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Zar_wolf
October 24th, 2007, 07:28 PM
So my friend and I were tossing ideas for Stargate back and forth the other day, and by a strange line of Stargate conversations, we came up with the idea for this series. Claiming that I was "the better writer" out of the two of us, he left me with a list of all the ideas we had come up with, and left me to write it so he could read it.

I've started writing it out, but haven't gotten very far yet. I figured I'd post what I have done here so I could get comments and critique on it. Together I was able to force him to help me write out the first few episode descriptions:

Episode 1x01 "Departure, (Part 1)"
Synopsis: Seven years following the events of Season 4 of Stargate: Atlantis, a new Stargate Expedition leaves for a distant galaxy: Fornax. It is here that a small group of Ancients maybe living, but living there isn't always easy.

Episode 1x02 "Departure, (Part 2)"
Synopsis: Upon arrival in Fornax, the Fornax Expedition find themselves under attack from none other than the Asgard. However, the Asgard died out in a mass suicide eight years ago, so can the Expedition trust what they see?

Episode 1x03 "Arrival, (Part 3)"
Synopsis: The Fornax Expedition now find themselves in a inner-war between the Alliance of Four. Now they must find a save planet to inhabit, with power levels running low, and find a way to not fall to any side.

Episode 1x04 "Succurro Nos Nostrum Parvulus"
Synopsis: A Ancient delegation arrives on Tyrionakuicli's new planet, offering supplies and knowledge in turn for hep in their war against the Asgard, Nox, Furlings and Replicators; will Dr. Dithers hold her to her decision not to take sides?

Episode 1x05 "Spreading Danger"
Synopsis: When a virus designed to attack the Ancients ends up in Tyrionakuicli and begins killing off the Expedition; Dr. Zelenka and his team must figure out a way to stop the virus, find out who made it, and do it all before the virus claims the entire Expedition.

Episode 1x06 "Eldrado"
Synopsis: When SGF-1 visits a local planet in a attempt to set up trades, a fleet of Ancient and Nox warships engage in a massive battle over the planet. Cut off from help, and the Stargate, the team must now find a way to get off the planet alive.

Also, here's what I've written of the first episode:

Stargate: Fornax Episode 1x01: "Departure, (Part 1)" ROUGH DRAFT

Teaser
FADE IN:
INT. Atlantis - GATE ROOM: Day

[We see a group of ANCIENTS standing in front of the stairs, with another group of younger ANCIENTS standing in front of the STARGATE. Two of them are facing each other in the center of the two groups, one is a larger ANCEINT named PRODITO. Facing him is a younger ANCIENT, who appears to be in his twenties, this is DECESSIO.

DECESSIO:
(Defiant)
We are leaving, if you will not deal with the Wraith threat properly. They will be a problem in the near future, wether you see it or not.

PRODITO:
(Annoyed)
The Wraith, they will die out from genetic defects from the two species genes being combined. Besides, where do you plan on heading to? You will be wasting one of our ships doing this.

DECESSIO:
(Defiant)
The Wraith will be a threat, and we will not be here to witness yet another downfall of our species. That is why we are heading to the Fornax galaxy, where we can hope that the Asgard or Furlings will assist us.

PRODITO:
(Skeptic)
Yes, well, we will still be here when you get back from your little adventure.

DECESSIO:
(Defiant)
We will not be returning.
(To unseen radio)
Bring us up.

[We see a flash of light like Asgard telportation methods, and the group standing behind DECESSIO and DECESSIO are teleported away.]

FADE OUT


Act 1
FADE IN:
EXT. Tyrionakuicli - Eldui: Day
[We see a far out shot of a Ancient City Ship (Tyrionakuicli), like those used in Atlantis, sitting in the middle of a forest with a few areas surrounding it clear. We can see visible differences between Tyrionakuicli and Atlantis, mainly that only the center section has spires and towers; the extending areas are flattened on the top. The shot zooms out a little bit, and we can now tell this is the City Ship from Stargate: Atlantis' Episode "The Tower", expect it has since been repaired and patched up. A Puddle Jumper flies in from the left of the screen to the Main Tower, and into the Jumper Bay.]

CUT TO:
INT. Tyrionakuicli - CONTROL ROOM: Day
[We see DOCTOR RODNEY MCKAY, GENERAL JOHN SHEPPARD, (both of whom are noticeably older) and a caucasian woman in her late thirties in a Atlantis Uniform walking up the main stairs from a active Stargate. The woman is DOCTOR JESSICA DITHERS, head of the Fornax expedition.]

Dr. MCKAY:
(To DITHERS)
Okay, give me a hour prep to make sure the repairs went according to schedule, and you'll be clear to take-off.

