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Thread: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

  1. #1
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Chevron Stargate: Universal Sin Fanfic (Includes Pictures and Machinama)

    Premise: AU from Be All My Sins Remembered. When the combined force of 3 factions is not enough to stop the Asurans, how will events in the Galaxy unfold? Atlantis is the last hope for survival, and the burdens of heroes will change the outcome of an entire galaxy

    A/N: A few months ago I got totally sidekicked in the head with this idea, and in one night I wrote a 10k word one shot about it. This is the full version. 11 episodes total, with the events of the latter half of Season 4 being rewritten and in some cases nullified. Each week i'll post the next episode just like a real TV series As i get them up, i'll post the link below where i've put the episode titles. Each episode should only be between 6-12k words. so expect a new one each week.

    EDIT: I've been able to make some machinama companion pieces to the story that will be posted with each Episode. These include screenshots, vidcaps, as well as video captuers of the game "Stargate: Empire at War" which is a mod of Star Wars: Empire at War and possibly "Star Trek Legacy" with Stargate mods. I own none of them and give full credit to the guys who made those things possible (Will put a full credits list once i can collect all the information)


    Episode 1 - Let my Confessions be Forgotten The Fleet suffers a major defeat, and our heroes are seperated by more than just space. Reeling from the failure, they must find some way of regaining the upper hand.

    Episode 2 - Tainted Treasure With Ronon captured by the Wraith, McKay imprisoned and being tortured by the Asurans, and Sheppard MIA with the Travelers, Sam and Lorne have to hold the course and try and move forward.

    Episode 3 - Isolation The Quarantine lockdown could not come at a worse time, with the combined threat of Wraith with ZPMs, Replicators probing Rodney, and the signal the Quarantine sends out, tensions reach their maximum and emotions are spilled. Meanwhile Sheppard has his own problem, and his only hope just keeps punching him.

    Episode 4 - Discord A bittersweet return turns sour when Cadman's team is trapped by unknown hostiles. With the Stargate blocked, and Daedalus crippled, new allies must work together to save teh stranded team. All the while, Rodney is fighting a losing battle against the machinations of the Asurans. Confusion runs rampant, and the outcome is not what was hoped for.

    Episode 5 - Pariahs Now allies with the Travelers, a surprise shows when Carter and Sheppard are recalled to attend a debriefing and changing mission statement. Carter is confused, Sheppard is enraged, and each has to face the demons of the past that threaten to cloud their judgment in the future.

    Episode 6 - Flight
    TEASER: Critically injured in a fall, John contemplates how things got to this point and how he can move forward. Sam welcomes an old friend to the city, and is surprised by the outcome she sees. Meanwhile, Rodney finally can't hold on any longer, but before things can proceed as Oberoth wishes, help comes from an unexpected source.

    Everyone is finding their place, and hard questions have to be answered... but will they accept the answers?

    Episode 7 - Median With a plan now formulating, the leaders in Atlantis are forced to choose between their loyalty and their morals. The expedition continues to prepare for the inevitable, except it comes too soon. Ronon and Daniel end up getting to know each other up close and personal while Atlantis fends off a siege that is not all that it appears.

    The end has begun, and now the only thing left is to choose their destiny. An easy choice for few, a difficult choice for many.

    This one's got lots! A Space Battle, a gunfight, snark, drama, angst, a little tragedy...

    And new feature! Pictures to go along with the story! (Link)

    Episode 8 - Bonded Pt 1 Almost a month after the disaster at Midway, the chaos grows as everyone in the galaxy slowly converges on Atlantis. A daring raid is being planned, but John has an even bolder plan in mind as well. The guilt of this galaxy won't let them go though, and the hardest moment of the expedition comes at the worst possible moment.


    Mostly a talky episode, but plenty of shocks, twists, and even some oddly comedic moments. Tons of Guest Stars, and a fitting end to one of them.

    Here's the picture that sums up my thoughts on this Episode,
    Spoiler:

    And here's the video of the Daedalus taking on 3 Wraith Cruisers
    Episode 9 - Bonded Pt 2 With the line now drawn, the members of the Expedition now choose what side they're going to be on. The Wraith pull their ace in the hole and nothing is going according to plan. Personal feelings have to wait till it's over, and our heroes feel the pain.

