Behind Big Brother.. There are a couple of Dr. Who threads going there and I started one with my parodies and asked for more.. But all I am getting is replies consisting of rows of ...............................

Can someone explain all this myfawny stuff? who is Myfawny?

Allestian
March 28th, 2008, 12:56 PM
Can someone explain all this myfawny stuff? who is Myfawny?

Myfanwy is the Torchwood pterodactyl. The nickname was picked up somewhere but she's becoming quite the legend now.

:P

Coco Pops
March 28th, 2008, 02:20 PM
Myfanwy is the Torchwood pterodactyl. The nickname was picked up somewhere but she's becoming quite the legend now.

:P


I can tell......... And she's tame?

Allestian
March 29th, 2008, 06:58 AM
And she's tame?

Nope!!! :P That's what makes her so much fun...especially to write about.

So back to the fun...

Jack: Hello...
Doctor: Stop flirting!!!
Jack: I'm not flirting!!!
Doctor: Yes you are!!!
Jack: What makes you say that!?
Doctor: Saying hello is flirting to you.
Jack: I'm talking to Donna...
Doctor: Oh...

(Hence, the beginning and ending to Donna bashing today)

Coco Pops
March 29th, 2008, 07:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocolateLovingEntity http://forum.gateworld.net/images/gw_buttons/viewpost.gif (http://forum.gateworld.net/showthread.php?p=7962977#post7962977)

Tardis flying through space

Donna's been playing in the wardrobe and found a tight red dress to match her hair.

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "mumble mumble" head burried in Tardis guts as he works on its innards. "Yes Donna, mumble mumble"
Donna: "Oi!! Doctor" Doctor raises head
Donna: "Does my bum look big in this?" Doctor frowns and says nothing"

Sudden wooshy sounds and Jack materialises

Jack: "Well hello there....." as he checks out Donna
Doctor: "Oi you stop flirting"

Big whooshy sound Donna and Jack vanish

Wooshy sounds as Donna reeappears

Donna: "sigh" straightens hair
Donna: "OI Doctor where's the nursery?"
Doctor: "Oh no!!!!" slaps head and frowns.
Doctor: "Ok down the stairs two floors down past the bins two more floors down
and two doors away from the spa bath"







9 Months Later

Donna: "Doctor"
Doctor: "Yes"
Donna: sobs "Jack's run off with Owen" sob "and he wants custody of the
baby" sob "we named it Tara in honour of the Tardis since that's where he
picked me up from" sob

Doctor: "Oh that's fine whatever"
Donna: screams "Oi you never care, you never listen" throws stuff around the console room"

Doctor: "If it makes you happy I'll drop you off at Torchwood"
Donna: "Oi yep"

Wooshy sounds as the TARDIS lands

Donna runs out the Tardis into Torchwood with a big shiny axe



The city of New New York Billions Of Years In The Future Or thereabouts

Doctor: "Hello old friend"
Face of Boe: "Hello friend"
Doctor: "What is it"
Face of Boe: "You remember that time Donna ran into Torchwood wiht an axe?"

Doctor: "Yes friend"
Face of Boe: "well guess you know it's me Jack?"
Doctor: slaps his head "Oh doh,. and here I was thinking you were bullsh*tt*ng me"


fade to black...

Allestian
March 29th, 2008, 07:08 AM
Very nice!!!

:P

I was watching 'Gridlock' yesterday and kept looking at the Face of Boe going:

'Nah...nah...it couldn't...he's just kidding...but he does...nah!!!"

:P

An entire 45min of me saying that.

JJSNgadget
April 1st, 2008, 04:45 AM
DOCTOR: "Jack? What have you been doing to my hand that it's all gooey?
JACK: "He, he, he."


TOSH: "Owen, what are you doing!"
OWEN: "Well, it's not like I need them. Why can't I remove my organs and use my chest cavity to carry a concealed weapon?"


JACK: "Um, Ianto? Surprise."
IANTO: "Jack, why didn't you tell me 51st century men could get pregnant?"

Allestian
April 1st, 2008, 03:49 PM
Something tells me that the Torchwood TPTB are going to bring the pregnant Jack into the programme at some point...

:P

Ianto: Jack, I know that you like me but is the growling necessary?
(From the other side of the Hub)
Jack: What d'ya say!?

:D

JJSNgadget
April 1st, 2008, 03:54 PM
Ianto: Jack, I know that you like me but is the growling necessary?
(From the other side of the Hub)
Jack: What d'ya say!?

:D

JACK: "No, no! Bad Myfanwy, bad! We do not eat the tea-boy."

Allestian
April 1st, 2008, 04:26 PM
Cannot believe I'm going to write this...

Jack: That's my job!!!

:P

JJSNgadget
April 1st, 2008, 04:29 PM
Cannot believe I'm going to write this...

Jack: That's my job!!!

:P
FTW
mental green

Jack: "Don't worry Ianto, I'll save you!"
*Da-da-da-dahhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
Ianto: "Oh, my hero." *swoon*

Allestian
April 1st, 2008, 04:34 PM
(Ianto lies in bed)
Ianto: All these kisses Jack??? You make me feel so...
SQUAWK!!!
(His eyes widen)

CUT TO: Outside Ianto's apartment.

Ianto: Bad Myfanwy!!! Naughty Myfanwy!!!
SQUAWK!!! SQUAWK!!!
SMASH!!!

JJSNgadget
April 1st, 2008, 04:40 PM
Jack: *whimper, iz hard* "Oh I love a man who can dish out some punishment."
OWEN: "Oh my god, please not in the HUB. Some of us are trying to work, here."
GWEN: "Mmmh, yes. I can see that issue of Playboy is taking all your concentration."
OWEN: "F*** off!"
GWEN: "I have Rhys for that, thank you very much."
TOSH: "I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la."

Reefgirl
April 2nd, 2008, 12:16 AM
Jack: *whimper, iz hard* "Oh I love a man who can dish out some punishment."
OWEN: "Oh my god, please not in the HUB. Some of us are trying to work, here."
GWEN: "Mmmh, yes. I can see that issue of Playboy is taking all your concentration."
OWEN: "F*** off!"
GWEN: "I have Rhys for that, thank you very much."
TOSH: "I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la."
:lol:

Kady
April 2nd, 2008, 11:45 AM
GWEN: "Chewing gum helps me think."
TOSH: "Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!"

JACK: "You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside. "

GWEN: "So, how did you and Lisa meet."
IANTO: "I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed!"
LISA: "I paid the doorman twenty dollars - twenty dollars, in those days!"
IANTO: "Oh, God. And I thought, "what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.""

OWEN: "Don't give me that tone!"
JACK: "What tone?"
OWEN: "That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman."
JACK: "You're not a woman."
OWEN: "Oh, you [email protected]@rd!"

Thank you so much for those birdcage moments!! The funny thing is i could see Captain Jack acting like this!!


Cannot believe I'm going to write this...

Jack: That's my job!!!