Dr. DITHERS:
(Re: MCKAY)
I'm sure everything was done properly, the project was headed by Dr. Zelenka --

Dr. MCKAY:
(Interrupting)
That's exactly why I have to check it.

Dr. DITHERS:
(Slightly annoyed)
And besides, we have to wait for the Apollo, Freiheight, and Undtierfinde to arrive before we can leave.

Gen. SHEPPARD:
I thought the Apollo was already here.

Dr. DITHERS:
It was here earlier, but the Freiheight called in, and the Apollo is assiting them with some minor repairs.

Gen. SHEPPARD:
(Curious)
From?

Dr. DITHERS:
A run-in with a hive. Apparently this one didn't fall under the treaty.

Gen. SHEPPARD:
Right, I'll look into that later.

[A TECHNICIAN, like those commonly seen in Atlantis, walks up to meet them as they enter the OPERATIONS CENTER.]

TECHNICIAN:
Dr. Dithers, Captian Renas just called in, the Undtierfinde has arrived.

Dr. DITHERS:
Thank you.
[She turns to face Dr. MCKAY and Gen. SHEPPARD, who stopped behind her.]
Well gentlemen, it seems we have much to get done, let's get to it.

FADE OUT to
EXT. Space
[We see a shot of space, with ELDERD'S PLANET taking up the right half of the screen. We can barely make out a AURORA-CLASS BATTLESHIP in the same color as the Orion. This is the UNDTIERFINDE. A HYSPERSPACE WINDOW then opens to the left of the ship, and a BC-304 and AURORA-CLASS BATTLESHIP fly out of it in a typical Stargate style. These are the APOLLO and FREIHEIGHT.]

FADE OUT to
Black Screen
[The opening title appears mid-center, expect the "O" in Fornax is a Stargate. The opening credits then follow.]

FADE IN to
Tyrionakuicli - DITHER'S OFFICE: Day
[We see a shot that looks exactly like Dr.Wier's office, expect with Dr. Dither sitting behind the desk. A young woman in her twenties wearing a typical Stargate Ops uniform walks in from the OPERATIONS CENTER. This is Lt. Colonel JESSICA ISSIO, the leader of the Expedition's main Stargate team.]

Lt. Col. ISSIO:
(Tired)
Okay, I've got everything checked out military wise, so as soon as Dr. McKay gives us the okay, we're good to go. I've also radioed the Undtierfinde and Freiheight, as well as the Apollo, they're ready also.

Dr. DITHERS:
(Jokingly)
Sounds good, I assume the IOA is also fine with this?

Lt. Col. ISSIO:
(Grinning)
Sorry, but that's your area in this.

Dr. MCKAY:
(Over Radio)
Okay, everything looks checked out, Zelenka seems to have done a good job as much as I hate to admit it. Sheppard?

Gen. SHEPPARD:
(Over Radio)
Carter's checked out everything here in Atlantis, Zelenka's on his way to the gate now; so you need to get back here McKay.

SWITCH to
Tyrionakuicli - Z.P.M. OUTLET ROOM: Day

[We see a very Atlantis-like Z.P.M. room, with two technicians, with Dr. MCKAY at the center console, typing at his standard laptop.]

Dr. MCKAY:
(Disappointed)
You know Dr. Dither's, are you sure you want Zelenka over me?

Dr. DITHERS:
(Over Radio)
I would take you if we could, we would Dr. McKay. However, the IOA and the SGC want you at Atlantis; and Zelenkas the best choice we have.

Dr. MCKAY:
Yeah, I know. I'm on my way to the gate room.

[We see MCKAY leave the Z.P.M. and take a left down the corridor.]

FADE IN to
Tyrionakuicli - GATE ROOM: Day

[We see Gen. SHEPPARD, Dr. McKay, and Gen. CARTER all standing in front of a ACTIVE STARGATE, with Lt. Col. ISSIO, Dr. DITHERS, and Dr. ZELENAKA all facing them.]

Gen. CARTER:
(To the group)
Well, I guess this is it. We'll head back to Atlantis, give you the all clear, and then wait for the Apollo's message once you arrive at Fornax. Hopefully there are still some Ancients up there.

Gen. SHEPPARD:
(To ISSIO)
Also, you might want to watch out for unseen space vampires, I know we had that problem when we first got to Atlantis.

Lt. Col. ISSIO:
(laughing)
I'll keep that in mind, sir.

[Dr. DITHERS then nods to Gen. CARTER, who looks at Dr. MCKAY]

Gen. CARTER:
(To MCKAY)
Umm Rodney, I got a message from the IOA before I came over here. They've approved your transfer to Tyrionakuicli until they arrive in Fornax, and from there you will be brought back with the Apollo.

Dr. ZELENAKA:
(Shocked - yelling)
What?

Dr. MCKAY:
(Amazed)
Seriously, that'll mean that-- but that's...

