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Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

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    #16
    Originally posted by Dr. Daedalus View Post
    Great episode.



    You did a wonderful job writing Jack. I am eagerly awaiting the next episode.

    Dr. D
    I agree with above statement! good work!
    Looking forward to the next one!

    Comment


      #17
      Next episode goes up on Friday. it's uhh... Rather Large :| 20k words so you might want to grab a drink when you sit down to read

      i've got the next 2 episodes done writing-wise and now i'm just proofing, editing, padding The story is getting deeper and deeper and in the next 3-4 episodes each character will have their starring moments

      Comment


        #18
        Nice one aragon/lone 20k sounds awesome! i enjoy reading your long stories! keeps me busy for alot longer then most fics! keep it up!

        Comment


          #19
          Normally i don't post reviews (or replies) publically other than the reviews on FF.net but i mentioned alot in this that y'all might be interested in. Also this was an unsigned review and i'm hoping i can reply to whoever made it here

          I get into my interpretation of the science, so the geekier of you out there may want to read the second half of this quoted section. Unfortunately it's beyond 12000 characters so i have to split this into 2 posts :@

          The bolded sections are the review, and the italic is my reply to the above bolded part.

          Uhh enjoy!

          I wanted to point out one mistake you made with Dr. Jackson, he wouldn't be translating the Asgard core as there would be nothing to translate. It was clearly said by Thor that that particular core was built for Earth and that they had spent a long time on it getting it right. It was designed to teach us...well..everything they knew. It was even said to be extrememly user friendly going so far as to have any Asgard you wanted come up and explain things to you as an AI type mind.

          I remember that, and thankfully i had already planned on explaining that as the Asgard Core will make an appearance here although not as one might expect. The thing about translating from one language to another using a computer (even an AI) is that it's difficult for it to take context into the equation. I know 3-4 languages (still learning) and it's always hell to translate phrases that are specific. It's 'lost in translation" so to speak. There's a mention in the story (Specifically in Episode 8, Median) that touches on this.

          It almost leads you to think they might have a lot of themselves inside it, as it said any Asgard the human race had experience with could be used, so they might have even stored their concousnesses inside there, not all, but ones like Thor, Freyr, Heimdall, etc.

          I've thought about this too, but i haven't come up with a good plot bunny to use that information

          This leads me to my second thing which is more of detailed quesiton and thought. I didn't realize the Travelers used Naquadah as it was never mentioned in the Pegasus Galaxy to my knowledge and if so I've never heard of one being THAT powerful.

          Pretty sure it was mentioned, but Naquadah is the 'standard' fuel for spaceships. i'm a bit of a closet math and science geek (much like Sheppard) and the basis i have for the Traveler Tech is that it's not much more advanced than Earth's current level (sans the Asgard Core), but it's much more efficient. There's a thing about potential energy in something and usable energy. Also fuel is something that's rarely addressed in Stargate and i'm touching on that in bits and pieces (i'm an HVAC/Electrical tradesman so i have some hands on knowledge of this stuff besides what i research)

          I do however know the Asgard reactors were VERY powerful, obviously by their ability to travel between galaxy as fast- though seemingly faster- than a Daedulus with a ZPM. This is something I often wondered about on the show as well. Given that we have the Asgard core and the Asgard replication tech giving us the ability to replicate the parts for another core, etc. Why Atlantis doesn't have one as it would make it possible to begin building a larger replicator and then the Asgard Neutrino-Ion reactors. I'm fairly sure that though it might take a few of them, a Beliskner had four of them, to power Atlantis they could certainly find the room. Then with the Asgard core in Atlantis it would become self-sufficient but even more than that it would be able to progress and not just survive.

          One word. Fuel. What do the Neutrino Ion Genertors use for fuel? I actually checked this out before and the 'suspension of disbelief' answer was Naquadria. But where did the Asgard get it from? Kelowna? So i did some research (my bro and I are total closet science geeks and i love this stuff.) and in order to use neutrinos (which is basically a nuclear reaction) they'd have to be harvested from a Protostar or other neutrino source (a particle accelerator can make them, but nowhere near enough to fuel a ship.) Again, i do make mention of this in a later episode (I go into some maths and explain things nicely i think)

          Granted they would still need raw materials for the replicator to rearrange into the parts, food, etc. they would need but still. They have a whole planet and how long before they could start building ships themselves AND replicating some of the Atlantis Tech? That core gave the EVERUYTHING that could ever need to start building EVERYTHING they could ever need if used correctly but it almost seems to be going to waste in my opionion.