:P

:thoranime09:

Kady
April 2nd, 2008, 12:12 PM
Jack: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?
Owen: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.
Jack: My God, what a brilliant idea!
Owen: I know.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Ianto, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.
Ianto: No! I'm gonna look like a f*g!
Jack: Maybe, but you'll look like a f*g in a uniform.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ianto: Oh god, I pierced the toast!
-----------------------------------------------------------
I just HAD to continue with The Birdcage! Aaaand maybe you can guest what this lot is from!

Jack: I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Owen: Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Who's with me?
Ianto: I.
Gwen: I.
Toshiko: I.
Owen: I think you're nuts.

sillyscipia
April 2nd, 2008, 12:26 PM
Jack: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?
Owen: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.
Jack: My God, what a brilliant idea!
Owen: I know.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Ianto, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.
Ianto: No! I'm gonna look like a f*g!
Jack: Maybe, but you'll look like a f*g in a uniform.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ianto: Oh god, I pierced the toast!
-----------------------------------------------------------
I just HAD to continue with The Birdcage! Aaaand maybe you can guest what this lot is from!

Jack: I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Owen: Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Jack: Who's with me?
Ianto: I.
Gwen: I.
Toshiko: I.
Owen: I think you're nuts.

Finding Nemo! funny movie. And Owen going "Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles." is the funniest ever.

Allestian
April 2nd, 2008, 02:44 PM
Oh dear...you lot have indeed been busy...

:)

I use this following after putting it at the start of a video.

Jack: Ianto? What are you doing?
Ianto: Making a video of us lot.
Jack: You're not going to...
Ianto: What happens in the Hub stays in the Hub.
Jack: Good. What's that say???
Ianto: Warning. This video may contain flashing.
Jack: Sounds like my kind of film.
Owen: Mine too.

:P

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 04:48 AM
DOCTOR: "Oh yum, a fruit basket. Aaah pears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Donna, save me!!!!!!!!!!"
DONNA: "Oh what are you on about now you barmy Martian?"

Madeleine
April 3rd, 2008, 11:15 AM
RTD: "I've changed my mind; here comes the shippiness"

Kady
April 3rd, 2008, 12:17 PM
Ianto: I wish i knew how to quid you!

:lol: well someone had to do it!!
------------------------------------------------
Jack: You pair of deuces lookin' for work, I suggest you get your scrawny asses in here pronto.
------------------------------------------------
Gwen: You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. You guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose.
------------------------------------------------
Ianto: Jack, I swear...
------------------------------------------------
......Well, someone had to mention Brokeback mountain!!

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 12:55 PM
man, i'd give you a green just for your siggy, but it won't let me.

I feel kind of sad, I can't sign the petition.

------------------
OWEN: "You can stick a Torchwood badge on a dead cat - and people would still buy it."
------------------
DOCTOR: *teaching Jack to drive Tardis* "The thing is, it's a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever..."Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I nuclear power sta--I'm a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I'm gonna swap some cogs around! and, it has exactly the same top speed as Henry the Eighth."
JACK: "I guess it's a good things this is a time machine, then."
DOCTOR: "Exactly."
---------------------
The Tardis hurls through the vortex. A voice shouting, "I AM A DRIVING GOD!"
---------------------
JACK: "Imagine watching the entire French air force crash into a fireworks factory. That's how much of a laugh Torchwood is."
---------------------
DOCTOR: "It's a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian barbecue, a Viennese waltz, and a helicopter gunship attack on Las Vegas, all rolled into one...it's fantastic!"
DONNA: O_o *blink, blink* "TAKE ME HOME, NOW!"
---------------------
JACK: "Hey, can we run a car on poo?"
*hours later*
TOSH: "Oh my, the people poo is beating the cow poo!"
----------------------
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "Dialling."
JACK: "I haven't told you what to dial yet... Dial number."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER:" The number please?"
JACK: "01785."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "0785."
JACK: "No, you missed the one."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "Pardon?"
JACK: "You missed the one."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "The number is deleted, please continue."
JACK: "See what I mean?"
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "202."
JACK: "Where did that come from?"
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "Pardon?"
JACK: "Tosh!!!!!! Help."

Reefgirl
April 3rd, 2008, 01:10 PM
Someone's been watching Top Gear

Donna: Is that a Skoda Octavia?
Doctor: Umm...It's one of my favourite things

Kady
April 3rd, 2008, 01:28 PM
Someone's been watching Top Gear

Donna: Is that a Skoda Octavia?
Doctor: Umm...It's one of my favourite things

Imagine The Stig driving the Tardis? *snicker*

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 01:49 PM
Imagine The Stig driving the Tardis? *snicker*

Some say that his hair has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called The Doctor.
-----------------
DOCTOR: *about Rose* "The handling is just hysterical. It's like driving a -fast- bouncy castle!"
-----------------
JACK: *while driving* "Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you, that's the killer."
-----------------

Allestian
April 3rd, 2008, 02:00 PM
Some say that his hair has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called The Doctor.

*Drops to the floor laughing*

OMG!!!

I'll never be the same again...

This one is based on a conversation I had with the local pizza place tonight...

Ianto: I'd like to order a pizza.
Pizza guy: Okay.
Ianto: Do you deliver?
Pizza guy: Not for a year now...last delivery girl went out and never came back.
(Ianto coughs nervously)
Ianto: Okay, I want to pick it up, how long will that take?
Pizza guy: I dunno...ten minutes?
Ianto: Okay. I'd like a large stuffed crust...
Pizza guy: No stuffed crust. Only Italian and Deep Pan...
Ianto: Okay...deep pan...
Pizza guy: Only got Italian.
Ianto: Fine I'll take the Italian before that one goes. Half and half.
Pizza guy: Fair does, what do you want?
Ianto: Margerita and Meat Feast.
Pizza guy: No meat feast.
(Ianto hangs up)
Ianto: Honestly...I'll make it myself...Here Myfanwy, nice Myfanwy, look at what Uncle Ianto's got for you...
FLAP! FLAP! BANG!!!

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 02:05 PM
I added some stuff to that last post of mine.
---------------------------

The hair, it is apooft.

Allestian
April 3rd, 2008, 02:09 PM
Could you imagine Jeremy Clarkson test driving the SUV.

(Please acknowledge that I know nought about cars apart from the basics of driving them)

JC: Power steering, left side handbrake, radio, CD player, MP3 insert, mobile phone on the front, two computer systems, broadband wireless, CRIMINT on the back seat. This isn't a car. It's my Christmas list on wheels...

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 02:13 PM
Could you imagine Jeremy Clarkson test driving the SUV.

(Please acknowledge that I know nought about cars apart from the basics of driving them)

JC: Power steering, left side handbrake, radio, CD player, MP3 insert, mobile phone on the front, two computer systems, broadband wireless, CRIMINT on the back seat. This isn't a car. It's my Christmas list on wheels...
Hamster: And you can issue a ticket for James when he goes too slow.