Gen. CARTER:
(suppressing a grin)
Yes, seriously Rodney. We'll see you in a week.
(to the Expedition)
Well, it's time to get going.

[Dr. DITHERS waves good-bye as Gen. CARTER turns and walks through the ACTIVE STARGATE. Gen. SHEPPARD salutes to Lt. Col. ISSIO, before also turning and leaving. Dr. ZELENAKA and Dr. MCKAY walk off-screen, in a deep conversation we can't hear.]

FADE OUT.

FADE IN to
INT. Tyrionakuicli - OPERATIONS CENTER: Day
[We see the OPERATIONS CENTER full of people, sitting tat the terminal's manning the systems. Dr. DITHERS and Lt. Col. are standing in front of the main screen, blocking part of our view of it. Dr. ZELENAKA is standing nearby, typing away at a computer terminal set.]

Dr. DITHERS:
(To Radio)
Okay, are we good to go?

Dr. MCKAY:
(Over Radio)
We should be, Kuric?

KURIC:
(Over Radio)
Awaiting the left-off order, pre-flight's done.

Dr. DITHERS:
(To Radio)
Alright Generals, we're good to go. We got the clear?

Gen. CARTER:
(Over Radio)
Your good to go Fornax, we'll see you around.

Dr. DITHERS:
Right, we'll be going then. Take us up, Kuric.

Kuric:
(Over Radio)
You just had to say it that way, didn't you?

[The city begins to RUMBLE and SHAKE, and we can hear the STARDRIVE firing up.]

FADE OUT

FADE IN to
EXT. Tyrionakuicli - Eldui: Day
[The shot reveals the entire city lifting up off the ground, shaking a bit, with chucks of ground falling from the bottom of it. In a matter of seconds, the CITY SHIP is in space, with the UNDTIERFINDE flying alongside it. A HYPERSPACE WINDOW opens up in front of them, and the CITY SHIP, two AURORA-CLASS BATTLESHIP, and BC-304 pass into it.]
Keep in mind that this is still a rough draft, but I'm open to any and all comments.

I'll post more of this as I write it.

Zar_wolf
October 26th, 2007, 01:02 PM
Come on, at least tell me if it's horrible, or post something. 40-something people who've viewed and no one posting, can you please say something? Even a "good job" post would be appericated. >_> Anyhow, I've written more of the first epsiode, and I'll post it once I type it up.

Here's a rough outline of Season 1:

(rough becuase it isn't complete yet)

Episode 1x01 "Departure, (Part 1)"
Synopsis: Seven years following the events of Season 4 of Stargate: Atlantis, a new Stargate Expedition leaves for a distant galaxy: Fornax. It is here that a small group of Ancients maybe living, but living there isn't always easy.

Episode 1x02 "Departure, (Part 2)"
Synopsis: Upon arrival in Fornax, the Fornax Expedition find themselves under attack from none other than the Asgard. However, the Asgard died out in a mass suicide eight years ago, so can the Expedition trust what they see?

Episode 1x03 "Arrival, (Part 3)"
Synopsis: The Fornax Expedition now find themselves in a inner-war between the Alliance of Four. Now they must find a save planet to inhabit, with power levels running low, and find a way to not fall to any side.

Episode 1x04 "Succurro Nos Nostrum Parvulus"
Synopsis: A Ancient delegation arrives on Tyrionakuicli's new planet, offering supplies and knowledge in turn for hep in their war against the Asgard, Nox, Furlings and Replicators; will Dr. Dithers hold her to her decision not to take sides?

Episode 1x05 "Spreading Danger"
Synopsis: When a virus designed to attack the Ancients ends up in Tyrionakuicli and begins killing off the Expedition; Dr. Zelenka and his team must figure out a way to stop the virus, find out who made it, and do it all before the virus claims the entire Expedition.

Episode 1x06 "Eldrado"
Synopsis: When SGF-1 visits a local planet in a attempt to set up trades, a fleet of Ancient and Nox warships engage in a massive battle over the planet. Cut off from help, and the Stargate, the team must now find a way to get off the planet alive.

Episode 1x07 "The Gadmeer"
Synopsis: Upon finding a sulfur-based planet in the Ancient's knowledge bank, rumored to be a place of great technology, the team finds something SG-1 barely tipped: the civilization of the Gadmeer.

Episode 1x08 "Working Title"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode focusing on the team SGF-1.

Episode 1x09 "Working Title"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode focusing on events in and about Tyrionakuicli.

Episode 1x10 "Legacy ,(Part 1)"
Synopsis: First of the Mid-season Parter.

Episode 1x11 "Periculum Nos Postulo Planto, (Part 2)"
Synopsis: Continuation of the Mid-season Parter.

