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View Full Version : If I were the Stargate villain...



Syera
September 17th, 2006, 11:01 AM
We've seen our villains pull some pretty stupid stuff. So, let's get together and work out what we'd do if we were the Stargate villains.


If my only food source happens to be a race of spunky bipedals, I will look into cloning technology and genetic manipulation to ensure a steady food supply that won't fight back.

The above also applies if I need a human body in which to live. Better to grow a clone with no emotional attachments than to make the heroes angry by taking their loved ones.

I will update my wardrobe now and then. Dressing like a medieval hooker in this day and age just makes you look foolish.

Although sex appeal gains you a lot of fanboys, it doesn't do squat for the heroes. I will stop trying to play vamp with them.

If my troops keep getting pwned by four guys with relatively low-tech weapons, I will look into why this is and adjust our strategy and tactics accordingly.


And I'm sure you guys can think of more! :D

full.infinity
September 17th, 2006, 11:30 AM
The iris is a really good idea and I should copy it.

Syera
September 17th, 2006, 11:46 AM
Since humans are not supposed to be running around my personal sanctum unsupervised, I will implement unsupervised-human-detecting sensors that will trigger deadly traps should they be sprung.

Hooperman1990
September 17th, 2006, 12:01 PM
Id be less cliche and do things that are original and quick.

I wouldnt announce my plan until the last minute

Syera
September 17th, 2006, 04:13 PM
Although going out in my Death Glider and burninating the peasants is terribly fun, I will keep in mind that dissatisfied peasants are also easily-swayed peasants.

If I'm really serious about captering the Wunderkin Quartet, I will engage in the time-honored practice of Wanted posters offering rewards... BIG rewards. I will also teach the locals how to do this without making idiots of themselves. (Like wait until they're asleep.)

Daryl Froggy
September 22nd, 2006, 06:59 AM
I would not bother with a speech at all and never parade myself around and gloat in front of my captives until such time as they are charred crisps at my feet.

If there is an uprising on one of my planets and I can't qwell it with ground troops I'll just wipe out the population so that no one can come back and hate me later.

I wouldn't make any of the soldier class my most trusted minion since they have been known to switch sides in a pinch.

I wouldn't set myself up as a god and would give my subjects some fairly good living conditions even when they are mining my resources.

When I find out that there are intruders on my ship, instead of sending my troops down the relatively narrow corridors I'll just initiate a pre-worked drill that sends all personel into staging areas after which I drain all the air out of the corridors and replace it with highly deadly toxins some of which will eat through someones skin for half an hour to two hours depending on how I feel.

Instead of torturing my prisoners I'll set them up in a semi-self-fulfilling dream world in which I will be able to, over time, gain access to all of their secrets.

I will keep my gate in such a state as it is unusable until I need it as to prevent unwanted guests from that direction.

If someone is a pain in the neck for another evil dictator then I should help them irradicate the itch before it spreads to my lands.

I will never believe myself to be at the obvious advantage technologically and therefore will use the newest and best theories in tactical engagements, like dodging those huge incoming beams of energy.

make sure that my outfit can stop any projectile no matter what speed it is travelling at.

When first confronted with a do gooder who wants to destroy your entire race, make friends until such time as they don't like you and then let them leave with a time bomb in some form or other that even you could not detect.

When building a sensor array I'll make sure that none of the local planetary bodies can create shadows in which a ship could hide.

When I want to kill someone I'm darn well going to make sure that he/she doesn't have any friends within twenty two light-years that might want to take revenge for their death!

When some one points something at me I'll assume it's a weapon and shoot first, unless given some reason not to.

Enlist the aid of alien scientists to expand my knowledge of technology.

Read all the stories from all of the societies that I have encountered that involve evil beings being defeated and try my best not to copy their dumb mistakes.

Elles
September 22nd, 2006, 11:30 AM
The iris is a really good idea and I should copy it.
Ah, but Anubis already has...
Evolution, Part II

Anyway...
I'd gain a sense of humor.

Being a God and with every simple neccesity at my fingertips and more, I'd have banquets and feasts every night for the rest of eternity... until I'm overthrown, grow fat, or my sarcophagous runs out of power...

Locutus_Of_Borg
September 22nd, 2006, 07:28 PM
I'd just tickle people, or babble on about my life and that'll get them to bow down

it could so work

Daryl Froggy
September 25th, 2006, 04:39 PM
I would not put a self destruct mechanism on any of my ships.

Or a back door.

... isn't there a site out there with things a villain shouldn't do?

full.infinity
October 2nd, 2006, 07:11 AM
If I'm really serious about captering the Wunderkin Quartet, I will engage in the time-honored practice of Wanted posters offering rewards... BIG rewards. I will also teach the locals how to do this without making idiots of themselves. (Like wait until they're asleep.)
That was tried in Atlantis for the ATA people. Didn't work.

Syera
October 2nd, 2006, 07:32 AM
... isn't there a site out there with things a villain shouldn't do?
Yep. http://www.eviloverlord.com

It's a must-read. :D

Daryl Froggy
October 2nd, 2006, 07:43 AM
Yep. http://www.eviloverlord.com

It's a must-read. :D
I've already read it once, I just forgot what it was called, thanks for the update though.

Daryl Froggy
January 28th, 2007, 02:32 PM
I would tap into Earth's internet and monitor gateworld so that I could kill anyone who double posts.

*commits seppuku*

The Great Lord Baal
January 29th, 2007, 05:52 AM
They cant detect a cloaked fleet right so why not have your fleet cloaked when attackine earth and destroy the ancient outpost quickly

Cam_Mitchell
January 29th, 2007, 08:35 AM
Steal everyones ZPM's and power up a massive ship, any good system lord has a big ship.