Reefgirl
April 3rd, 2008, 02:22 PM
:lol:

Allestian
April 3rd, 2008, 02:22 PM
Hamster: And you can issue a ticket for James when he goes too slow.

Oooooh very good...

:P

Doctor: James I need you to press that button, turn those switches, and hold that lever...and QUICKLY!!! Otherwise the universe will explode.
(Moments later...BOOM!!!)
James: This button???

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 02:23 PM
Oooooh very good...

:P

Doctor: James I need you to press that button, turn those switches, and hold that lever...and QUICKLY!!! Otherwise the universe will explode.
(Moments later...BOOM!!!)
James: This button???

arrrrrggghhhh, i-cant-green.

JEREMY: "You idiot, you've killed us all."

Allestian
April 3rd, 2008, 02:24 PM
arrrrrggghhhh, i-cant-green.

JEREMY: "You idiot, you've killed us all."

JAMES: "Ah...but if I killed us all then neither of us would be talking."

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 02:26 PM
JAMES: "Ah...but if I killed us all then neither of us would be talking."
HAMSTER: "So you're saying we're not dead?"
JEREMY: "Not yet. Death has to double back, we were going so slow."

Kady
April 3rd, 2008, 02:28 PM
Could you imagine Jeremy Clarkson test driving the SUV.

(Please acknowledge that I know nought about cars apart from the basics of driving them)

JC: Power steering, left side handbrake, radio, CD player, MP3 insert, mobile phone on the front, two computer systems, broadband wireless, CRIMINT on the back seat. This isn't a car. It's my Christmas list on wheels...


Hamster: And you can issue a ticket for James when he goes too slow.


Oooooh very good...

:P

Doctor: James I need you to press that button, turn those switches, and hold that lever...and QUICKLY!!! Otherwise the universe will explode.
(Moments later...BOOM!!!)
James: This button???

Um...have i started something here? *snickers*

Allestian
April 3rd, 2008, 02:29 PM
HAMSTER: "So you're saying we're not dead?"
JEREMY: "Not yet. Death has to double back, we were going so slow."

*Chokes on her pizza*

JAMES: "Well I'd like to see you do better."
JEREMY: "Okay then."
(Placed into the same situation...)
DOCTOR: "Jeremy! I need you to press that button, turn those switches, and hold that lever...and QUICKLY!!! Otherwise the universe will explode.
JEREMY: "What? This button, these switches and this lever?
DOCTOR: "No...that button, those switches and THIS -
(BOOM!!!)
DOCTOR: "Lever..."

Madeleine
April 3rd, 2008, 02:35 PM
LOLOL. More please.

JJSNgadget
April 3rd, 2008, 03:05 PM
*Chokes on her pizza*
JAMES: "Well I'd like to see you do better."
JEREMY: "Okay then."
(Placed into the same situation...)
DOCTOR: "Jeremy! I need you to press that button, turn those switches, and hold that lever...and QUICKLY!!! Otherwise the universe will explode.
JEREMY: "What? This button, these switches and this lever?
DOCTOR: "No...that button, those switches and THIS -
(BOOM!!!)
DOCTOR: "Lever..."

Nooo, don't choke. *gives you heimlich* That would be a tragedy against Gateworld.


Um...have i started something here? *snickers*
Yes you have started something.
I would green you but it won't let me.
I have started the Top Gear DW/TW thread. (http://forum.gateworld.net/showthread.php?p=8004315#post8004315)

Allestian
April 3rd, 2008, 03:14 PM
All I know...

There you go.

Erm...now what???

Don't make me bring back the BBQ wings...

:P

JJSNgadget
April 8th, 2008, 07:34 AM
*during lunch*
Tosh: "... and the man says 'that's not my penguin that's my brother.'"
*laughter*
*Jack chokes on a fried scallop*
Gwen: "Oh my god!"
Owen: *rolls eyes* "Leave him be."
Gwen: "What! He's choking to death--oh."
*Jack dies, comes back*

Kady
April 8th, 2008, 07:46 AM
Jack: *singing* In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now, God knows, anythi-
*BANG* *THUD*
Owen: *puts gun down and wipes hands* Ah, much better!

JJSNgadget
April 8th, 2008, 07:58 AM
Jack: *singing* In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now, God knows, anythi-
*BANG* *THUD*
Owen: *puts gun down and wipes hands* Ah, much better!
Gwen: "Ew, now there's brains all over my computer."
Ianto: "You shot him, you clean it up."
------------------

Ianto: "ohgodohgodohgod, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Jaaaaaaaaaack!"
Gwen: "I though these walls were soundproofed."
Tosh: "They are."
*bright glowing from Jack's office*
Jack: "Iaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnto!
Owen: "He's using his immortality? For sex?"
Tosh: "Well, Ianto's gonna be out for the next few hours."
Gwen: "I'm going home. There's really no point in working without Ianto's coffee."

sillyscipia
April 8th, 2008, 08:01 AM
Jack: *singing* In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now, God knows, anythi-
*BANG* *THUD*
Owen: *puts gun down and wipes hands* Ah, much better!

:lol:

Owen: *singing* Ring around the rosie, pockets full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down!
Gwen: You know that song is about the Black Death, right?
Owen: uh, no, I did not. It really is?
Gwen: Yup. Posies were thought to ward off the plague, so people carried them around everywhere. And people were sometimes burned in an attempt to stop the spread of the disease. And the "We all fall down!" part is death. You fall down and die.
Owen: Thanks for that, Gwen. I really needed a history lesson today.

(Yes, "Ring around the Rosie" is indeed about the Black Death. Kinda of morbid, ain't it?)

JJSNgadget
April 8th, 2008, 03:17 PM
Owen: "I'M KING OF THE WEEVILS!!!!"

AvatarIII
April 9th, 2008, 05:20 AM
*Screech* *Splat Splat Splat*

I think the Pteradactyl has eaten something dodgy

Kady
April 9th, 2008, 10:47 AM
*Screech* *Splat Splat Splat*

I think the Pteradactyl has eaten something dodgy

Thats disgusting!! LOL!

JJSNgadget
April 10th, 2008, 05:31 AM
OWEN: "Yeah, I'm not cleaning that up."
-----------------
JACK: "Captain Jack Harkness, and you are?"
JACK: "Captain Jack Sparrow. You haven't seen a ship with black sails go by, have you?"
-----------------
OWEN: "Tosh, how would you like to be the Weevil Queen?"

Kady
April 10th, 2008, 10:31 AM
introducing Captain Jack and The Doctor to popping candy!
*crackling can be heard*
Jack: Oh, ooh, oohh, um....ohhhh, oh, wow..*crack* OW! That one hurt my throat!!
The Doctor: Ooh, oh, ooh, Oooh, ahem, um...ohhhh, oh, strange...*crack*...ow, thad pop'd my'd tou'n'ge....*whines*

wise one
April 10th, 2008, 10:58 AM
villian: YES Doctor I am your arch ememy but i also played traffic warden on BBC 3 and holby city as wounded maaan!!!


inside the tardis:

Hi....Im Tim Weestwood and this is PIMP MY TARDISSSSS!!!

