Cantina Wars!
Episode V
The Mods Strike Back!
It is a dark time for the
Cantina. Although the Death
Smite Button Star has been destroyed,
The Mods have driven the
Rebel forces from their hidden
base and pursued them across
the Forum.
Evading the dreaded Mod Fleet
, a group of freedom
fighters led by Pharaoh Atem
has established a new secret
base on the remote Thread of
“Stargate Word Association” In
the Fun and Games sector.
The evil Mod Darth Clanger,
obsessed with finding young
PA, has dispatched
thousands of search bots into
the far reaches of the Forum…
A huge ship is seen dropping a search bot that can be seen crashing on the frozen thread of “Stargate Word Association.” As the bot began to search and seek out the Cantina rebels Pharaoh Atem sees this while he is in portal.
Pharaoh Atem: Echo Three to Echo Seven. Cowpants, old buddy, do you read me?
Cowpants: (by radio)Who you calling old?
Pharaoh Atem: I think I just saw something, I am going to investigate it.
Cowpants: (By Radio) I am not old!
As Pharaoh Atem moves his Tauntaun Ice creature it gets scared at the thought of Stargate Infinity that crossed its mind and throws PA off. Then a huge white monster grabs PA and take him captive!
Meanwhile Cowpants arrives at the main base riding his Tauntaun …get your out of your gutter
Chocolate_muffin: HEY! Why aren’t you helping me clean up the Falcon?
Cowpants: All right, don't lose your Muffins. I'll come right back and give you a hand
Chocolate_muffin: You better or the next time you wake up you’ll find yourself choking on a muffin!
General Ukko approaches Cowpants as they walk into the command room.
Ukko: How was your patrol? Any word from PA?
Cowpants: He called me old, and said that he was investigating something.
Ukko: I see, you sure you don’t want a pair of pants? It is pretty cold.
Cowpants: Nah, I must you guys now. With Pookey Hut putting a price on my head for the dept I owe him is making me a security risk.
Ukko: I understand.
Ukko moves to tend to some pie business while Susanne approaches cowpants.
Cowpants: Well yourhighness, I guess this is it.
Susanne: Good
Cowpants: I can tell that you’ll miss me
Susanne: Bug off porky, I got better things to do than have to put up with you
Cowpants: Then why should I stay?
Susanne: Cuase Mapp thinks we need you
Copants: you need me
Susanne:What? I’d sooner kiss a Muffin than be with you
Cowpants: That can be arranged.
Col. Foley and Squirrely1 are found argueing in a corridor
Squirrely1: See what happens when we pick a bad time to get together!
Col. Foley: Hey babe, you said that the Princess’ room needed heat. What else was I supposed to do?
Squirrely1: Turn up the heating systems! not jump on me!
Col. Foley: Face it, you can’t live without me
Squirrely1: Wanna bet? next time we get a chance to go off on different adventures we’ll separate and see who misses who!
Col. Foley:
Time has passed and the base is now on alert looking for the missing PA. PA finds himself stuck on the roof of an ice cave so he uses his spoon to free himself, slay the beast and run into the Mod Probe. After destroying it he begins to walk into the freezing cold. The Cold gets the best of him as he begins to lose consciousness. Then he sees an eerie fellow in the snow…Its Jelgate!!
Pharaoh Atem: Jelly gate?
Jelgate: PA…you must go to the “Cameron Mitchell/Ben Browder Thunk” system
Pharaoh Atem: What? Why? There is nothing there.
Jelgate: You must go there and learn from my old Spoon Jedi Master Commander Jumper…well she really wasn’t my master per sey. I mean when I was a younling she taught me stuff, but Teyilia was my real Spoon Jedi Master, until a Spoon Sith killed her.
Pharaoh Atem: Say what?
Just then Cowpants found PA and returned him to the base. That is when Pharaoh Atem told everyone about the search bot. General Ukko then ordered an evacuation.
Cowpants and Susanne went into the infirmary to check out PA. and find Squirrely1 and Col. Foley NOT making out.
Squirrely1: What? You think all we ever do is make out?
Col. Foley: I wish.
Then PA wakes up and Squirrely is excited to see him awake
Squirely 1: Master PA!
you’re OK!
Cowpants: You look like you just saw two rancors mating! That’s the second time I saved your hide kid.
Pharaoh Atem: Thanks…I think.
Cowpants: (to Susanne) Well your worship, it looks like you managed to keep me around for a little longer.
Susanne: I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain.
Choccie begins to laugh at Susanne’s comeback.
Cowpants: Laugh it up, Muffin ball. But you didn’t see how she was all sad over me leaving
Susanne: My...! Why, you stuck up,... half-witted... scruffy-looking ...nerf-herder!
Just then as a way to get back at Cowpants, Susanne climbs on PA’s bed and gives him one huge kiss right in the smaker
boy is that kid going to throw up later on when he finds out the secret…
Then the alarms go off and the intercom announces that the mods are attacking
Everyone meets up at the briefing room.
Ukko: We must evacuate. If the Mods land troops they will destroy the Plot Shield generator and we won’t be able to hold them off.
