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    Radio Atlantis

    Okay, we've had plenty of intercom threads here on GW. Now, what if Sheppard and company started their own radio station? Everyone just has to write what might be on one show. We can basically write for one radio show at a time, until someone posts a concept for a new one and we resume there. The goofier the better, trust me. Ahem. Now, it's time for... ATLANTIS RADIO!


    Sheppard: Welcome to Atlantis Radio, the most listened-to radio in the Pegasus Galaxy!
    McKay: Mainly by the Wraith as they fruitlessly try to track us down. Suckers!
    Sheppard: Literally!
    McKay: Was that a Wraith joke?
    Sheppard: Yes Rodney, welcome to the show.
    McKay: Hmph, you don't have to be sarcastic about it...
    Sheppard: Anyway, first we have the weather report, which our Athosian listeners look forward to every day. This report is brought to you by Asgard Intergalactic Hyperdrive. When it absolutely, positively HAS to be blown up the next day.
    McKay: (snort) More like the next two weeks...
    Sheppard: With the weather report, here's Hermiod!

    #2
    Hermiod: We're expecting a high of 89 degrees and low of 42 degrees. Mostly sunny throughout most of the day with a chance of killer hurricanes in the afternoon which is likely to kill you all.
    Sheppard: Alright... we'll take a short break so I can lecture Hermiod on optimism. When we come back, we'll have the orbituaries, followed by the new regular section... terrible ways to die hosted by Dr. Rodney McKay.

    To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

    Comment


      #3
      And after that, the new show "101 ways to kill a man(or a Wraith) using just your thumb" hosted by Ronon.


      Comment


        #4
        Sheppard: But first! Here's Dr. Cherriey, with the traffic report!

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          #5
          Fine I'll do it, but you'd best stay away from me, John!

          Traffic appears to be fairly clear in the Pegasus Galaxy; all smooth flying from... wait a second. Two hive ships seem to be on the move. Looks like traffic will be heavier than anticipated, folks.

          Stop touching me!

          *impact noise and an 'oof!' sound*

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            #6
            McKay: Woah... Good thing that drop's only, what... Two stories? Anyway, since John's, er... Occupied. Cherriey, mind helping me with the rest of the show?

            Comment


              #7
              *similar sounds follow the first*

              Anyone else more qualified for the job?

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                #8
                Oh boy... Kids, looks like our radio show has been somewhat hijacked. Oh well... This is... Bob... The Not-Wraith... First up, our interview with Ronan on "100 Ways to Kill a Wraith with a Finger". Welcome to the show, Ronan!
                Ronan: ... Nice to be here?
                Bob: Wonderful! Now, what do you have for us today?

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                  #9
                  Yes, what... WHAT?! He BIT me, Bob!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Ronan: Well, you smell like those fruits, what are they called...
                    Bob: Cherries?
                    Ronan: Yes!

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                      #11
                      I can't help that. My body naturally gives off that odor. Didn't your mother ever teach you to make sure something actually IS food before biting into it?

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                        #12
                        Ronan: (smirk) Yes...
                        Bob: Moving right along then... Ronan? Would you care to demonstrate some ways of killing Wraith with your fingers?
                        Ronan: Sure. Do you have a practice Wraith?
                        Bob: ... Uh... No?
                        Ronan: I'm sure you'll do, then.
                        Bob: ... Uh, good? OWWWWW!
                        Ronan: A two-finger jab to the cheeks is useful in causing them pain and slowing them down.
                        Bob: Ow ow-AUUUGHHHH!
                        Ronan: Wraith share a lot of pressure points with humans. In this case though, jabbing their hands is like yanking on someone's tongue, very hard.
                        Bob: OW OW OW!
                        Ronan: And finally, they do keep their genitals in the same place as us, so-
                        Bob: MOMMMMYYYY!

