How Would You Conquer Earth?

[Asgard-VA]

Situation: You are a Goa'uld system lord and you have just been ticked off by those pesking earthlings known as SG-1. You want to raise your status among the other system lords by finally ridding the galaxy of this "menace." You know all stories about how others have tried before and failed and you are determined not to repeat their mistakes.

Ground rules: Just to set some boundaries, you have at your disposal three mother ships (that's your fleet, so you may not want to risk it all since you may have other enemies to deal with) with full compliments of death gliders and assault troops. You also have access to other Gou'ald technologies seen in the series and can put several technologies together in new, clever ways. You can come up with completely new weapon types based on other technologies (maybe even speculate about something that might be scavenged from the little known Furlings). You DO NOT have access to Asgard, Ancient, or Nox technology or their weapons.

Question: What is your evil plan to rid the galaxy of the Tau'ri?

[ShadowMaat]

Will have to sleep on it, but the most obvious question is, do I actually have to conquer the planet or can I simply destroy it?

[Asgard-VA]

Fair enough question. Okay, let's open it to either conquering or destroying--whatever seems like more fun in an evil sort of way. :)

[Red_Rabbit]

OK to start off I would dial the earth gate 7 days before my strike, keeping it open for 38 mins and do this at the same time everyday till the attack. On the day of attack I would position all 3 of my mother ships outside of the range that the sgc can see, then sending a cloaked scout ship in i would have it scan for naquada/naquadria. Once all site were found bombers with gliders would be sent in at the same time as the gate was dialed. As soon as every site containing naquada was taken out military bases would be taken out from the motherships from space. With gliders to take out anything left in the air or on the ground. At this time the gate would be about to shut down, knowing the timingi would dial the earth gate from another planet so that the second the gate shutdown it would reopen with an incoming wormhole. With most of the military forces taken out it would be a matter of cleaning up. I would not conquer I would destroy, taking out the SGC from space first then on the ground, from there it's over with and I have one. That is unless the asgard come and well then i'm dead, but hey i tried.

[KokiriChild]

Yeah, that's a wikkid plan - but remember, you cannot *directly* attack because of the Asgard protected planets treaty.

I'd simply get one of the races under my control to ship a tonne of replicators through the Stargate, and to fly a fleet of gliders to land on Earth, all containing replicators, just basically overrun the planet with replicators, then fly into Earth-space and explode their sun... That outta sort out them ba'asts

[Flyboy]

Personally, I would rally all my Jaffa that have got matured symbiotes and take the three cloaked ships to different land masses; America, asia/europe and and Africa. Then I would deposit thousands of Goa'uld symbiotes into the water supplies or oceans. Then I'd let the parasites spread untilmost of the human race are goa'uld. Following that I would drop Goa'uld troops on each continent to launch a phycial attack, then the newly "sired" earthlings would rally to our side and we would have most of earth under our control. From there, we'd either kill or infect every other earthling.

[Mio]

Start by raiding both Tollan, and Tollana...see if the tollans forgot anything.

Develop a plague, send it through the stargate....make it look like a message from the Tollan, saying how they are migrating or something, and how they just passed a world with a gate, and had time to send the message through. make sure it has a HUGE incubation period (several weeks) before killing, and is undetectable by current earth technology.

[jmoore032000]

Go in a clocked scout ship and deliver a virus to the population

[Anubis]

Dial the gate, send through a laser beam like in Redemption and blow up the Iris. Then send through troops and bombs to blow up the SGC. After this bring in the fleet and start blowing up the planet

[ShadowMaat]

Cut a deal with Nirrti. Give her a couple of bodies from Revanna. She can keep and utilize whatever knowledge she gains from the autopsies if she'll reverse engineer the plague that killed the goa'uld on Revanna and then modify it to be fatal (but slow-acting) to pure humans.

Capture Sam's dad. Torture him a bit. Rough up my First Prime and convince Dad that he, too, is being tortured. Let them bond. Infect Dad with the plague while he's unconscious and let it incubate. Allow SG-1 find out about Dad so they come and rescue him... And Dad convinces them to rescue my First Prime, too. Allow them to escape, taking Dad (and FP) back to Earth to unleash the plague. With luck, the plague will escape the Base before they realize what's happening. If it doesn't, that's OK, too. My First Prime will use a smuggled naquada bomb to blow up the stargate... and probably a good portion of Cheyenne Mountain, too. He dies with honor. :)

While this is happening, have at least one of my motherships practice maneuvers in Tau'ri space- not doing anything that violates the treaty, just innocent practicing, but enough to keep Stargate Command (or what's left of it) distracted and nervous. Arrange for an "accident" that will send a damaged alkesh careening into Earth orbit. If the Tau'ri don't shoot it down themselves, it'll explode when it hits atmosphere... unleashing more of the plague.