          The producers knew this i'm betting, and unfortunately it's something i call technology pollution. Now that they have the Asgard Core, what's stopping them from doing exactly what you mentioned? The show loses credibility and leaves people with Common sense going "WTF?" I do my best to explore this aspect in a later episode so don't worry... I'll give oyu an answer Why else would the new series start fresh in a whole new galaxy with new(Old) technology?

          I know they've replicated the Asgard beam weapons but that's it. anyway I personally believe the Asgard reactors would be far more powerful than anything the Traveler's ahve even if their reactors are better than ours. If Atlantis is going to go independent like it looks like try to make sure they get their own core first besides I would think they would've gotten one ASAP anyway.

          Again, Fuel is the problem. The Asgard could harvest neutrinos no problem seeing as they had a big fleet. Earth has what? 4 sihps? (Hell i blew up Apollo magnificently!) I think you're right, but FUEL for those reactors is the problem! Same with teh replicators. It draws ALOT of power to rearrange atoms. (That's mostly an assumption, but also an educated guess)

          Atlantis should have gotten a core, reactors, beam weapons, Ion cannons ( the Asgard had somehting similiar to Tollan weapons on their other ships I know), smaller anti-figther weapons, transporters, etc.

          This is a touchy subject for alot of fans. I stick to science and what i know of Atlantis in my answer. Atlantis is already the strongest "Ship" in the known universe, but they still got owned by the Wraith... how?

          Simple, the Wraith kept a fleet around the city just out of range of the city's drone weapons, and just kept on dialing the gate keeping everyone locked in. Even with 3 ZPMs, Atlantis can't fight off dozens if not hundreds of Hives firing at it if it tries to take off. Its literally a siege like in medieval times where you starve your opponent out.

          As far as Beam Weapons and Ion Cannons, same problem, range. I'll touch on this subject later in the series and i'll make it clear that it wouldn't matter if they had these weapons. Atlantis is still vulnerable to specific tactics.

          Anti-Fighter weapons just don't make sense to me. In "The Siege Part1-3" it made sense to use railguns because they didn't have shields until later, but the city isn't designed to be fought over like a land battle. It's like adding a bayonet to an anti-material rifle... you're never going to get close enough to use it, so why attach it?

          It's astounding that they didn't and continued to rely on Ancient tech they can't power, can't replace and don't understand (not that they understand Asgard tech but at least they would have an Asgard AI to explain it). Atlantis could've already been a Fotress adn completely flight capable with what they already have but it's not and that always left me going...ok whose asleep at the wheel here you know?

          Again, the issue is fuel. A ZPM stores its potential energy in subspace, hence there's no need to refill it. It's basically a giant battery. There's a big difference between power storage, and power generation. I'm not sure how much you know about electricity, but think of it this way. (Warning, Geek Stuff ahead, I'll try and keep it simple)

          A ZPM is like a ridiculously strong battery. It doesn't actually PRODUCE energy, it just draws on a stored capacitor.

          A reactor or generator doesn't have any potential energy persay, instead, it uses fuel to create energy that is either stored in capacitors, or fed directly to wherever it's needed. Think of a gas generator, it can power stuff just like a battery could, but you need to keep filling it.

          To make it simple to understand, If a ZPM holds 1000 Units of power, and a Naquadah Generator can produce 1 unit of power per every pound of naquadah put in, you'd need 1000 pounds of naquadah to have the same power potential.

          This brings up another point, wattage. How MUCH power can be produced at one time? A ZPM can give a huge amount of power in one go, for sake of argument let's say a megawatt. A Naquadah reactor can only put out 1 watt if we go by the same 1000/1 ratio. So even though 1000 pounds of naquadah has the same potential as a ZPM, it's not at the same rate of flow.

          For a visual cue, think of a water tank with teh water being the potential energy. A ZPM could just flip over and dump everything at once, while a Naquadah Generator is like punching a pencil sized hole in the bottom. Sure it'll all come out eventually, but alot slower and perhaps not as fast as you need it.

          I hope i've made the science clear, i've actually added a few scenes where there's some more explanations done so the average reader can catch on. Originally i was just going to have a funny scene where Radek and Sam are teaching Mila about this stuff and John's just sitting there going WTF? It's still going to be there, but i'll intersperce some more just for clarity sake.