The Great Lord Baal
January 29th, 2007, 08:56 AM
What about denonating a bomb on the moon big enough to destroy it

Daryl Froggy
January 29th, 2007, 09:35 AM
What about sending a stargate into the sun while dialed into a black hole? They did that to us once so I figure it's poetic justice that they get blown to kingdom come by it.

MajorShipper
December 30th, 2007, 12:56 PM
I would teach my Jafa how to shoot a staff weapon.

Daryl Froggy
December 30th, 2007, 02:43 PM
I would teach my Jafa how to shoot a staff weapon.

But before you do that make a better weapon that has an inate accuracy. Like I don't know gun sites! Then train your Jaffa with those weapons and in engagements with your enemies you will quickly take the field with your superior numbers and accurracy that rivals theirs.

And maybe we could get our Jaffa's armor to be better protection against armor piercing rounds and energy weapons, like the Kull Warrior's armor.

I'd also make sure to train a specific Jaffa in the method of Fighter combat, as well as capital ship combat so that I can win more space battles due to tactics rather than just plain numerical superiority.

avidffan
January 5th, 2008, 12:56 PM
i would get with the ashen some how and take them over first
then use their method of population replacement to slowly spread out across the stars

also their bioweapons were really great

kinda a passive evil lord thing

theres also the matter of the sgc having a time machine getting that would be great
in a fight i could just watch
then go back when it seems im losing and just wail on my foes before the woke up that morning
winning everytime

also as someone said earlier id secure my gate by hanging it when it not in use it would be buried in a giant sand box as i get a trusted and encoded signal it rises up and is useable then back down for storage

RodneyIsGodney
January 6th, 2008, 12:30 PM
Heh, I would kidnap Rodney. Nuff said.

MajorShipper
January 6th, 2008, 03:24 PM
I would kidnap John, Jack, Daniel, Sam, Vala, Teyla, and have a mass wedding.:D

avidffan
January 8th, 2008, 11:38 PM
as ra i would never have left earth

istead i wouldve just blasted the entire area of eygpt to dust and started over in some other part of the world thus keeping all humans under control for a long long time to come

philstar22
February 21st, 2008, 11:39 AM
If I made a whole bunch of promises, I'd make sure to keep them for a few people. That way no one could say I never kept them and there would be more incentive among my followers.


If my enemies were searching for a weapon that could destroy me, I'd take note and infiltrate them so I could destroy it before they could use it. While on said infiltration mission, I would never, ever quote or say something that would give away my true nature.

Just because my religion is all medieval doesn't mean my followers have to dress like it. I'd find better armor and make sure my followers knew how to use their weapons well.

Arkus
February 21st, 2008, 01:32 PM
I'd wear a tuxedo t-shirt cause it'll show I'm formal but like to party too. No one would want to overthrow a guy like that.

Would they?

Daryl Froggy
February 21st, 2008, 01:56 PM
I would ally with the Tau'ri, and in an unprecedented move for a Goa'uld I would be completely on the up and up.

Of course that means I'm not a villain anymore so I suppose its out of the question.

My next idea is to infultrate either the SGC,r Area 51, or the Odyssey and make a copy of the Asgard repository to study and improve my own technological prowess.

avidffan
March 7th, 2008, 02:06 PM
I'd wear a tuxedo t-shirt cause it'll show I'm formal but like to party too. No one would want to overthrow a guy like that.

Would they?
yeah and theyd be rendered powerless by you mullet of doom too right?

RodneyIsGodney
March 7th, 2008, 03:59 PM
I would Kidnap Rodney and Jack and Daniel and...



You get the idea;)

avidffan
March 7th, 2008, 04:03 PM
I would Kidnap Rodney and Jack and Daniel and...



You get the idea;)

and clone their best traits into yourself
like cobra did with sepentor?

RodneyIsGodney
March 7th, 2008, 04:12 PM
and clone their best traits into yourself
like cobra did with sepentor?


Maybe. Or maybe I'll clone them, keep the orignals and send in the clones.;)

avidffan
March 7th, 2008, 04:23 PM
Maybe. Or maybe I'll clone them, keep the orignals and send in the clones.;)

no keep the originals brainwash them
send the clones back as evil counterparts

so when the sgc tries to rescue to originals theyll end up fighting

RodneyIsGodney
March 7th, 2008, 05:06 PM
no keep the originals brainwash them
send the clones back as evil counterparts

so when the sgc tries to rescue to originals theyll end up fighting

I said I'd keep the originals and send back the clones. I'm not sure about brainwashing tho. I may use a quantum mirror to travel to this reality and kidnap their counterparts, RDA, DH, MS, also PM, KS, DN and possibly JF. and clone them too. Send back the brainwashed clones and keep the originals for my self. I wouldn't torture them per-say but I would make them wear those bracelets, the ones Vala stole, to keep them all linked to me forever! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

avidffan
March 7th, 2008, 05:25 PM
I said I'd keep the originals and send back the clones. I'm not sure about brainwashing tho. I may use a quantum mirror to travel to this reality and kidnap their counterparts, RDA, DH, MS, also PM, KS, DN and possibly JF. and clone them too. Send back the brainwashed clones and keep the originals for my self. I wouldn't torture them per-say but I would make them wear those bracelets, the ones Vala stole, to keep them all linked to me forever! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

mirror yes
clones yes
brainwashing yes
braclett no
for the simple reason that if they died youd die too

RodneyIsGodney
March 7th, 2008, 05:37 PM
mirror yes
clones yes
brainwashing yes
braclett no
for the simple reason that if they died youd die too

One word...sarcophogus!