Have my motherships embargo the planet, disrupting any attempts at long range communication and fending off any ships that try to get through. Claim (truthfully) that a virulent plague is loose on the planet and it isn't safe to visit. Produce or show footage of victims of the original virus and claim that the Tau'ri were the ones developing the virus and that they've fallen victim to their own fiendish plans. With luck, it'll seed enough doubt among the Tok'ra to make them question what they thought they knew.

Sit back and wait. ;)

Even if I don't manage to wipe out the entire planet, I should be able to do some severe damage and leave the Tau'ri weakened enough that I can conquer them at my leisure.

The Asgard could be a problem. I may have to develop contingency plans to keep them busy. :D

Oh yeah. And kill Nirrti as soon as I have what I want. :D

[Mr Prophet]

Land agents in a cloaked teltac or three with several sarcophagi and a big box of shiny beads...I mean, technological trinkets.

Subborn a series of politicians and celebrity backers with the promise of power/eternal youth, health and beauty. Deploy agents using Hathor's pheromone breath to smear with your political pawns' opponents and supply them with technology that will allow them to appear to be backing concerns producing exciting new developments.

In the meantime, launch a series of hit-and-run raids against the SGC's allies offworld to keep Hammond and the crew looking the wrong way.

Get your candidates voted into power with the support of your business partners and celebrity pundits. Immediately have Kinsey placed in charge of the SGC, basically just to keep the whole lot busy.

Have the US declare war on the rest of the world, starting with 'popular' targets ('rogue states' and, if possible, communists) and moving on to the Chinese and the French. Eventually have the US be at war with the entire world - except the UK who are, of course, still their *****es - before anyone really notices. Get the military members of the SGC into the war effort and pull a Uriah the Hittite on them.

Even if the US can't beat everyone at once - especially likely if you've backed some of their rivals as well, CIA-style - no-one is in any state to stop you rolling in and enforcing your will.

Oh; and your puppet President would of course pull out of the PPT, just in case.

Land your flagship on the Great Pyramid and declare yourself Emperor.

Check shields.

Invite all and sundry to 'come and have a go if they think they're hard enough'.

Ambush and kill anyone who tries to take out any of your cloned doubles and/or lookalikes. Not that they look like you; you're living happily as an anonymous functionary while a series of goons turn out not to be you.

Follow the evil overlord's handbook wherever practical and laugh maniacally in the privacy of your own rooms.

[Livi2Jack]

1. destroy caffeinated beverages.
2. destroy the sugar crop.
3. add food coloring to everything.
4. poke a bigger hole in the ozone layer.
5. start a fad diet requiring donuts, french fries and potato chips. And tell them to super size it.
6. put a sterilizing substance in the fertilizer in 3rd world countries. Then tell them the Americans did it.
7. melt the ice caps, then kill Kevin Costner and burn Waterworld.
8. corner the market on chocolate and destroy it all.
9. make naquadah generators widely available at local hobby stores.
10. send plague virus in various delivery vehicles. ebola comes to mind...then put RDA/Jack on an airliner as the captain with a passenger who dies with what looks like the flu...oh, sorry, he made that movie.

I could go on. You don't need to clobber them, just use some finesse.

[Odens återkomst]

Biowarfare, a la Nirrti's attack in "Singularity" or the attempted attack of the Aschen. Wipe out the entire population.

But, I wouldn't be a Goa'uld, I'd be a Asgard scientist (Loki) :D

[Teal'c]

Kidnap Luke, make him a Za'tarc. Then you've got the galaxies deadliest killing machine. Give him a cloak and let him loose, after convincing him Sam has been murdered... :D (I'll actually have taken Sam as a host for my queen ;))

[Happy Fun Ball]

The quickest and surest way to wipe out the earth is to simply toss a Stargate dialed to the black hole planet into the sun. If you drop it from behind the sun, then by the time they realize what's going on, Mercury, and maybe Venus, would already have been vaporized.

[Elitenova]

This is the best thread that I have read and I am going to reply.