JJSNgadget
April 10th, 2008, 12:14 PM
introducing Captain Jack and The Doctor to popping candy!
*crackling can be heard*
Jack: Oh, ooh, oohh, um....ohhhh, oh, wow..*crack* OW! That one hurt my throat!!
The Doctor: Ooh, oh, ooh, Oooh, ahem, um...ohhhh, oh, strange...*crack*...ow, thad pop'd my'd tou'n'ge....*whines*

OMG you reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend Llama and her fiance at school. We were eating pop rocks, and one of us started talking bout secks. Llama and him are very funny about their homelife. So:

spoiled for naughty
JACK: *holds up pack of Pop Rocks* "Have you ever had [email protected] with these?"
DOCTOR: *squeaky* "No. Doesn't that hurt?"
JACK: "Not if it's done right."
-----------------

*Hunting for Myfanwy, who got loose.*
IANTO: "Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Tookie Tookie!"
JACK: "Yan, I think we've established that "Ca-caw, ca-caw" and "Tookie Tookie" don't work."
IANTO: "I'm all out of dark chocolate."
*a few seconds later*
IANTO: "You are so beautiful, to me..."
OWEN: "Step back, Jack, I'm gonna shoot him."
JACK: "Uh-uh, stand down! I'm taking this one out myself."
IANTO: "Can't you see..."
JACK: "Ianto, would you please stop, because you are embarrasing me."
----------------

*How Torchwood pwns UNIT*
JACK: "We're not gonna bend over and take this Brigadier!"
*Jack and Ianto enter the SUV. Jack rolls down his window and moons the Brigadier*
JACK: "Fruit basket for Brigadier Bambera!"
IANTO: "Happy Holidays, Brigadier!"
*they drive away*

Allestian
April 12th, 2008, 12:40 PM
*Looks at the previous posts*

O_O Oh no...not innuendoes of popping candy extremes...

Jack: "You know, there's so many things...exciting, interesting, unique things, that you can do with popping candy."
(Owen loads his gun)
Owen: "For each one you list I fire a bullet into your brain."
Jack: "Well..."
BANG!!!
Owen: "And that's the warning shot."
*********************************************************
Jack: "I am so bored!!! I really need something to do!!!"
(Everyone clears off leaving Owen on his own. Owen loads his gun - again)
Owen: *Mutters under his breath* "Oh, this is getting old..."
Jack: "Owen!!! Want to do something fun!?"
Owen: "Jack!!! Your category of fun and my category of fun may be similar but it's not happening."
Jack: "Come on Owen..."
(Owen turns around and points the gun at Jack)
Owen: "Go climb a rooftop...I'm running out of bullets."

Kady
April 14th, 2008, 12:51 PM
Jack: *sings* Im-mooor-taaaaa-lity, i make the journey throught enternity, i keep the memo-
*BANG*
Owen: Much better!
Gwen: Thank you, Owen!
Tosh: Ahhh! Peace and quiet!
Ianto: *humming "immortality "*
*CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK*
Owen: Just try it...!!


A little tribute to the fact that John Barrowman is a fan of Celine Dion! :D

Allestian
April 14th, 2008, 12:53 PM
Oh, just to see these scenes in the show...

Gwen: "Immortality..."
CLICK!!! CLICK!!!
Owen: "Gwen!!! Not you too!!!"
Gwen: "Sorry...it's catchy..."
Tosh: "Who do I aim at!? Who do I aim at!?!?!?"

JJSNgadget
April 15th, 2008, 09:22 AM
The Ballad of Tosh and Owen:

"Love of mine some day you will die, but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark

"No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark, if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

"If there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark ... ... ...

"The time for sleep is now, it's nothing to cry about, cause we'll hold each other soon, the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide, that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark, then I'll follow you into the dark"

*sniff* Okay, who else cried when they saw those scenes in that episode?

Allestian
April 15th, 2008, 01:59 PM
*Lifts hand*

:(

Reefgirl
April 15th, 2008, 02:37 PM
The Ballad of Tosh and Owen:

"Love of mine some day you will die, but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark

"No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark, if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

"If there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark ... ... ...

"The time for sleep is now, it's nothing to cry about, cause we'll hold each other soon, the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide, that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark, then I'll follow you into the dark"

*sniff* Okay, who else cried when they saw those scenes in that episode?
That's wonderful. I usually have tears running down my face at sad scenes on TV, those caused full on blubbing

wise one
April 17th, 2008, 01:34 PM
jack harkness: captain jack harkness

jack sparrows: captains jack sparrows, please to meet you

(harkness smiles as they both shake hands)

jack sparrows: rum?

harkness: dont mind if i do

sparrows: hang on whats that on your back?

harkness: its a hand in a jar, whats that??

sparrows: well captain..(staggers round to pick it up) i got a jar of dirt

after jack and jack are drunk

sparrows: i got a jar of dirt, i got a jar of dirt...

then he falls over...

JJSNgadget
April 17th, 2008, 01:48 PM
Jack Harkness: I've got a gooey hand, I've got a gooey hand...

Allestian
April 18th, 2008, 12:42 PM
Jack Harkness: I've got a gooey hand, I've got a gooey hand...

Jack Sparrow: "What you do in your spare time, mate, is none of my business..."

sillyscipia
April 18th, 2008, 12:44 PM
Jack Sparrow: "What you do in your spare time, mate, is none of my business..."
:lol:

*Jack Harkness is eating peanuts*
*Jack Sparrow shoots him in the back of the head*
Jack Sparrow: My peanuts.
*Jack Harkness gets up*
Jack Harkness: My peanuts.
Jack Sparrow: Didn't I just shoot you, mate?

Allestian
April 18th, 2008, 12:46 PM
:lol:

*Jack Harkness is eating peanuts*
*Jack Sparrow shoots him in the back of the head*
Jack Sparrow: My peanuts.
*Jack Harkness gets up*
Jack Harkness: My peanuts.
Jack Sparrow: Didn't I just shoot you, mate?

Jack Harkness: "Depends...what did you shoot me with???"

sillyscipia
April 18th, 2008, 12:48 PM
Jack Harkness: "Depends...what did you shoot me with???"

Jack Sparrow: Pistol. See? *holds it up*
Jack Harkness: That thing is old. Let's get you something better. *takes Sparrow to pick out a gun*

Allestian
April 18th, 2008, 12:59 PM
Jack Sparrow: Pistol. See? *holds it up*
Jack Harkness: That thing is old. Let's get you something better. *takes Sparrow to pick out a gun*

*Claps hands*

Let's see if I can do this:

(To the tune of lovely bunch of coconuts)

JS: "Gracious Jack, what a load of alien guns..."
JH: "Yup, you got it. If you see one, then just let me know."
(Dum, dum, dum)
JS: "Blue ones."
JH: "Green ones."
JS: "One that's just like a keg..."

