things you would not want to hear on the SGC's intercom

[keshya]

Jack: "There they are a standing in a row..."

"Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!..."

[dancer_4_daniel]

Sam: Stop that right now!
Jack: What will you give me? (asked seductively)
Sam: Come over here and see...
Everyone else: MOMMY MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!

[Lokii]

Attention: Would the person or persons responsible for hanging Dr. Lee by his underwear in the locker room please report to the briefing room.

[Naonak]

Landry (drunk): Eight hundred and fifteen bottles of beer on the wall, eight hundred and fifteen bottles of beer...!

[Lokii]

Hammond: Due to the dioplomatic incident with the Oriee, there will be no practicing of tee shots into an active Stargate.

[keshya]

Hammond: Due to the dioplomatic incident with the Oriee, there will be no practicing of tee shots into an active Star Gate.

teal'c: that is most unfortunate. o'neill suggested that I needed the practice

[Lilith]

Jack: where else are we supposed to practice?!
Daniel: um... how about a putting green?
Jack: You are so uncreative.

[dancer_4_daniel]

Daniel: Just practice whenever there's a major holiday...everybody knows Walter and Siler get so drunk they'd even let Narim through the gate!
Jack: THAT'S how he ended up as Dr. Weir's boyfriend!

[Otera]

*feedback noise*
General: Alright, who hid a speaker under my desk!?!

[keshya]

Daniel: Just practice whenever there's a major holiday...everybody knows Walter and Siler get so drunk they'd even let Narim through the gate!
Jack: THAT'S how he ended up as Dr. Weir's boyfriend!

Daniel: yeah, and then he met someone else. never liked that guy

[dancer_4_daniel]

Walter: Can I get diplomatic immunity in China?

[Lilith]

Jack: .... and in other news, Genereal Hammond was spotted-
Hammond (faintly in bg): Colonel O'Neill!!!
Jack: Sorry folks, but it seems this story will have to wait for later. Good Bye and Gate safely!
Hammond (a little bit lounder): Next time I'm ordering the Iris close before you materialise!

[dancer_4_daniel]

Walter: 50 bucks and I won't tell anyone about the time that you were caught dancing around your office to "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy" in a pink tutu.
Hammond: Fine, here's your money...wait a minute, is this thing on?!?
Walter: CRAP!!!!!

[ReganX]

Vala: As the new commander of the SGC, I will be enforcing a few small rules.

Rule One: I am Vala, thy god. Thou shalt have no other gods before me...

[dancer_4_daniel]

Daniel: I think I smell a "false god" in here...