1) If Har'ak is alive, beam him aboard my mothership and make him my first prime and take over Tarturas and clone my super soldiers who will be loyal to me and my jaffa commanders. Build more al'kesh, troop carrier, auto gliders. Since I dont need mother ships, I just build glider carriers.

2) Position my cloaked fleet at the edge of the Tauri space.

3) Contact Kinsey if hey wants to be emperor of Earth unless he help with the campaigne. If he does, send an ash'rak and a couple of SS down on a escape pod.

-My orders are to destroy the Capital.
-All out assault outside of Norad to test the defense of the base.
-If the government found out that the Vice President is league with me, I order my SS to kill him.

4) Deploy troop carrier and glider support

6) If possible, Invade America and bombard other countries.

7) Fall back to my previous position and deploy Al'kesh.

8) If possible, I will fall back to Tarturas to make more Super Soldiers if my campaigne failled.

[TheScorpionsSting]

How about finding out where any of the SG teams are going to explore next, Go there before they get there and set up a hidden device to get the G.D.O. code. Keep an eye on that same team I got the codes from and the next planet they explore I will capture them with a heavy army to make sure they have no chance of fighting back or escaping then take the G.D.O. and use the stolen code to send a signal back to earth pretending it's the SG team toss a Naquada nuke through the gate to Earth and thats the end of that. Simple huh?

[ShadowMaat]

How about finding out where any of the SG teams are going to explore next, Go there before they get there and set up a hidden device to get the G.D.O. code.

Why waste time trying to figure out where they're gonna go? Set something up to make them come to you, then ambush them when they've sent their GDO code, toss through a bomb, and wait a while. ;) Of course, that only takes out Stargate Command, but the rest of the planet should be easy, especially with a couple of motherships.

Hmm... of course, if you send a big enough bomb, you could just vaporize a large portion of the planet, then you don't have to worry about conquering it.

[SGSlugger]

Figure out Tollan phase shift technology, and then send a nuke through the gate.

I'd personally take a route of having one of my slaves (not Jaffa) befriend the SGC as a refugee, then when the time is right, have him strike. Force Chevron Guy to open the iris, and let the Jaffa pour on in.

An all-out attack would be nice too. A pound of ground forces, a cup of death gliders, and a pinch of a mothership would do nicely. ;)

[Rookie]

I would send down lots of food and medicine to the people of Earth along with instructions on how to build really big bombs - let them kill each other :rolleyes:

[Lugal]

With a cloaked ship land one of my agents with several symbiotes. He would have Ashrak technology and use that to get past security to implant a symbiote in the President or the VP and then have them take the country to war with several countries one after the other. And he would shut down the SGC. Another agent would offer technology to the Russians or the Chinese (and/or just goa'uld their leaders as well) and then have them go to war. After a few years of constant warfare after millions are dead, just come in and the "leaders" would surrender to me.

Then I would take Salma Hayek as a host for my queen :D

[Jprime]

Id first take my fleet to one of those pathetic little amish-type planets SG-1 seems to like helping and steal their GDO (SG-1 probably hands these out like candy incase the goa'ulds come back in ships). Then I'd unbury their gate and toss a warhead through before Hammond has any clue whats happening. With the SGC out of the way,I'd be free to attack Earth with ships. And then I'd probably have to fight most of the other male system lords for Carter as queen...drool... ;) hopefully she wasn't in the mountain at the time...

[Rhydderch Hael]

The overt, in-your-face, open Goa'uld attack on Earth with my three assault ships. I would only really need one. Drop in, settle into the Terran grav well, and make a quick 1-hour bombardment of these various regions: Iran, Libya, Palestine, Syria, North Korea, Cuba. Nations that the United States of America may have opposition to. One noticeable exception: China.

The idea is to get other nations on Earth to assume that the U.S. had entered into an alliance with a powerful alien race, who now strikes at America's enemies from above. No amount of protest or declaration by the U.S. will offset the cold hard fact that these aliens appears to be striking targets that best serve the American interest.

Then, I return and strike against a Chinese port that would be the launch point of any invasion on Taiwan. Convince the Chinese that the alien threat now stands against them, goading them to invade and secure Taiwan before China is annihalated, escalaing the global situation into nuclear war.

Let the paranoid and divided humans of the Tau'ri destroy each other, and mopping up what's left behind becomes a simple task.