Episode 1x12 "Working Title, (Part 3)"
Synopsis: Conclusion of the Mid-season Parter.

Episode 1x13 "Before the Beginning"
Synopsis: Ever wonder what life was like for the members of the Fornax Expedition before it started? Before they joined the SGC? With their lives so completely close to being decimated, the members reflect on all they've accomplished.

Episode 1x14 "Working Title"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode focusing on SGF-1.

Episode 1x15 "Working Title: A Long Time Ago"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode focusing on the Ancients.

Episode 1x16 "Back at Home"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode focusing on events happening outside the Fornax galaxy -- mainly on Earth, but also the Pegasus galaxy.

Episode 1x17 "Old Foes ,(Part 1)"
Synopsis: After the Wraith King of Pegasus learns of the Fornax Expedition, he sends an entire fleet of Wraith Hive Ships to the galaxy. Now teaming up with Atlantis and the Pegasus Replicators, the team must find a way to stop the Wraith before they arrive in a new galaxy to terrorize.

Episode 1x18 "Vengeance ,(Part 2)"
Synopsis: As the small fleet thrown together by the Fornax Expedition fights the Wraith at the galaxy's border, unexpected help arrives in the form of a small fleet of Ancient warships, ready to take revenge for what the Wraith did 10,000 years ago in the Pegasus galaxy.

Episode 1x19 "Working Title"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode focusing on Tyrionakuicli.

Episode 1x20 "Working Title"
Synopsis: This will be a filler episode leading up to the Season Finale.

Episode 1x21 "Betrayal ,(Part 1)"
Synopsis*: This will be the Season Finale.

NOTE: The Synopsis' marked with a "*" actually have a synopsis, I'm just not posting it so that it doesn't throw off the entire season to those who want to read it pat by part as I upload stuff.

Also, I plan on getting a web-site up during the last week of November, which will be a week before the first Season Premiere (12/07/2007).

~Zar Wolf

Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia
October 26th, 2007, 01:23 PM
Zar, I will be blunt.

This is a bad idea.

Do you have any idea how many times this series has been made? "A new team is assembled to investigate a galaxy where the ancients may have lived, and uncover their darkest secrets." Please do not make this series again. We've already had Atlantis, and then Destiny, and then Avalon, and there's also Andromeda, isn't there?

I'm sorry, but please. Be original. In fact, be so original that you don't bother with Stargate fanfiction and go write a book or a movie or something so that you can actually profit off of your abilities.

Wineblood
October 26th, 2007, 01:55 PM
The "going to find the Ancients" thing has been over done, that is true. You need to find an original thing to focus your story on.

Other than that, I say you should give yourself a lot more time.

Zar_wolf
October 26th, 2007, 04:21 PM
Zar, I will be blunt.

This is a bad idea.

Do you have any idea how many times this series has been made? "A new team is assembled to investigate a galaxy where the ancients may have lived, and uncover their darkest secrets." Please do not make this series again. We've already had Atlantis, and then Destiny, and then Avalon, and there's also Andromeda, isn't there?

I'm sorry, but please. Be original. In fact, be so original that you don't bother with Stargate fanfiction and go write a book or a movie or something so that you can actually profit off of your abilities.

The "going to find the Ancients" thing has been over done, that is true. You need to find an original thing to focus your story on.

Other than that, I say you should give yourself a lot more time.

Well, thank you for being so blunt. I didn't know the idea had been done to death. I guess it's back to the drawing board for Fornax. I'll be contacting my friend, and we'll go for something orginal next time. Thanks for the heads-up though.

Will Thorne
November 3rd, 2007, 03:21 AM
Okay, to be honest, I really like your idea and writing skill, but as the others said, if you found a better way than 'to look for the ancients' (seriously, haven't we had of those guys), i'd be content with even looking for the Nox or something...But other than that, great job.

Zar_wolf
November 3rd, 2007, 04:27 PM
Okay, to be honest, I really like your idea and writing skill, but as the others said, if you found a better way than 'to look for the ancients' (seriously, haven't we had of those guys), i'd be content with even looking for the Nox or something...But other than that, great job.

Thank you for the compliment, I take pride in trying to write to my best abilities. A search for the Nox or such? That's actually a very good idea Will. I think I'll retool the entire series, this time kicking out the ancients aspect. I'll work on it and post what I've done later.

Crazy Tom
November 8th, 2007, 05:05 PM
yep, no more looking for the anchients, let the extinct species rest in peace, we've had too much resurecting.
maybe u could something besides cyty ship, maybe try me stellar regenerator, it's certainly big onugh.

Elite Anubis Guard
November 9th, 2007, 07:20 AM
The stuff you posted up is a bit rough - grammar, spelling mistakes and the like. Take it you haven't proofed it?