    Action intermingled with Character moments. Ultra!Angst and H/C... And uhh.... some Danny Whump sans the weak!Danny


    Episode 10 - Penultimate
    - The Coup is over, and Atlantis is safe for the moment hidden beneath the waves. The moment of truth is fast approaching, and the expedition has to make the hard decisions. Our heroes are bleeding, and they tend to their wounds... both physical and emotional.

    Mostly a character episode, little action if any, it's a set up episode for the finale which should be out next week (Potential RL issues may delay it a bit)

    Episode 11 - Universe - The Wraith are here, the Asurans are coming, Atlantis is caught in the middle and the only hope is to pull the universe's biggest fake out ever. But they won't be alone... they'll never truly be alone. Finale to Universal Sin.
    Last edited by Aragon101/Loneranger-1; October 2nd, 2009 at 11:55 AM. Reason: Updating all the links and whatnot

  2. #2
    First Lieutenant Dr. Daedalus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Good story idea. I am looking forward to your episodes.

    Dr. D
    God is the original transporter.

    Acts 8:39b-40a: The Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Phillip away and the official did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. Philip, however, appeared at Azotus (an old city in ancient Israel) and traveled about.

    He is also the author of love and justice:

    Spoiler:
    Romans 5:8: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

    John 14:6: Jesus (Christ) answered: I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

  3. #3
    Lieutenant Colonel EvilSpaceAlien's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Great work!
    I can't wait for more.

    "There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

  4. #4
    Captain Rudy Pena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Its great, please keep it up.


    Thanks

  5. #5
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Second episode is up. a little longer than the first.


    Stargate: Universal Sin - Episode 2


    After their defeat at Asuras, everyone is facing their individual demons.

    Big thanks to readers! I've been working on and off this entire week and i think i came up with a cool concept so far.

    Next Episode will be up next week on Monday. in fact, all new episodes will be on Monday
    Last edited by Aragon101/Loneranger-1; July 27th, 2009 at 12:32 PM. Reason: Kudos to Readers!

  6. #6
    Captain Rudy Pena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    cool, reading it now


    And also Winged Horse of the Apocalyps is a damm great story.

  7. #7
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Episode 3 - Isolation The Quarantine lockdown could not come at a worse time, with the combined threat of Wraith with ZPMs, Replicators probing Rodney, and the signal the Quarantine sends out, tensions reach their maximum and emotions are spilled. Meanwhile Sheppard has his own problem, and his only hope just keeps punching him.

    Really big chapter for you guys this time! Totally a drama and Character piece, some laughs, some groans, and some people who you might not have expected...

  8. #8
    Second Lieutenant captain simms's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    great work cant wait for the next one
    Captain Simms

  9. #9
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    New Episode!! Wee!! ff.net isn't broken anymore!!!

    Episode 4 - Discord A bittersweet return turns sour when Cadman's team is trapped by unknown hostiles. With the Stargate blocked, and Daedalus crippled, new allies must work together to save teh stranded team. All the while, Rodney is fighting a losing battle against the machinations of the Asurans. Confusion runs rampant, and the outcome is not what was hoped for.

    Also, i've made a C2 Archive for these episodes. join to get updates in your Email - C2 Archive

    Lots of action in this episode!

  10. #10
    Captain Rudy Pena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aragon101/Loneranger-1 View Post
    New Episode!! Wee!! ff.net isn't broken anymore!!!

    Episode 4 - Discord A bittersweet return turns sour when Cadman's team is trapped by unknown hostiles. With the Stargate blocked, and Daedalus crippled, new allies must work together to save teh stranded team. All the while, Rodney is fighting a losing battle against the machinations of the Asurans. Confusion runs rampant, and the outcome is not what was hoped for.

    Also, i've made a C2 Archive for these episodes. join to get updates in your Email - C2 Archive

    Lots of action in this episode!
    OMG great story.

    Very nice ending.

  11. #11
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rudy Pena View Post
    OMG great story.

    Very nice ending.
    Nowhere near done yet, we'll be seeing more of these secondary characters i've added (all canon characters too!... except one )

    New episodes are in process of being written... they're turning out alot bigger than i anticipated but the words are just spewing onto my laptop at light speed.

    If you want a nice teaser, check out my sig pic. Which is the odd character out?