I have a fanfic concept where an SG team member, infested by a Goa'uld, does exactly this in her conquest of Earth. She knows the planet is divided— she uses this weakness against Earth.

[Mio]

Bioweapon seems to be quite popular...I wonder why a gou'ald hasn't tried it yet.

[Exclaimation Point]

I refuse to answer on the grounds that my statements may be used against me (and my planet). :D

[KorbenDirewolf]

Hmm.. Will have to think about this one. Could load a glider with a super-heavy element and fly it into the sun. Not sure if that would work though. AH... I wonder if the UV radiation shield could be modified to have the opposite effect? Probably too complicated. I could probably arrange for the SGC to find the prototypes and/or plans for a global defense system. Of course, it would have several hidden backdoors, in addition to the obvious backdoors, so that once it is in place all I would need to do would be to take control of the system remotely. Once in control of said defense system it would be a simple task to arrange for a "meteor shower" to take out the power grids, naval vessels, and military bases over the majority of Earth. By the time they figure out what hit them it would probably be over.

[aAnubiSs]

To make this interesting I assume that I wouldn't use any WMD:s since that would make it too easy. This also includes suicide bombers. I also assume the Asgard are too busy bathing their new Care Bears. I WOULD LOCK THE PEL'TAK so no damn Jaffa rebellion or SG1-attack would stop me! I'd leave the SGC alone so that they would be forced to watch the whole thing. I'd bombard their way out so that they can't get out of the Mountain.

What I've got:
3 Ha'tak
Unknown number of Al'kesh
Unknown number of Dropships(Full Circle)
Unknown number of Tel'tak
60 Gliders(or how many there might be)
6,000 Jaffa

THE ATTACK:

1. I would ofcourse have one of my planets dial Earth non-stop and keeping the gate open to make sure they aren't free to use it at will. I would start doing this weeks before my attack to make them unsure what's going on. All satellites would ofcourse be taken out the second I arrived.

2. I'd have one of my minor Goa'uld take a human host with knowledge of the political and military situation and locations of important buildings on Earth. That way I know where to strike.

3. I would send Jaffa(Or Kull warriors if I have them) to countries with a large population, outside of the US. I'd have all my Jaffa in standard human clothes to make the confusion even worse. The Jaffa would be working in groups of 50 Jaffa and killing anything that moves, except puppies... and bunnies. (Bunnies are evil! WATCH BUFFY!)

4. I would have several cloaked Tel'tak pick up random humans and make Za'tarcs of them, with the objective of killing all humans in sight. I would then drop them off in large cities in the US. This would go on the whole time. Perhaps even a week before the attack and program them with a time and date to activate.

5. 30 of my 60 Gliders would be high in the atmosphere in US airspace and ready to take out ANY airplane, civilian or military. The other half would be between my Ha'tak and Earth ready to take out any missiles trying to take out the Ha'tak(I assume Earth have a few feq. mod. Nq-missiles) Then they'd join the rest of the Gliders, but on a lower altitude taking out roads. ANY group of military fighters would be met with instant retreat to an altitude where the fighers can't follow and wait there for the fighters to run out of fuel, or my gliders would go to a city outside of the fighters range.

6. I'd send all my Al'keshes to take out power plants, Government buildings, Pentagon and similar buildings, they would then go target large populated areas in the U.S. and, as the Gliders are doing, take out all major roads.

7. My Ha'tak would take out all military airstrips, missile sites, and bases where large
number of troops are based. Starting with US, France, UK, India, Russia and other countries with large amounts of fighters. They would then take out all major cities that aren't invaded by Jaffa, Za'tarcs, Taks, Gliders or Al'kesh. All three Ha'tak would focus on the same city, making sure that any missiles are taken out by the three ships defensive weapons(assuming they can get through the shields)

8. My Ash'raks would infiltrate the White House and military bases taking out the leaders and then everyone else. Either with the Za'tarc weapon, Zat or a knife.

9. I'd place an insane amount of Taks in major cities in the US where my Za'tarcs aren't and have them fire on all life signs that doesn't have a symbiote in them(if this is possible) This way no large group of soliders can work together.

10. Eeeh... I think I've covered all the major threats.

[Janus]

I'd keep it simple.

Create a Biological and Chemical weapons, along with a fleet of cloak-fitted Tel'taks.
The ships fly to Earth and Ring-Beam the weapons into the atmosphere.
Wait a week...and voila.
Then bring in a single Ha'Tak and bombard any survivors to pieces.