Birth of the Alliance

[Elitenova]

I've gotten the beginning teaer of the Pilot done. So Click here and your reviews are welcome.

[Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia]

Erf, you didn't listen to any of my advice. What did I tell you about tense consistency? It's all in the present. ALWAYS.

[The Shadow]

It looks promising...

But what exactly is the story about? Can you give an outline or just a general direction on where this is gonna lead to?

[Elitenova]

The Outline to the Pilot

The Insectoid Species invade the SGC, killing everyone in the gate room sparing General Landry. The whole mountain is in lockdown.


The Executive Council meeting in Medrona has been postpone to the event at the SGC. Henry Hayes tries confront the Serrakin President about the Lockheed, Boeing buyout from TechCon group.

The Bellerophon is ready to go on a mission after a refit to their weapons system developed by Atlantis R & D. They gotten orders to Earth due to a invasion by the Insectoid Species.

At the Moutain, The Alliance Mobile Force used to be U.S Army surrounds the moutain as armored forces surround the compound.

The leader come through the gate and confront General Landry. They called themselves the Jitharian, distant cousin to the Retou without the 180 degree spectrum thingabob. They have a plan to destroy human kind starting with Earth.

The Bellerophon exit out of hyperspace, joining with 12 other Alliance ships in high orbit.

At the SGC, hundreds came through the stargate. There are different Jitharian soldiers. I will reveal it since the pilot will be long with 2 episodes leading to the location of the Jitharian homeworld.

[Major Tyler]

I'm really, really sorry, but the politics of your teaser is absolutely preposterous. The President of the U.S. cannot dissolve Congress or disband the United Nations...he just can't. If you were trying to set this thing in the future maybe you could pull that off, but you're basically saying all of this stuff happened within Hayes' presidency. It's such a wildly ridiculous concept that I'd be afraid my eyes would fall out of their sockets from so much rolling.

Again, I'm sorry for being so harsh, but that's honestly how I feel.

To make up for it, I'll try to offer suggestions for improvement. If you want to feature a world-wide government, try actually researching existing supranational structures and adapt them to suit your purposes. Your story would be a lot more realistic if the Alliance was borne from a UN-sponsored international convention, rather than "the U.S. President makes them do it."

Also, you don't need to abandon the state system by dissolving national legislatures and judiciaries in order to have a unified world. Try introducing federalism or confederalism into your "Alliance" so that nation-states still have a role. A gradual shift toward integration is much more reasonable than "everyone just woke up one morning and decided to ditch national governments."

I've been student of international affairs and supranational organizations for almost six years now, so I know what I'm talking about.

Good luck.

[Elitenova]

Hayes was not the one who decided the decision to dissolve the UN. It was a consensus vote on Medrona to dissolve the security council of the UN. The UN still have a roll on earth and not interplanetary.

I will rewrite what you have suggest.

[Esquin]

What the hell does Medrona have to do with our UN. And you can't disolve the UN no one has enough power to disolve the UN or any part of it.

The president cannot disolve congress tehres this thing called the constitution.

[Elitenova]

What the hell does Medrona have to do with our UN. And you can't disolve the UN no one has enough power to disolve the UN or any part of it.

The president cannot disolve congress tehres this thing called the constitution.

You see, there is this neautral planet called Medrona. That's the planet the G8 Nation on Earth meets with other galactic body like the Hybridan, Free Jaffa Nation, Asgard, Tegrea, Langara, Pangar meets. The Medrona accord.

Why are you speculating, it's not complete.

[immhotep]

Medrona was the planet with the touchstone in S1...or S2...but anyway this is complete madness, you have created this entire political scene..fleet command, New beijing, beta centuri, allience, its just totally completely unjustified...and in the time were in too, its taken 10 years for the SGC To get new computer screens you actually think you could rearange the politic structure of half the galaxy let alone the US in anything less than half a century!
Pubic revelation would cause the congress to take power dont be disolved IMO, blame on the president = force to resign = congress wins not the other way around....
Im no american expert on politics but i mean Comon...i do like the inclusion of jack oniels clone though

[Elitenova]

Wow, what can I say? You are giving a good advice for me to write the series. The revelation of the Stargate to the public met with some set back. The United Nation wants to take control of the Stargate, half of the arab world thinks the messiah is on their way. Threats from Iran is looming in the horizon as they threaten the US with a nuclear holocaust.

All these things will be reveal.

[Major Tyler]

Elitenova, I hope you're taking all off this criticism in a positive light. Knowing that people will have these reactions now will help you craft a better story. I just hope you don't get discouraged.

[Elitenova]

Elitenova, I hope you're taking all off this criticism in a positive light. Knowing that people will have these reactions now will help you craft a better story. I just hope you don't get discouraged.

No, I dont get discourage. I accept the criticism, but it does not bother me one bit.

[Esquin]

But you never seem to take the critisism on board. You jsut brush it off.

[immhotep]

yeah seriously revise the politics in this before you write it, Either Tone down Everything to just include the public revelation and maybe the public reaction to it (leaving the futuristic goverment stuff out of it A.k.a allience and new Beijing)...or Set it in the future, id say 2150, with maybe this show as a docudrama detailing what did happen in light of a similart crisis within your own stroyline Eg. there is a new enemy that can take over human bodies without any trace, meaning this enemy would have to be fought by killing your own people..the public need to be warned and prepare but the decision to go public is hindered by the hiensight we have been shown in what public revelation did ( the public went on riots and hated the goverment)...scarred of what would happen the SGC/allience, try to fight it while finding out how bad it is in case they dont have to...

I really like the Idea of a SG political Drama, i would be willing to read it, but i need to have confidence your doing this believable, which right now, your not.

[Elitenova]

After a careful consideration, I will leave politics aside. The focus is on The crew of the Bellerophon including Jack's clone. Although, General Jack O'Neill will make a debut on the show.