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Thread: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

  1. #1
    Lieutenant Colonel chyron's Avatar
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    Default Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    I just ran across this website (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com) and in keeping with the site's tradition thought it'd be appropriate for us to list out all of the things that Chuck has done within the Stargate universe and to provide a few real-world, but Stargate related facts.

    Basically, make whatever you want up. Take something that Carter, Teal'c, Daniel or anyone else has done - say saving the world by phasing an asteriod through the Earth - and admit the fact that it was actually Chuck behind it all. Here are a few to get us started...

    1. Ascencion is NOT the highest plane of existance, being Chuck Norris is...as such all ascended Ancients strive to be Chuck Norris.

    2. Chuck MacGyver'd the dialing computer for the gate, it was him after all who found the gate and then deciphered the cartouche.

    3. "If you immediately know that the candlight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago." - Chuck Norris to his pupil Oma Desala.

    4. Due to an off-world accident, Chuck and Lt. Laura Caman became trapped in the same body.
    [Revised... by moi']...
    When Rodney and Lt. Caman became trapped in the same body, serious consideration was given to the idea of having Chuck roundhouse kick them apart.

    5. Chuck coined the phrase "Chevron 7 engaged" as well as "Unscheduled Off-World Activation"
    Last edited by chyron; June 22nd, 2008 at 07:07 PM.
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

  2. #2
    Lieutenant Colonel chyron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    6. Chuck Norris once buildt a Stargate in his basement using a toaster.

    7. The Ancients wouldn't have had to evacuate Atlantis if Chuck Norris was around.

    8. The main characters of Stargate are all varying aspects of Chuck Norris' personality.

    9. Stargate chronicles Chuck Norris' military career.

    10. Chuck Norris is powered by blue jello.

    11. Chuck Norris Indeed!

    12. The individual nanites that make up the replicators all have an image of Chuck engraved on them. He is their god.

    13. Chuck Norris was once a barber in Indiana.

    14. The only thing more terrifying than Anbuis is Chuck Norris before he's had his morning coffee.

    15. Adria sings 'I Can Hear the Bells' from Hairspray everytime she sees Chuck Norris since she's got a crush on him.
    Last edited by chyron; December 6th, 2007 at 05:07 PM.
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

  3. #3
    Lieutenant Colonel chyron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    16. Chuck Norris sucks the life out of Wraiths.

    17. Who needs a ZPM or naquadah generator when you've got a cup of Chuck Norris' perspiration?

    18. If you don't have a DHD to dial the Stargate, just call Chuck.

    19. The story about the drones destroying Anubis' fleet was just a cover for Chuck's role in the operation.

    20. The ancients didn't ascend - they were kicked into a higher plane of existance by Chuck Norris.
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    21. A sarcoghagus in nothing but a wood box with one speaker, though which Chuck Norris bellows "NOW GET THE **** UP!"

    22. Chuck Norris knocked up Vala.

    23. Chuck Norris kicked Tealc's ass.

    24. In one episode of SG-1, Chuck Norris crushed a submarine with his bare hands.

    25. Chuck Norris kicked the MW Replicators out of HIS black hole.

    26. All the Asgard have giant black eyes because Chuck Norris punched them.

    27. Chuck Noris once scared a local galaxy so much they worshipped the middle three letters of his last name forever.

  5. #5
    Lieutenant Colonel chyron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    28. Siler hurts himself when he hears Chuck Norris' name just to save time.
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    29. The Wraith don't feed on Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris feeds on the Wraith.
    Folding@Home|Babylon 5 Canon Guide

    Delenn: This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw,...or be destroyed.
    Earth Captain: Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship.
    Delenn: Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.
    --Babylon 5 - "Severed Dreams"

  7. #7
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    Quote Originally Posted by chyron View Post

    18. If you don't have a DHD to dial the Stargate, just call Chuck.
    CHUCK...the chucknician.

    oh god that made me laugh.

  8. #8
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    30. The Moebius used to be straight, until Chuck Norris got a hold of it.

  9. #9
    Lieutenant Colonel chyron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    31. Who needs a quantum mirror to slip between universes when Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a hole between realities?
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

  10. #10
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    Quote Originally Posted by chyron View Post
    31. Who needs a quantum mirror to slip between universes when Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a hole between realities?
    So that's what caused Daniel's injury! Yep, all makes perfect sense.

    32. Anubis' shield doesn't keep his essence in, it keeps Chuck Norris out.

  11. #11
    You call that a glowstick?
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    guys, please, let's keep the posts in the spirit of the game. 'silly' and 'fun' chuck norris stuff

  12. #12
    The Pantsinator
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    AND related to the *Topic* that is defined in the first post
    Life is short, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And live out loud with no regrets..

  13. #13
    Lieutenant Colonel chyron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    33. The Other ONeil*: Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a 'L' out of my last name

    *The with ONE L in the last name.
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

  14. #14
    Chief Master Sergeant avidffan's Avatar
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    Earth Symbol Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    34. it was chuck norris who talked merlin into coming back to save us from the ori

    35. as teal'c stood looking at these strange humans and thier strange weapons he thought what would chuck norris do and he freed them and fromed/joined sg1
    Last edited by avidffan; January 2nd, 2008 at 12:39 PM. Reason: spelling

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    36: The Ancients do not interfere with the lower planes for fear of enraging Chuck Norris.
    Last edited by fellip_nectar; January 1st, 2008 at 05:13 AM.

  16. #16
    Brigader General Reiko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    Quote Originally Posted by chyron View Post
    18. If you don't have a DHD to dial the Stargate, just call Chuck.
    36. Chuck Norris IS the real Chucknician =]

  17. #17
    First Lieutenant JJSNgadget's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    37. Chuck Norris taught Mckay how to build his 6th grade science fair project.

  18. #18
    Second Lieutenant fellip_nectar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chuck Norris Stargate Facts

    38. Wraith hyperdrive engines are powered by Chuck Norris on an exercise bike. They have to drop out of hyperspace every time Chuck takes a coffee break.

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