That is beyond bad - I am soooo sorry. :D

sillyscipia
April 18th, 2008, 01:10 PM
*Claps hands*

Let's see if I can do this:

(To the tune of lovely bunch of coconuts)

JS: "Gracious Jack, what a load of alien guns..."
JH: "Yup, you got it. If you see one, then just let me know."
(Dum, dum, dum)
JS: "Blue ones."
JH: "Green ones."
JS: "One that's just like a keg..."

That is beyond bad - I am soooo sorry. :D
*snickers* Nice, Ally.

Both: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
Jack Sparrow: We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Both: Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Jack Harkness: We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Both: Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!

Allestian
April 18th, 2008, 01:36 PM
(Gwen walks in)
Gwen: "So that's what you did when you left..."

nx01a
April 18th, 2008, 06:30 PM
The Doctor [to random companion]: It's NOT a vibrator!!!!

Fenrir Foxz
April 18th, 2008, 06:33 PM
The Doctor [to random companion]: It's NOT a vibrator!!!!

The sonic screwdriver?

"It has three settings" :lol: :P

Kady
April 19th, 2008, 07:18 AM
The Doctor [to random companion]: It's NOT a vibrator!!!!

*jaw drops* OMG! I was not prepared for that one!! *cackles* I've got a feeling The Doctor would be saying that to Captain Jack as well!! *snickers*

Allestian
April 19th, 2008, 12:23 PM
*jaw drops* OMG! I was not prepared for that one!! *cackles* I've got a feeling The Doctor would be saying that to Captain Jack as well!! *snickers*

Captain Jack: "You'd better keep an eye on that screwdriver of yours..."
Doctor: "Oh really. Why's that?"
Captain Jack: "Well...if any of the girls get bored..."
Doctor: "Shelves?"
Captain Jack: "I was thinking...lower..."
Doctor: "Cabinets?"
Captain Jack: "Do you need to spell it out...they'll be putting up...never mind..."
Doctor: "Bench? Table? Wardrobes?"
Captain Jack: "For an intelligent advanced species - you're dense."

nx01a
April 19th, 2008, 12:31 PM
Martha [to Jack]: Hmm. I thought yours would be bigger on the inside, too.

nx01a
April 19th, 2008, 12:33 PM
The sonic screwdriver?

"It has three settings" :lol: :P
Seriously, did you see the... *sonic device*... that Tosh had to make? Come ON now! It looked very... :cameronanime10:The producers on TW did that intentionally.;)

Fenrir Foxz
April 19th, 2008, 12:34 PM
Seriously, did you see the... *sonic device*... that Tosh had to make? Come ON now! It looked very... :PThe producers on TW did that intentionally.;)

Yeah I expect so :P

nx01a
April 19th, 2008, 12:35 PM
Yeah I expect so :P
I edited that post slightly. Decided another icon was necessary in a certain place for effect.

nx01a
April 19th, 2008, 12:40 PM
Donna [to The Doctor]: Why do I get the feeling I'm not the first woman you've sweet talked into your little box?

Fenrir Foxz
April 19th, 2008, 12:42 PM
I edited that post slightly. Decided another icon was necessary in a certain place for effect.

It works well :lol:

Kady
April 21st, 2008, 03:21 AM
just thinking, imagine Captain Jack and Russell Brand meeting? Oh, ye God!! *snickers*

JJSNgadget
April 22nd, 2008, 04:45 AM
who's Russel Brand?


IANTO: "You've got no arms!"
OWEN: "A flesh wound"
JACK: "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

Kady
April 22nd, 2008, 10:36 AM
who's Russel Brand?


IANTO: "You've got no arms!"
OWEN: "A flesh wound"
JACK: "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

he's an English TV presenter (soon to appear in the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall") who looks like a poor man's Johnny Depp, circa Pirates of the Carribean, and who is a bit of a casanova!!

nx01a
April 22nd, 2008, 11:28 AM
The character looks like a gigolo, at least from the trailer.

wise one
April 22nd, 2008, 01:00 PM
jack harkness: captain jack harkness

jack sparrows: captains jack sparrows, please to meet you

(harkness smiles as they both shake hands)

jack sparrows: rum?

harkness: dont mind if i do

sparrows: hang on whats that on your back?

harkness: its a hand in a jar, whats that??

sparrows: well captain..(staggers round to pick it up) i got a jar of dirt

after jack and jack are drunk

sparrows: i got a jar of dirt, i got a jar of dirt...

then he falls over...


Jack Harkness: I've got a gooey hand, I've got a gooey hand...


Jack Sparrow: "What you do in your spare time, mate, is none of my business..."


:lol:

*Jack Harkness is eating peanuts*
*Jack Sparrow shoots him in the back of the head*
Jack Sparrow: My peanuts.
*Jack Harkness gets up*
Jack Harkness: My peanuts.
Jack Sparrow: Didn't I just shoot you, mate?


Jack Harkness: "Depends...what did you shoot me with???"


Jack Sparrow: Pistol. See? *holds it up*
Jack Harkness: That thing is old. Let's get you something better. *takes Sparrow to pick out a gun*


*Claps hands*

Let's see if I can do this:

(To the tune of lovely bunch of coconuts)

JS: "Gracious Jack, what a load of alien guns..."
JH: "Yup, you got it. If you see one, then just let me know."
(Dum, dum, dum)
JS: "Blue ones."
JH: "Green ones."
JS: "One that's just like a keg..."

That is beyond bad - I am soooo sorry. :D


*snickers* Nice, Ally.

Both: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
Jack Sparrow: We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Both: Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Jack Harkness: We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Both: Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!



lol i love these pirates of the caribbean gags lol green!!

Rain nah
April 23rd, 2008, 04:40 PM
The Doctor [to random companion]: It's NOT a vibrator!!!!

Random Companion in response to The Doctor:
well it couldn't hurt anything to try it like that could it?

nx01a
April 23rd, 2008, 05:00 PM
:samanime24:Oh noooooo you didn't!!!!:prioranime01:
Doctor [to random companion]: Sorry. It doesn't work on deadlock seals.

Rain nah
April 24th, 2008, 03:01 AM
:samanime24:Oh noooooo you didn't!!!!:prioranime01:
Doctor [to random companion]: Sorry. It doesn't work on deadlock seals.

Random Companion:
It's NOT a deadlock seal, it's a chastity belt and I want it off NOW!!

JJSNgadget
April 24th, 2008, 05:00 AM
Random Companion:
It's NOT a deadlock seal, it's a chasity belt and I want it off NOW!!

OMG I was thinking the same thing.

The Doctor and The Master swordfighting over a fair maiden wearing a chastity belt.