  12. #12
    Captain Rudy Pena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Jackson is the odd one out, noticed that a while back.


    lol

  13. #13
    Chief Master Sergeant boeli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    very good and interesting
    check my story's:
    Battlestar group 16
    and Under Siege
    and respond at:
    Battlestar group 16 (For BSG 16 and Under siege)
    my newest story:
    TFS Ticonderoga
    and respond at:
    TFS Ticonderoga

  14. #14
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    I've gotten ALOT of writing done, so here's an early episode!

    Episode 5 - Pariahs Now allies with the Travelers, a surprise shows when Carter and Sheppard are recalled to attend a debriefing and changing mission statement. Carter is confused, Sheppard is enraged, and each has to face the demons of the past that threaten to cloud their judgment in the future.

    Comments? Queries? Suggestions? I hope i got Jack's voice right, it's rather difficult to write him in a believable way.

  15. #15
    First Lieutenant Dr. Daedalus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Great episode.

    I hope i got Jack's voice right, it's rather difficult to write him in a believable way.
    You did a wonderful job writing Jack. I am eagerly awaiting the next episode.

    Dr. D
    God is the original transporter.

    Acts 8:39b-40a: The Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Phillip away and the official did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. Philip, however, appeared at Azotus (an old city in ancient Israel) and traveled about.

    He is also the author of love and justice:

    Spoiler:
    Romans 5:8: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

    John 14:6: Jesus (Christ) answered: I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

  16. #16
    Captain Alx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Daedalus View Post
    Great episode.



    You did a wonderful job writing Jack. I am eagerly awaiting the next episode.

    Dr. D
    I agree with above statement! good work!
    Looking forward to the next one!

  17. #17
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Next episode goes up on Friday. it's uhh... Rather Large :| 20k words so you might want to grab a drink when you sit down to read

    i've got the next 2 episodes done writing-wise and now i'm just proofing, editing, padding The story is getting deeper and deeper and in the next 3-4 episodes each character will have their starring moments

  18. #18
    Captain Alx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Nice one aragon/lone 20k sounds awesome! i enjoy reading your long stories! keeps me busy for alot longer then most fics! keep it up!

  19. #19
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    Normally i don't post reviews (or replies) publically other than the reviews on FF.net but i mentioned alot in this that y'all might be interested in. Also this was an unsigned review and i'm hoping i can reply to whoever made it here

    I get into my interpretation of the science, so the geekier of you out there may want to read the second half of this quoted section. Unfortunately it's beyond 12000 characters so i have to split this into 2 posts :@

    The bolded sections are the review, and the italic is my reply to the above bolded part.

    Uhh enjoy!

    I wanted to point out one mistake you made with Dr. Jackson, he wouldn't be translating the Asgard core as there would be nothing to translate. It was clearly said by Thor that that particular core was built for Earth and that they had spent a long time on it getting it right. It was designed to teach us...well..everything they knew. It was even said to be extrememly user friendly going so far as to have any Asgard you wanted come up and explain things to you as an AI type mind.

    I remember that, and thankfully i had already planned on explaining that as the Asgard Core will make an appearance here although not as one might expect. The thing about translating from one language to another using a computer (even an AI) is that it's difficult for it to take context into the equation. I know 3-4 languages (still learning) and it's always hell to translate phrases that are specific. It's 'lost in translation" so to speak. There's a mention in the story (Specifically in Episode 8, Median) that touches on this.

    It almost leads you to think they might have a lot of themselves inside it, as it said any Asgard the human race had experience with could be used, so they might have even stored their concousnesses inside there, not all, but ones like Thor, Freyr, Heimdall, etc.

    I've thought about this too, but i haven't come up with a good plot bunny to use that information

    This leads me to my second thing which is more of detailed quesiton and thought. I didn't realize the Travelers used Naquadah as it was never mentioned in the Pegasus Galaxy to my knowledge and if so I've never heard of one being THAT powerful.

