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    If I were the Stargate villain...

    We've seen our villains pull some pretty stupid stuff. So, let's get together and work out what we'd do if we were the Stargate villains.


    If my only food source happens to be a race of spunky bipedals, I will look into cloning technology and genetic manipulation to ensure a steady food supply that won't fight back.

    The above also applies if I need a human body in which to live. Better to grow a clone with no emotional attachments than to make the heroes angry by taking their loved ones.

    I will update my wardrobe now and then. Dressing like a medieval hooker in this day and age just makes you look foolish.

    Although sex appeal gains you a lot of fanboys, it doesn't do squat for the heroes. I will stop trying to play vamp with them.

    If my troops keep getting pwned by four guys with relatively low-tech weapons, I will look into why this is and adjust our strategy and tactics accordingly.


    And I'm sure you guys can think of more!
    [center]springhole.net - stuff for writers, roleplayers, and such creative people.

    #2
    The iris is a really good idea and I should copy it.
    Such a shame that I wouldn't know by now your revelations
    Cut me in, I don't wanna live without your revelations.
    -Audioslave

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      #3
      Since humans are not supposed to be running around my personal sanctum unsupervised, I will implement unsupervised-human-detecting sensors that will trigger deadly traps should they be sprung.
      [center]springhole.net - stuff for writers, roleplayers, and such creative people.

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        #4
        Id be less cliche and do things that are original and quick.

        I wouldnt announce my plan until the last minute
        When all technology has failed and all hope is lost, we will realize we had the ultimate advantage all along...

        MAY BANJOS RULE THE WORLD!!!
        The reason my chemistry teacher hates me:
        Spoiler:
        MBA (my chemistry teacher): What is Avagadros constant?
        Me: 6 and a bit times 10 to the 23.
        MBA: Yea, you know that "bit" is two billion trillion?
        Me: Im barnsley and hung over, a bit will do
        AND
        MBA: What do we do to the number of moles to get the number of atoms?
        Me: Times it by that really big number!
        MBA: Yes, that really big number, what is it?
        Me: How should i know?
        MBA: Its on the board
        Me: Then whats the point in asking???

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          #5
          Although going out in my Death Glider and burninating the peasants is terribly fun, I will keep in mind that dissatisfied peasants are also easily-swayed peasants.

          If I'm really serious about captering the Wunderkin Quartet, I will engage in the time-honored practice of Wanted posters offering rewards... BIG rewards. I will also teach the locals how to do this without making idiots of themselves. (Like wait until they're asleep.)
          [center]springhole.net - stuff for writers, roleplayers, and such creative people.

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            #6
            I would not bother with a speech at all and never parade myself around and gloat in front of my captives until such time as they are charred crisps at my feet.

            If there is an uprising on one of my planets and I can't qwell it with ground troops I'll just wipe out the population so that no one can come back and hate me later.

            I wouldn't make any of the soldier class my most trusted minion since they have been known to switch sides in a pinch.

            I wouldn't set myself up as a god and would give my subjects some fairly good living conditions even when they are mining my resources.

            When I find out that there are intruders on my ship, instead of sending my troops down the relatively narrow corridors I'll just initiate a pre-worked drill that sends all personel into staging areas after which I drain all the air out of the corridors and replace it with highly deadly toxins some of which will eat through someones skin for half an hour to two hours depending on how I feel.

            Instead of torturing my prisoners I'll set them up in a semi-self-fulfilling dream world in which I will be able to, over time, gain access to all of their secrets.

            I will keep my gate in such a state as it is unusable until I need it as to prevent unwanted guests from that direction.

            If someone is a pain in the neck for another evil dictator then I should help them irradicate the itch before it spreads to my lands.

            I will never believe myself to be at the obvious advantage technologically and therefore will use the newest and best theories in tactical engagements, like dodging those huge incoming beams of energy.

            make sure that my outfit can stop any projectile no matter what speed it is travelling at.

            When first confronted with a do gooder who wants to destroy your entire race, make friends until such time as they don't like you and then let them leave with a time bomb in some form or other that even you could not detect.

            When building a sensor array I'll make sure that none of the local planetary bodies can create shadows in which a ship could hide.

            When I want to kill someone I'm darn well going to make sure that he/she doesn't have any friends within twenty two light-years that might want to take revenge for their death!

            When some one points something at me I'll assume it's a weapon and shoot first, unless given some reason not to.

            Enlist the aid of alien scientists to expand my knowledge of technology.

            Read all the stories from all of the societies that I have encountered that involve evil beings being defeated and try my best not to copy their dumb mistakes.
            Last edited by Daryl Froggy; 30 September 2006, 12:00 PM.

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              #7
              Originally posted by full.infinity
              The iris is a really good idea and I should copy it.
              Ah, but Anubis already has...
              Evolution, Part II

              Anyway...
              I'd gain a sense of humor.

              Being a God and with every simple neccesity at my fingertips and more, I'd have banquets and feasts every night for the rest of eternity... until I'm overthrown, grow fat, or my sarcophagous runs out of power...

              To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

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                #8
                I'd just tickle people, or babble on about my life and that'll get them to bow down

                it could so work
                I Am Locutus_Of_Borg Resistance Is Futile, Hallowed Are The Ori, We Go Out With Our Phasers Firing

                [QUE] Founder/Admin - Observation Of Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen Entanglement On Supraquantum Structures By Induction Through Nonlinear Transuranic Crystal Of Extremely Long Wavelength Pulse From Mode-Locked Source Array

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                  #9
                  I would not put a self destruct mechanism on any of my ships.

                  Or a back door.

                  ... isn't there a site out there with things a villain shouldn't do?

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Syera
                    If I'm really serious about captering the Wunderkin Quartet, I will engage in the time-honored practice of Wanted posters offering rewards... BIG rewards. I will also teach the locals how to do this without making idiots of themselves. (Like wait until they're asleep.)
                    That was tried in Atlantis for the ATA people. Didn't work.
                    Such a shame that I wouldn't know by now your revelations
                    Cut me in, I don't wanna live without your revelations.
                    -Audioslave

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Daryl Froggy
                      ... isn't there a site out there with things a villain shouldn't do?
                      Yep. http://www.eviloverlord.com

                      It's a must-read.
                      [center]springhole.net - stuff for writers, roleplayers, and such creative people.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by Syera
                        Yep. http://www.eviloverlord.com

                        It's a must-read.
                        I've already read it once, I just forgot what it was called, thanks for the update though.

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                          #13
                          I would tap into Earth's internet and monitor gateworld so that I could kill anyone who double posts.

                          *commits seppuku*

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                            #14
                            They cant detect a cloaked fleet right so why not have your fleet cloaked when attackine earth and destroy the ancient outpost quickly
                            sigpic

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                              #15
                              Steal everyones ZPM's and power up a massive ship, any good system lord has a big ship.

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