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morjana
September 18th, 2005, 09:17 PM
From TeeVee.org:

http://www.teevee.org/archive/2005/09/18/index.html

(Please follow the link for the complete article.)

The 2005 TeeVee Awards
by The Vidiots — September 18, 2005

They’re handing out Emmy Awards tonight in Los Angeles, and excuse us if we greet this momentous occasion with the same enthusiasm we might have for a Wal-Mart grand opening. Actually, that’s not really a fair comparison — a Wal-Mart grand opening at least holds the promise of nominal savings for crafty shoppers. All the Emmys ceremony does is suck away four hours of our lives, and leave us the empty feeling the comes from seeing the likes of Will & Grace and the hollowed-out shell of The West Wing honored as the best in their industry.

Our beefs with the Emmys are ancient and well-chronicled. They rubber-stamp the same winners year after tedious year. They shoehorn hour-long programs with just a hint of humor into the same category as 30-minute sitcoms because heaven forfend that voters be forced to think outside the limiting Comedy and Drama divisions. And whoever votes on these things apparently has a really crappy cable provider — how else to explain Emmy voters’ apparent inability to realize that F/X, WB, and (gasp) even UPN have a couple award-worthy shows that are going to spend a statue-free Sunday night.

So bag the Emmys, we say. Why waste your time with an award show that has to jostle with the inconsequential likes of the People’s Choice Awards and ESPYs for relevance? Instead of a program where the honorees are selected by rote, devote your attention on awards that are handed out by people who actually bothered to watch television sometime during the past 12 months.

We speak, of course, about our awards.

Sure, the TeeVee Awards lack the notoriety and prestige of the Emmys. Heck, our awards lack the notoriety and prestige of the Honors Student of the Week column in your local fishrag. And the next actor or actress who calls up demanding one of our trophies — operators are standing by, Sarah Michelle! — will be the first. Which is probably just as well since then we’d actually have to, you know, physically build a trophy instead of just whipping up the JPEG equivalent of one.

But consider, for a moment, the advantages our humble little awards round-up enjoys over the inexplicably more popular Emmys.

• We don’t pretend that Desperate Housewives has anything in common with the likes of Everybody Loves Raymond, Scrubs and Will & Grace, other than all of those shows are produced by and star carbon-based life forms. And whatever Sean Hayes is.

• We will never, ever force you to sit through any lavish musical tribute numbers — especially after Boychuk’s ill-fated medley saluting the legal dramas of David E. Kelley back in 2000.

• There is no awkward, forced banter between the presenters handing out our awards. Frankly, we can barely stand speaking to one another as it is.

• Have you heard one peep out of Joan or Melissa Rivers since you started reading this article? You’re welcome.

• No matter how long this introduction prattles on, you’re still going to be done with our awards long before Leah Remini is brought out to introduce the clip from the technical awards ceremony held two weeks ago.

So yeah, we’ll stick with our awards, thanks very much. Even if we should have gotten around to presenting them months ago.

Without further ado then, here are the winners of the Ninth Annual TeeVee Awards.

Worst Actress: You wouldn’t think that a procedural drama, an over-hyped dramedy, and a silly sci-fi program would have much in common. But CSI, Desperate Housewives and Stargate Atlantis all hold the distinction of employing three actresses who set our teeth on edge.

Marg Helgenberger’s character on CSI has always been one that works better the less you think about it. (“She’s a former stripper… turned crime scene investigator!”) However, this year, audiences had no choice but to wallow in the preposterousness of it all, as Helgenberger was handed one ego-stroking gratuitous Emmy clip scene after another. Our personal favorite: the episode where Helgenberger investigates a series of deaths related to cosmetic surgery and spends the episode wondering if she might use a little nipping and tucking, only to be assured by most of the men folk on the show that she’s pretty enough not to need it — this despite the fact that even a cursory examination of Ms. Helgenberger’s face indicates she’s probably been on the business end of a doctor’s scalpel more often than Ken Griffey Jr.’s knees.

We haven’t bought into the Desperate Housewives hysteria that’s seemingly gripped the rest of the nation’s TV watchers. Where other people see an original, incisive satire of modern life, we see a trite rehashing of toothless observations about suburbia that have been around in one form or another for the last 30 years. (You mean the suburbs are full of people leading lives of quiet desperation? Good God, man, who knew?) As silly as the proceedings are, at least most of the actors participating in them seem to be striking similar tones — all except for Marcia Cross who appears to be acting in an entirely different series requiring broad, over-the-top, “goes-to-11”-style emoting. It’s a wee bit annoying.

Over on the Sci Fi channel, the producers of the long-running Stargate SG-1 TV series decided to spin off a new series, Stargate Atlantis. The spin-off’s actually not bad, but one of its two leads is horribly miscast. Canadian actress Torri Higginson is way out of her depth as Dr. Elizabeth Weir, earning her the title of the most wooden actor currently on Sci-Fi. It’s not entirely her fault, of course — Weir may be the most useless character on television today, a dithering second-guesser who is theoretically in charge of the Atlantis team but tends to do nothing except quibble over the decisions of the show’s other lead, played by Joe Flanigan. So to sum up: wooden acting, useless character, waste of space. And a share of the Worst Actress trophy.


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Morjana

38_Minutes
September 18th, 2005, 09:43 PM
From TeeVee.org:

Over on the Sci Fi channel, the producers of the long-running Stargate SG-1 TV series decided to spin off a new series, Stargate Atlantis. The spin-off’s actually not bad, but one of its two leads is horribly miscast. Canadian actress Torri Higginson is way out of her depth as Dr. Elizabeth Weir, earning her the title of the most wooden actor currently on Sci-Fi. It’s not entirely her fault, of course — Weir may be the most useless character on television today, a dithering second-guesser who is theoretically in charge of the Atlantis team but tends to do nothing except quibble over the decisions of the show’s other lead, played by Joe Flanigan. So to sum up: wooden acting, useless character, waste of space. And a share of the Worst Actress trophy.

Far out man thats a bit over the top. I enjoy the Dr. Weir character and find her balancing act between Miltary and Cilivian to be an interesting B-Plot. I think with the introduction of Colonel Steven Caldwell it could push the Sheppard/Weir relationship into something a little more interesting. Also I enjoy the not so over the top american miltary aspects of Atlantis. Its good to have a show where people get left behind for doing stupid things.

prion
September 19th, 2005, 03:57 AM
Far out man thats a bit over the top. I enjoy the Dr. Weir character and find her balancing act between Miltary and Cilivian to be an interesting B-Plot. I think with the introduction of Colonel Steven Caldwell it could push the Sheppard/Weir relationship into something a little more interesting. Also I enjoy the not so over the top american miltary aspects of Atlantis. Its good to have a show where people get left behind for doing stupid things.

WEll, they are 'vidiots', so you can't expect a classy review ;)

Anybody can do a blog these days.... doesn't mean they should....

GatetheWay
September 19th, 2005, 08:20 AM
I kind of agree with the guy even if he is a bit over the top. The Emmies really don't mean anything and are just a way to waste 4 hours. I never got the appeal for 'Desperate Housewives'.

prion
September 19th, 2005, 08:26 AM
I kind of agree with the guy even if he is a bit over the top. The Emmies really don't mean anything and are just a way to waste 4 hours. I never got the appeal for 'Desperate Housewives'.

4 hours? Think they reigned it into 3 but I didn't stick around for all of it. The Emmys are political (CBS must have rigged it as that insipid "Raymond" show kept winning ... yawn :rolleyes: )

Don't understand the appeal of Desperate Housewives either....