    Pretty sure it was mentioned, but Naquadah is the 'standard' fuel for spaceships. i'm a bit of a closet math and science geek (much like Sheppard) and the basis i have for the Traveler Tech is that it's not much more advanced than Earth's current level (sans the Asgard Core), but it's much more efficient. There's a thing about potential energy in something and usable energy. Also fuel is something that's rarely addressed in Stargate and i'm touching on that in bits and pieces (i'm an HVAC/Electrical tradesman so i have some hands on knowledge of this stuff besides what i research)

    I do however know the Asgard reactors were VERY powerful, obviously by their ability to travel between galaxy as fast- though seemingly faster- than a Daedulus with a ZPM. This is something I often wondered about on the show as well. Given that we have the Asgard core and the Asgard replication tech giving us the ability to replicate the parts for another core, etc. Why Atlantis doesn't have one as it would make it possible to begin building a larger replicator and then the Asgard Neutrino-Ion reactors. I'm fairly sure that though it might take a few of them, a Beliskner had four of them, to power Atlantis they could certainly find the room. Then with the Asgard core in Atlantis it would become self-sufficient but even more than that it would be able to progress and not just survive.

    One word. Fuel. What do the Neutrino Ion Genertors use for fuel? I actually checked this out before and the 'suspension of disbelief' answer was Naquadria. But where did the Asgard get it from? Kelowna? So i did some research (my bro and I are total closet science geeks and i love this stuff.) and in order to use neutrinos (which is basically a nuclear reaction) they'd have to be harvested from a Protostar or other neutrino source (a particle accelerator can make them, but nowhere near enough to fuel a ship.) Again, i do make mention of this in a later episode (I go into some maths and explain things nicely i think)

    Granted they would still need raw materials for the replicator to rearrange into the parts, food, etc. they would need but still. They have a whole planet and how long before they could start building ships themselves AND replicating some of the Atlantis Tech? That core gave the EVERUYTHING that could ever need to start building EVERYTHING they could ever need if used correctly but it almost seems to be going to waste in my opionion.

    The producers knew this i'm betting, and unfortunately it's something i call technology pollution. Now that they have the Asgard Core, what's stopping them from doing exactly what you mentioned? The show loses credibility and leaves people with Common sense going "WTF?" I do my best to explore this aspect in a later episode so don't worry... I'll give oyu an answer Why else would the new series start fresh in a whole new galaxy with new(Old) technology?

    I know they've replicated the Asgard beam weapons but that's it. anyway I personally believe the Asgard reactors would be far more powerful than anything the Traveler's ahve even if their reactors are better than ours. If Atlantis is going to go independent like it looks like try to make sure they get their own core first besides I would think they would've gotten one ASAP anyway.

    Again, Fuel is the problem. The Asgard could harvest neutrinos no problem seeing as they had a big fleet. Earth has what? 4 sihps? (Hell i blew up Apollo magnificently!) I think you're right, but FUEL for those reactors is the problem! Same with teh replicators. It draws ALOT of power to rearrange atoms. (That's mostly an assumption, but also an educated guess)

    Atlantis should have gotten a core, reactors, beam weapons, Ion cannons ( the Asgard had somehting similiar to Tollan weapons on their other ships I know), smaller anti-figther weapons, transporters, etc.

    This is a touchy subject for alot of fans. I stick to science and what i know of Atlantis in my answer. Atlantis is already the strongest "Ship" in the known universe, but they still got owned by the Wraith... how?

    Simple, the Wraith kept a fleet around the city just out of range of the city's drone weapons, and just kept on dialing the gate keeping everyone locked in. Even with 3 ZPMs, Atlantis can't fight off dozens if not hundreds of Hives firing at it if it tries to take off. Its literally a siege like in medieval times where you starve your opponent out.

    As far as Beam Weapons and Ion Cannons, same problem, range. I'll touch on this subject later in the series and i'll make it clear that it wouldn't matter if they had these weapons. Atlantis is still vulnerable to specific tactics.

    Anti-Fighter weapons just don't make sense to me. In "The Siege Part1-3" it made sense to use railguns because they didn't have shields until later, but the city isn't designed to be fought over like a land battle. It's like adding a bayonet to an anti-material rifle... you're never going to get close enough to use it, so why attach it?

    It's astounding that they didn't and continued to rely on Ancient tech they can't power, can't replace and don't understand (not that they understand Asgard tech but at least they would have an Asgard AI to explain it). Atlantis could've already been a Fotress adn completely flight capable with what they already have but it's not and that always left me going...ok whose asleep at the wheel here you know?

    Again, the issue is fuel. A ZPM stores its potential energy in subspace, hence there's no need to refill it. It's basically a giant battery. There's a big difference between power storage, and power generation. I'm not sure how much you know about electricity, but think of it this way. (Warning, Geek Stuff ahead, I'll try and keep it simple)

    A ZPM is like a ridiculously strong battery. It doesn't actually PRODUCE energy, it just draws on a stored capacitor.