          Anyway great story but please try to think about the things I've said in this as they really need all this stuff and the fact that it's available leaves it a little unrealistic that they wouldn't have it. The core at elast so they could start building things to begin with. All they need to do is find the ore which with the Travelers shouldn't be all that hard to do. It would also give them some ability in time to repair and upgrade the Traveler ships, not to our standards but say with shields slightly stronger than a Ha-Tak, etc. things like that.

          You're surprisingly perceptive. Yes the Travelers will have a bigger role, and it gets mentioned mostly in passing, but the later episodes will have more on this. Stay tuned!

          Afterall everything the Asgard ever build, designed, etc. is in that core waiting to be reproduced with a slight redesign to allow for it's fitting on anything...that's a lot of stuff to offer without compromising ourselves one bit. If the Travelers join with us fully then thats different of course. Anyway I sure you get my point so good luck and keep up the good work.

          This is where logic ends and Politics begins. I shall say no more

          Now that I think about it I do remember Jackson translating some things that had to do with their history. That still leads me to think that they might not have translated everything beofre handing the core over but how hard would it be to take a core that has already shown it's capble of doing so much and build a program to translate all ot it.

          As i said, things get lost in translation. As an example, there's a word in portuguese and hebrew "Saudade" that has no translation to any other language. It's supposed to mean a longing or sadness, but with the added feeling of knowing you can never have it. It's literally untranslatable directly!

          Comment


            #20
            reply to review... Part 2!

            I still think they did like I said though and Jackson was just reading it in Asgard, as I don't think I saw him ACTUALLY translating it- it was just in obvious Asgard, as that is something I see him doing anyway as it sticks to...well it's Asgard history and he's an historian who reads Asgard... This would also make him and keep him more fluent in the language soemthing I KNOW he would do.

            I stick to my belief that Jackson reads in the original text because he knows things get lost in translation.

            My point is based on everything we know about the core being built for us it doesn't make since to leave in Asgard ONLY. I even thought it was weird when watching Unending and didn't really believe it then either and just felt it was a quirk of Jackson's that he chose to read the history in it's own native tongue. A

            See above

            lso for them to be able to reprogram replicators like that in ARK of TRUTH it had to be pretty user friendly as SAM pointed out in that movie how you could just tell the core what you needed and it would design it and replicate it for you, that you really didn't have to know or do anything except tell it what you needed, etc. So "I need another core to put in Atlantis."

            I personally don't think the Asgard would want the core to be replicated so easily. I mean... it does have everything they ever accomplished in it. They gave it to Earth because they trust they'll do the right thing with it. Imagine if the Lucian Alliance gets a hold of it! Then we're screwed! Or even worse, the Wraith?

            Comment


              #21
              New episode!

              Episode 6 - Flight

              Critically injured in a fall, John contemplates how things got to this point and how he can move forward. Sam welcomes an old friend to the city, and is surprised by the outcome she sees. Meanwhile, Rodney finally can't hold on any longer, but before things can proceed as Oberoth wishes, help comes from an unexpected source.

              Everyone is finding their place, and hard questions have to be answered... but will they accept the answers?


              A parallel story going on here. The title, Flight, has meaning in each tangent. A full cast story, but leaning towards John/Sam friendship/H/C

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by Aragon101/Loneranger-1 View Post
                New episode!

                Episode 6 - Flight

                Critically injured in a fall, John contemplates how things got to this point and how he can move forward. Sam welcomes an old friend to the city, and is surprised by the outcome she sees. Meanwhile, Rodney finally can't hold on any longer, but before things can proceed as Oberoth wishes, help comes from an unexpected source.

                Everyone is finding their place, and hard questions have to be answered... but will they accept the answers?


                A parallel story going on here. The title, Flight, has meaning in each tangent. A full cast story, but leaning towards John/Sam friendship/H/C
                OMG that was great.

                I soo loved the ending.


                The only problem I had was with the quickclot that keller used.

                Comment


                  #23
                  Originally posted by Rudy Pena View Post
                  OMG that was great.

                  I soo loved the ending.


                  The only problem I had was with the quickclot that keller used.
                  I thought one of the military guys/gals here might say that. I actually researched QuikClot and yeah, iit's mostly useless in that specific scenario (and i even mention it with Keller thinking that it'll only marginally stop the bleeding) but in that case she figured every little bit counted. Just wanted something a little more indepth than field dressings.

