Stargate babylon

[Spearhead]

This is the start of the new thread STARGATE BABYLON. The Thread is about a alteran (ancient) city in the pegesus galaxy. a brand new X-304 (Deadulus class) Necromancer. the cammander of the ship is sent to the Pegesus galaxy to build a new military base of operations. the Thread will also talk about some more of my STARGATE stories and i hope you comment on them.

[wraith queen inga]

This is the start of the new thread STARGATE BABYLON. The Thread is about a alteran (ancient) city in the pegesus galaxy. a brand new X-304 (Deadulus class) Necromancer. the cammander of the ship is sent to the Pegesus galaxy to build a new military base of operations. the Thread will also talk about some more of my STARGATE stories and i hope you comment on them.

why do you call it "the thread".

its a fan fic for gods sake.

[Rasunda]

Yes, it's a fan-fic.

[Spearhead]

so, who wants to read the first season of stargate babylon. I wrote it a couple of years ago, so their not the best.

[wraith queen inga]

so, who wants to read the first season of stargate babylon. I wrote it a couple of years ago, so their not the best.

I do!

[Spearhead]

SEASON 1

1)The long road
2)The end of the road
3)Restored
4)Re-supply
5)First encounter (Pt 1 of 3)
6)First encounter (Pt 2 of 3)
7)First encounter (Pt 3 of 3)
8)A new begining
9)Weapons test
10)Return home and build
11)The trouble at midway (Pt 1 of 2)
12)The trouble at midway (Pt 2 of 2)
13)Human or replicator?
14)The Ancients
15)Are you human now? (Pt 1 of 2)
16)Are you human now? (Pt 2 of 2)
17)The building has begun
18)The surprise
19)The Asguard
20)Atlantis

This is the ist of episode of season 1 for stargate Babylon

[Spearhead]

here's episode 1, its fairly short.

?
The Long Road

Colonel Peter Jacobs had been selected out of a handful of candidates, to command the latest deadulus class battle carrier. It was magnificent. The battle carrier NECROMANCER built by the USAF. It was spectacular and it was his to command. Commander Jacobs boarded the brand new vessel with the intention of following his orders. He made his way around the ship going from the engine room (at the back of the ship), all the way to the armoury ( at the front of the vessel). He finally found the bridge with the help of a marine. Unfortunately, the sub light engines had been deactivated for a routine pre-flight diagnostic. When the engines where operational, commander Jacobs ordered his second in command to take the ship into orbit. On the bridge you could hear the sound of the engines activating. As the roof concealing the construction retracted, the NECROMANCER began rising. As the NECROMANCER rose, on the bridge you could see that on the surface the construction teams and scientists where jumping for joy. As they reached orbit they saw the NECROMANCER’s sister ship the USAF ODDESSEY enter hyperspace. They finally received orders to set course for the city of Atlantis. It was a three week journey to Atlantis not to mention that they had to stop at the Midway station. For the entire first week commander Jacobs caught up on personnel files. For the second and third week he decided to go to the Asguard core room to learn about the technology onboard the NECROMANCER. While commander Jacobs sat in the core room reading about ZPM’s he suddenly got an idea. The episode ends with the NECROMANCER still in hyperspace heading for Atlantis.

?

[Spearhead]

hi, do any of u no how to get your rank up????
just wonderin!!!!!!!

[wraith queen inga]

hi, do any of u no how to get your rank up????
just wonderin!!!!!!!

By posting much.

[Spearhead]

what do u mean???

humour me, i new at this!

[wraith queen inga]

what do u mean???

humour me, i new at this!

what is unclear???

You cant expect to just walse in... push a button and change your rank.

You have to post much to get your rank up.

What is uncelar about that???

[Commander Thor]

shes a newbie igna.

more posts = higher rank
more greens = higher repesct in GWF.

im FANFIC writer myself. youll want to try to make them at least a page or two long to catch you audience for longer. and try to have more of an edge to it. some action but not alot.

and you didnt really show the characters well. there is more than one man in a ship. you could go more in depth about him aswell. the 2ic and helmsman and WO should also have more depth to them if this is a ship based fic.

also i doubt a commander would have an idea our top scientist and the ASGARD didnt from looking at a few files. even through 2 weeks.

the asgard were around for 10,000 years and they had only scratched the tip of the iceberg of ancient tech.

apart from last two paragraphs this was a few pointers. need any more pm me

[wraith queen inga]

hi, do any of u no how to get your rank up????
just wonderin!!!!!!!

and also... you might want to avoid putting so many questionmarks after a question...

it just makes you seem like an overexcited 4 year old.

[wraith queen inga]

shes a newbie igna.

more posts = higher rank
more greens = higher repesct in GWF.

im FANFIC writer myself. youll want to try to make them at least a page or two long to catch you audience for longer. and try to have more of an edge to it. some action but not alot.

and you didnt really show the characters well. there is more than one man in a ship. you could go more in depth about him aswell. the 2ic and helmsman and WO should also have more depth to them if this is a ship based fic.

also i doubt a commander would have an idea our top scientist and the ASGARD didnt from looking at a few files. even through 2 weeks.

the asgard were around for 10,000 years and they had only scratched the tip of the iceberg of ancient tech.

apart from last two paragraphs this was a few pointers. need any more pm me

This episode felt more like the first ten minutes of an actual episode.

It was too short.

[Spearhead]

First of all, im a guy, second, i now that the thing was short it was my first attempt at fanfic. so, im sorri, and it will improve. and, i know i added to many idea's in one episode, so thats why im going through them and changing them.


thanks for the advise