    A reactor or generator doesn't have any potential energy persay, instead, it uses fuel to create energy that is either stored in capacitors, or fed directly to wherever it's needed. Think of a gas generator, it can power stuff just like a battery could, but you need to keep filling it.

    To make it simple to understand, If a ZPM holds 1000 Units of power, and a Naquadah Generator can produce 1 unit of power per every pound of naquadah put in, you'd need 1000 pounds of naquadah to have the same power potential.

    This brings up another point, wattage. How MUCH power can be produced at one time? A ZPM can give a huge amount of power in one go, for sake of argument let's say a megawatt. A Naquadah reactor can only put out 1 watt if we go by the same 1000/1 ratio. So even though 1000 pounds of naquadah has the same potential as a ZPM, it's not at the same rate of flow.

    For a visual cue, think of a water tank with teh water being the potential energy. A ZPM could just flip over and dump everything at once, while a Naquadah Generator is like punching a pencil sized hole in the bottom. Sure it'll all come out eventually, but alot slower and perhaps not as fast as you need it.

    I hope i've made the science clear, i've actually added a few scenes where there's some more explanations done so the average reader can catch on. Originally i was just going to have a funny scene where Radek and Sam are teaching Mila about this stuff and John's just sitting there going WTF? It's still going to be there, but i'll intersperce some more just for clarity sake.


    Anyway great story but please try to think about the things I've said in this as they really need all this stuff and the fact that it's available leaves it a little unrealistic that they wouldn't have it. The core at elast so they could start building things to begin with. All they need to do is find the ore which with the Travelers shouldn't be all that hard to do. It would also give them some ability in time to repair and upgrade the Traveler ships, not to our standards but say with shields slightly stronger than a Ha-Tak, etc. things like that.

    You're surprisingly perceptive. Yes the Travelers will have a bigger role, and it gets mentioned mostly in passing, but the later episodes will have more on this. Stay tuned!

    Afterall everything the Asgard ever build, designed, etc. is in that core waiting to be reproduced with a slight redesign to allow for it's fitting on anything...that's a lot of stuff to offer without compromising ourselves one bit. If the Travelers join with us fully then thats different of course. Anyway I sure you get my point so good luck and keep up the good work.

    This is where logic ends and Politics begins. I shall say no more

    Now that I think about it I do remember Jackson translating some things that had to do with their history. That still leads me to think that they might not have translated everything beofre handing the core over but how hard would it be to take a core that has already shown it's capble of doing so much and build a program to translate all ot it.

    As i said, things get lost in translation. As an example, there's a word in portuguese and hebrew "Saudade" that has no translation to any other language. It's supposed to mean a longing or sadness, but with the added feeling of knowing you can never have it. It's literally untranslatable directly!

  20. #20
    Aragon101/Loneranger-1
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    Default Re: Stargate: Universal Sin - (Alternate Ending to Atlantis from Mid Season 4)

    reply to review... Part 2!

    I still think they did like I said though and Jackson was just reading it in Asgard, as I don't think I saw him ACTUALLY translating it- it was just in obvious Asgard, as that is something I see him doing anyway as it sticks to...well it's Asgard history and he's an historian who reads Asgard... This would also make him and keep him more fluent in the language soemthing I KNOW he would do.

    I stick to my belief that Jackson reads in the original text because he knows things get lost in translation.

    My point is based on everything we know about the core being built for us it doesn't make since to leave in Asgard ONLY. I even thought it was weird when watching Unending and didn't really believe it then either and just felt it was a quirk of Jackson's that he chose to read the history in it's own native tongue. A

    See above

    lso for them to be able to reprogram replicators like that in ARK of TRUTH it had to be pretty user friendly as SAM pointed out in that movie how you could just tell the core what you needed and it would design it and replicate it for you, that you really didn't have to know or do anything except tell it what you needed, etc. So "I need another core to put in Atlantis."

    I personally don't think the Asgard would want the core to be replicated so easily. I mean... it does have everything they ever accomplished in it. They gave it to Earth because they trust they'll do the right thing with it. Imagine if the Lucian Alliance gets a hold of it! Then we're screwed! Or even worse, the Wraith?

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