Twilight: Teenage vampires, anyone?

[Major Clanger]

Sorry if there's already a thread about this. Anyone (of any age, but preferably an old 'un like me) looking forward to this film?

[Jeffala]

My thirty-something friend and her "tween"-ish daughter are both rather excited about it.

[ShadowMaat]

I've been reading about the books with morbid fascination over on cleolinda's LJ and even that was enough to kill off a few brain cells. Saw the trailer and it was far funnier than I think it was meant to be, so while I'm kinda curious about vampires with sparkle motion I value my surviving brain cells far too much to actually see the movie.

Besides, I'd be rooting for the underdog, if you'll pardon the pun.

[Trek_Girl42]

I've been reading about the books with morbid fascination over on cleolinda's LJ and even that was enough to kill off a few brain cells. Saw the trailer and it was far funnier than I think it was meant to be, so while I'm kinda curious about vampires with sparkle motion I value my surviving brain cells far too much to actually see the movie.

Besides, I'd be rooting for the underdog, if you'll pardon the pun.

Went and read that "Eclipse" re-cap.....and

Spot on.

Read all three books, guiltily enjoyed the first one (which had no plot), thought the second one (which had a plot- so in order to serve the plot the characters had to get stupid(er))was definitely in the running for worst thing I had ever read, and alternately laughed and cringed (or did both at once) my way through the third (Chapter 22 is the single worst scene I have ever read).....by the end of which there was only one character left that I remotely liked or felt any interest in.

So no, I don't intend to see the movie- or at least I won't pay to.

[Trek_Girl42]

My thirty-something friend and her "tween"-ish daughter are both rather excited about it.

I find the whole "mother-daughter" love for these books rather disturbing. It's like everyone is turning a blind eye to how stupid the protagonist is in the second and third books- her behavior becomes rather frightening at points. She has absolutely no self-esteem (she spends the entire second book being suicidal because her boyfriend left her and she can't seem to cope without a man), she lets herself be manhandled around between a vampire and a werewolf, there's a woman who was mauled by her werewolf boyfriend.....but she decided to marry him anyway because he didn't mean to.

But no! It's sexy vampires! In a tweenish way. But really, some of the "sexiness" just screams of worrying female images and at points, abuse.

[ShadowMaat]

Yeah, from what I've been reading on LJ the characters are rather horrifyingly inappropriate role models- particularly the girl- and while enjoying the books as a bit of brain candy is all well and good I shudder to think what kinds of things impressionable young girls might pick up from these books. The whole suicide thing is disturbing. Either she wants to die so she can spend eternity with her boyfriend or she wants to die because her boyfriend left her. How is that not creepy and unhealthy? And don't even get me started on her stringing along Jacob.

Of course, even if I could get past all the inappropriateness of the characters there's still the language. The snippets I saw posted in cleolinda's blog made my eyes bleed. I can forgive a lot if something is fun enough, but flagrant and obscene abuse of the language is not one of them. I can't imagine the movies would be any better. In fact, I have this scary idea that they'll make the books seem good. *shudder*

[Trek_Girl42]

Yeah, from what I've been reading on LJ the characters are rather horrifyingly inappropriate role models- particularly the girl- and while enjoying the books as a bit of brain candy is all well and good I shudder to think what kinds of things impressionable young girls might pick up from these books. The whole suicide thing is disturbing. Either she wants to die so she can spend eternity with her boyfriend or she wants to die because her boyfriend left her. How is that not creepy and unhealthy? And don't even get me started on her stringing along Jacob.

Of course, even if I could get past all the inappropriateness of the characters there's still the language. The snippets I saw posted in cleolinda's blog made my eyes bleed. I can forgive a lot if something is fun enough, but flagrant and obscene abuse of the language is not one of them. I can't imagine the movies would be any better. In fact, I have this scary idea that they'll make the books seem good. *shudder*

The sad thing is I suspect the parents read the first one decide it's okay and let their kids read the rest and it's in the second one that things begin to get really bad- at the end of the first one she wanted to become a vampire but everyone refused (which made her snit. lots.), but that one was mostly fine content wise and is rather fun mindless "brain candy" (there is some serious stalker behaviour- but because it's a vampire who has the hots for her it's totally okay! ). Brain candy ends there. I started reading the second was and was almost immediately appalled. She's trying to kill herself for three quarters the book because her boyfriend left her and she can't live without him and it's portrayed as this grand romantic epic blah blah blah. And then she spends half of book three (which does improve slightly from book two- from there anything is better) alternately begging said boyfriend for sex and to turn her into a vampire (now lets remember that she's known this guy for maybe a year, but she's all ready to die for him because that's hot and you know who your "true love" is at 18!), all the while stringing along another guy who was a likable character in the first book, but became insufferable in the second and third. Yes. Exactly what young girls need to read, because there are girls as young as ten reading these books.

