Things you wouldn't want to hear on the Atlantis intercom

[Stargate Atlantis Girl]

Well they have one for every other Stargate, so I figured why not Atlantis.
I'll start I guess

Mr. Woolsey: Co. Sheppard, we've just received a large pacage of hair jell, please come to my office and pick it up.

[Ar3s]

Kavanagh: "Mr Woolsey, I seem to have misplaced my silk leopard print thong, next time your in your quarters...will you see if I left them on the floor...thank-you"

[Ar3s]

Mckay: "I've reached the self destruct device, theres 5 seconds left till detonation...is it the red or green wire that I need to cut?"

[spinny magee]

Afraid to say there already is one somewhere in fun and games.