                  You could always replace it with my second option that i was thinking. Super Glue Of course that might be a little too drastic for that situation and equally as useless given that it was a penetrating wound and the object was still in there)

                  And by the end, what part specifically? just the whole comfort bit or my snarky "shipping is not adult relationship" rant?

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Originally posted by Aragon101/Loneranger-1 View Post
                    I thought one of the military guys/gals here might say that. I actually researched QuikClot and yeah, iit's mostly useless in that specific scenario (and i even mention it with Keller thinking that it'll only marginally stop the bleeding) but in that case she figured every little bit counted. Just wanted something a little more indepth than field dressings.

                    You could always replace it with my second option that i was thinking. Super Glue Of course that might be a little too drastic for that situation and equally as useless given that it was a penetrating wound and the object was still in there)

                    And by the end, what part specifically? just the whole comfort bit or my snarky "shipping is not adult relationship" rant?
                    Thats good you at least did some research on it, but I still believe that shouldn't of been used because(as you may know or now know from your research) that it burns at 200+ degrees and one of the biggest side effects is that is burns the nerves to where the nerves dont work no more. I think you should replace that with "Combat Guage" because its made to expand much more when it comes into contact with blood, thus stopping the bleeding. Im just saying...so you dont have to do it if you dont want to.

                    The ending where Sam kissed Shepphard, I think that was very cute. When she explained why she did it I laughed real good. I never read alot of "shipping stories, but the ones I have read are good the author made them to be. But I do believe you made a good pick on starting this one off, its like too good to be true, but nonetheless you made it start off real smooth and great.


                    Please keep up the great work.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Originally posted by Rudy Pena View Post
                      Thats good you at least did some research on it, but I still believe that shouldn't of been used because(as you may know or now know from your research) that it burns at 200+ degrees and one of the biggest side effects is that is burns the nerves to where the nerves dont work no more. I think you should replace that with "Combat Guage" because its made to expand much more when it comes into contact with blood, thus stopping the bleeding. Im just saying...so you dont have to do it if you dont want to.

                      The ending where Sam kissed Shepphard, I think that was very cute. When she explained why she did it I laughed real good. I never read alot of "shipping stories, but the ones I have read are good the author made them to be. But I do believe you made a good pick on starting this one off, its like too good to be true, but nonetheless you made it start off real smooth and great.


                      Please keep up the great work.
                      Hmm good points. i didn't know that about Quikclot (Wiki and the main site had nothing about nerves and 200 degrees)

                      I'll change it tonight once i have a change to look up Combat Gauge. Thanks!

                      Comment


                        #26
                        NP man

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Originally posted by Rudy Pena View Post
                          Please keep up the great work.
                          The latest episode was very well done.

                          Dr. D
                          God is the original transporter.

                          Acts 8:39b-40a: The Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Phillip away and the official did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. Philip, however, appeared at Azotus (an old city in ancient Israel) and traveled about.

                          He is also the author of love and justice:

                          Spoiler:
                          Romans 5:8: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

                          John 14:6: Jesus (Christ) answered: I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

                          Comment


                            #28
                            yes it was.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Originally posted by Dr. Daedalus View Post
                              The latest episode was very well done.

                              Dr. D
                              In all honesty, i've got the next 2 episodes written already but this is what i do, i write a first draft, go over it once or twice, then upload it to FF and spend a week or two just padding and cutting away useless parts. what is actually published is typically quite different than what i originally wrote.

                              To Rudy: I changed the QuikClot to Combat Gauze, that's definitely going to stay in the back of my mind for future reference. It's not a major change, but as you say, it changes the side effects later.

                              In reply to your shipping comment, yeah it is a little "too good to be true", but it's a stark contrast to what's coming. Also this is just my personal opinion, a date is only awkward if you're nervous. Balls and Confidence will get you further and with more fun than anything else (John's inheritance included)

                              I guess it's a bit of a shark jump, but i wanted John's last night on Earth to be something awesome (I'm still debating whether or not it's Sam's... haven't gotten to that point yet.)

                              Comment


                                #30
                                ok, if you ever need some more in depth things about the US military just drop me a line and I will do what i could to help you out.

                                If I were Shepphard I would have done that also. Ive done something kinda like that, but thats going to be a PM if you would like to know.

                                Comment

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