I found this link from those recaps- it's brilliant. I wanted to do the count of "stone" "marble" and "granite" myself because those are the worst offenders, but couldn't bring myself to re-open the books (this person didn't even bother tallying those). Note that these numbers are for the first book alone. Spoilerd for list length.

Spoiler:

The Catalog

Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372

Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5

Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.

References to Edward's Beauty: 165

Broken Down into the following categories -

• Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
• Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
• Eyes: 17
• Movement: 11
• Smile: 10
• Teeth: 8
• Muscles: 7
• Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
• Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
• Breath: 4 (EVEN HIS BREATH IS AMAZING.)
• Scent: 4
• Laughter: 3
• Handwriting: 2
• Chest: 2
• Driving Skills: 1

The Number of Times...

• Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
• Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
• Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
• Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
• Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
• Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
  • Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2 (She's not even allowed to kiss him back! Where's the fun in that?)
  
  
  • Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
  
  
  • Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
• Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
• Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
• Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
• Edward Sparkles: 3
• Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
  • Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
• Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
• Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
• Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
• Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0

I am so reading the next one with a pen in hand.

Edit: actually, I suspect Stephenie Meyer could be a decent writer- she does create some great atmosphere in the first book, if she got away from wish-fulfillment stories. I read a sample chapter for some other book of hers ages ago (It might have been the "alternate telling" of Twilight), and the writing was a vast improvement over anything she has published.

But she needs to get away from the Twilight-verse (or whatever they're calling it) fast. Though of course not because she's pulling in buckets of money.

[Major Clanger]

Oh don't get me wrong, the writing is pretty dire, the characters are so totally mental it's not true and it is desperately so not the type of thing I want the Gruesome Twosome to read.

But I am addicted - I tell you, it's injecting crack into my eyeballs or something, I am totally hooked.

*pouts at TrekGirl42*
you put a spoiler in there... I'm only a third of the way into Eclipse...

[Trek_Girl42]

Oh don't get me wrong, the writing is pretty dire, the characters are so totally mental it's not true and it is desperately so not the type of thing I want the Gruesome Twosome to read.

But I am addicted - I tell you, it's injecting crack into my eyeballs or something, I am totally hooked.

*pouts at TrekGirl42*
you put a spoiler in there... I'm only a third of the way into Eclipse...

*looks for spoiler* I can't find it.

[ShadowMaat]

I found this link from those recaps- it's brilliant. I wanted to do the count of "stone" "marble" and "granite" myself because those are the worst offenders, but couldn't bring myself to re-open the books (this person didn't even bother tallying those). Note that these numbers are for the first book alone. Spoilerd for list length.

Oh goody, you found that link. I looked for it earlier but must have skimmed past it.

She has a new book out, first in a series. Sounds as ridiculously lame and romantically tragic as the vampire stories but this time with aliens! Seems very Pod People or Puppetmaster-like. Lots of waily waily doom'd love. Gonna avoid it, too.

[Jeffala]

I've not read any of these books (and from what I'm reading, I probably never will), but another thing that I just remembered is that Twilight was an assigned book at a local high school's literature class (9th or 10th grade). :-/

[Trek_Girl42]

I've not read any of these books (and from what I'm reading, I probably never will), but another thing that I just remembered is that Twilight was an assigned book at a local high school's literature class (9th or 10th grade). :-/

Whhhhhhat! That's disturbing.

[Jeffala]

Whhhhhhat! That's disturbing.

Another important note is that this is the "Alternative" (read: delinquent) school of a "distressed" school district.

I would really be surprised if more than 50% of these students read at the reading level of the grade that they're actually in.

[Trek_Girl42]

Another important note is that this is the "Alternative" (read: delinquent) school of a "distressed" school district.

I would really be surprised if more than 50% of these students read at the reading level of the grade that they're actually in.

Ahh, okay gotcha. I see the reasoning behind it, to get kids reading. Though there are plenty better written straightforward fun books. Every kid who goes through the school system should read "Holes", for an example- the number of students who hated reading but read that book and loved it when we did it in school was astonishing, and it works very well across all levels of ability.

[Major Clanger]

blimey - I just read book 3
somebody help me!
hehe