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                          #13
                          For some reason I find this oddly satisfying and yet unfulfilling at the same time.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Sheppard: *ahem* Alright then... Since Bob seems to be... in pain... we'll be needing a medical team down here... ... ... now. Moving on... I'd like to introduce another new segment hosted by Elles called "A Psychoanalytical Analysis of Kirking." Now Elles... it says here that you're a certified psychologist.
                            Elles: No I'm not. Your paper is lying.
                            Sheppard: Oh... So... what can you tell us about Kirking, and these so-called "Kirkers."
                            Elles: The term comes from the late Captain James T. Kirk, who lives on in the nexus, who had an unusual habit of getting hot alien babes on every planet they went to. Kirkers tend to also have this unusual habit.
                            Sheppard: I see... so can you give us an example of a "Kirker?"
                            Elles: Lt. Colonel Johnathan Sheppard. I beleive you're familiar with him.
                            Sheppard: What?
                            Elles: Well... you do have a habit of...
                            Sheppard: That is blasphemous.
                            Elles: Even so, you've asked and I've chosen you as my example. Unless you'd rather me bring McKay back down here.
                            Sheppard: No... no... I suppose I'm fine.
                            Elles: Good... Your case, John, is a rather mild case.
                            Sheppard: How so?
                            Elles: If memory serves, you've only got your shirt ripped off twice. Once in Thirty Eight Minutes and only a partial rip in Epiphany. James T. Kirk had his shirt ripped off many times in TOS. Neither of them count in their entirety since the first one was so that they could use the defibillator to send you into cardiac arrest, the second was only a partial rip.
                            Sheppard: Ok... What ususally brings about this "Kirking" habit?
                            Elles: Did you have a bad experience as a child? A molestation?
                            Sheppard: What? No!
                            Elles: Were you unloved by your family?
                            Sheppard: I have no family.
                            Elles: See... you have this Kirking habit because you were unloved as a child and need to feel wanted.
                            Sheppard: ... ... ... Nice sig.
                            Elles: Oh thanks... did you click on that link?
                            Sheppard: Yes... So, you doing anything Friday night?
                            Elles: My point exactly.
                            Sheppard: What? It's normal, isn't it?
                            Elles: Well... yes... but your case of it has been escalating since the second season.
                            Sheppard: Don't tell me no one else on TV does this "Kirking" stuff.
                            Elles: Well... Gaius Baltar does sleep with everyone on Battlestar Galactica. He alone could be a soap opera.
                            Sheppard: Good. Well that's all the time we have for this segment for today. Tune in next week to hear Elles analyze Dr. Rodney McKay. So honestly, are you doing anything?
                            Elles: All I can say is this. I have no problem with not treating Kirkers if it means their shirt will get ripped off more next season. I have to go eat my pie now.
                            Sheppard: I was heading down to the mess myself.
                            Elles: But if I get annoyed enough I will proceed with treatment. You realize it involves electric shock therapy with nodes applied to the (explicative deleted) and the (explicative deleted)?
                            Sheppard: ...Can I at least get a hug?
                            (Posters note: The following is a bit of a rip off of the preview for A Dog's Breakfast)
                            Elles: Fine. *hugs Sheppard* Hey! I didn't say you could put your hand... Oh John! *slaps Sheppard* This is wrong!
                            Sheppard: I don't know why I'm the sky jockey that I am. It must be the star dust in me drawing me despite the danger to where I belong, out there, amongst the stars.
                            Elles: It is a cruel existence that keeps us apart.
                            Sheppard: Not as cruel as the evil that I'm honor bound to track to the edges of this dark universe.
                            Elles: May our transmatter beams cross again... my golden stranger. Ah screw it. *tackles Sheppard*
                            Ronon: Ok... since it seems Sheppard is "occupied"... again... I'll take over as host temporarily.
                            Last edited by Elles; 22 August 2006, 05:17 PM.

                            To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Bob: Good grief, get a room you two! Oh, hey Ronan...
                              Ronan: I trust I didn't hurt you too badly?
                              Bob: Oh no, I'm good... It appears that we have a celebrity guest, who agreed to not reveal the Stargate program if he was allowed to join the Atlantis expedition... (eye-twitch) It is my... Pleasure... To introduce our very special guest... Will Ferrell.
                              Ronan: (sniff) He smells of death.
                              Bob: That would be his career.
                              Ronan: He's an assassin?
                              Bob: No.

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