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    #1

    Stargate: Santa Claus

    I posted this elsewhere and then realized that it had a lot of potential as a thread...What would it be like if Santa Claus was a character in the Stargate Universe subject to the same mishaps as SG1 and the Atlantis Expedition, or what if some of the more well known quotes from Stargate were said by Santa Claus, or what if some of the quotes were about him? I think you get the picture...

    Santa Claus: Indeed!
    Santa Claus: All hail the Ori! Hallowed are the Ori!
    Santa Claus: Kneel before your god!


    "Santa Claus was en route to Earth. His IDC was valid, but there was a malfunction with the IRIS. We couldn't open it in time. Santa Claus has been disintegrated"


    "Santa Claus has been kidnapped by Ba'al"


    "Santa Claus has been taken by a go'auld"


    "Daniel just uncovered some rather startling information - Santa Claus is and always has been a go'auld, so is the Easter Bunny and :gasps: the Great Pumpkin"


    "Santa Claus is now a Prior of the Ori"


    "Santa Claus is the leader of the Ori"


    "Santa Claus has ascended and as such can't bring presents anymore because it would be considered interferring in the matters of lower beings"


    "I saw Sam kissing Santa Claus"


    "I saw Sheppherd kissing Santa Claus"
    Last edited by chyron; 24 December 2006, 06:19 AM.
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.
    Tags: None
    #2
    "This is Santa Claus...I've been hit by the crossfire at Tollana. Donner and Blitzen are dead. Rudloph is seriously injured. I'm going down...I'm going down..."
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

    Comment

      #3
      Jacob: Colonel Hammond...The Tok'ra need your help.
      Hammond:A deep undercover agent of the Tok'ra is long over due. He was transporting vital artifacts of the Tok'ra which if they fell into the wrong hands could be used to destroy us.
      Hammond: What can we do to help?
      Jacob: Find him for us. Make no mistake it will be difficult to identify him.
      Hammond: Why?
      Jacob: To blend in with the Jaffa on the world that he was on, he dressed himself in a red suit with a furry cap it was thought that he wouldn't stand out.
      Last edited by chyron; 24 December 2006, 06:19 AM.
      "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

      I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

      Comment

        #4
        Anubis/Jim:"You can't win!"

        Santa Claus: "Doesn't matter. You won't be able to do anything but fight me back."
        "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

        I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

        Comment

          #5
          Daniel: Don't you understand?! Santa was an Ancient. We have to find his list!
          Jack: Don't tell me...
          Daniel: Yes! The Atlantis database says its an ancient tablet recording the names of every ancient worthy of ascention at the time of Atlantis's return to earth! It could tell us exactly how many Ancients had reached their full potential and how many remained behind on earth!
          Jack: You mean, who's naughty and who's nice?
          Daniel: Yeah, something like that.
          Jack: Well then why didn't you just say that?
          Daniel: *sighs*
          Hammond: You have a go.

          Comment

            #6
            Posted on the SGC note board:

            Warning: New powerful Goa'uld has taken over the System Lords. He is seen to wear red clothing and utter 'Ho Ho Ho' a lot. His First prime has a very red nose (you might even say it glows) and if you follow him as a 'God' he will give you presents for being 'nice'!

            I have no idea where this came from....
            FORGIVE TPTB-but only after they've been taken out and shot!
            ***Elizabeth- the soul of Atlantis***
            sigpic
            Made for me by Chicky!

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by chyron View Post
              "I saw Sheppard kissing Santa Claus"


              Must... kill... Santa... Claus...

              To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

              Comment

                #8
                lol now elles dont worry, santa is a gou'ld we all know that....it'll give you an exuse to kill him
                sigpic

                I'm not dead. Yet.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Elles View Post


                  Must... kill... Santa... Claus...
                  LMAO!! *grin* *watches with interest as Weir kills Santa slowly*
                  FORGIVE TPTB-but only after they've been taken out and shot!
                  ***Elizabeth- the soul of Atlantis***
                  sigpic
                  Made for me by Chicky!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Stargatecrazy View Post
                    LMAO!! *grin* *watches with interest as Weir kills Santa slowly*
                    But as it turns out the Santa Claus that kissed Shepherd is actually a Foothold Alien. The real Santa Claus is strung up in Level 23.
                    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      santa comes to sg1's aid and he tickles the ori to submision nd puts all the priors and ori nd adria on the naugthy list forever

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by chyron View Post
                        But as it turns out the Santa Claus that kissed Sheppard is actually a Foothold Alien. The real Santa Claus is strung up in Level 23.
                        Foothold alien?!? RUN AWAY!!!

                        Kissing I can potentially put up with...

                        BUT TICKLING?!?
                        Last edited by Elles; 24 December 2006, 09:39 PM.

                        To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Santa uses the Pokemon franchise for child mind control(Where do you think he gets his elves?). He's also a Stalinist. He's a Goa'uld sytem lord.
                          Calvin grows up to be Frazz. The logical continuation of this is, of course, that Frazz then grows up to be Edward Norton's character from Fight Club. And thus, all four of these characters are gods.Let's go one more step. Calvin grows up to be Jeremy, who grows up to be Frazz, who grows up to be "Tyler Durden," while Suzie grows up to be Haruhi Suzumiya; since Kyon becomes The Doctor, this leads to the inescapable conclusion that after the end of Fight Club, Calvin becomes Captain Jack.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Col. Shadow Quinn View Post
                            Santa uses the Pokemon franchise for child mind control(Where do you think he gets his elves?). He's also a Stalinist. He's a Goa'uld sytem lord.
                            You see Santa Claus has been lurking around Earth for a very, very long time waiting and watching and looking for his Queen. His one true love - Hathor! He was not able to make contact with her while she was here. But upon finding that SG1 had killed his beloved, he declared war on Earth and hatched a plan to insert symbiotes into the children of the world.
                            "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                            I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Santa Claus: Daniel Jackson, I have selected you to carry on my mission.
                              "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                              I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                              Comment

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