AvatarIII
April 24th, 2008, 08:13 AM
*set early S2*
*ianto overhears*
Jack: Hey Owen, have my test results come back yet?
Owen: Yes, they have, it's bad but i don't see why you have to worry right?
Jack: We'll see *reads results*, hmmm so i can't die, but i can carry HIV, thats good to know
Ianto: :thoranime09:

JJSNgadget
April 24th, 2008, 08:18 AM
*set early S2*
*ianto overhears*
Jack: Hey Owen, have my test results come back yet?
Owen: Yes, they have, it's bad but i don't see why you have to worry right?
Jack: We'll see *reads results*, hmmm so i can't die, but i can carry HIV, thats good to know
Ianto: :thoranime09:
IANTO: "Hmmmm." *is thinking hard* "Aha."
*Jack enters*
JACK: "Hey, how's it hanging?"
*Ianto shoots Jack in head*
OWEN: "Omg!!!!"
*Jack wakes up*
JACK: "What did you do that for?"
IANTO: "To cure your HIV, duh. You do want to have sex with me again, don't you?"

JJSNgadget
April 29th, 2008, 06:59 AM
Torchwood Hub: It's not bigger on the inside, Caerdydd's just smaller on the outside.

nx01a
May 3rd, 2008, 10:21 AM
"Yours is 13 1/2 feet long, Doctor?! Really?! It is not!"

sillyscipia
May 3rd, 2008, 02:49 PM
Owen: I got a new cat!
Jack: Why didn't you tell us you were getting a sex change, Owen?

Rain nah
May 3rd, 2008, 08:16 PM
Owen: I got a new cat!
Jack: Why didn't you tell us you were getting a sex change, Owen?

Owen: Oh ha ha Jack, but anyway, my pussy's name is Tosh...
Toshi:WHAT???!
*everyone else snickers behind their hands*

sillyscipia
May 3rd, 2008, 08:26 PM
Owen: Oh ha ha Jack, but anyway, my pussy's name is Tosh...
Toshi:WHAT???!
*everyone else snickers behind their hands*

Gwen: Well since we're talking about pets, i've got a dog. She's a beautiful golden retriever named...
Owen: What?
Gwen: Owen.

wise one
May 4th, 2008, 04:36 AM
doctor: K9 STOP HUMPING THE TOASTER!!!

'' This is not a waste of time..YOU are a time lord, have you ever given money to the labour party?

wise one
May 4th, 2008, 04:46 AM
DALEK: THIS IS MY DALEK POETRY READING!!!
THIS ONE IS CALLED DAPHADILS
EX-TERMINATE DAPHADILS

JJSNgadget
May 12th, 2008, 05:53 AM
The sonic screwdriver?

"It has three settings" :lol: :P

Low, high, and ohmygawd!!!!!!!!!!!

JJSNgadget
May 12th, 2008, 05:54 AM
doctor: K9 STOP HUMPING THE TOASTER!!!

'' This is not a waste of time..YOU are a time lord, have you ever given money to the labour party?

K9: But master, it is shiny and goes ding when there's stuff.
Martha: At least it leaves the chickens intact.

Allestian
May 12th, 2008, 01:09 PM
*Clears throat*

Jack: "I've decided to create new rules for the Hub. There's to be...no kissing, no hugging, no smiling, no laughing, no smut...no having fun of any kind. Especially me."
(GUNSHOT)
Owen: "Now that we have that cleared up..."

sillyscipia
May 12th, 2008, 01:29 PM
*Clears throat*

Jack: "I've decided to create new rules for the Hub. There's to be...no kissing, no hugging, no smiling, no laughing, no smut...no having fun of any kind. Especially me."
(GUNSHOT)
Owen: "Now that we have that cleared up..."
:lol:

*Jack comes back again*
Jack: What was that for?
Owen: you'd clearly lost your marbles. We were-*hostile glares from everyone else*-okay, I was trying to help you find them again.
Jack: And you thought shooting me would help?
Owen: Well, it's worked in the past.

Allestian
May 12th, 2008, 01:33 PM
:lol:

*Jack comes back again*
Jack: What was that for?
Owen: you'd clearly lost your marbles. We were-*hostile glares from everyone else*-okay, I was trying to help you find them again.
Jack: And you thought shooting me would help?
Owen: Well, it's worked in the past.

*Ianto walks in*
Ianto: "I told the Witchdoctor I was in love with you, I told the Witchdoctor..."
*Notices Owen*
Ianto: "I was just thinking about you."

:P

Davidtourniquet
May 12th, 2008, 01:44 PM
DALEK: THIS IS MY DALEK POETRY READING!!!
THIS ONE IS CALLED DAPHADILS
EX-TERMINATE DAPHADILS

To much mock the week for you!!!!!

I had sex with rose once and the tardis got it all on video....without her noticing.

wise one
May 13th, 2008, 11:54 AM
To much mock the week for you!!!!!

I had sex with rose once and the tardis got it all on video....without her noticing.

lol i love mock the week,thats where i got jokes from.. frankie's the best in it, he just doesnt care what he says even how offensive it is

Kady
May 14th, 2008, 06:29 AM
i've just had a thought...imagine the doctor or Capt'n jack on Deal or No deal!! I could see Capt'n Jack flirting with the banker!! *giggles*

nx01a
May 14th, 2008, 10:10 AM
The Hub...
Jack: "Mmm. The Sub-Etheric Resonator smells lovely today."
Ianto: "It's my own fragrance, sir: a sweet blend with woodsy undertones, blending top notes of jasmine with middle notes of red berries and honey with base notes of vanilla, chocolate, and caramel."
Jack: "And you call yourself the wedding fairy?"

Davidtourniquet
May 16th, 2008, 10:37 AM
i've just had a thought...imagine the doctor or Capt'n jack on Deal or No deal!! I could see Capt'n Jack flirting with the banker!! *giggles*

I could imagine that:

Banker: I am the banker
Jack: Cap'n Jack Harkness
Doctor: Stop it
Jack: What? I was only saying hello.

sillyscipia
May 16th, 2008, 10:43 AM
I could imagine that:

Banker: I am the banker
Jack: Cap'n Jack Harkness
Doctor: Stop it
Jack: What? I was only saying hello.

Doctor: For you, that's flirting.

Allestian
May 16th, 2008, 12:08 PM
Banker: "Hello?"
Capt. Jack: "Hi there?"
Banker: "Noel?"
Capt. Jack: "How camp do you think I am!?"

Rickington
May 21st, 2008, 06:52 AM
(this is sort of a slight Top Gear crossover :P)

Donna: Doctor! *starts to panic*

Doctor: Yes, what is it?

Donna: ... Jeremy Clarkson stole the TARDIS!

Doctor: What... *scene closes, with "To Be Continued..." on the screen*

Allestian
May 21st, 2008, 09:18 AM
:lol:

Very good!!!

We have a TG/DW thread somewhere around here where you'll find a few similar things.

:D

Pop in sometime...

And on that note:

Gwen: "Sorry Ianto, they only had decaf at the shop..."
Ianto: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

JJSNgadget
May 29th, 2008, 12:26 PM
DOCTOR: "OMG, Jack...K9...stop it."
K9: "But, master, I'm a 51st century kind of dog. I'm just more flexible when it comes to dancing."

JJSNgadget
June 4th, 2008, 05:39 AM
"oooh, i am not cleaning that up."