Susanne: If we use the Spam canons to disable their ships we can lower the shields long enough to evacuate. We’ll do it ever other 10 minutes to insure the safety of the base.
Ukko: Groups seven and ten will stay behind to fly the speeders. As soon as each transport is loaded, evacuation control will give clearance for immediate launch.
Pharaoh Atem: I’ll go out with Rouge Squadron to man the speeders
Cowpants: Me and Choccie will help out with the escort of the transport ships.
Meanwhile onboard Clanger’s Super Spoon destroyer Darth Clanger Admiral dipsofjazz
Darth Clanger: Have the Cantina rebels detected us?
dipsofjazz: Yes ma’am. Jper and his troops have already landed and are attacking the rebels as we speak.
Darth Clanger: Very well. Make sure that they learn to fear the Mods!
On the ground the Rebel troopers spot ATAT (Amazingly Tough Automatic Transports) approaching them. So they begin to fire as high above in the air PA and Rouge Squadron is tripping the ATAT’s before they cause havoc.
Pharaoh Atem: Echo station Five-Seven. We're on our way.
Flow: (In the back seat) PA, I have no approach vector, I’m not set.
Pharaoh Atem: Alright, I’m coming in!
Inside of the lead ATAT
Jper: I say, what are those speeders doing?
Saquist: It looks like the Rebels are tripping our walkers!
Jper: Hmm…you think the guy who designed this thing would have planned for this?
Saquist: If we don’t tear down those shields soon Darth Clanger will have our heads!
Pinielf: This is Rouge Lead all keep a strong formation attack them by two’s, no heroics!
Meanwhile back at Echo base, The Cantina Rebel base, everyone is fighting for their lives.
Squirrely1: We’re doomed!
Col. Foley: I should go to PA’s Data wing to prepare it for when PA gets here
Squirrely1: Oh Foley, you are soo brave.
Cowpants: Squirrely1, lets go. Susanne is onboard the Falcon already!
In the air PA’s fighter takes a hit causing him to crash land and also killing Flow.
So he takes his Spoon and runs up to the ATAT and destroys it like a five year old destroys your final 10 page report on the significance of Woodstock and you forgot to save it on your computer!
But alas, the Mod’s Goons destroyed the Plot Shield Generators
Jper: (over the radio) Lady Clanger, we have successfully destroyed the Rebel Plot Shield Generator, you can now land.
PA makes it back to Echo Base as the final team leaves in the last transport escorted by the Mellinium Flacon. He gets into his Data Wing and flies off
Pharaoh Atem: Foley, set a course for the Cameron Mitchell/Ben Browder Thunk” system.
Col. Foley: What? you nuts? There is nothing their!
Pharaoh Atem: Let command know where we are going
Col. Foley: Fine, be that way!
The Millennium Falcon speeds away from Hoth, closely followed by one
huge Spoon Destroyer and four tiny TIE Mods.
Cowpants: Hold on to your pants!
Chocolate_Muffin: Did you see that huge spoon destroyer? Why do men feel the need of overcompensate?
Copants:
Again with your “men only overcompensate” rant.
Susanne: (To Squirrely1) The way these two bicker makes you wonder if they are more than just friends
Squirrely1: Nah, a good woman knows how to control her man.
Just then Squirrely1 starts crying since she misses Col. Foley and realizes that he is the reason for her existence.
Cowpants: Choccie, check the deflector shields!
Chocolate_muffin: We don’t have any!
Cowpants: We can always out maneuver them with our snarky posts!
Squirrely1: Oh dear!
The Millennium Falcon makes some cool maneuvers under a Spoon Destroyer making it nearly crash into two other Spoon Destroyers as 4 Tie Mods chase the Falcon.
Cowpants: Prepare to launch into light speed!
As Cowpants pulls the lever…nothing happens
Susanne: Well?
Cowpants: This can’t be good.
Squirrely1: Sir, It seems that the Plot Motivator has been damaged. We can’t jump into hyperspace!
Chocolate_muffin: We could hide in that asteroid field. The Mod fleet can’t fallow us in!
Cowpants: sit tight Princess, it’s about to get really bumpy here!
Susanne: You don’t have to do this to impress me
Squirrely1: The odds off navigating an asteroid field are 7,620 to 1!
Cowpants: Never tell me the odds!
Just then the Falcon flies into the scientifically impossibly thick asteroid field. What? You got a problem with that? Then do something about it!
Anyhow, as the ship makes its way into the asteroid Squirrely1 begins to get frantic, especially after hearing that the Tie Mods are still behind them.
Cowpants: That looks good
Susanne: What looks good?
Cowpants: Yeah, that’ll do nicely
Squirrely1: NO that’s dangerous! I want my Foley!
The Falcon flies into a crater of one of the bigger asteroids and lands in a foggy and dark environment.
Susanne: I hope you know what you are doing.
Cowpants: yeah, me too. Beef jerky? (Offering Beef Jerky to Susanne)
Originally Posted by squirrely1
Re: A gift for the Mods! "The Cantina Wars"
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(That’s just wrong…wrong!!! I demand that said poster be killed! 
). As she does this PA’s strength begins to fail and he decides to give in, there is nothing wrong with a little fun…right? So Tame rips off PA’s pants and destroys them.