JJSNgadget
October 13th, 2008, 05:53 AM
"You silly crevasse!!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=600AwyKlt5M)

*actually that's not true, I think I would love to hear this on Doctor Who.
----------------------

"I...am...the...Master. Of low prices.
Here at The Master's Used Tardises,
our prices are so low they're INSANE!!!"
-----------------------

"Molto bene."
"Molto bene."
"Don't do that."
"Don't do that."
"Oh god, not again."
"Oh god, not again."
------------------------

"Talk to the hand."

sillyscipia
October 13th, 2008, 05:58 AM
"You silly crevasse!!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=600AwyKlt5M)

*actually that's not true, I think I would love to hear this on Doctor Who.
----------------------

"I...am...the...Master. Of low prices.
Here at The Master's Used Tardises,
our prices are so low they're INSANE!!!"
-----------------------

"Molto bene."
"Molto bene."
"Don't do that."
"Don't do that."
"Oh god, not again."
"Oh god, not again."
------------------------

"Talk to the hand."

Oh, my god, the third one... LOL... That episode freaked me out.

Kady
October 13th, 2008, 06:05 AM
*squeals* That GOODNESS someone revived this thread!!

Reefgirl
October 13th, 2008, 06:54 AM
Donna: *Slips* Doctor!!! will you do something about your &%$£ing dog, there are ball bearings everywhere in here

CKO
October 13th, 2008, 09:09 AM
*looks up from the floor, holding her sides* oh gods... i've just read the whole thread....

Ianto: uh... Jack... i have some news. *hands him a pregnancy test... showing positive.* i'm pregnant... your the father.
Jack: oh.. *blinks* well i guess it's those 51st centry genes for you.... they seem to work wonders... *pauses.* pregnant.... damn... erm.... WHAT!
Ianto: i took the test twice... it's still positive, plus Owen just ran the blood test... blood doesnt lie either.
Jack: oh boy... i'm screwed now.

**

Gwen: damn you Jack... can't you and Ianto wait til the hub is empty before playing your games on nekkid hide and seek?
Owen: ew... i didn't want to see that.... *blinks*
Tosh: ohhh my eyes my eyes.

JJSNgadget
October 13th, 2008, 10:51 AM
"Love is in the air..."

Kady
October 13th, 2008, 02:29 PM
"Love is in the air..."

*bang* *thud*
Owen: Ah, thats better! That'll teach Jack to stop singing!

JJSNgadget
October 13th, 2008, 04:14 PM
JACK: What's wrong with saving the world in my jimjams.
IANTO: The fact that you don't wear any.

Kady
October 13th, 2008, 04:44 PM
JACK: What's wrong with saving the world in my jimjams.
IANTO: The fact that you don't wear any.

*cackles* this sounds so much funnier when your currently drunk like i am, at the moment!!

JJSNgadget
October 15th, 2008, 05:20 AM
"99,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall, 99,999,999 bottles of beer..."

Allestian
October 17th, 2008, 02:30 AM
JACK: What's wrong with saving the world in my jimjams.
IANTO: The fact that you don't wear any.

OMG!!!

ROFL!!!

*Is currently laughing on the floor*

Oh no I have to be funny now...

*Ianto Jones walks into Starbucks*

Ianto: I'll have one of those, two of them, one of those and oh! I'd like to try that one.
Salesperson: Drinks for your work colleagues Ianto?
Ianto: Yup!!! I've worked there for about three years now and they still think that I make the coffee.

:D

nx01a
October 17th, 2008, 12:19 PM
Owen: No, Martha, I can't feel you fingering my hole.

Kady
October 17th, 2008, 01:07 PM
Owen: No, Martha, I can't feel you fingering my hole.

AWWWWWWWWW! *pulls face* Thanks for the image! *shudders*

sillyscipia
November 2nd, 2008, 11:45 AM
"oooh, this is an SOS..." *click* "Bye, bye, bye..." *click* "I feel like a hero..." *click* "Come on a Monday..." *SMASH*

Jack: GWEN! ENOUGH OF THE BOY BANDS!

*click* "He said, I went to the year 3000..."

(random, i know...)

Allestian
November 10th, 2008, 10:52 AM
It's been so long since I was on here...

Okay, I'm taking this one from filming yesterday.

:D

*The team are in the forest investigating some nasty creature that eats people...*
Gwen: A bit eerie...
Ianto: Yeah...
Jack: Oh come on, you two aren't scared are you? Don't worry - I'll protect you.
*A squirrel jumps out from a tree and darts across their path*
Jack: Squirrel!!! Squirrel!!! Squirrel!!!
*Jack chases the squirrel into the bushes and disappears out of sight. The monster jumps out in front of Ianto and Gwen*
Gwen: Oh...
Ianto: *Bleep*ing squirrels...

Enaj
November 10th, 2008, 03:41 PM
*grins to self and smiles*

Squirrels? Allestian, that wasn't the squirrels fault.!!!!

Following Allestians, comment, i got my own, from our filming adeventures on Sunday.!

*Ianto is teaching Gwen to Dance before her wedding*
Ianto- 1,2,3, 1,2,3, 1,2,3...Don't step on my toe!
Gwen-"You stepped on mine!
*Jack is giggling and smiling to himself, as he spies in them from his office, he steps right, left and right then twirls around pretend to dance with an invisible partner.*
Jack- Ladala lala la la

Allestian
November 11th, 2008, 09:16 AM
*grins to self and smiles*

Squirrels? Allestian, that wasn't the squirrels fault.!!!!

Following Allestians, comment, i got my own, from our filming adeventures on Sunday.!

*Ianto is teaching Gwen to Dance before her wedding*
Ianto- 1,2,3, 1,2,3, 1,2,3...Don't step on my toe!
Gwen-"You stepped on mine!
*Jack is giggling and smiling to himself, as he spies in them from his office, he steps right, left and right then twirls around pretend to dance with an invisible partner.*
Jack- Ladala lala la la

*Facepalm*

Never dancing again...

:P

*Jack puts down a notebook and goes off to do some Weevil hunting, Ianto picks up the notebook, believing it to be his diary...*

Ianto: Dear Diary...

LATER!!!

*Jack picks up the book and turns the page from where he'd left off*

Jack: I found it was difficult to catch the Weevil this time...especially when he hugged me and called me his little snuggle teddy...What the!? Ianto!

:D

sillyscipia
November 11th, 2008, 11:34 AM
*Facepalm*

Never dancing again...

:P

*Jack puts down a notebook and goes off to do some Weevil hunting, Ianto picks up the notebook, believing it to be his diary...*

Ianto: Dear Diary...

LATER!!!

*Jack picks up the book and turns the page from where he'd left off*

Jack: I found it was difficult to catch the Weevil this time...especially when he hugged me and called me his little snuggle teddy...What the!? Ianto!

:D

:lol:

*Gwen leaves a box on her desk when she goes home* *Jack and Ianto stare at it*
Ianto: You open it, sir.
Jack: No, you. I'm not touching it.
Ianto: You're the immortal one, you open it!
Jack: I'm your boss so I order you to open it!
Ianto: I don't care that you're my boss, you op-*Gwen walks back in*
Gwen: Sorry about that, I forgot my leftover take-away from lunch.

sillyscipia
June 14th, 2009, 04:25 PM
Jack: Oh, *Myfanwy squawks*. Everyone hide.
Gwen: Why?
Jack: Ianto's coffeemaker just died.

(My coffeemaker bit the dust a while back and I just remembered this thread...)

nx01a
June 16th, 2009, 06:23 PM
Jack: "TOSH! Owen can't find his fingers!"

Allestian
October 8th, 2009, 11:53 AM
Wow - this place is completely and utterly abandoned!!! Not been the same since it got blown up...

Erm...let's see...with maintaining taste and niceness...

Jack: Gwen!?
Gwen: Yeah!?
Jack: Activate the new external defences!!!
Gwen: What!? Why!?
Jack: JUST ACTIVATE THE NEW EXTERNAL DEFENCES!!!
*Gwen hits the button, gunfire and explosions can be heard from above ground*
Gwen: Wh-What was that...???
*Jack slouches back into his seat*
Jack: Russell was on his way with the new scripts...

(Just kidding. I don't really RTD bash))

Gwen: Jack???
Jack: Yeah???
Gwen: When was the last time you checked the freezer's thermostat???
*The Hub is suddenly flooded by a wave of defrosted freezer water*

(Erm...)

Radio: There's a report coming in of three youths being locked in a black SUV and surrounded by a pack of lions at Knowlesly Safari Park...
Jack: That teaches them for stealing my car...
Gwen: But Jack...they car has so many locks on it...
Jack: And they're all going to deactivate in five minutes.
Gwen: Jack!!!
Jack: I've got the SUV on remote control, I'll get them out of there...
*Gwen smiles and walks off*
Jack: When the lions have had their fun...

Draygon
October 13th, 2009, 06:31 AM
Doctor: *on arriving at a new location* Now let's see where we are...but we'll have to be quick because the handbrake's broken and the Tardis could drift off ata moments notice...

miles27
December 1st, 2009, 10:33 AM
owen: i am sorry but i will have to put Myfanwy down.
jack: but he barely hit the wall, he cant be that hurt
owen: no i mean he is way to heavy i cant carry him

bada bada boo....
-----------------------------------------------------

owen: look i will have to put Myfanwy down
gwen: it's not that bad
owen: look it stinks, it has a massive nose, it has no useful purpose

bada bada boo....
------------------------------------------------------

few hours after real strong indian curry
doctor: WOW.... sorry but i wouldn't go in the tardis for a few hours
martha: but this planet explodes in ten minutes
doctor: OH! er well i would hold your nose and breath when you go in.

-------------------------------------------------------

doctor: remember i once laughed that i could one day regenerate with two heads....
rose: Yes....
Doctor head1: Well it appears...
doctor head2: ...i may regret saying...
doctor head3: ...such stupid things...
doctor head4: ...while RTD is in the room!

nx01a
December 2nd, 2009, 11:34 PM
Ianto: Well? Where IS it?
Jack: I don't know! Owen, can I borrow that quantum x-ray device?
Owen: ...Ok.
Jack: Hold still, Ianto.
*tweeeeeee!*
Jack: Ah! there it is!
Ianto: That's the last time I play 'Orion hide and seek' with you, sir.

Rodney_Mckay
March 23rd, 2010, 05:15 AM
Various: Oo-er missus, that's not the sonic screwdriver!

Carry on Doctor Who!

Kady
June 3rd, 2010, 04:28 PM
I thought i'd bump this thread up in honour of the new Doctor!

Draygon
June 3rd, 2010, 04:31 PM
The one phrase you never want to hear anywhere:

"uh oh"

Kady
September 14th, 2011, 01:29 PM
***bumping this thread***

Starfist
September 17th, 2011, 07:07 AM
Oopps!

Lilith
September 19th, 2011, 07:15 AM
Doctor: Nexion Galaxy, home of the chocolate loving Oompa Loompas.
Amy: Oompa Loompas? Are you sure?
Doctor: Of course I'm sure!
Rory: I knew it!! I knew Oompa Loompas were aliens!! No one can be that shade of orange.
Doctor: It was very generous of them to let you lot film that ridiculous movie in one of their lost ships. All it cost in return was a peak at your admittedly lacking star charts.
Amy: ...... I hate you, both of you.... *storms off*
Rory: *beams*
Doctor: *blinks* What just happened?
Rory: I just won a bet. I never win a bet. Think they'll let her swim in the chocolate river?
Doctor: Think it would help?
Rory: She's a woman, it's chocolate.... certainly couldn't hurt.
Doctor: *mutters to self* maybe i should bring River here.
Rory: What was that?
Doctor: Oh nothing!

Starfist
September 19th, 2011, 01:13 PM
Amy ! You cannot wear that...!

Greenee
February 12th, 2013, 02:37 AM
*giggles* Actually, this chocolate-bit is quite hilarious, Lilith.
*starts dreaming of a chocolate-river"

Starfist
February 12th, 2013, 02:41 AM
Doctor what does this switch do?

Lilith
February 13th, 2013, 06:04 AM
*giggles* Actually, this chocolate-bit is quite hilarious, Lilith.
*starts dreaming of a chocolate-river"

it was a stroke of PMS inspired genius :D

Starfist
February 13th, 2013, 06:32 AM
"There are those who believe...!"

Daleks are real. Torchwood doesn't exist...!

Lilith
February 19th, 2013, 02:08 PM
Eleven: *punches air* Yes! I'm bringing Sexy back!
-random Capt Jack appears-
Jack: Hey Doc! I'm already here!
Eleven: *startled* Jack! What are you doing here? How did you get here? Is there anyone else with you?
Jack: Oh, I hitched a ride with her. -points thumb at River-
River: Hello Sweetie! Who's Sexy?

Greenee
February 25th, 2013, 08:17 AM
I'm realy glad, we didn't hear that:

The Scene where Gwen has interrupted Jack and Ianto (you know which one I'm talking about)
Jack: Theres always room for on more [...]

Gwen: All right, I'll come in.

Lilith
February 25th, 2013, 12:55 PM
*shudders* no... just no.... i am vehemently anti-Gwen... Rhys deserved way better than her

Greenee
February 25th, 2013, 01:42 PM
A lot of people seem to think like that. I like her pretty much and as much as I like the Jack-Ianto-relationship I don't mind that Jack was chrushing on her as well (and she on him). At first I actully did wanted them to get together (sort of) but now I think, the way it turnd out is the best the writers could have done.
(acceot killing Janto, of course. Why did they have to do this??? WHY?)

But squeezing in between them? That would be too much. Even for Torchwood.

Chaka's_Mum
March 18th, 2013, 08:42 AM
"I have an Austin Allegro now. Austin Allegros are cool."

Showing my age, methinks...